Why Women Love Marriage

[Cecelius]

They hooked up in '78 before he was super rich.

 

Frankly, its his own fault: she was married then.

 

Do not marry a man/woman who has cheated in their past.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by moimeme

That's just silly. Besides, who's saying he's not also busting his butt? Trust me on this; amount of effort has little to do with the amount of wage you earn.

 

Father and/or companion.

 

That's bunk. Women want equal partners.

 

So, apparently, it's okay for women to be 'pets'. Got news for you: nobody is supposed to have the upper hand. That's the meaning of equality. See 'equal' in there?

 

Nobody's identity should derive from a job. Jobs are a construct of a society that went the wrong way long ago - we started valuing money over humans. You don't need to buy into that idiocy. Your identity should come from your sense of self as a decent, honest, good human being. That's what counts in this world.

 

Sorry. Untrue. From Seahorses to Wolf Eels, there are plenty of examples of mommy being the 'provider' and daddy caring for the young. There are also matriarchal human societies where the women hold the roles of creator/provider/farmer.

 

IMHO, the epitome of masculinity is a man sufficiently secure in himself (as defined by his character rather than his job) that he's not threatened by a woman earning more than him.

 

See the thing is I know that it probably makes it more difficult for men. A lot of them have lost their traditional roles and bounce around like tennis balls, not really knowing WHAT their role is...and I think the result of this, and the women's lib movement, has been a bit of a rebound of men who don't know what their role is as men.

[d'Arthez]

Originally posted by blind_otter

See the thing is I know that it probably makes it more difficult for men. A lot of them have lost their traditional roles and bounce around like tennis balls, not really knowing WHAT their role is...and I think the result of this, and the women's lib movement, has been a bit of a rebound of men who don't know what their role is as men.

 

Oh, men are confused at times. But they need to grow a spine, and a sense of self-worth. Become an individual and develop your own preferences and desires. Don't try to sail on all winds. It will destroy your sails time and again. You can't be suitable for every possible woman that you could meet - accept that.

"Faking" of qualities won't do in the long run.

 

But the same is true for women of course, now that they are not solely trapped in the home and in the kitchen. "She" has to be succesful, a queen in the bedroom, always be sexy, confident, and did I mention the irritating chores at home?

[HokeyReligions]

So, um, is Howard Sosin still single now? He's got plenty left, and I don't need much!

[Guest2]

OH YEAH!!! Being married is what EVERY woman wants!! Believe me, it is soooo much fun for a woman to be married!! HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!

 

My fun filled day begins with picking his dirty socks and underwear up off the floor as I'm getting dressed to go to WORK. After fixing school lunches, wiping up the grape jelly and Cheerios off the table, making the bed, loading the dishwasher, feeding our various pets, and dropping of the children to school,I race to work with my makeup half on and try to remember whether I brushed my teeth or not.

 

Then I get to deal with my A-hole boss all day. Joy!

 

I am fairly reeling with delight and anticipation as I struggle through rush hour traffic while fielding phone calls from kids with their various gripes and ailments on my cell all the way home. Inevitably, I will have to run by the store for something or another, which makes me really hot as it's one my favorite things to do. Then I whirl into the driveway, sexily lug the groceries into the house, sling my purse on the couch and throw something - anything - in the oven for dinner while the kids immedaitely surround me asking for help with homework, can I drive them somewhere, the fish died so can they have an iguana, Michael is not my best friend anymore, they can't find their clarinet, the room mother needs me to make two dozen cupcakes for the class party tomorrow, etc. and so forth. I float into the kitchen on the wings of love and try to cheerfully solve each of their problems with a broom in one hand and a dustpan in the other. Wow. I am so excited right now I am shaking.

 

Around this time, my darling husband arrives and then the real romance starts. (Be still my heart!) I can tell by his face he's in a mood. He's had a bad day and needs to relax dammit , poor boo boo, so any attempts at conversation are out of the question. Instead he, grunts in my direction, opens the fridge, pops open a beer, and plops himself in the chair in front of the television set to wait for dinner. I love this so much! Every girl ought to have my life.

 

After dinner, Prince Charming burps, picks his teeth and falls asleep while I clean up the dishes, wipe up the stove, sort the laundry, go through the bills and the phone messages, help one of the kids make a paper mache teepee for history class, help the other one look up a science article for current events, make a list of what I need to do tomorrow, run to the grocery store again, and make sure the kids bathe and brush their teeth.

