I have a big crush on my friend, so now I have to end the friendship.

[CurlyIam]

BO... take your time and be alone. How about actually knowing the man you fantasise about? Could be a nice change for you. You may even like it.

 

I think you kill all the potential relationships by sleeping with that man too fast. You, you're the one who's afraid on intimacy. And I am not talking about being naked with another guy, LOL.

 

 

Figure things out, BO. You're not 17 anymore. You're 25 and you should be in control with your eomtional life.

[blind_otter]

Yeah. I don't really want a relationship per se. I want to have wild kinky hair pulling furniture destroying bed breaking screaming orgasm sex. It's just in short supply recently. I don't want to have aboy to take home to mama....I just want a penis. That is attached to something that provides its own thrusting power. Without all the emotional complication. I just wanna get f*cked.

[CurlyIam]

Get a vibrator then. I know you're free to do as you please. I think that in your case, you are too afraid to be rejected emotionally so you'd rather play the comfortable role of a sex object.

 

 

We all want an explosive sexual life. I know no person who doesn't want that. The question is: what price are you willing to pay for it?

 

 

These are a little horny teenage girl answers. Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure that this is what you need in order to be happy? And if so... for how long?

 

No offence, you're pretty and attractive, but after 25 you'll be inexorabily approaching the 30. And there are a LOT of cutties, young horny female who want the same amazing sex. What will your competitive advantage be?

[blind_otter]

I HAVE a vibrator. The thing is this -- I am pretty much completely aware that I won't get what I want/what I'm looking for. At this point in my life getting into a relationship would be the worst idea possible. So, I don't know what to do. I miss the physical interaction. I wish I could have something purely physical with this younger guy I met over the weekend, I wish I could be his rebound and know that nothing further could or would come of it.

 

But that won't change my intimacy issues. Sgt. Bosco asked me, over the weekend, why I wasn't out looking for Mr. Right, and I said, because I don't think in my current state that I could find Mr. Right, the only guys attracted to me would be the predators and the bad guys who were looking for someone who is emotionally vulnerable to use completely and throw away. I guess just because I know I shouldn't be looking doesn't STOP me from looking. It just stops me from following through on the impulses that looking creates within me.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by blind_otter

 

But that won't change my intimacy issues. Sgt. Bosco asked me, over the weekend, why I wasn't out looking for Mr. Right, and I said, because I don't think in my current state that I could find Mr. Right, the only guys attracted to me would be the predators and the bad guys who were looking for someone who is emotionally vulnerable to use completely and throw away. .

 

If you think this way, you must know that on an inconscious level you are attracting this type of people and thus remain in the dreaded cercle. YEs, there are a lot of predators out there, but you don't have to date them only to prove that life's a b!tch.

 

I think you should overcome this negativity that you create around you. Life can be fun. There are nice, wonderful men out ther. And yes, s***ty things do happen to good people. It's part of the risks that everyone has to take when they get up in the morning.

 

Originally posted by blind_otter

I guess just because I know I shouldn't be looking doesn't STOP me from looking. It just stops me from following through on the impulses that looking creates within me

 

Stop fooling yourself and face the deamon eating you inside. Why are so afraid of being happy. Why would there be so impossible for you right now to break the pattern?

 

 

BO, what you're asking from the cute latino is to use you phisically and emotionally. Do you do it to punish yourself because you're not good enough? By going through with it, you shall remain within the viscious cercle.

 

 

Just push it aside and have no one for a while. Acke if you want. Scream. Face whatever it is inside that's so scaring you that you need strangers in your bed... and the minute they stop being strangers you toss away. You'll keep doing that over and over and over again and maybe miss your chance to be happy.

 

 

Ever thought that Sgt. Basco doesn't want a relationship with you because you're not ready for one? Because you're not ready to be happy?

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

Ever thought that Sgt. Basco doesn't want a relationship with you because you're not ready for one? Because you're not ready to be happy?

