My wife is giving up on me, what can I do?

[sorel]

i'm sorry, but i'm going to have to tell the long story. it's my first time in this forum and i'm really lost, so please help me.

A long time ago, i had a girlfriend. She was pretty, intelligent, fun. It took me a while to propose though. I wasn't sure, I guess. We dated for more than five years. And I finally did propose. It didn't lasted that long: a couple of months after, she decided to gave me the ring back.

I've never been a very secure guy... Also I'm not the worse either. I was bullied in school and I don't have a lot of good memories from that time, but with time I managed to come back, to be mildly successful in my field, to realize that I not only could be interesting for another woman, but they might even consider me hot.

Then she came, this girlfriend, and I was finally done. People gave me that look, you know. I would see former schoolmates on the street and they would be surprised. And then it ended and I was back on the floor.

It took a lot to get back. Years. I left my homecountry to the UK, where I had a lot of fun. Girlfriends, parties, things were going well. I was ready to go back to my homecountry when things started happening with this other woman. Since I was leaving, I tried to made it clear that this was going to be something of a moment. But she got me. She is American. She is my wife.

She was brave enough to keep the relationship at a distance at first, when I left to my home country. She came for four months, then I came to the US for a month, then she came back for more and we got married.

We started living in my homecountry. We were very happy, though she never got really used to living there. We were talking about eventually coming to the US, when her mom suddenly died. It was very unexpected and they were besties. I always admired their relationship. It was the kind of relationship that I wished I would eventually had with my children.

We came to the US to the funerals. Slowly our relationship grew colder. There was less sex too. Originally, we were crazy about each other. I don't like talking about sex with friends, but I very briefly mentioned it to one of my best friends and he was like "how can you have that much!!!".

After the funeral, she stayed for a couple of months in the US, then came back. But we decided that we had to move to the US. I came to the US for her, so that she could finally be in her home, she could finally work wherever she wanted, she could finally be as happy as she could be, while she mourned.

I left everything back home: a successful career, friends, family and a city and the weather that I love. Here, I started from zero. I'm doing jobs that I would have done ten years ago. But I was ok with it. I told her, I don't care where I would end up, if it is with you.

We arrive to the US in the middle of 2014. She really wanted to live in New York, so we moved here. But before doing the jump, we stayed in her little town somewhere else. It was difficult. Her dad is with someone else. Their relationship went from being perfect to hell.

In New York, I thought that we could start from zero. But, after less than two months, she told me she was done. The classic "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore".

She had mentioned before to go to counseling, but never emphazised enough. Now we are going, but I'm really scared about it being too late. I feel like she never gave me a chance to win her back. She probably feels like she has given me a chance for the last two years.

Tomorrow is New Year's eve. I'm working until 12. She's meeting some friends after work. She didn't wanted me to come at meet me. That got me bad. I told her that I couldn't spend New Years alone in the apartment. I just can't.

I feel devastated. I'm not a good at crying, but I just spend two hours crying my eyes out. I feel like it is too late. Is there anyway of getting things back? Is there any Hail Mary that I can throw?

The worst was hearing from her how happy she was when she walk the aisle. She couldn't believe that she was getting me for the rest of her life! Now I can't believe that I can't spend my life with her.

Please help me. How can get her to stay with me, to give me a second chance and to do it right this time.

[Rainbowlove]

It sounds like your wife has been through a lot recently.

 

I'm not making excuses, but perhaps the death of her mother has impacted her in a way that she's responding out of grief.

 

Death changes people. Losing a parent, particularly one you are close to, changes people.

 

Give her the space and time she needs to figure it out. Don't hang or cling on to her. Tell her you love her now and forever, no matter what. You can't control her or the outcome.

 

You are scared, but you need to pull it together and stay steady. Have you ever heard of the song, Hold on Loosely by 38 Special?

[hoping2heal]

How long has it been since your wife's Mother passed?