sunshine0274 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 My daughter's father and I broke up 2 months ago when he left us for another woman who is married and running around on her husband, leaving her 2 small children at home while she tells him she is going out of town to visit family, etc. Our daughter is 6 months old and while this other woman lives in another state, he lives 5 minutes from us and rarely sees her. He has been somewhat open when we argue about the other woman, telling me her husband abuses her and he will be happy when she gets her divorce as they have a "connection" and she "understands" him whereas I did not apparently. He is leaving for Japan for 2 years in 2 months and this other woman isn't going with him, but they talk about marriage and having children together and much to my dismay, this does not seem to be a fling. Problem is, she is heinous and says the nastiest things about me that are totally unwarranted. He rubs her in my face every chance he gets too. The other night, after spending Christmas with us, our daughter got sick and he was on his phone, texting the other woman, asking her about advice on what to do. I found this incredibly insulting. Thing is, I cannot control who he chooses to bring around our baby and if visitation does get set up and he does end up with this woman, I will have little to no say. He tries to sleep with me every chance he gets, ( no thanks), still hasn't told friends and family about her, so puts this false image that we are still a little family, yet continues this affair with her. I feel that this negativity and drama he is bringing to our lives is so unnecessary and unwarranted and I am having a lot of difficulty dealing with his decisions and how they can negatively affect our daughter. He stormed out the other night and we haven't heard from him since. He didn't even get our baby anything for Christmas or ask about her after she was sick. I am at a loss as to how to deal with him and his hurtful actions. Any advice? I just want him to go away! Link to post Share on other sites
WonderWoman911 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Wow,I'm sorry that you're going through this. But just know that nothing good will come out of that situation with him and that woman. I'm glad you're daughter is only a few months and isn't older so she won't have to see and witness her father's behavior at first hand. Then the audacity he has to still want to have sexual relations with you.Smh.... I would just focus on raising your daughter the best way possible. Taking great care of her, nurturing her,etc. with the best of your abilities.And as far as the other woman saying ignorant things, I wouldn't let it phase me one bit. I wouldn't use any energy trying to entertain her at all. Allow her to look crazy by herself with all of her negativity.Because at the end of the day, she's the one who's looking foolish. Running around on her husband, leaving her children behind,etc...Terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'm a little confused. You said the two of you broke up 2 mos ago but you were spending Christmas together? This is not about dealing with his decisions and waiting for his next move. This is about YOU making decisions and leave him to live his life as he chooses. He has already made the choice for the OW. So let him have her, and let her have him. The next time he even hints at sleeping with you, let him know that you don't ever want to hear those words or see those actions from him again. If he knows for a fact that you wouldn't sleep with him if he were the last man on earth, he would most likely stop suggesting it. Also stop putting yourself in a position where the two of you still view one another as husband and wife, or as a couple - whichever applies. This is probably the main reason he does that, because he views you as his property. In order to change his mind-set, you need to change the circumstances. If the two of you are married, then be proactive and file for divorce. Make sure that custody includes him not being able to take the child out of the state you live in, and that he especially can't take your child out of the country. As far as his involvement (or the lack of it) with the child, does it really matter? It's his choice if he wants to be a loser dad. There's nothing you can do about it and there's no need for you to get all worked up about it. As far as I can tell, it would be better if he did go away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Go to a lawyer, get papers drawn up and file for Divorce. That's how you deal with him. What a putz and a scummy husband/father he turned out to be. Sorry you've had to go through this. Just love your daughter, rely on your family and good friends for support. Let them know what a jerk he is and what he's done! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Document everything and then get an attorney and go to court and get everything that goes on set in legal terms. If he's moving, he very well may have to relinquish parental visitations. Each state has a prescribed distance you are allowed to move away from your child and then each parent has to drive back and forth to make the exchanges. It's a terrible way to live. Forget about being jealous of his new girlfriend. She amounts to nothing compared to your child. There's no magic wand you can wave to make your husband come into line again. Get the chaos out of your life and let the courts take care of him as far as visitation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine0274 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 Great advice and support from you who have answered. I do appreciate it. Luckily, we are not married. But, I am tired of trying to be the nice one here an facilitate a relationship with out daughter by being his friend and trying to be what I thought was "mature". it just gets thrown in my face. Everytime I think we can move forward and do what is best for our daughter, he does something disrespectful and for no good reason. So, he and this woman have a past, they dated in college and have a "connection" like he says. I will just need to figure out a way to move from the tendency to compare myself to her and ask myself why she is better. Any woman who leaves her two small kids on Thanksgiving to come have an affair is just disgusting. I will do the best I can to move on and get to a better place. But, I cannot help but really really hope this situation blows up in their face. For now, it's me and my little one. I filed for child support and oh wow, will this hit his wallet hard (ha), and with him leaving soon, he won't be able to actually have legal visitation or even have time to file for it. My hope is that he gets his act together or just leaves us the heck alone. The latter is preferred. He has not been the best dad he can be to our baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 You should also go after the woman. Make the affair known to her family/friends/work and the fact that she is a homewrecking tr*mp. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunshine0274 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 You should also go after the woman. Make the affair known to her family/friends/work and the fact that she is a homewrecking tr*mp. You know, I thought about it, and even threatened it. I do have her husband's phone number, so I could call, but both myself and my ex are in the military and if this husband wants to really press, he could have my ex kicked out and his career ruined. It would serve him right, but then without any income, my daughter would suffer the consequences of no child support. But believe me, it crosses my mind more than you know! Link to post Share on other sites
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