 

I actually have thought that several times. He is the type to keep this knowledge close to his heart if he is aware of it, he won't share it with me. When I told him that he hurt my feelings with his thoughtless reminder of my crush, he apologized and said he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but he honestly didn't think I cared that much, especially because I hooked up with that exboyfriend of mine from years ago.

 

Sometimes when he describes what he wants in a woman I think, oh wow that could be me....but then he says stuff like, I haven't felt infatuated with anyone in years and I really want to....that what I want, too. I want to be swept off my feet - I want that irrestisitble attraction starting at me in the face so that I can't deny it anymore. So that I can't resist it so that I can't use my will to fight it off any more.

 

You are right, curly. I get interested in strangers and as soon as they are more familiar to me than strangers, I lose interest and am no longer willing to play the game. And it is because I am unwiling to put myself out there, because I am afraid of getting hurt again. I am just now getting to the point where I feel ok being alone. I feel ok sleeping alone I am starting to be able to take care of my house and do all the things I need to do to maintain all that stuff. I get behind a lot, but other than that I do OK....but I am sad because I spent years sharing my life with someone I really DID love (my exHusband) and I want to be able to have a team and have that sensation of being in a partnership again. Someday. I just don't feel like anyone, including Sgt. Bosco, including the young latino guy, I feel like none of these guys is a good candidate for that partnership/team thing I'm looking for.

 

I briefly hung out with a guy staying here for grad school and he was perfect for a brief relationship, leaving in december. But he was one of those "nice guys who is bad in bed" and it wasn't worth it.

 

But you are right curly. I don't need to be f*cking anyone right now.

 

That will NOT prevent me from having my high school girl crushes on people, however....this way I can play out imaginary relationships in my head without actually having to go through them. Until I am ready to actually get back into the game. And I still like flirting outrageously.

[CurlyIam]

I think Sgt. Bosco's full of s***. I think he does mean you when he talks about "that woman", but he's scared, that's why he adds the "I haven't been attracted to anyone in years".

 

BO, like I said, I'm not the one to tell you what to do. I see a pattern that's all. I think flirting outrageously won't help you stop yourself from giving in to the temptation/promise of a hot lay.

 

 

Maybe oneday you'll stop from this insane marry-go-round you're in. When you'll find it in yourself to forgive yourself and love yourself again.

 

Hot sex, crazy flirting, wild partying... I wonder if you really enjoy them anymore. If you really feel their taste of if you've just let it grow so much into your lifestyle that you can't part with it, not even for a while.... I really wish you to be happy, BO. Maybe I'm too much of a goodie - goodie girl to relate to you. That's how I've felt you, anyway.

 

Curly

 

P.S. I could be far off, but part of me thins that Sgt. Bosco was waiting for you to say: "I can be this woman"

[blind_otter]

I think Sgt. Bosco is full of sh*t, too....in any case, if he's used to being persued, if he wants me to come out and tell him that I want to be that woman for him, he's wrong. He drops stupid hints all the time - "I wouldn't change anything about you" and "I liked you a lot from the first moment that I met you" -- but, that said, if he wants me he should just say that. He keeps just getting mad that I don't end up "running into him" when we're out. Well whatever. I don't go out that much any more (once a week at most) and it just won't happen like that. He wants things to happen a certain way and it just won't happen like that and I refuse to be forced into someone else's mould of what they think should be the way things go. He is a bit obsessive and VERY stubborn. We have very similar personalities. The only difference is that he lives at home with his parents (dealbreaker for me) and I have my own house that is rather poorly taken care of (I still have holes punched in my wall from my psycho exBF).

 

You are right. I don't enjoy the hot sex and wild partying like I used to anymore. They have become bland on my palatte. You're not too much of a goodie-goodie, it's just that I am trying to validate a very unhealthy impulse.

