SEX Problems

[JR]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I don't know what is the matter with me though. I love my boyfriend to death, but I don't enjoy sex. What does that mean. Sometimes when we make love, it is the best thing in the world, but he is very much into making love every night, and me on the other hand wouldn't mind just twice a week. What does this all mean?

 

He gets upset and thinks that I am cheating on him, but I am not. I would never do that to him, I know how it feels to be cheated on and I would never put that pain amongst someone that I love.

 

Please help me. Give me some advise on how I should deal with this problem.

 

Thanks,

 

JR

[Tony T]

It's not how YOU should deal with this problem, it's how BOTH OF YOU should deal with it.

 

You need a lot of communication. If you and your boyfriend are incapable of compromise here, there's a serious problem and he may not be the best man for you. There are many types of sexual incompatibility but the easiest to solve are frequency issues like the one you have if both parties are mature and willing to give and take.

 

It is pretty selfish of your guy to seek sex every day when he knows you are not interested and do not enjoy it that often. He needs to understand that your libido, you appetite for sexual experience, is different than his. A good compromise, in that case, would be three times a week...which is more than a lot of couples have sex.

 

You really need to resolve this issue soon because it is a big one. Eventually you will grow to resent your boyfriend if this isn't resolved. You ought to do some soul searching yourself to see if perhaps later on down the line your own interest may be reduced more.

 

All humans are different and their levels of interest and enjoyment vary on things, including sex. Since sex entails the participation of two people, then both of them need to have agreements about it. Talk this out. If he doesn't get off his high selfish horse, that will be a very major signal there is a flaw in his personality that you will have to give serious attention to.

[Miss Mojo]

hi jr,

 

it's not uncommon at all for two people in a relationship to have differing sex drives. and there are no rules saying you have to feel like sex every night because your partner does. if you did this, you'd probably find the sexual aspect of your relationship would lose it's magic quickly.

 

however, differing sex drives can cause tension in a relationship as you have discovered - because his sex drive is high, he thinks yours should be too, and because it's not, you're obviously getting your kicks somewhere else (in his mind anyway, even though you're not).

 

i think your boyfriend should try to understand that all people are different. he should be glad that you're not with him just for sex. perhaps though, if you've told him you don't always enjoy it, he's taking it personally. in my eyes, having an orgasm isn't what makes sex great. it's who you're with and the feelings you have towards them that make it special.

 

sexual problems can be caused by a combination of physical and psychological factors. some medications can lower a persons sex drive, such as anti-depressants, for example. stress is also a big libido killer, and if you're stressing about your sex life with your boyfriend, it's only going to make things worse.

 

psychological and physical factors can be so interrelated. for example, a woman might have a physical sexual problem, but her self-esteem may also suffer, making her less interested in sex.

 

perhaps you should consider speaking to a female doctor if you have any health problems and figure out how to tackle this problem. there is no one, overall cure for not enjoying sex, because everyone is so different.

 

sometimes when you do the same thing all the time during sex, it can become a bit boring and not as enjoyable. perhaps you could try different positions to make it more enjoyable, or different scenarios, lingerie etc.

 

also, it's easier to get in the mood when you've been treating your equipment right. antibacterial soaps and heavily fragranced cleansers can cause irritation. stick with more gentle run-of-the-mill soap or baby shampoo. wteer clear of feminine deodorant sprays and powders, since both contain chemicals that can cause irritation.

 

if you don't have any health problems, or trying different things doesn't work, don't worry too much. no two people are the same, and maybe your boyfriend should try and understand your needs too. have a good talk to him, and make him aware of the fact that you do love him a lot, he should be grateful you don't think of him as a play thing and just because someone has a low sex drive, does not mean that they are cheating!!!

 

good luck to you