I have a big crush on my friend, so now I have to end the friendship.

[blind_otter]

I will call him Sgt. Bosco, since my last crush I called Mr. T....along with my "A Team" theme....

 

Sgt. Bosco is a great friend. He and I talk every day, usually for at least an hour. He is an a**h*** 50% of the time and a really nice, awesome, sensitive guy 50% of the time. When we first met we made out constantly. I would get drunk and party and he would be there hanging out with me and we would end up making out....it escalated and we would make out 4-5-6 times a night, partying, and finally one night he stopped me and said "I can't do this anymore" -- without any explanation, really, unless I was too drunk to remember it..... More proof that sometimes men and women can't be friends. At least, certain men and certain women.

 

Anyways we talk every day. He is easy for me to confide in. Blah blah blah. I am uncomfortable with it. I am confused. We went out together to that concert last Wednesday and we didn't hang out the whole night, and the next day he was angry with me. I went home with this other guy (they exboyfriend who, it turned out, had a GF....jerk) so I can understand that, but Sgt. Bosco is the one saying we could never have a relationship. I am too crazy, too random, too messy, too this, too that. It's like he has to convince himself that I am an evil, man-eating harpy. Which I am, but that's besides the point. But then that saturday we went hiking and spent the day together and it was SO fun, the sun was out, we saw a small herd of bison on the prarie near my town (yes there is a prarie, right next to a swamp, where I live), we joked around and laughed so much that my face hurt.

 

I agree with him. He knows I have a crush on him, though, I have since the first time we made out. I have just been trying to push it aside because I like hanging out with him so much. I am almost 100% sure the crush is not reciprocated so in a while I should be OK. Last night he joked about my crush, though, which hurt my feelings. He was laughing at me because we were arguing (we argue about everything) and said, "You know you're in love with me" -- which I protested heartily. I have a CRUSH, but love...IMO, love only happens after months and months of being with someone and going through it with them. But he knows how I feel...I feel like he totally manipulates me into opening up to him like a flower, like I do to anyone I have a crush on, and then he uses it against me and is mean sometimes to make me remember that we can't have a relationship. He says stuff like, I've liked you since the first moment I met you...then I say stuff like, I think I am still in love with my exHusband, or...if I ever DO fall in love with someone again I will probably freak the f*ck out....and I guess brutal honesty is good in some ways but not in others....he talks about girls he talks to at bars and stuff, and I talk about guys I hooked up with...it's just weird. But in the end, I am starting to feel uncomfortable. I don't know why and I don't know how to deal with it.

 

So.... I think I need to stop being friends with him. I don't know if I should sit down and explain that I can't hang out with him anymore because I am developing inapproriate feelings for him, or if I should just kind wean myself off him and slowly stop hanging out and talking on the phone so much with him??

 

This is also somewhat related to my open relationship thread because I know I could never have an open relationship with Sgt. Bosco.

[tiki]

So basically you're falling for him? Why not go for it?!?! He may have the same feelings too, especially is he's backed off for some 'unknown' reason? Maybe?

 

Dang, before this is over, you'll have been with the entire A-Team.

 

I say go for Sarge.

[blind_otter]

Hmmm

 

Maybe if I sit down and say, well here's the thing, I can't really hang out with you as a friend any more because I am starting to have other kinds of feelings for you -- maybe he will say, well I do too. But I don't know. He is so vague about everything. And rude sometimes for no reason. vI am thinking it will be more along the lines of, "otter you are a crazy bitch, you know that?"

 

Because he is friends with Mr. T, and he thinks that my whole rejection of Mr. T is stupid. I think Sgt. Bosco knows too much about me and therefor is no longer attracted to me. It IS all about mystery, ya know. I have diarrhea of the mouth.

 

And he has a foot fetish and I think feet are gross. My feet especially, because I did ballet for so long. Ok this is weird that I am obsessing about my feet.

[moimeme]

I find it kind of interesting that even the wildest and wooliest of LSers turn into shy teens when actually caring about someone is involved. Life is short, BO. Ask the question. There's a question that affords you an easy out - it's 'do you think you could ever see us as a couple'? Quite innocent, it is. Doesn't put him on the spot but allows you to observe the reaction. If he immediately says 'God, NO!' and recoils, you know it's a lost cause. If he ponders it or answers anything else, then maybe there's a chance. So ask the question.

