Women only: What was the longest you went without any dating or sex?

[preraph]

I can and have gone for very long periods of time and always go however long it takes to meet a guy I'm attracted to, interested in, that seems to like me back. No matter how long the drought, not interested in doing it with some guy I'm not attracted to. I think a lot of women who seem to have to have a guy all the time, it's as much about being needy for companionship or support and less about sex, because let's face it, we can all take care of our sexual needs without anyone at all and without going cross-eyed or deaf for it, so there's no reason to lower your standards to get sex.

 

Of course young women need to make hay while the sun shines because as they age, age-appropriate men who should be their dating pool often defect to younger women and, certainly, are already taken. So as Janis Joplin once said, "Honey, get it while you can."

[Phoe]

Longest without sex was almost 3 years. Longest time between relationships was 6 years

 

ETA: Wasn't for any particular reason, just didn't have anyone interested at the time.

Edited January 2, 2015 by Phoe

[Ruby Slippers]

I once intentionally took a full year off from dating or sex, after a string of failed relationships, to try to figure out what I was doing wrong and choose better in the future. Then I spent the next 3 years dating off and on, and it took me that long to find a good relationship prospect again, as I had learned to be more selective in choosing a serious partner. That relationship ended 15 months ago. Since then I've dated some, but not found anyone for a serious relationship - hence, no sex, as casual entanglements have almost totally lost any appeal for me.

[FitChick]

Woman can't win. If they are sexually active they are sluts. If they are celibate there must be something wrong with them.

 

Older men are often impotent so some women, tired of celibacy, have to become cougars. But then that puts them back into the slut category, doesn't it?

 

Like I said, damned if we do and damned if we don't.

[Ruby Slippers]

The real issue here is kaylan's self-professed disillusionment with romance and fear of trusting in love, due to past hurts. I've learned that sometimes you have to go through those spells, but overall life is better when you keep your heart open, as much as you can. So it's a good idea to move through those cynical periods as expeditiously as you can.

 

Sure, I have times when I feel caught up in previous hurt, scared of similar pain in the future. But you can't get trapped in that cycle. We are meant to love and be loved, even when we experience pain in the process. Love tests you as much as it pleases you.

[gaius]

I think my mother went without sex for years when she was married, if that helps anything.

[CaliGypsy]

I think my mother went without sex for years when she was married, if that helps anything.

 

 

BTDT for longer than I care to think back on.

[insert_name]

Woman can't win. If they are sexually active they are sluts. If they are celibate there must be something wrong with them.

 

Older men are often impotent so some women, tired of celibacy, have to become cougars. But then that puts them back into the slut category, doesn't it?

 

Like I said, damned if we do and damned if we don't.

 

And women dont touch virgins with a barge pole because no other woman will have them and women take a dim.view of guys with a large number of sexual partners as they are a player etc.

 

In other words both sexes can pick at extreme ends of the spectrum and produce the same results. Its obvious and ridiculous as far as proving a point as it goes without saying and is the same for both sexes.

Edited January 3, 2015 by insert_name

[kaylan]

Woman can't win. If they are sexually active they are sluts. If they are celibate there must be something wrong with them.

 

Older men are often impotent so some women, tired of celibacy, have to become cougars. But then that puts them back into the slut category, doesn't it?

 

Like I said, damned if we do and damned if we don't.

Cant there be a happy medium between slut and prude ? =P

Longest without sex was almost 3 years. Longest time between relationships was 6 years

 

ETA: Wasn't for any particular reason, just didn't have anyone interested at the time.

Really? In Cali of all places you couldnt find a dude who wanted to date or at least shag you? Hmmm, and I feel like I remember you sharing a picture or two on here before...and if my memory serves me right, Id imagine men being interested in you.

[Phoe]

Really? In Cali of all places you couldnt find a dude who wanted to date or at least shag you? Hmmm, and I feel like I remember you sharing a picture or two on here before...and if my memory serves me right, Id imagine men being interested in you.

 

I don't do casual sex and I'm pretty sure men can tell, so they don't bother if that's all they want. Men trying to sleep with me and lurk around to get in my pants has never been a problem, luckily.

 

I've struggled my whole life to get dates. In 10 years I've been asked out by 10 men. Which does sound like good odds compared to the struggles many men have. So it averages out to 1 a year, but there were definitely years where it never happened at all, and there was even a year where I got asked out 3 times!! That was a shockingly good year, haha.

 

The 4 years in college and the 2 years after, I could not get a boyfriend to save my life. I did go on 3 dates in that 6 years, but all 3 decided to end it. Out of the 10 who asked me out, I accpted 7.

[stillafool]

The longest I've ever gone was about 9 months. I had gotten out of a 3 year relationship, was dating others but the man I really loved got engaged. Shortly after that my brother commited suicide and I went into a depression.

[Chris715]

I don't do casual sex and I'm pretty sure men can tell, so they don't bother if that's all they want. Men trying to sleep with me and lurk around to get in my pants has never been a problem, luckily.

