What was going on in his brain? Help!

[Fantgirl]

I am going to start off with saying sorry this is so long, however, I want to make sure all the facts are here. I'm not even sure this is the right area to post this, but seemed to be the best one. About 5 1/2 years ago I broke up with a guy that I really truly did and do love. We were together for about 4 years. However, neither one of us was very mature at the time. He cheated, we fought, but we always seemed to find our way back to each other. However, when I broke things off for the last time, I went as far as changing my phone number and told him never to show his face around my house again. I was hurt and didn't know how else to deal with the pain. I tried dating other guys, but when I broke up with my last boyfriend, 4 1/2 years ago, I knew. I was still in love with my ex. I wasn't hurt that "Matt" cheated on me, I was just relieved to have a reason to end the relationship. I quit dating after that because I knew that my heart already belonged to my ex and it wasn't fair to try and be with someone when I couldn't give them my heart. I wasn't waiting for my ex to come back, I was just resigned to being alone. In this time, I have done a lot of soul searching, growing up, and maturing. I realized that for the most part I had been co dependent, and I needed to learn how to make it alone. I went back to school and I have done okay for myself. I was finally feeling okay with being single.

 

Well, July 4th, 2013, I stopped down at a place that I used to hang out at for a little while to say hi to a few of my friends before returning to a friends house for the fireworks. I was talking to a friend and all of a sudden, someone had come up behind me, turned me around and hugged me. I didn't even need to see who it was, I knew by his smell (not unpleasant, just him). I played it cool till I left, till I got back to my friend's house. Everyone realized that something was up and did their best to keep me busy.

 

That September, We were at a wedding for some mutual friends. I hadn't planned on sticking around long after the reception started, but I wanted to congratulate the happy couple. Before I knew it, Both my ex and I were both outside smoking, away from everyone else. We spent at least 3 hours standing outside talking. We started emailing each other, this lasted for a couple of months, and I let our communication lapse. Then in December, my aunt passed away. My aunt and my ex had gotten close while we had visited her while we were together. I called him and let him know. He called me back and let me know that his boss wouldn't let him off of work long enough to go with to my aunt's home town (1200 miles away). We just sat on the phone, not even talking the whole time. As I had gotten his number from a friend, and I still wasn't sure about what was going on, I kept my promise and deleted his number.

 

Fast forward to this Fourth of July. Once again, I was back at the place where he had hugged me, mainly because that is what my son wanted to do for the fourth. Needless to say, he showed up. We once again spent the night talking. Then Labor day, my daughter decided to invite him to our family picnic. Shortly after he arrived though, a friend of hers showed up and picked up both of my kids and took them to the mall. This left him and I talking together for another few hours. Then my best friend and I were cleaning out my house and ran across something that she had given him when were together. It wasn't something that I could see him using, but she called him and asked him if he would come over to my house and get it. Once again, when he showed up, she had just left. I figured that he would just grab the item and leave since she had gone. but, he didn't. He sat talking to me for another few hours. My best friend kept trying to give me his phone number and I kept telling her no, if he wanted me to have it, he would give it to me himself.

 

However, one night when my son was beyond unmanageable, I got his number from her and called him. knowing that my son would do just about anything to make my ex proud of him. my son has always considered him as his dad. I told my ex that he could come see my son as long as he kept his promises to him and showed up when he said he would. He came over one day to help get my son to clean to his room. As a reward, he told him that he would take him out to eat for supper. When my son finished his room, my ex told my son to tell me to get ready to go. I hadn't planned on going with, but I did. Then we went over to my friends house for a little while to hang out with them. He even came over for Thanksgiving. He has come over a few times since then to spend time with my son. However, once my son went in his room to watch tv, my ex would spend the remainder of the time talking with me. One night I happened to be wearing a tank top that showed my bra through, along with showing a fair amount of cleavage. Not intentional, I hadn't planned on him coming over and my house can get very hot. We were talking and all of a sudden he told me that I was a distraction. Not sure what he was talking about, I asked him. He said that naughty thoughts kept coming to mind. I told him that he would have to come over on a night that my kids weren't home, because I didn't want them to get the wrong idea. I know that my kids would like nothing more than for us to get back together. I knew that if they woke up in the morning to find him still there, they would think that we were together again. Being unsure of where things stood with him, I didn't want them to get the wrong idea. The next few times he came over, we have just talked, and the sexual talk hasn't been a part of our conversations. I don't know if that made him think that all I want is from him is just sex and he wants more or what? He seems to want to spend time over here, even when my crazy family is around. He even showed up for Christmas.

 

I had tried to keep everything casual and about the kids, however, I know that I am still in love with him and really want to see if we could make things work now that we are both older and more mature. When he was over for Christmas, he was talking with my daughters boyfriend about how much my daughter is like me. Like stealing his shirts to sleep in and other weird "quirks" that I had when we were together. We have discussed our relationship a little bit, no blaming, just some of the things that happened and what we each could have done differently.

 

I wish I knew what was going on in his brain. I want to know if he might be receptive to the idea of trying again, or if he is just being nice so that he can see the kids. I am sooooo confused. I am afraid to just ask because 1. I am afraid that if he isn't, he won't come see the kids as often because he doesn't want to deal with my advances (not that I would if he said no) 2. I am terrified of the rejection I would feel if he did say no. He hugs me everytime he leaves, and all I can do is wait for him to get out the door before I loose my control on my emotions. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

[Fantgirl]

Please, i really need some advice. I don't know how to figure out what he wants from me without baring my own soul! But, I really think that we could make it this time. We have both grown up and matured a lot.

[LostInLosingLove]

Just to be clear; these aren't his kids?

 

Except for Ryan Gosling's character in Drive, I can't really imagine anyone wanting to spend time with someone else's kids unless they had other intentions(good or bad).

 

My advice, take a chance and risk it. Worst case scenario it's better to know, accept and move on than to be stuck in that kind of emotional limbo ongoing.

[I'mBatman]

Just go for it. Be blunt and be like why are you here. Guys are simply. Don't beat around the bush.

[Danda]

I believe the odds are in your favor, OP. In addition to what LostInLosingLove has pointed out,

 

 

"Then my best friend and I were cleaning out my house and ran across something that she had given him when were together. It wasn't something that I could see him using, but she called him and asked him if he would come over to my house and get it. Once again, when he showed up, she had just left."

 

"My best friend kept trying to give me his phone number and I kept telling her no, if he wanted me to have it, he would give it to me himself."

 

Going out on a bit of a limb but I think he has conveyed to your best friend that he still has feelings for you, and she is trying to push you two into getting back together. If she is really a best friend then she has your best interests at heart. Genuine female friends tend to be extremely protective of each other when it comes to men. I mean ever heard of c*ckblocking? Haha. And this ex of yours cheated those years ago, so he must have proved some sort of redemption for her to have approved of him coming back around.