Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I didn't realize how being single for a really serious length really affected me. For years i was still trying to recover from an abusive relationship and I constantly got rejected from men that I unrequitedly fell for. This happens to be common. Perhaps it appeared that I didn't want a relationship because I was constantly in fear (even unconsciously) that I was going to get rejected. There was a man this year who liked me. I was overwhelmed. I'm not use to compliments and I wasn't use to being liked. Nothing scared me more than this man's interests. It sent me in a tail spin I told him I wasn't sure if I was use to being liked and I just couldn't handle his compliments and asked him to go slow. He made it very clear he wanted a relationship. In the end he asked me if I was pushing him away? I said I was, and then said it's best that I sort myself out before commitment. In that time, he had found someone else who just happens to ironically have the same name as me. At the time I didn't want to marry him because he did not have a job, maybe that was just an excuse to run. Now he has proposed to this woman who has kids of her own. I regret it. I could have been married to a wonderful man, I could have had the kids I desired, instead I pushed him away because of an "irrational fear" I believe I may have lost out on an opportunity. I wonder if God could heal me of this regret. Or if he does have someone out there who is better suited to me. I wasn't 100 percent sure if I was attracted to him but I did like his heart. I just absolutely am kicking myself. I could have been the happy bride to be. Instead I pushed a perfectly great catch away. Any advice to someone who is such an idiot? Link to post Share on other sites
youngskywalker Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I regret it. I could have been married to a wonderful man, I could have had the kids I desired, instead I pushed him away because of an "irrational fear" I believe I may have lost out on an opportunity. I wonder if God could heal me of this regret Learn from your mistakes but understand he is not the last 'wonderful' you will meet. When you are heart broken its hard to realize that. One day you most likely will look back and be glad you held out for someone better. There are millions of men out there your age wanting the same things you want. Its up to you what to do next. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I wonder if God could heal me of this regret. Or if he does have someone out there who is better suited to me. I wasn't 100 percent sure if I was attracted to him but I did like his heart. I just absolutely am kicking myself. I could have been the happy bride to be. Instead I pushed a perfectly great catch away. Any advice to someone who is such an idiot? Number One - You're not an idiot! No more of that nonsense. Number Two - Refer back to number one!! I think that you probably have better insight into the situation than you give yourself credit for. I think there could have been something in your heart telling you that this wasn't necessarily the right guy. You have no evidence that you two would make a great couple...you don't know how a long-term relationship would have turned out with him. Number Three - (I don't know why I'm numbering my points, lol) To me it seems a little strange that a guy would be so madly into you, and then meet, court, and marry another woman...all within one year! It's possible, but definitely strange and uncommon (at least in the US). To me, that's a little bit of a red flag for this guy. Finally, Number Four - What are your beliefs about God? Do you believe He has the power to cure you of regret? To create a partner better suited to you? Has God ever shown his pure and unending love to be true in your life? If so, why doubt Him now? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) Did you push him away because your fear of abuse, or the fact that he didn't have a job, or both? It sounds like your reasoning is very scattered. Obviously it's water under the bridge. I only bring it up so you can sort it out for future relationships. Secondly, don't buy the "happy" illusion. Everybody looks "happy" from afar--especially on social media. Focus on what you have and be content with that. Edited December 31, 2014 by M30USA 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I didn't realize how being single for a really serious length really affected me. For years i was still trying to recover from an abusive relationship and I constantly got rejected from men that I unrequitedly fell for. This happens to be common. Perhaps it appeared that I didn't want a relationship because I was constantly in fear (even unconsciously) that I was going to get rejected. There was a man this year who liked me. I was overwhelmed. I'm not use to compliments and I wasn't use to being liked. Nothing scared me more than this man's interests. It sent me in a tail spin I told him I wasn't sure if I was use to being liked and I just couldn't handle his compliments and asked him to go slow. He made it very clear he wanted a relationship. In the end he asked me if I was pushing him away? I said I was, and then said it's best that I sort myself out before commitment. In that time, he had found someone else who just happens to ironically have the same name as me. At the time I didn't want to marry him because he did not have a job, maybe that was just an excuse to run. Now he has proposed to this woman who has kids of her own. I regret it. I could have been married to a wonderful man, I could have had the kids I desired, instead I pushed him away because of an "irrational fear" I believe I may have lost out on an opportunity. I wonder if God could heal me of this regret. Or if he does have someone out there who is better suited to me. I wasn't 100 percent sure if I was attracted to him but I did like his heart. I just absolutely am kicking myself. I could have been the happy bride to be. Instead I pushed a perfectly great catch away. Any advice to someone who is such an idiot? Hey D- I just want to say I'm not judging this guy, although something was screaming in my spirit when I read that he didn't have a job and asked someone else to marry him. IMO he has little business seeking marriage in his current state. Maybe I am being too critical, not sure, but gf I have seen a lot of guys that don't want to work and will seek out females to support them- BTDT ...a lot. Maybe there is more info that you could provide, but based on what you have given, you dodged a bullet. ...and you are NOT an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Number One - You're not an idiot! No more of that nonsense. Number Two - Refer back to number one!! I think that you probably have better insight into the situation than you give yourself credit for. I think there could have been something in your heart telling you that this wasn't necessarily the right guy. You have no evidence that you two would make a great couple...you don't know how a long-term relationship would have turned out with him. Number Three - (I don't know why I'm numbering my points, lol) To me it seems a little strange that a guy would be so madly into you, and then meet, court, and marry another woman...all within one year! It's possible, but definitely strange and uncommon (at least in the US). To me, that's a little bit of a red flag for this guy. Finally, Number Four - What are your beliefs about God? Do you believe He has the power to cure you of regret? To create a partner better suited to you? Has God ever shown his pure and unending love to be true in your life? If so, why doubt Him now? Ya Pie, what's up with the numbering thing! Just kidding, you know I love you I missed that he did this in less than a year...nope, big time red flag...with no job, so who will pay? The chick? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I grew up with a bit of the "God has ONE person picked out for us" idea, but I do not think that is so anymore. If God has someone for you, I would think He would also allow your heart to be open to it. Try not to live in regret. Just seek Him and be open to what He places in your life. I don;t think He'd let you miss a blessing if you're following Him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I really don't see much to regret in this case. You know he's only become somewhat appealing again to you because he's unavailable now. If you were the one walking down the isle you'd be trying not to throw up every minute and desperately trying to get out of it. That's who you are really, and God loves you despite what you may perceive as your shortcommings. =/ And you should love you for who you are too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I really don't see much to regret in this case. You know he's only become somewhat appealing again to you because he's unavailable now. If you were the one walking down the isle you'd be trying not to throw up every minute and desperately trying to get out of it. That's who you are really, and God loves you despite what you may perceive as your shortcommings. =/ And you should love you for who you are too. Glad I wasn't drinking something while reading this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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