[CurlyIam]

Hum... must be hard admitting that you could be "that person". I don't see what the big deal is ! Admitting that doesn't make you any less of what you are. You've told him you had a crush on him. Maybe by saying the above statement you'd be showing that you're not that reluctant to the idea of ... compromising by giving in a bit?

 

 

My ex lived with his parents too. Didn't stop us to have great sex and an overall great relationship - and I DON'T have a place of my own, I share an appartment with 2 other friends. Love always finds a way .

 

Oh, well... we always find excuses to see things turning badly when we need them, huh?

[EC]

Dang girl lay of the WEEEEEEEEED .....sike!

 

Um but yeah I'm all for telling him you you feel and seeing what happens and fairytale ending and stuff but I worry and have to agree with you on one point that you made....

 

He does know you in and out and knows all about your past and your present and well wheres tha mystery you know? There would be no getting to know eachother phase, you would have sex for like a while and then it would get weird and then you really couldnt be friends.

 

I'm swear I'm not trying to bust your bubble because I want you for myself lol

[moimeme]

I wouldn't change anything about you" and "I liked you a lot from the first moment that I met you" -- but, that said, if he wants me he should just say that. He keeps just getting mad that I don't end up "running into him" when we're out. Well whatever. I don't go out that much any more (once a week at most) and it just won't happen like that. He wants things to happen a certain way and it just won't happen like that and I refuse to be forced into someone else's mould of what they think should be the way things go

 

Oh bull. You throw up this 'obstacle' to excuse yourself from putting yourself out there. Don't turn this into a power struggle. Just admit you're chickening out and then quit it.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

Oh bull. You throw up this 'obstacle' to excuse yourself from putting yourself out there. Don't turn this into a power struggle. Just admit you're chickening out and then quit it.

 

He told me that he likes power struggles, and that's part of why he likes his friendship with me and what makes me stand out from the girls he has been meeting lately, that I won't take his **** or just be all smarmy to make him feel better and agree with him because I want to see his cock or something like that.

 

I don't see how I'm chickening out, I told him I had a crush on him and that it hurt my feelings when he joked about it. He apologized, said it was meant only in fun, and left it at that. I keep feeling like he's hinting that he likes me, but only as a friend, and that he just doesn't want to come out and tell me that he isn't physically attracted to me or something because he knows it would get weird after that.

 

When I work out th elogistics of "us" in my head, I keep thinking that it wouldn't work. He would get ribbed by every one of our mutual friends because I really DO have a reputation for eating men alive and leaving their skins behind. Everyone jokes that dating me is a one way ticket into the penitentiary. He would never be able to deal with that. And when I try to get him to hang out with me it's always a struggle. He agrees to go to the movies, but won't come over and get stoned or go to get coffee before hand. He waits until 45 min. before the movie to ask if I want to get food.

 

We do so many fun things that, to me, are very date-like. But at the beginning and end of each "date" is a chaste hug and an occassional european kiss on both cheeks, which is something that I always do with my friends because I just always have for some reason, it's a habit I've had since I was a little child and no one knows where it came from

 

I just keep feeling like he is hinting at these things to keep me from coming out and saying that I am attracted to him. We joke, we flirt, we push it to the edge, but that's what he likes, and that's what he seems to want.

 

See, he was witness to and mediator to the whole scene with me and Mr. T. Sgt. Bosco is the one who listens to me bitch about Mr. T, and listens to Mr. T bitch about me. He knows about how I was so close to Mr. T, started to have "weird feelings of intimacy" and how it all exploded in my face. So I think he has heard so much from Mr. T about how crazy I am that he is unwilling to take on the challenge of otter the crazy bitch.

[blind_otter]

I am a dork.

 

I called Sgt. Bosco and he called me back soooo late last night. At first I was asleep, but then someone ELSE called and left a long drunken message (this person lives in Daytona and told me he was writing me a poem....uh ok) so I woke up and called Sgt. Bosco back and he went to the trouble of explaining that he had fallen asleep for 3 hours. we had like a 10 minute conversationn that I don't remember and then I said I'm going to sleep, bye!

