A big mess

[Lonelygypsy]

My story is so complicated and long! Im going to sum it up short as possible... i have been married for 3 years now together for 7 years. I am 35 and he is 40. We were told i would never b able to have kids well surprise we had a baby girl 5 weeks ago! My husband always wanted a baby together. We are now having worse problems now than before. Long story short... i found an email a couple years ago that was suspicious and was under a different name linked to my husbands phone. It was an obvious affair but he denied it completly and was really upset that i would think he would do that. Well after that it has been hell! He is mad at me for being jealous and suspicious. I dont trust him. He doesnt trust me. What sucks is we used to have the best life and marriage. We had a great sex life. We truly loved each other. Well after all this it is awful. He gets violently mad at me. I feel confused and hurt because i went from a sweet loving husband who tells me he couldnt live without me to a man i hardly recognize. All because he says he will NOT be accused of being a cheater and cant understand why i cant just let it go. Ive since caught him in lies and watch him lie so bad to my face... maybe it was like this before i just didnt see it. We got stupid for awhile before i got pregnant and started experimenting with drugs and really kinky sex... he wants me to have sex with him and another man at the same time. We role play. We watch porn. We dont hardly ever have normal vanilla loving sex anymore. All of this has left me feeling neglected... sad lonely and lost. He acts like he wants nothing to do with me unless he wants me sexually. I feel like my marriage is over and now im a new mom!! He is not connecting with our baby. I do all the caretaking but in his defense he works and i dont. But that also leaves me vunerable. I have no money of my own. Im told weekly that he wants to be done but then gets mad if i say then i need to get a job. He doesnt want me to work. I am 100 percent reliant on him for finacial stability. I have few friends and no family. He is all i have. I will literally have to go to a shelter if i leave. Recently he has gotten so angry he gets violent with me and he says awful things to me. Also i do too. I am angry too. We are ripping each other apart. With all that said i still love him and want to work this out but what do i do. He wont admit any wrong doing on his part! Im so confused... please any and all advice so needed!!

[KBarletta]

My story is so complicated and long! Im going to sum it up short as possible... i have been married for 3 years now together for 7 years. I am 35 and he is 40. We were told i would never b able to have kids well surprise we had a baby girl 5 weeks ago! My husband always wanted a baby together. We are now having worse problems now than before. Long story short... i found an email a couple years ago that was suspicious and was under a different name linked to my husbands phone. It was an obvious affair but he denied it completly and was really upset that i would think he would do that. Well after that it has been hell! He is mad at me for being jealous and suspicious. I dont trust him. He doesnt trust me. What sucks is we used to have the best life and marriage. We had a great sex life. We truly loved each other. Well after all this it is awful. He gets violently mad at me. I feel confused and hurt because i went from a sweet loving husband who tells me he couldnt live without me to a man i hardly recognize. All because he says he will NOT be accused of being a cheater and cant understand why i cant just let it go. Ive since caught him in lies and watch him lie so bad to my face... maybe it was like this before i just didnt see it. We got stupid for awhile before i got pregnant and started experimenting with drugs and really kinky sex... he wants me to have sex with him and another man at the same time. We role play. We watch porn. We dont hardly ever have normal vanilla loving sex anymore. All of this has left me feeling neglected... sad lonely and lost. He acts like he wants nothing to do with me unless he wants me sexually. I feel like my marriage is over and now im a new mom!! He is not connecting with our baby. I do all the caretaking but in his defense he works and i dont. But that also leaves me vunerable. I have no money of my own. Im told weekly that he wants to be done but then gets mad if i say then i need to get a job. He doesnt want me to work. I am 100 percent reliant on him for finacial stability. I have few friends and no family. He is all i have. I will literally have to go to a shelter if i leave. Recently he has gotten so angry he gets violent with me and he says awful things to me. Also i do too. I am angry too. We are ripping each other apart. With all that said i still love him and want to work this out but what do i do. He wont admit any wrong doing on his part! Im so confused... please any and all advice so needed!!

 

 

 

You say "he gets violent" -- is he physically abusive? If so, you need to distance yourself and your child from him, and quickly. I'd contact the authorities next time, get a PFA, quietly find a job and apartment as quickly as possible and go when he's not around.

 

If he's just "angry" and it's something you think you can work on ... Would he attend counseling with you? Relationships change when a child becomes part of the situation, and some men have a hard time adjusting.

[LoveMyCat]

Physical or not, this is still abuse and somehow, you need to get out, or get him out. Probably he won't go...better if you and the baby can go when he is not home. It is dangerous to let him know you are leaving if he is so angry and abusive. Do,you have a friend you can go to? If not, a shelter for women will help you and the baby for sure, and make sure he does not know where you are. They can also help you figure out what to do next. You will need legal advice...all states have some free legal aid and churches and charities can offer help in other ways. A shelter would have all of this info to get you started. I would just pack bags for each of you and go...don't call any numbers on a phone where he can see calls dialed. Look in a regular phonebook and get a bus to a woman's shelter or call a domestic abuse hotline.

 

Really, you need to be away from this man. Don't think about the marriage right now, think about your baby and your own safety. Maybe you think he would never hurt you, but better safe than sorry and he sure is not helping you in any way.

 

I really hope you will do this...everything is harder without money but there is help out there. Take care.

[StandingO]

My advice to any woman that is in a relationship with a man who has violent tendencies is to save yourself now. Plain and simple. I never heard of a good marriage worth being in with when violence plays any roll. You mentioned drugs, I was not surprised to read the violence part.

[LifesontheUp]

LG,

 

You know this isn't the environment to bring your daughter into.

 

While it must be very difficult to leave, surely you can see this is for the best? For you and your daugher.