[tiki]

Originally posted by blind_otter

I am thinking it will be more along the lines of, "otter you are a crazy bitch, you know that?"

 

Probably so. But take it at face value. He's a rude S.O.B.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

I find it kind of interesting that even the wildest and wooliest of LSers turn into shy teens when actually caring about someone is involved. Life is short, BO. Ask the question. There's a question that affords you an easy out - it's 'do you think you could ever see us as a couple'? Quite innocent, it is. Doesn't put him on the spot but allows you to observe the reaction. If he immediately says 'God, NO!' and recoils, you know it's a lost cause. If he ponders it or answers anything else, then maybe there's a chance. So ask the question.

 

 

You are so right. I can f*ck all night long if I don't care about the person. As soon as I develop feelings I get all *weeeeeeeird* about people. Probably because I disconnect sex from emotional intimacy....feh. I don't understand myself. I don't think he is interested. Why would he talk about some random asian girl that had a nice booty, to me? I don't care. He throws names around, like, "Do you know Amber, or Esther" or "I met this girl Becky's friend Tara" or something like that and I am like, uh...great, I have no idea who these females are.

 

And last night after he teased me about the "You are totally in love with me" thing...he said he would go to the movies with me to make me feel better. Great, thanks, take me on a fake date to make me feel better about myself a**h***. So I said no. I am such a moron. I hate feeling like this.

[tiki]

He said he'd take you out to feel better?! OMG.

 

I had a relationship with this guy that was similar. I ended up marrying his roommate (my husband!!!). He was so much more relationship-material than this other dude.

 

But I think you can make it work. Tell him you would like to go on a fake date and have a fake relationship with fake kiddies and a fake swingset in the back. He might be down for that, who knows.

[tiki]

And P.S. It is adooooorable how people get all silly~ish when they are falling for someone.

 

Gotta love love!!!

 

[blind_otter]

 

I am such a dork when I really like someone. I can meet them and f*ck them, but god forbid I know them for a while before we f*ck. Then I get all embarassed....

 

He will reject me anyways. He has that whole foot fetish thing. I may be hot, but not hot enough for him, he is so f*cking egotisical and I hate that. He makes me so mad. And I love it and I hate it. Why do I love it??

[moimeme]

Why would he talk about some random asian girl that had a nice booty, to me? I don't care. He throws names around, like, "Do you know Amber, or Esther" or "I met this girl Becky's friend Tara" or something like that and I am like, uh...great, I have no idea who these females are.

 

And last night after he teased me about the "You are totally in love with me" thing...he said he would go to the movies with me to make me feel better. Great, thanks, take me on a fake date to make me feel better about myself a**h***. So I said no. I am such a moron. I hate feeling like this.

 

You're both back in high school You're trying to pretend you don't like him (I bet you even punch him in the arm). He's trying to tease you and get a rise out of you - and maybe find out you actually care. Give me some popcorn - this is fun to watch

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

You're both back in high school You're trying to pretend you don't like him (I bet you even punch him in the arm). He's trying to tease you and get a rise out of you - and maybe find out you actually care. Give me some popcorn - this is fun to watch

 

Oh God you are so right. I DO punch him in the arm. And yesterday I was ranting about how I was going to become a lesbian because I don't like men anymore and he said "Why are you telling me this? Are you telling me this because I should care, because I don't!"

 

I am such a goofball.

 

Why would he go to the concert with me and then make it a point to ditch me? Oh I know. I bet he wanted me to follow him around like a puppy dog trying to vie for his attention, and I was doing the same thing and then I got too drunk and ended up hooking up with the person I was flirting with to make him jealous. blah blah blah.

 

And he was like, oh guess who I hung out with last night...it was the girl I made out with in front of the bar! He was teasing me with half stories. He knew all sorts of stuff I had told her that I didn't remember and he makes fun of my short-term memory disorder and says that I make it up and that it's a total cop out. Whatever. I hate him. I like him. I hate him. I like him. ARGH.

[moimeme]

Oh God you are so right. I DO punch him in the arm

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!