 

I've struggled my whole life to get dates. In 10 years I've been asked out by 10 men. Which does sound like good odds compared to the struggles many men have. So it averages out to 1 a year, but there were definitely years where it never happened at all, and there was even a year where I got asked out 3 times!! That was a shockingly good year, haha.

 

The 4 years in college and the 2 years after, I could not get a boyfriend to save my life. I did go on 3 dates in that 6 years, but all 3 decided to end it. Out of the 10 who asked me out, I accpted 7.

 

Phoe I'm sure I've said this on the forums before but I honestly have NO idea how you don't get asked out by more guys. The only thing I can honestly think of is that since you're attractive you intimidate guys. Not because you mean to but because some men are just intimidated by pretty women, will assume they don't have a shot with them, assume that they must be taken, etc. That combined with your lack of flirting (correct me if I'm wrong and just made this up, but pretty sure I've seen you say before you're bad at flirting) probably makes most guys thing either A: you're taken or B: that you're not interested in them because you're too attractive for them. Again I realize you don't think any of this, just saying how guys might interpret a situation with you.

[kaylan]

I don't do casual sex and I'm pretty sure men can tell, so they don't bother if that's all they want. Men trying to sleep with me and lurk around to get in my pants has never been a problem, luckily.

 

I've struggled my whole life to get dates. In 10 years I've been asked out by 10 men. Which does sound like good odds compared to the struggles many men have. So it averages out to 1 a year, but there were definitely years where it never happened at all, and there was even a year where I got asked out 3 times!! That was a shockingly good year, haha.

 

The 4 years in college and the 2 years after, I could not get a boyfriend to save my life. I did go on 3 dates in that 6 years, but all 3 decided to end it. Out of the 10 who asked me out, I accpted 7.

Really...you? The girl in the pictures on your profile? No weight fluctuations either? Didnt you go nuts not dating or having sex that whole time?

 

Maybe theres a surplus of women in Cali. Im just surprised is all. Or maybe us guys dont do much approaching anymore. Or maybe youre mega shy or something and guys feel you wont talk to them? lol i dunno. Just surprised =P

[Phoe]

Really...you? The girl in the pictures on your profile? No weight fluctuations either?

 

Maybe theres a surplus of women in Cali. Im just surprised is all. Or maybe us guys dont do much approaching anymore. Or maybe youre mega shy or something and guys feel you wont talk to them? lol i dunno. Just surprised =P

 

Haha, no big conspiracy or something, just kinda the way it is. Although I WILL say, that there are beautiful girls everywhere around here! Stiff competition for sure!

 

So while I'm not a common example, I'm still an example of a normal girl who doesn't date often. It happens

[Nikki Sahagin]

Probably just under a year. A kiss might have snuck its way in there, but I don't personally count that as it was nothing.

[kaylan]

Haha, no big conspiracy or something, just kinda the way it is. Although I WILL say, that there are beautiful girls everywhere around here! Stiff competition for sure!

 

So while I'm not a common example, I'm still an example of a normal girl who doesn't date often. It happens

Not a bad place to be with such options...at least as a guy xD

 

Shame gas and housing are so damn expensive in Cali. At least compared to where I live in suburban NY.

[Absinthe]

I had a 12 month stint before I had a fling a few months ago to take care of business. I found it tough, I thought I was doing OK without sex but getting it again really evened me out.

 

Weirdly, my sex life is now drier than it ever was despite having a very active social life. When I was studying for my Masters, I was a hermit but I still had a couple of boyfriends along the way. I think the fact that I live in Asia, and struggle to really click with local guys (not for want of trying, trust me! All the ones I DO like are taken) is hindering me in this regard.

[spiderowl]

Years and years. Basically, didn't meet anyone I felt was intelligent enough, that I was attracted to physically (and vice versa), and who was not already attached. Just cannot cope with someone who treats me as if I'm not very bright, does all the talking and doesn't ask questions, or who is physically undesirable to me. Unlike men (it seems), I couldn't sleep with someone just because they looked nice, if they weren't able to have an interesting conversation too.

[ascendotum]

Woman can't win. If they are sexually active they are sluts. If they are celibate there must be something wrong with them.

 

Older men are often impotent so some women, tired of celibacy, have to become cougars. But then that puts them back into the slut category, doesn't it?

 

Like I said, damned if we do and damned if we don't.

 

FC, When women get older I don't think the slut stigma is really there that much anymore. Older guys with a healthy libido I'm sure would appreciate a lusty kinky thigh high stockings wearing older woman over one they have to go slow with wining & dining, who dresses conservative with baggy style clothes and who prefers cuddles to sex. They wont know if 20 of the last 30 dates you had ended up with sex. Word wont get around your social circles like it would have in your 20s. If cougars were jumping into bed on the first date and not expecting devotion with older dudes like they do with the younguns I'm sure the more older dudes would get fired up to date them. I don't think cougars get branded with the slut label that much, as the younger guys don't see them in the same context as a younger woman who would be evaluated for wife/mother. Maybe its more other women more who cough slut cough in their vicinity.