 

By 10 p.m., the kids are finally in bed (provided no one is sick), the dishes are done, salad greens washed for tomorrow night's dinner because all the magazines I only have time to read in the bathroom tell you you can save yourself LOADS of time by preparing dinner the night before as much as possible (whatever, but I keep trying). It is then that I finally FINALLY have some time to myself. I put on my old robe (sorry, I don't own a thong), crawl wearlily into bed with a book or prepare to watch a little t.v, an hour or so just for me. Whereupon, my husband will suddenly snort himself awake, yawn, scratch his stomach, come into the bedroom, disrobe and grin at me like he's showing me something really special I haven't seen 1,000,000 times before, and expect me to become immediately and wildly aroused, whip off my pajama pants and ride him like the stallion he is. Yeeeeeeee hawwww!!

 

OH YEAH!!! I love love LOVE love love being married. It's the best thing for any woman.

[RecordProducer]

I think women and men have different views on success. Thank god men think like d'Arthez that great talent equals great success, because I am a very talented composer of pop music (professionally engaged in it) yet not making any good money...so far!

So I am glad that you guys value talent. I've noticed that my boyfriends have been saying to me "Wow, you're so talented!" and I could say that would turn them on.

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by d'Arthez

But the same is true for women of course, now that they are not solely trapped in the home and in the kitchen. "She" has to be succesful, a queen in the bedroom, always be sexy, confident, and did I mention the irritating chores at home?

 

I have to say....my sisters are both stay at home moms, due to the very traditional household we grew up in...and they have REALLY let themselves go. They never do their hair, they never wear makeup, they never go shopping, they don't care what clothes they are wearing.

 

My mother worked our whole lives, growing up (I was glad when she went to work, she is sane when she works 60+ hours a week, the busier the better) and always told me that the worse you feel, the better you should look. The more depressed, the more blah, the more upset, the more out of control I feel, the better I look because I follow that rule, and it usually does help.

 

What do you do nowadays, though, how do we define ourselves in terms of gender and expectations of gender roles in relationships, and how does this affect the failure rate of not only marriages, but LTRs?

 

Should this be its own thread??

[Podna]

OK I disagree with the OP, but I do see the merit in Alpha’s and GM’s posts.

 

Momeme,

 

“That's just silly. Besides, who's saying he's not also busting his butt? Trust me on this; amount of effort has little to do with the amount of wage you earn. “

 

There is no question that the amount of work you exert has little to do with how much money you make, but he wasn’t talking about that moi. He was talking about how he felt and how he thinks most men feel. I think he is right about it. It would not be an affront to my personal manhood to be with a woman who made more money than I, but I do believe that most men would and do. Silly or not, if that is how people feel that is how they feel. I think your feeling of equality is just as silly.

 

“Father and/or companion”

 

And that means exactly what in this day and age? To be a father all I have to do is deposit my sperm into a woman’s vagina… To be a companion all I must do is be in someone company. Specificity is the key here, so please try some next time.

 

“That's bunk. Women want equal partners.”

 

Equal how? Would you like to have a penis?

 

“So, apparently, it's okay for women to be 'pets'. Got news for you: nobody is supposed to have the upper hand. That's the meaning of equality. See 'equal' in there?”

 

I agree that nobody should have the upper hand but someone almost always does. Equality is an illusion.

 

“Sorry. Untrue. From Seahorses to Wolf Eels, there are plenty of examples of mommy being the 'provider' and daddy caring for the young. There are also matriarchal human societies where the women hold the roles of creator/provider/farmer.”

 

Sorry. True. For every example of a MAMMAL that you can produce that doesn’t fit that paradigm, I can produce 100 counter examples. So like it or not, that’s the way it is, but of course, as you are so fond of pointing out, there are a few rare exceptions to every rule.

 

Please don’t misread anything I have said. Equality is a flawed concept and I think anyone who really looks at it can see it. I am NOT saying that one sex is superior to another. We are built and raised differently. We view the world through different lenses. It doesn’t make one view wrong and the other right; it just makes them different, ergo negating the possibility of equality. Just because you chose to ignore it won’t make that fact go away.

 

Legal equality can and should happen, but social equality isn’t going to be happening in the foreseeable future, and total equality isn't ever going to happen. You don’t have to accept it, but you really should recognize it.

 

Blind_Otter,

 

“What do you do nowadays, though, how do we define ourselves in terms of gender and expectations of gender roles in relationships, and how does this affect the failure rate of not only marriages, but LTRs?”

