He was once interested, what happened

[coltsfan8264]

I am writing because I am unsure of where to go with my current situation and was hoping some of you could voice your opinions...

 

So I met this wonderful man about three or four months ago and he was very into me (always texting me, always wanting to hang out, etc.). I was cautious because he had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship a few months before we met and I discussed with him that I didn't want to be a rebound. He assured me I was not and that the girl before me was, indeed a rebound. Soon I felt a little smothered by him...one week he said he was disappointed/upset that I was so busy that week and that we were taking many steps back towards developing a relationship. Keep in mind he told me he loves me one night when he was drunk, and I just sort of stared at him because I was speechless. I wasn't on this level yet. I told him that I was hesitant because I didn't know where I was going to go to medical school at and it could be very far away! He said the most logical thing would be to take a few steps back and then we could develop a relationship once I knew what I wanted...i.e. he felt like I was "halfway" into it and "halfway" not. This was before the holidays.

 

Over the next few days, I gave myself time to really think about what I wanted. And to be honest --not hearing from him and not having him around made me feel uneasy. I knew I wanted him in my life, so I reached out and wrote him a wonderfully long email (not too overwhelming). But just enough to establish that I was ready to be with him. Upon reading it, he texted me and said he had a lot of thinking to do and that it was a lot to sift through and that he was torn. Could it be that he thought I wouldn't make up my mind so soon? I was caught completely off-guard because I thought all would be fine upon making up my mind. I gave him space and didn't talk to him for about a week and a half, until he texted me --no mention of the email and no mention of his feelings, just small talk. So I went with it and the convo ended after a few texts, then a few days later I texted him and suggested we meet up to talk and he asked what was it for? He didn't think it was too smart to do so and wasn't sure where he wanted to go from here. I left it be.

 

Ironically, a few days before leaving for my school's christmas break, I ran into him at a friend's christmas apartment party. He admitted I came on much too strong with the email (even though I thought he came on much to strong early on, I made no mention of it) and that he felt overwhelmed. I admitted I shouldn't have written that email because I said I wanted to be with him much too soon before knowing where I was going to med school. He wanted me to know that he avoided seeing me because he thought he had to make a decision about the status of the relationship right then and there. He was all over me all night and even said his normal statements like "You are perfect for me" and "It wasn't in my plans to have this strong of feelings right now, I have a future". He even caught himself calling me "sweetiecakes" (what he called me before) and said "Oh man, now I'm back to calling you those names!!" He spent the night at my place (no sex or anything)but just wonderful conversation and really no mention of what we were. He said he would see me when I returned from our break (which is 4.5 weeks long).

 

So I left thinking all was great. I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I texted him a few days later only to be returned with one sided conversation....it was as if he didn't even wanna talk to me. So I stopped answering him and a week later, I texted him again and still no real interest in talking. I see he's been tagged in pictures on Twitter with a girl and recently has become friends with multiple different ones on Facebook, but has made no effort to talk to me. He's even uploaded a picture with another girl on his Instagram.

 

What is going on here? Is he really not interested in me anymore or am I overreacting and should really just be playing the waiting game? I do realize space and time helps a man decipher what he is feeling. I am in no way wanting to pressure him for a decision, but I would really like to know what he is thinking. Is this him taking his steps back and why wouldn't he reach out to me even just to see how I am doing?

 

I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter and if you think it's best to just move on or continue waiting. Part of me thinks he's scared of his own emotions towards me and wants the space to get a handle on those emotions before proceeding, but the other non-naiive part of me wonders what he is doing chatting with other girls. Could there be another interest there?

[todreaminblue]

There could be very well interest for another .....you just dont know....maybe he is just being friendly to others......

 

in lieu of what i wrote above I think and feel you should live your life to the fullest dont concentrate on him because he is certainly not concentrating on you

 

read something you have always wanted to read

 

do a course join a group...get passionate about anything but him

 

go somewhere you have always wanted to go

 

keep a journal

 

spend friday night watching a favourite movie with your friends and a big bucket of popcorn and make it a comedy you watch like a monty python movie...something inane a bit whimsical

 

visit your fave place often

 

spend time with people who when you contact them .....contact you back

cultivate new friendships wherever you go ....talk to people......

 

 

dont bother posting anything that you do on social media......it is your hidden delights.......you are doing it for you and personal growth not to populate your news feed on twitter instagram or facebook......

 

before long it wont matter he isnt contacting you for whatever reason he isnt...it just wont matter anymore...and when he does...you then decide if your life as it is now and in all your plans for tomorrows...is worth taking time away from, to spend with him and handle forever more petty ignorant behaviours...i wish you much luck.....and best wishes for all the memories you are about to create..deb

Edited January 2, 2015 by todreaminblue

[Danda]

You were right to be cautious and he was super pushy, and he was super pushy because he was rebounding. Your instincts were spot-on but unfortunately you fell for the bait when he started pulling back and threw your instincts out the window. In the future obey your gut, as it seems to be pretty accurate, which is a gift to be utilized.

[preraph]

It's too soon after his big breakup and he's still a bit of a yo-yo emotionally. His need is speaking to him loudly and driving him to impulsiveness. He may be extra vulnerable right now and just gaining control over his emotions so they're not running wild.

 

Anyway, you're both moving too fast for this situation. Please don't change your plans because of him. He still likes you, but he's pulled back to what should be a more normal pace. Follow suit. See what happens.

[Leigh 87]

I write off guys the first time they appear disinterested.

 

You are off to med school. You clearly have a lot going for you and you're a catch. Don't dignify men like this with so much as as response.

 

Very often, men can feel very attracted to you and also really enjoy talking to you but that's it. They don't necessarily miss you when you're not around. . A man can really really like being around you when it's convenient such as the manner in which yyou last caught up- inadvertently. ..

 

Aside from the fact he's recently single, he sounds like he likes you he is treating you like he doesn't like you enough to date properly.

 

It may just be due to his recent break up! He may realize that he threw away someone that he was really into because he just wasn't ready.

 

OR, the most likely outcome. .. I know a couple who were not ready for a relationship.One of them wwas still IN a relationship that she was trying to end and the guy recently ended a 2 year relationship. ...yet they randomly met and the chemistry and mutual interest in one another lead them straight into a relationship. They are still together and they are going to get married in the not too distant future.

 

Sometimes even Iif the timing isn't rright, two people cannot help but become smitten with one another.

[Absinthe]

As soon as you get the yo-yo going, if there feels like a shift of power (i.e. you're always the one initiating conversations), or if you generally feel like "buh?" then just drop it and move on.

 

People who move quickly will also drop you quickly. That was a hard lesson for me to learn, but your instincts were dead on.