 

Does anyone who grew up in the 80s remember "My buddy" - the creepy child's play-like toy commercial? I always think of that song when I talk to him on the phone. But it's obviously more than that, to both of us.

 

"My buddy! My buddy!

Wherever I go, heeee gooooeeees.....

 

My buddy! My buddy!

My buddyyyyy and meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

 

I can be all crazy and flirtacious with guys I don't know. When I think about it, I've never ever never ever ever been friends with a guy before starting a relationship. It's always been f*ck first, ask questions later. Usually with the wrong kinda guys.

 

I know that Sgt. Bosco is, quite often, depressed and angry about his living situation. He had a sum of money and spent it moving down here and now lives with his parents and hates it. He constantly talks about moving out.

 

But if there is mutual attraction, why does he insist on talking to me about picking up other chicks? and scoping out fine ass babes?? Because I listen to him and we talk about everything...blah...how can a relationship like that develop into something romantic. You're right, there is no mystery....

[fundamental]

Originally posted by blind_otter

So I should just stop talking to him altogether? I was thinkin' that. I always do this thing where I have a big stupid conversation and it always ends up blowing up in my face.

 

Fine. I have plans tonight to go out to dinner and a movie with another friend. And it's the movie I asked him to go see with me so he can suck it. He was like "Who are you going to get to go see the movie with you if I don't go?" and now my freind who I haven't hung out with in ages called me, so I can go do that. So there.

 

Hahaha curly....yeah well the other night he came and watched a movie at my house and then we talked the next day and he said when he went home he masturbated? okaaaaay. Thanks for sharing.

 

Anyways. Blah. BLAH!

 

The last time I tried to kiss him, months ago, he pulled his head away. I don't want that to happen again. That would be so awkward.

 

It sounds lke you are both confusing each other.

[fundamental]

 

Sometimes when he describes what he wants in a woman I think, oh wow that could be me....but then he says stuff like, I haven't felt infatuated with anyone in years and I really want to....that what I want, too. I want to be swept off my feet - I want that irrestisitble attraction starting at me in the face so that I can't deny it anymore. So that I can't resist it so that I can't use my will to fight it off any more.

 

BO,

 

He sounds like a big chicken. Sometimes I am vague with a woman when I really like her. I was even like that with my former girl. In fact, she sounds just like you. I do it to get answers because she does things to get answers...all without coming out and just asking each other. It sounds like he is saying these things so that he can get you to build up a stronger attraction towards him. Maybe he doesn't believe you "really" have a crush on him. Then, when he has the right signal, or enough confidence that you wont turn him down, he will go for it.

 

You can try contacting him less, don't contact him for a few days. He will definitely be thinking about you. If he doesn't contact you, when you are ready, call and ask him out to some place special. Hopefully, he will get the hint. Or, you can buy him a card and let him know how you feel. Who knows? Maybe he will be the one to open up to you.

 

G-luck!

[RecordProducer]

I think we (women) have a major problem with not believing that men SOMETIMES do mean what they say. On the other hand, we don't understand that sometimes they just don't say everything they mean.

When he says you wouldn't work out, because you're too this and too that he means it. He likes you. You are very pretty and obviously pretty enough for him since he flirted with you many times. He also talks to you every day and even argues with you which means he likes your personality as well.

He doesn't want to tell you this because then it will mean that he should start a relationship with you and he thinks it's not a good idea, at least not at this moment.

He was teasing you about your crush because he feels good about it and he likes you too. That's more than obvious, you're just too stupid to see it!

First of all, give him more time. Second, stop acting like a friend, he is not your friend anymore, now he is a guy you want to drag into your net (and eat him). Stop bringing your ex (maybe he wants you to get over him first so you can tell him that you did get over him, but in a way that won't let him figure out why you say that).