 

I don’t know, but it is definitely a problem today. I think perhaps the pendulum has swung too far in some instances.

 

“Should this be its own thread??”

 

Yes, I think so. And I think you would be just the person to start one!

[moimeme]

And that means exactly what in this day and age? To be a father all I have to do is deposit my sperm into a woman’s vagina… To be a companion all I must do is be in someone company. Specificity is the key here, so please try some next time.

 

I thought I'd made the point that it is one's character upon which one ought to base one's identity. You're either a terrific father or a lackadaisical one. You're either a true companion and partner or not. Why must you base your self-worth on what you do? Explain that to me.

 

Equal how? Would you like to have a penis?

 

Don't be deliberately obtuse. It's annoying. Equal in terms of equally respected. Equal contributors. Both make decisions together. Neither thinking the other is inferior or less than the other.

 

I agree that nobody should have the upper hand but someone almost always does. Equality is an illusion.

 

Oh really. Well maybe in your life.

[Podna]

Originally posted by moimeme

I thought I'd made the point that it is one's character upon which one ought to base one's identity. You're either a terrific father or a lackadaisical one. You're either a true companion and partner or not. Why must you base your self-worth on what you do? Explain that to me.

 

The problem just isn’t that simple. I don’t think men who feel this way hang their sense of self-worth or identity on their job or how much money they earn. Rather they hang their value on whether they are a good provider or not. This ties to their job because obviously what they do affects how much money they make thus how good of a provider they are.

 

Originally posted by moimeme

Don't be deliberately obtuse. It's annoying.

How do you know that I’m not just that dull-witted? J/K That’s very true and I apologize. In my defense, I too was trying to make a point, but I fear you may have missed it.

 

Originally posted by moimeme

Equal in terms of equally respected. Equal contributors. Both make decisions together. Neither thinking the other is inferior or less than the other.

I agree that that would be nice. I don’t think it happens that often though. Can you really say that EVERYTHING is equal in your home? One opinion counts just as much as the other’s on every single topic?

[moimeme]

Rather they hang their value on whether they are a good provider or not. This ties to their job because obviously what they do affects how much money they make thus how good of a provider they are.

 

We don't love you because you haul home the biggest brontosaurus. Oh, some of us do but I doubt it's the majority. We love you for the type of human you are. It is too bad so few of you believe that.

 

I agree that that would be nice. I don’t think it happens that often though. Can you really say that EVERYTHING is equal in your home? One opinion counts just as much as the other’s on every single topics

 

Not married now but then, yes. We were a team. Then again, he and I thought alike a lot. IMHO, relationships are much easier if you find someone with whom you're in tune about a lot of issues. Otherwise I agree there can be power struggles and people trying to get the upper hand. Unless they decide the relationship's more important than winning silly battles.

[fanou22]

Originally posted by HokeyReligions

So, um, is Howard Sosin still single now? He's got plenty left, and I don't need much!

 

 

 

I don't need much either. Do you mind sharing?

[Grinning Maniac]

Originally posted by moimeme

We don't love you because you haul home the biggest brontosaurus. Oh, some of us do but I doubt it's the majority. We love you for the type of human you are. It is too bad so few of you believe that.

 

Moi, I'm certain most men do believe that. I do anyway. But what I think you're missing is that, regardless of circumstance, being ABLE to provide for those you love is STILL a source of pride and accomplishment that I believe is just a part of being male. It's just there. The same as the "mother" instinct in women. I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to EVER raise children, but still, for some reason, the idea of being the type person who could provide the necessary things for a son/daughter, instills in me some strange feeling of...pride/machismo.

 

I can't even explain it. The idea of having kids makes me queasy, yet the idea of being Superman to some kid evokes that response. Even witnessing such things in other males causes me to feel...something. As I said, it's unexplainable, but it's there, in me at least. Am I alone on this?

 

Saying that it's completely irrelevant is ignoring the fact that it is part of our identity. Not something easily changed. In this mythical 100% equal society you dream of women can still be mothers...but I think men would be shortchanged as far as the feeling of fatherhood. Just a guess. Like I said...hell if I'm having kids.

[Podna]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

 

I can't even explain it. The idea of having kids makes me queasy, yet the idea of being Superman to some kid evokes that response. Even witnessing such things in other males causes me to feel...something. As I said, it's unexplainable, but it's there, in me at least. Am I alone on this?

 

No, you're not alone. You're one of the masses on this one.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Guest2

OH YEAH!!! Being married is what EVERY woman wants!! Believe me, it is soooo much fun for a woman to be married!! HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!

