After a 4 yr LD rel, should I finally move--although he never proposed?

[tokyo]

Originally posted by StacyRose

OMG thanks for the responses guys!!

 

I actually PAID to get consultation from a relationship specialist on the subject (it cost me $50 USD for half hour) anyway.... here's the verdict:

 

He has to propose to me by this x-mas or else I dump him!!

 

So, I was right. Thanks anyway people.

We have end of march. Do you seriously want to wait for him till Christams? You prefer to stay at home and continue a long-distance relationship while ditching the possibility of getting to know him better? He expects a big jump from you - moving, but you are not willing to do it, you even expect a bigger jump from him - proposal. How about taking small steops and talk with him what he wants and how he sees the future. If he sees a future for both of you, what speaks against testing the waters by moving and living with him for a while? You can still move back. Sometimes one person has to make a sacrifice. The other two possibilities that you have is, him moving to you or you guys meet in the middle somewhere (why not let have two people have the hassle of moving instead of only one).

 

Maybe you told your counselor more than us and that's why his advice differs from the majority of the posters here (By the way, did any poster agree with you?), if not then even though this is not an election where according to the democratic principle the majority wins I'd still not dismiss the general opinion on this thread as worthless because it doesn't come from a professional. And no matter what, you can be sure that you get an honest opinion here.

[JazzyFox]

I found this thread highly interesting. Funny enough, I agree with both sides ... I think Stacyrose should get "some" form of commitment before jumping to his city ... an engagement is not marriage .... but it demonstrates a certain intent. Yet, it all seems to premature ... only 3 months IRL ... yet over such a long span (3 years). I'm still reeling with confusion

 

Anyways, my question is this:

If he were moving to Stacyrose's city ... should she still expect commitment (engagement or marriage) or does the commitment come as a counter-act to the sacrifice made?

 

In other words, is it Stacyrose's sacrifice to move to his city that justifies her wanting a marriage proposal?

 

And if the tables were turned (and he were to move to her city), should she still want/expect/demand a proposal before he takes up her precious drawer and bathroom space?

 

Anxiously await your replies

[Merin]

Originally posted by StacyRose

OMG thanks for the responses guys!!

 

I actually PAID to get consultation from a relationship specialist on the subject (it cost me $50 USD for half hour) anyway.... here's the verdict:

 

He has to propose to me by this x-mas or else I dump him!!

 

So, I was right. Thanks anyway people.

 

Just keep in mind that just because your relationship *specialist* said he HAS to propose and you paid her doesn't mean he will AND your *specialist* isn't the one who will be dumping him if he doesn't..

 

I didn't mean any malice in my original response.. I really do not believe you've known him long enough IRL to be jumping into marriage thats just my POV.

 

Should he eventually ask you to marry him IF the 2 of you get to know each better then thats outstanding.

 

BTW Relationships aren't about being *right*

[Vansmak]

I see many valid points on both ends of the argument, but it boils down to one thing. You had to go online to this forum to have your question(s) answered. If you ARE NOT 100% sure on your own, I think you already have your answer