Don't be so available for him; he should see that he might lose you as an opportunity. Try to act more mature. Try to convince him with your behavior that you're not too this and too that for him. Don't act like you got a crush on him, let him forget about it and make him concentrate on the fact that he's got a crush on YOU.

He doesn't want to use you for sex, because he cares about you too much. It's not the friendship he cares about. No man would turn down the opportunity to have sex with a hot woman just to save the friendship. Not in your case where he's obviously emotionally so attached to you.

[blind_otter]

 

I am in high school. I feel like it, at least. I know I am supposed to make myself less available to him, but I just bought some weed yesterday and I usually smoke a blunt when I get a new bag. Old habit, ya know. So I invited him over to share with me since there is no way in hell I can smoke a peach optimo by myself....

 

So Sgt. Bosco rode his bike to my house and brought the blunt, which I rolled , and we listened to music and got stoned and laughed like we always do. Reading what you guys wrote helped me understand him more. He punched my arm, hugged me, we had minimal physical contact, whenever we did it was like there was an electric current running in the space between our skin. Obviously there is a lot of physical attraction. He is very strange, though, obviously attracted to me but I think obviously conflicted about what he wants from me. He plays with my dogs and treats them like they are his kids, too, a little bit, he was soooooo good with my youngest pitbull mix. Anyone who knows me knows I use my dogs as character judges and they seem to think to world of him. The pitbull mix was nuzzling him and making him all sloppy with slobber, and he ended up sleeping with his head on Sgt. Bosco's foot.

 

I wasn't THAT seductive. I was just wearing corduroy pyjama pants and a wife beater. I was all lolling on this big mattress thingy I have in the middle of the living room that is covered with pillows, blankets and comforters, and he pointedly said - I can't lay down on this next to you, if I do I won't get up.

 

And every time we hang out when he leaves I get a longer and longer hug. This time I even got a little smooch on the cheek, which I returned, and the loooooooong hug and we both made these little sighs of pleasure and I kind of nuzzled his neck a little -- I was on my tip toes, hugging him, and sort of slid down his body as the hug ended, and he pulled back and said "Oh, I'm sorry" But I was all giddy and liquidy down at the base of my belly and I just giggled like I was 15 again.

 

This time *I* masturbated after he left.

[tiki]

Oh for heaven's sake, just tell him you wanna 'go with him'!!!

 

Have you still not gotten the answer you want?! I feel like I'm in high school too..."Did he say yes, did he say yes?!?!?"

 

 

Originally posted by blind_otter

I was just wearing corduroy pyjama pants and a wife beater.

 

How'd I know that?!?!?

 

I think he wants you for your wife beater. It's like an otter trademark. What other woman can pull off wearing a wife beater?! No wonder he wants you.

[RecordProducer]

You know, this might offend you, but I would rather try and help you even if you get mad at me than say "you're perfect" just for the sake of saying that.

I like to go bananas myself, drink, fool around, go to bed in the morning, smoke joint (I've done it maybe 15 times in the last ten years and never went further than marijuana, last time was 4 years ago). But honestly I prefer a guy who doesn't drink or do drugs, who is emotionally stable, goes to bed at a normal time, and is serious about life. My boyfriend is all that, yet he is so much fun, sexy, cheerful, and everything.

Same for guys. They don't want a crazy woman who is either euphorically happy or dramatically emotional. Who has high highs and low lows.

The fact that he controls himself so well and didn't use you for sex tells me that he is a serious person in general. He has a solid moral system he sticks to. And he wants a woman who is sexy, sensual, wild, and fun, but also somewhat conservative and domestic.

If he hasn't seen the latter in you (or it doesn't exist), I am not surprised he hesitates about getting involved in a serious relationship with you.

All men want a stable and down-to-earth women no matter how much they appreciate your ethereal and wandering mind.

Become "serious" and he will approach you the way you want him to.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by tiki

Oh for heaven's sake, just tell him you wanna 'go with him'!!!