 

My fun filled day begins with picking his dirty socks and underwear up off the floor as I'm getting dressed to go to WORK. After fixing school lunches, wiping up the grape jelly and Cheerios off the table, making the bed, loading the dishwasher, feeding our various pets, and dropping of the children to school,I race to work with my makeup half on and try to remember whether I brushed my teeth or not.

 

Then I get to deal with my A-hole boss all day. Joy!

 

I am fairly reeling with delight and anticipation as I struggle through rush hour traffic while fielding phone calls from kids with their various gripes and ailments on my cell all the way home. Inevitably, I will have to run by the store for something or another, which makes me really hot as it's one my favorite things to do. Then I whirl into the driveway, sexily lug the groceries into the house, sling my purse on the couch and throw something - anything - in the oven for dinner while the kids immedaitely surround me asking for help with homework, can I drive them somewhere, the fish died so can they have an iguana, Michael is not my best friend anymore, they can't find their clarinet, the room mother needs me to make two dozen cupcakes for the class party tomorrow, etc. and so forth. I float into the kitchen on the wings of love and try to cheerfully solve each of their problems with a broom in one hand and a dustpan in the other. Wow. I am so excited right now I am shaking.

 

Around this time, my darling husband arrives and then the real romance starts. (Be still my heart!) I can tell by his face he's in a mood. He's had a bad day and needs to relax dammit , poor boo boo, so any attempts at conversation are out of the question. Instead he, grunts in my direction, opens the fridge, pops open a beer, and plops himself in the chair in front of the television set to wait for dinner. I love this so much! Every girl ought to have my life.

 

After dinner, Prince Charming burps, picks his teeth and falls asleep while I clean up the dishes, wipe up the stove, sort the laundry, go through the bills and the phone messages, help one of the kids make a paper mache teepee for history class, help the other one look up a science article for current events, make a list of what I need to do tomorrow, run to the grocery store again, and make sure the kids bathe and brush their teeth.

 

By 10 p.m., the kids are finally in bed (provided no one is sick), the dishes are done, salad greens washed for tomorrow night's dinner because all the magazines I only have time to read in the bathroom tell you you can save yourself LOADS of time by preparing dinner the night before as much as possible (whatever, but I keep trying). It is then that I finally FINALLY have some time to myself. I put on my old robe (sorry, I don't own a thong), crawl wearlily into bed with a book or prepare to watch a little t.v, an hour or so just for me. Whereupon, my husband will suddenly snort himself awake, yawn, scratch his stomach, come into the bedroom, disrobe and grin at me like he's showing me something really special I haven't seen 1,000,000 times before, and expect me to become immediately and wildly aroused, whip off my pajama pants and ride him like the stallion he is. Yeeeeeeee hawwww!!

 

OH YEAH!!! I love love LOVE love love being married. It's the best thing for any woman.

 

 

We all make the beds we lay in.

[Devildog]

Originally posted by Podna

“Sorry. Untrue. From Seahorses to Wolf Eels, there are plenty of examples of mommy being the 'provider' and daddy caring for the young. There are also matriarchal human societies where the women hold the roles of creator/provider/farmer.”

 

Sorry. True. For every example of a MAMMAL that you can produce that doesn’t fit that paradigm, I can produce 100 counter examples. So like it or not, that’s the way it is, but of course, as you are so fond of pointing out, there are a few rare exceptions to every rule.

 

Moi, did you miss this one? Didn't see a response to this. You didn't intentionally skip over this part did you?

[mental_traveller]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I don't need money for spending. I just admire successful men. Shoot me for that! One of the things that money can buy and that I enjoy is traveling with the man I love. I also like dining out and I like to have a cleaning lady in my house at least once a week. Clothes, jewelry, fancy cars or villas mean nothing to me.

 

Do you measure "success" by income, and if so, why? It sounds almost like you expect the guy to pay for all these "likes" of yours, instead of buying them with your own money.

[moimeme]

DD, I was killing off the generalization. I think men should stop allowing themselves to believe their worth comes from their monetary value and I think women should stop thinking they should be models. I think people would be a whole lot happier that way.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by moimeme

I think men should stop allowing themselves to believe their worth comes from their monetary value and I think women should stop thinking they should be models.

changing the sky's colour from blue to red would be easier than the above.

[moimeme]

Ever read Albert Ellis? I know he's a little beyond Psych 101 but you might want to give him a try.