 

If you had pigtails, he'd pull 'em

[tiki]

And pop your bra strap.

[blind_otter]

 

I flashed him once and he was like, oh it's not like I haven't seen those before! I guess he saw them AND felt me up once when we were drunk. He also told me I had nice tatas on the phone once, but with the preface that he was only telling me to make me feel better about myself. a**h***.

 

blah. I want to have sexual intercourse with him. I doubt I ever will but wouldn't it be nice....

[blind_otter]

Whine whine whine whine.....blaaaaaah. I hate not knowing about things. With my exHusband, with my exboyfriend, with every other guy or girl I've been with or even had a brief encounter with -- I have always known exactly what they wanted from me, and that they wanted me BAYAD. With this guy it's like he could take me or leave me. And you know, maybe that's good, maybe that's bad....I don't want to always be wondering if he gives two ****s about me

 

He did this stupid thing when I was bitching about Mr. T -- Sgt. Bosco was like, hey I just want to interrupt you and make sure you notice that I'm listening to you. SO? Aren't you SUPPOSED to be listening to me?

 

I am so immature when it comes to relationships. I feel like I am 18 years old again.

[tiki]

Originally posted by blind_otter

I hate not knowing about things.

 

And there you have it!

 

He's mysterious, people dig that.

[whichwayisup]

He's very used to you being around him, talking with him, being interested in what he has to say etc...STOP. lol.

 

His actions will speak louder than words...Back off and see what happens...When he comes around again, that is when you can be really open and honest with him - Tell him how you feel. He isn't stupid, he knows and if you feel it that strongly chances are he is feeling it too. Some men are stupid and need to be hit in the head with a 2 by 4. Hit him with it!!! They don't think much about it either until it whacks them in face - Then the light goes on!

 

Good luck!!

[CurlyIam]

BO... girl, you're so intelligent, why not try being smart ?

 

Ok, here's what I think: 'all talk and no action'.

 

This is what I suggest: go out on your usual outings with him and your friends and have fun. Try not to le other men get your attention, btw. Talk to your friends, be coll, have one or two beers and... kiss the hell out of him. What's with all this talking and analysing? I think he likes you big time. Loves teasing you and all.

 

So: just be natural and let him actually feel you. No introduction, no excuse, no talk before. See how he reacts. And.... please please don't do it at the end of the evening when both of you are trashed. Do it when you're sober (or almost). Both of you.

 

 

If he makes fun of you, kiss him again . And again.

 

 

Really, this guy makes the smart a$$ too much not to be diggin' you. Remember he's a guy after all and has all weaknesses all men have.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

He's very used to you being around him, talking with him, being interested in what he has to say etc...STOP. lol.

 

His actions will speak louder than words...Back off and see what happens...When he comes around again, that is when you can be really open and honest with him - Tell him how you feel. He isn't stupid, he knows and if you feel it that strongly chances are he is feeling it too. Some men are stupid and need to be hit in the head with a 2 by 4. Hit him with it!!! They don't think much about it either until it whacks them in face - Then the light goes on!

 

Good luck!!

 

So I should just stop talking to him altogether? I was thinkin' that. I always do this thing where I have a big stupid conversation and it always ends up blowing up in my face.

 

Fine. I have plans tonight to go out to dinner and a movie with another friend. And it's the movie I asked him to go see with me so he can suck it. He was like "Who are you going to get to go see the movie with you if I don't go?" and now my freind who I haven't hung out with in ages called me, so I can go do that. So there.

 

Hahaha curly....yeah well the other night he came and watched a movie at my house and then we talked the next day and he said when he went home he masturbated? okaaaaay. Thanks for sharing.

 

Anyways. Blah. BLAH!

 

The last time I tried to kiss him, months ago, he pulled his head away. I don't want that to happen again. That would be so awkward.

[CurlyIam]

HE's weird!! Who the hell knows what he wants? I don't think even that even he does!!

 

If he's hurting you, you should cut him loose. Don't let him dominate you or make fun of you. You're equals. Friends don't do that.

 

 

I stick to my own opinion. I think you should tease the bastard to death so that he won't be able to use his right hand for a week if you get what I mean ! What a conceited S.O.B. , hihihi!

