cookie411 Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 Here is the deal....... Okay my boyfriend of 4 months has just been asked by his ex-girlfriend to come to see her (out of state) because she is having family issues.We said a while back that no matter what happens we will tell each other the truth.And so far we have both kept that promise.(I guess)Well anyway when he told me about the offer I got kind of offensive.I said "if you want to go then go" which really meant "if you go then don't even try to tell me anything about what happened because I'm through."And he also told me that when she asked him to come he said that he didn't give her a straight out no.I am really trying to understand him because him and his ex had a year long relationship.And he fell in love but she didn't until he got with me basically. So I asked him why would he want to go and why wouldn't he.And he told me that he wouldn't because I might feel uncomfortable.And yes because he felt sorry for her.And then I was and am suppose to believe that if he was to go that nothing would happen.I trust him, I really do, it's just his hormones and her I don't trust.He is a virgin (by choice) so his hormones would go wild if she even attempted to come on to him.Then he asked him WOULD I be uncomfortable.And I was starting to get upset so I snapped "would you be uncomfortable if I went to one of my ex's house for a weekend?" and if cause he said yes.But this conversation happened two days ago. But just last night he was all "I need a vacation.I think when I get home from work then I'm going to just go somewhere.Leave Friday and come back Sunday morning."Sorry I omitted that she wants him to come this weekend so with that statement he just made I was really starting to feel angry.And earlier in that conversation he said he had something important to tell me but tried to back out of telling me with some lame excuse.Then he asked me what would make me really mad?So I asked him why he asked me that and he said he was just trying to make conversation.He had really been throwing hints like that all night.So I put his hints together and came up with that he was lying to me by saying he was going to take a vacation,but I think his vacation would end up at his ex's house.But I just don't get why he feels that by him being there he would help the situation any.And when I asked him he said that I didn't trust him because I wouldn't believe that he wasn't going until he put the lord's name in it. I do trust him but every time I have any trust for him he does something that will make my trust level for him drop.Am I just being paranoid?Am I in the wrong for suspecting that?Or am I just being lied to, deceived?And have I just been a substitute until they could get back together?I am really fighting with myself at this point.Can some one help me please.I really need to know what I am dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 call him. Link to post Share on other sites
Melissa1980 Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 Originally posted by cookie411 Here is the deal....... Okay my boyfriend of 4 months has just been asked by his ex-girlfriend to come to see her (out of state) because she is having family issues.We said a while back that no matter what happens we will tell each other the truth.And so far we have both kept that promise.(I guess)Well anyway when he told me about the offer I got kind of offensive.I said "if you want to go then go" which really meant "if you go then don't even try to tell me anything about what happened because I'm through."And he also told me that when she asked him to come he said that he didn't give her a straight out no.I am really trying to understand him because him and his ex had a year long relationship.And he fell in love but she didn't until he got with me basically. So I asked him why would he want to go and why wouldn't he.And he told me that he wouldn't because I might feel uncomfortable.And yes because he felt sorry for her.And then I was and am suppose to believe that if he was to go that nothing would happen.I trust him, I really do, it's just his hormones and her I don't trust.He is a virgin (by choice) so his hormones would go wild if she even attempted to come on to him.Then he asked him WOULD I be uncomfortable.And I was starting to get upset so I snapped "would you be uncomfortable if I went to one of my ex's house for a weekend?" and if cause he said yes.But this conversation happened two days ago. But just last night he was all "I need a vacation.I think when I get home from work then I'm going to just go somewhere.Leave Friday and come back Sunday morning."Sorry I omitted that she wants him to come this weekend so with that statement he just made I was really starting to feel angry.And earlier in that conversation he said he had something important to tell me but tried to back out of telling me with some lame excuse.Then he asked me what would make me really mad?So I asked him why he asked me that and he said he was just trying to make conversation.He had really been throwing hints like that all night.So I put his hints together and came up with that he was lying to me by saying he was going to take a vacation,but I think his vacation would end up at his ex's house.But I just don't get why he feels that by him being there he would help the situation any.And when I asked him he said that I didn't trust him because I wouldn't believe that he wasn't going until he put the lord's name in it. I do trust him but every time I have any trust for him he does something that will make my trust level for him drop.Am I just being paranoid?Am I in the wrong for suspecting that?Or am I just being lied to, deceived?And have I just been a substitute until they could get back together?I am really fighting with myself at this point.Can some one help me please.I really need to know what I am dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 go and kick him downthere. Link to post Share on other sites
Melissa1980 Posted March 26, 2005 Share Posted March 26, 2005 Im by no means a doctor of love. I know how it feels to feel like your love is wandering. Scared and have to be on your guard all the time. Is he lying or telling the truth? Have you asked him if you could go on his vacation with him? A year relationship is a long time to be with somebody, but she had her chance. As you said she didnt love him until he got with you. And family matters are very crucile, and a very soft subject. But she must have best friends, neighbors, something someone other than your man. He is opening up his own wounds by licking hers. Maybe you should sit him down and tell him, Look, I know that yall have a history. I know that she is having problems, but its causing us problems. And I'm the one you should be worried about. If you care enough to run to her every beckon call,then maybe he still i hate to say it. Wants in a way to be with her.. But he wants to be with you too. I would make my man choose. And he chose to leave well then Hell I was better off anyway. I hope that you get this sorted out. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 1. Your BF is being "cagey". That is a bad sign. 2. He wants to go to the ex-GF's place for the weekend, but doesn't want you to get all upset about it, so he is not telling you (but isn't smart enough to realize he already gave you enough info to figure out exactly what he is doing). 3. He is a virgin. He may confuse sex with something else if it happens with her and she is his first. Basically, if she is successful in seducing him, and gets him in the sack, you will probably have lost him (that's if you would want him back anyway), because he will be convinced he is "in love". 4. Make him choose, or at least demonstrate that you are the one he really wants in some tangible way (either by not going, or taking you with him). I would not tolerate a current exclusive GF running off the the ex-BF's house for the weekend, especially while not being candid about it (meaning if she did that, she wouldn't be my GF anymore). If it was an issue of him really needing her support or whatever, and IF they were REALLY only just friends - I would go with her. If that wasn't ok, that would send up HUGE red flags for me, and we would probably be done. I've had some experience with a serious GF wanting to go someplace very questionable (location of ex) without me (no big deal hun, I have to do this for [insert BS made up reason that has nothing to do with ex here], I love you, be back in a few days, [insert extra-lame excuses why I couldn't go with her here]). It really didn't pass the smell test considering where she was going and her excuses why I couldn't go, just like your BF's situation doesn't pass the smell test either, but like an idiot instead of either making her choose or just ending it, I loved her so I acquessed (meaning I said I'd be there when she got back from her week-long trip), all the while pretty much suspecting/knowing what was going on because there was a big part of me that trusted her or wanted to - and dam*it if I wasn't right, and I lost her forever. Call up your man, and have a serious talk. Do it now, before it is too late if it isn't already. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Just noticed the date on this thread, so my advice is a little late. What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cookie411 Posted March 31, 2005 Author Share Posted March 31, 2005 Well thank u all for your help.He ended up telling me that he loved me too much to go.But I don't know what that means for the future.But he says he could never do that to me.I hope he means that. Link to post Share on other sites
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