 

If an attractive woman had been single for a number of years + was not clocking up nsa encounters I'd wonder what her issue was. with online dating its possible for even many of her friends not to know if she was regularly doing hookups on the quiet.

 

Are older impotent guys just not asking out women anymore or are they asking you & your gfs out but are just not really up for much action?

[SomeDude16]

Im trying to get a better understanding of why an attractive woman might go a long time without dating or sex. This means no hookups, no kissing, no romantic first meet ups. I mean nothing. This means someone who only dealt with work, family, friends, and hobbies with no dating at all during this long period.

 

Please tell me your longest dry spell without dating or sex of any kind, and why it went so long.

 

Please women only. Guys can respond, but only in replying directly to the topic, and having the post be about women. Lets not have a discussion about male dating life or sex life please.

 

The purpose of this thread is for me to further understand a particular gal who was out of the game for years at a time. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Especially since she seems pretty normal and isnt at all disinterested in men or sex. Part of me wonders if such a long dry spell is even true in her case.

 

Have you tried asking her?

[hotpotato]

This time is 8 mos for me. I cant remember if ive done without sex or dating longer.

 

Sometimes I want a simple life. Sex and dating make things complicated. I dont need to have sex. Im fine on my own and enjoy my alone time.

 

I rarely get asked out by someone age appropriate, and most men dont catch my eye.

[RedRobin]

Im trying to get a better understanding of why an attractive woman might go a long time without dating or sex. This means no hookups, no kissing, no romantic first meet ups. I mean nothing. This means someone who only dealt with work, family, friends, and hobbies with no dating at all during this long period.

 

Please tell me your longest dry spell without dating or sex of any kind, and why it went so long.

 

Please women only. Guys can respond, but only in replying directly to the topic, and having the post be about women. Lets not have a discussion about male dating life or sex life please.

 

The purpose of this thread is for me to further understand a particular gal who was out of the game for years at a time. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. Especially since she seems pretty normal and isnt at all disinterested in men or sex. Part of me wonders if such a long dry spell is even true in her case.

 

After my divorce, I went without any dating or sex for about two years... My sex drive was as strong as ever... But I was deathly afraid of ending up with the wrong kind of man after the heartbreak of my marriage failing.

 

The man who would later become my fiancée was the first man I dated after my divorce... Then he died.

 

Since then, I have gone through very long periods without sex... A year or more.. But I rarely take time off from dating or trying to meet new people. The longest period I have gone without a date since my fiancées death is about three months... Except for the year I waited after he died... FYI, a date to me is just that... No sex, usually no kissing until later... I only date men I would consider having a relationship with. I don't date casually...

 

I dunno Kaylan. Not everyone who has options is into dating just for 'fun'. I only date with serious intentions, when I feel I can give my all to a budding romance, and do my best to find men who feel likewise... Maybe this woman you speak of is the same way.

[RedRobin]

FC, When women get older I don't think the slut stigma is really there that much anymore.

 

How would you know?

 

Older guys with a healthy libido I'm sure would appreciate a lusty kinky thigh high stockings wearing older woman over one they have to go slow with wining & dining,

 

There are plenty of lusty kinky people who don't have sex with strangers... It isn't mutually exclusive...

 

They wont know if 20 of the last 30 dates you had ended up with sex. Word wont get around your social circles like it would have in your 20s.

 

Yes, it does. If anything, older men are more hypocritical than younger men...is my observation.

 

If cougars were jumping into bed on the first date and not expecting devotion with older dudes like they do with the younguns I'm sure the more older dudes would get fired up to date them.

.

 

Older women know the score... If you have sex early with a stranger, you can't expect 'devotion'. Duh. Difference is the younger guy is hotter and has more stamina. Why waste her reputation on an old guy? The younger guy isn't going to share her social circle.

 

don't think cougars get branded with the slut label that much

any woman or man who makes a habit of casual sex is going to get that label.

 

as the younger guys don't see them in the same context as a younger woman who would be evaluated for wife/mother.

integrity isn't linked to age. If a guy calls a woman a slut after he had sex with her, then he is the one with the problem. Those kinds of guys exist at any age.

 

If an attractive woman had been single for a number of years + was not clocking up nsa encounters I'd wonder what her issue was. with online dating its possible for even many of her friends not to know if she was regularly doing hookups on the quiet.

Maybe she doesn't like men who have NSA sex who have been single a number of years without committing to anyone. I have rejected more than a few men with that history.

[Erised]

Without any dates? Many months.

Without sex? Much longer (like 10 months?)

 

In either case, it was by choice because I wasn't open to be in a relationship. It wouldn't matter who had come along, because I had things to work on myself.

 

I've never had a "dry spell" in the sense no one was interested in me, to this point in my life anyhow.

[No Limit]

No dates yet, no sex yet. So it's 18 1/2 years for me.

 

Not interested in a relationship at all. Guys don't seem to like sex around here though, last week in the club I had my arm around the neck of the guy who'd been hitting on me half of the night but he didn't make a move and finally chickened out. Perhaps he thought I was one of those sluts, perhaps he had a girlfriend and got cold feet, don't know, don't care.