FocusStrider Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Some of you probably remembered my previous post with the bartender (that did not work out.... we ended up being friends, but I already moved on)... but now I have tried another women... all three of them did not work out.. I guess I need to give up for a while. First: There was a friend of mine (actually we went to college together), she got married and that was the reason she kept out of touch with me.. but when she got divorced, she decided to talk to me again. She admitted her feelings for me during our college times. I thought, "whooo! I just may have a chance.." but unfortunately she cited long distance as a reason why she does not want a relationship (in which I understood, but she knows me very well I'd be there for her, and we only lived like 3 hours apart..) Second: This woman was definitely a mistake. I shouldn't allow myself into this situation: On one of my friend's birthday party, I met that girl.. our attractiveness for each other was (and still is) STRONG. Later I found out that night (we made out, and nearly had sex, but I put a stop to it because I didn't feel right) she is dating someone for 4 FREAKING YEARS. I told her I'm willing to be her friend, and hid my attractiveness for her, but she can not stop being attracted to me. We hang out sometimes, but with her boyfriend around. While watching their conversation, I can CLEARLY can see awkwardness between them.. especially the girl. Not sure what influence I had on her, but I knew it wasn't good, so I stopped talking to her for sake of her relationship. Third: There was a woman I met at Petsmart, we hung out a few times through coffee and I am currently teaching her sign language because she wants to learn to communicate with me. She has everything I hoped for in a woman.... except her age. (she is nearly 20). Age doesn't bother me and I take things slow as I always do (by starting out as friends first), but the thing is... I am SO nervous and is thinking about asking her out, but for some reason I did not feel right. I am not sure what is bothering me lately.. (my last relationship was in 2010....and it took me nearly 3 years to finally get over it). I'd say I'm around 90% ready. But I really like her a lot. She's smart, funny, amazing and we had a lot in common. I ended up didn't ask her out due to the fact that I'm really nervous. (we still hang out though) Right now, I am sitting on this computer, thinking about giving up for a little while... I think that I might have lost the "aggressive approach" I usually had when I was very active in a dating life. Is that normal or is it just me? Any advice or tips would be helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Take a break until you completely understand what your hesitation is. Have to learn from all your experiences and take time to do that, keep a handle on yourself. You'll bounce back soon enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 but unfortunately she cited long distance as a reason why she does not want a relationship (in which I understood, but she knows me very well I'd be there for her, and we only lived like 3 hours apart..) Is that 3 hours by driving? That's not really long distance since the invention of the automobile. It is doable, but both of you would have to be on-board. Third: There was a woman I met at Petsmart, we hung out a few times through coffee and I am currently teaching her sign language because she wants to learn to communicate with me. She has everything I hoped for in a woman.... except her age. (she is nearly 20). Age doesn't bother me and I take things slow as I always do (by starting out as friends first), but the thing is... I am SO nervous and is thinking about asking her out, but for some reason I did not feel right. I am not sure what is bothering me lately.. (my last relationship was in 2010....and it took me nearly 3 years to finally get over it). I'd say I'm around 90% ready. But I really like her a lot. She's smart, funny, amazing and we had a lot in common. I ended up didn't ask her out due to the fact that I'm really nervous. (we still hang out though) The third girl is not one I would consider a failure or "did not work out" situation. You are allowing your nervousness from having it work out. From what you say, she seems to be interested in getting to know you. I suggest for you to stick with just that simple plan. Ask her out so both of you can get to know each other. Don't go in there with big plans and agendas. Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 Maybe consider not trying and just going with the flow for a while. The thing about being "aggressive" is that if your stars align and the right person, right time, right place is there, it will turn out amazingly. The combination of your aggressive approach with someone who is really into you is like the romantic/erotic equivalent of the atomic bomb. But, if your stars don't align just so, then an aggressive approach can wind up feeling humiliating and discouraging and deal major blows to your self-esteem when the 'failed' attempts start adding up. Because when you are trying really hard, things that don't work out feel like 'failures' more easily (even though they're not really failures, but logic be damned, emotions are some powerful voodoo). If the latter happens to you a few times over and you start feeling the wind get sucked from your sails, there's nothing wrong with cooling your jets for a time and just going with the flow, such as continuing to see this pet store lady without pressuring yourself to make it work or go further. Relationships that develop from a go with the flow approach don't have the wild and crazy takeoff, but if meant to be, they end up in the same place eventually, comfortable and sexy at the same time. Nothing wrong with that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FocusStrider Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I agreed with every response you posted... I think I need to cool my jet once in a while. It is much easier to go with the flow.. that's what I am doing with the young lady from Petsmart. (the third and current one) I showed up at her work to have a lunch and saw her (I didn't know she worked at that location...) and she was VERY excited to me despite the fact that I joked with her about her "not being happy to see me", etc. I got her a Christmas gift that I left in my car for a while (I was supposed to give her before Christmas, but for some reason I forgot) and she told me I don't have to do it.. because she hasn't gotten anything for me, I told her no need to. She LOVED the gifts. I'm meeting her on Sunday for a coffee. We always joke with each other.. at one point, when she said she forgot a little things, I joked with her by telling "wow, if you're forgetting about little things, you probably will forgot about me in a while.". Her response: "Just a little things, but you're a big deal." I'm surprised. I think I am going to let things flow with her and see where this goes. If it does not work out, I will definitely take a BIG break. On the other hand..... The second one did apologize to me for bringing her boyfriend along because she knew how I would react. I forgave her and became friends. Problem solved. In response to Frank2thepoint's post about long distance relationship with the first woman: I know. 3 hours is not that far.. she wanted to be in a relationship, and I did as well.. It was doable, but I ended up deciding to remain friends with her because it seemed at that time we couldn't agree on the long distance situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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