[whichwayisup]

So I should just stop talking to him altogether? I was thinkin' that. I always do this thing where I have a big stupid conversation and it always ends up blowing up in my face.

 

My words read wrong...I didn't mean stop talking to him all together, I meant, make yourself less available to him so he has to make some effort to scout you out...If you show less and act not so into him, he may just come forward and think wtf is going on? IS she mad at me or not like me as much anymore??????

 

I think somehow you need to see what happens - If he is into you, you'll know soon enough and if not, then you need to close the door and get rid of that crush...Make the crush turn into just a nice soft spot about someone you deeply care about...Nothing more nothing less.

[blind_otter]

f*ck f*ck f*ck

 

i hate notbeing in control (excuse typos my nails are just done and still sticky)...when i was with my exhusband i always felt like i was cherished and loved and he was totally into me, and you know what? He WAS totally into me and he still IS totally into me. I don't need Sgt. Bosco. I might have a crush on him but if I just stop talking to him all the time and don't ever hang out with him again alone, then it will be fine. I won't be tempted to do anything stupid, and it WOULD be stupid. I don't need this. I don't want a relationship kind of vibe, I am ok by myself and I am just spazzing out because I am alone.

 

ok I'm done with my spazz attaack. it's Ok to be alone, otter, jeeeeeez

[blind_otter]

Well, I had a conversation with him over the weekend and I was blunt. Basically I said, it hurt my feelings when you joked about me being in love with you because you know I had a crush on you for a while and I am still kind of getting over that and I am trying to be able to hang out with you as a friend without having that hang over me....I told him months ago, when we were still making out regularly, that I had a crush on him and he was like, yeah I know...

 

Anyways we talk very frankly and openly about everything so he knows about how I go back and forth on whether or not I should have sex with anyone at all right now, hookups or relationships, and whether I should "inflict myself" on anyone in a relationship. All in all he knows how conflicted I am and I think for the most part he makes a big effort to remind me of how screwy I am and how he wants to keep this on a friend tip.

 

Of course, I joke about how he needs a mama to pat him on the tummy and tell him he can pick up a whore at a bar next weekend and he gets all pissy and says that the girls at the bar aren't whores...uh, it's a joke, and uh...I HOPE you're not looking to have a relationship with someone you pick up at a bar!!!! Whatever. He and I will remain friends but see each other less. We joke about relationship sh*t, and he jokes about having to take cold showers before we hang out and about how he went out after we saw a movie on saturda and was so blah maybe because he didn't take me up on my offer to go out with me and my female friend, but whatever. We'll just keep going with this tug'o'war/

[CurlyIam]

It takes balls to do what you did. Now the hard part begins: going through with your plan. Too bad he's such a chicken and is afraid to be happy.

 

Hang in there, BO!

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

It takes balls to do what you did. Now the hard part begins: going through with your plan. Too bad he's such a chicken and is afraid to be happy.

 

Hang in there, BO!

 

 

I'm trying to approach my intimate relationships from a healthier perscpective. Of course this could all be a big excuse from the "I'm afraid of intimacy" camp, but for the most part I'd rather be alone for a while now, then find a BF and take it out on him later.

 

My psycho ex's mother called me 3 times over the weekend AND stopped by my house. This has got to stop. I really don't care to talk with her any more and she just does not get it. I left my comforter and blanket at her house in his room because I didn't care whether I got it back or not. I was totally going to give sh*t he gave me back to her and ended up throwing it away because I jsut wanted to end all contact. UGH. She knows I could get her and her son in trouble with more tampering with a witness counts. As for now I am just keeping the record. I could pull it out at a court hearing and totally lambast her with it if she tries to pull any more sh*t or he tries to get out of his prison sentence. He could, ya know. He could try to fight it...he was the one who told her to get my comforter out of the dry cleaners and bring it over to me.

 

Like he can't let go, can't stand the thought of me moving on....

 

I met a cute boy from South America over the weekend who barely speaks english and hasn't gotten over his last relationship. I am bad and was considering being a voluntary rebound for him. He's like 5 years younger than me!!! I had a HOT dream about being man handled by a sweaty brown hispanic man with a muscular chest.