 

Have you still not gotten the answer you want?! I feel like I'm in high school too..."Did he say yes, did he say yes?!?!?"

 

I think he wants you for your wife beater. It's like an otter trademark. What other woman can pull off wearing a wife beater?! No wonder he wants you.

 

I like to keep you guys hanging....

 

In the summer time I buy like packs and packs of white and multicolored small-sized beaters and I wear them OUT. I lose them, they get dirty, they get holes in them. I wear them with everything. Hippie skirts, jeans, miniskirts, sweatpants, pyjama pants, shorty shorts, cut offs. I have an entire drawer of wife beaters. The thing is that I have all sizes, and some of them are from guys who slept over/did their laundry here (friends)/exboyfriends....heh.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

You know, this might offend you, but I would rather try and help you even if you get mad at me than say "you're perfect" just for the sake of saying that.

I like to go bananas myself, drink, fool around, go to bed in the morning, smoke joint (I've done it maybe 15 times in the last ten years and never went further than marijuana, last time was 4 years ago). But honestly I prefer a guy who doesn't drink or do drugs, who is emotionally stable, goes to bed at a normal time, and is serious about life.

All men want a stable and down-to-earth women no matter how much they appreciate your ethereal and wandering mind.

Become "serious" and he will approach you the way you want him to.

 

No problem I'd rather have help, too. I need it!

 

For me, a guy who smokes weed is a pre-requisite. I don't have a problem with it. Sgt. Bosco also happens to smoke weed, a lot, and he drinks, too, although not so much. It's so funny to me that people thing all these things go hand in hand! I went to bed at like 11:30 last night! I go to bed around the same time and he knows that. He says my housekeeping skills leave much to be desired, though. But my life is tame. I don't do any other drugs (any more) but he actually met me when I was going crazy, was there when I had seizures from doing coke, and stayed my friend through me being bitchy in withdrawals, and now me being normal and blah compared to his other friends. Since I have epilepsy I can't really party hard like that any more.

 

I don't know that there IS a serious side. "You must forgive me, sir, for I was born to speak all mirth, and no matter"...if he doesn't appreciate that quality in me than I suppose it wasn't meant to be. I am very passionate about everything. I get excited and happy, or angry and pissed, or depressed and miserable. I feel all my feelings to the fullest extent.

 

What confuses me is that I know for a fact that he has used other girls just for sex. It's not like he has a really admirable and solid morality. He has good self-control, I think. But that isn't a big deal. But having self-control is different fro having good morals.

 

I still don't get why he apologized after the long hug. I have been puzzling over that all day and I think he did it on purpose to f*ck with my head!! He is sadistic like that.

[tiki]

He probably apologized because it made it come across as a cheeseball. And it's clear to me why he won't sleep with you, he respects you. And that's what ya want. If I think a relationship has potential, there's no way I'm sleeping with someone right off. You gotta let the good stuff simmer for a bit.

[Illusion24]

For me, a guy who smokes weed is a pre-requisite. I don't have a problem with it.

 

Yummy

[blind_otter]

We talked last night about how the fantasy is sometimes better than really knowing what someone thinks of you, sometimes. I think he is a great person, flawed as anyone can be...but I think he can tell as well as I can that this is changing, the nature of our interaction is very relaxed and organic. We just reallly like talking to each other. He is very direct, he wouldn't spend 1-2 hours on the phone with me every day and we wouldn't talk on the phone every day if he didn't at least think there was some romantic possibility.

 

Is this how normal people date? They hang out with people and "talk" until they develop the attraction and then move into physical intimacy? How bizarre, I have never done that. I've always wanted to but it's scarey to think about doing that....One day. Maybe he and I won't end up together but I just really like what we are doing now and he has told me he thinks that he is addicted to sex and that he's trying to not be addicted. I don't know how one does that, but apparently that's what he's working on right now.