Sublime jane Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 I hope I can make this easy to understand and hope I have posted this in the right group I was in a longish relationship that turned sour and I wanted out of it, he didn't. I fell desperately ill and was way too weak to turf him out of my house. He stayed on for another 12 months be it strained in the end it become impossible, he was abusive and I could tolerate it no more. To cut the story short police were involved and he left I'm still coming to terms with my illness, and being on my own. I'm back at work and was struggling. The hospital were great helped me out with different medications and am starting to feel like me again. Which I will never be because I now have a disability, although it's not visible but it's there Around June/July of this year a new guy started I didn't think anything of it, just another new work colleague. Anyhow, a colleague I share an office with was on vacation he came up to see her and we got talking. I noticed he was popping in to see me more or less everyday and we chatted like old friends and realised we had a huge amount in common. When my colleague came back they did the usual thing and said guess how old she is. That put him on the spot which I thought was unfair. Anyhow he was way off because I know I look nothing like my age. He was gob smacked (I though he was just being kind) After that I started to get texts and we chatted and he said he liked me and had done since the first day he saw me. I was like no you can't do that you are married. Anyway, we continued talking, having a laugh and joke, texting and sharing chats on our mutual interest and it's being going on like this. I have since met hi. For coffee for chats and then he kissed me. He admitted he liked me a lot would like to see me more, I really like him but he is married. And not married long and I'm 10 years older. He knows about my illness and disability and that's not bothered him, he likes me for who I am, and wants to get to know me more. I'm tempted because I do like him, on the flip side I feel I will be hurt at some point and know I should not be fixating on the negative. I also want to know why? Why me? What is wrong at home if anything? Which I will be asking, whether I get an answer to that only time will tell. We have kissed and hugged and said nice things (in the early days it was proper teasing, insults, cheeky, playground stuff). This has been going on for a few months, we met up today and talked forever! I know I have had two crisis recently, and I really do like this guy not sure I can afford the potential hurt as I am a big softie at heart. I have never done anything like this before, ever. I never thought I would be attractive to anyone again, as it am so self conscious about my condition. Should I just go with the flow Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Consider the consequences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sublime jane Posted December 30, 2014 Author Share Posted December 30, 2014 I have considered them, if it goes that far. I potentially loose a friendship, and have a broken heart, I find that selfish on my part He could loose his marriage, home etc but he has the opportunity to fix it and stay in his comfort zone. I did say directly to him if it does go further, are you sure you know the risks and are you prepared to take them as you have far more to loose than I have. He said he does and he would have to deal with that. I said I don't think you do as it's not just your wife you are potentially destroying it's her family and your family (no kids). I'm sure it's all been said before, I was oblivious to this guy, I find it flattering he likes me, I'm surprised he does, I do worry about it, why would someone be interested in me, and I'm slightly starting to like me now giving me a little more confidence too Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Why are you attracted to a guy you KNOW is a married cheater? You need to set higher boundaries and standards for yourself so you don't keep getting bad guys. Part of that comes from being too tolerant and not seeing the red flags. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 (edited) I'm sure it's all been said before, I was oblivious to this guy, I find it flattering he likes me, I'm surprised he does, I do worry about it, why would someone be interested in me, and I'm slightly starting to like me now giving me a little more confidence too If you don't know why someone would be interested in you, that's a real shame. Compliments are nice, but it sounds like you have a low self-esteem issue. That's not something that can be truly resolved from the outside, because self-esteem is all about the relationship we have with ourselves. I would work on that if I were you. In the long-term, I think having a secret liaison with a married person is unlikely to make you feel better about yourself, and might well have the opposite effect. You should do what you think best after due reflection. Edited December 30, 2014 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sublime jane Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 Being involved with someone married or single can still cause heartache. For the last xxx number of years I've had nothing but.....this is totally different, yes he is married but the outcome as you say won't be favourable to me. But I have some form of companionship than nothing It's New Year's Eve, I'm on my own again, absolutely broke, sold a few things on eBay to pay for my food over Xmas, I could not afford Xmas gifts except for my nephew and niece. I've been sat in the house not using the car to save on fuel and no hearing on, so most of the time I'm in The bath then bed to keep warm I need some saving grace Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts