Holiday romances

[DJJones]

Not sure if this is the right section but here it goes. Hoping to find a sympathetic ear.

 

I have been going to the same holiday spot for over 15 years, originally with parents now with mates (yeah I know boring). 10 years ago I met an older woman at the local bar and we hit it off and it developed into a pretty intense holiday romance. It happened again the next year and the year after and then after a few years break she has been back again for the last 3 years. It was only two weeks every year but they were moments memories are made of.

 

I got told this year that this would be the last time as her husband doesn’t want her holidaying with her friends anymore but wants her with him. It nearly floored me for a second or two as I had no idea but then I though “so what”. I know how bad that sounds but we are so compatible together it was just meant to be.

 

Now I know I never asked about her status and I know it was only a holiday thing but I feel like I’ve been kicked in the guts now that she has said no more. Apparently I was to be her last fling before being married after that first year but I had such an impression she kept coming back. But we said our goodbyes and as much as I didn’t want it to end I realized it was over.

 

I gave her my phone number years ago but she has never contacted me until yesterday. The text just said, “One should never say never”. I texted back asking what she meant and she said “I don’t think I can ever give you up”. I know the feeling, I certainly don’t want to give her up. Maybe subconsciously that’s why I stayed single all these years?

 

I know I should feel sorry for her husband but I really think I want her for myself. Would it really be so bad if I pursued this? Should I tell her that I want more than a holiday romance so that if she does want to leave her husband she can? Even though it’s the right thing to do I don’t think I can walk away, so how do I convince her that I am the right one for her?

[purplesorrow]

Not sure if this is the right section but here it goes. Hoping to find a sympathetic ear.

 

I have been going to the same holiday spot for over 15 years, originally with parents now with mates (yeah I know boring). 10 years ago I met an older woman at the local bar and we hit it off and it developed into a pretty intense holiday romance. It happened again the next year and the year after and then after a few years break she has been back again for the last 3 years. It was only two weeks every year but they were moments memories are made of.

 

I got told this year that this would be the last time as her husband doesn’t want her holidaying with her friends anymore but wants her with him. It nearly floored me for a second or two as I had no idea but then I though “so what”. I know how bad that sounds but we are so compatible together it was just meant to be.

 

Now I know I never asked about her status and I know it was only a holiday thing but I feel like I’ve been kicked in the guts now that she has said no more. Apparently I was to be her last fling before being married after that first year but I had such an impression she kept coming back. But we said our goodbyes and as much as I didn’t want it to end I realized it was over.

 

I gave her my phone number years ago but she has never contacted me until yesterday. The text just said, “One should never say never”. I texted back asking what she meant and she said “I don’t think I can ever give you up”. I know the feeling, I certainly don’t want to give her up. Maybe subconsciously that’s why I stayed single all these years?

 

I know I should feel sorry for her husband but I really think I want her for myself. Would it really be so bad if I pursued this? Should I tell her that I want more than a holiday romance so that if she does want to leave her husband she can? Even though it’s the right thing to do I don’t think I can walk away, so how do I convince her that I am the right one for her?

 

She doesn't need your permission to leave her husband. If she wanted to leave him, she would. If you do win her, will you be concerned when she goes on vacation?

[DJJones]

She doesn't need your permission to leave her husband. If she wanted to leave him, she would. If you do win her, will you be concerned when she goes on vacation?

 

I didn't mean it as in I would give her permission just that if she was worried about being alone that I would be there for her.

 

I guess our history would suggest that if she did holiday alone I should be worried but I don't think it would happen with us, we just have this real connection that has spanned many years and is unbreakable in spite of her marriage.

[purplesorrow]

I didn't mean it as in I would give her permission just that if she was worried about being alone that I would be there for her.

 

I guess our history would suggest that if she did holiday alone I should be worried but I don't think it would happen with us, we just have this real connection that has spanned many years and is unbreakable in spite of her marriage.

 

Anyone can be great two weeks a year. You should be first. If she loves you enough she should leave her marriage to make it happen. Right now, you're vacation. Everyone dreams of vacation after working all year. Good luck.

[Poppy47]

It sounds as though you provide a wonderful adventure on her holidays. Her text suggests she is keeping you set up for next year.

 

I am sure it's pure fantasy and escape for her. Please don't let it be anything more for yourself or you will get hurt.

 

That's what affairs are all about for the attached person... fantasy, escape from reality and filling in the gaps in their lives.

 

Poppy.

[GoldieLox]

Stop wasting your time and find someone who wants to be with you 365 days out of the year. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you're built into her vacation. If she was truly unhappy, she'd leave her marriage. People may be miserable in their marriages, but most of them stay because they aren't miserable enough to leave.

[jellybean89]

If she isn't married yet, tell her you want to date her. Tell her you want to give the relationship a shot. If she cares at all about you, she wouldn't ask you to be her 2 week a year sex buddy.

[kissy_krissi]

 

This happened to me and I was totally guilty of going through all these emotions. I like this skit though because it is relateable and it makes you realize that you aren't alone.

[DJJones]

It sounds as though you provide a wonderful adventure on her holidays. Her text suggests she is keeping you set up for next year.

 

I am sure it's pure fantasy and escape for her. Please don't let it be anything more for yourself or you will get hurt.

 

That's what affairs are all about for the attached person... fantasy, escape from reality and filling in the gaps in their lives.

 

Poppy.

 

Sure, but sometimes affairs develop into more. I think we have more, she certainly gives the impression she would like it more than just those 2 weeks a year. Ahh, maybe you're right, maybe I'm just in lust because it's only a week old again.

[DJJones]

If she isn't married yet, tell her you want to date her. Tell her you want to give the relationship a shot. If she cares at all about you, she wouldn't ask you to be her 2 week a year sex buddy.

 

She got married after the first year, she's been married 9 years now.

[Popsicle]

Maybe subconsciously that’s why I stayed single all these years?

 

Umm, no.

 

You stayed single because you never found anyone else, not because of her.

 

 

Would it really be so bad if I pursued this?

It would be bad because she's not going to leave her husband and you will be embarking on a world of hurt.

 

Not to mention, the age gap. You mentioned she was older. How much older?

 

Not to mention, the distance? I assume she lives far away?

 

Just find someone single near you and forget about this woman while you are still not so wrapped up.

[DJJones]

It would be bad because she's not going to leave her husband and you will be embarking on a world of hurt.

 

She may not, I just thought it would be worth letting her know that I would be more than up for more, a lot more, if she was interested.

 

If she's not then I would still love to continue our two week annual get together.

 

Not to mention, the age gap. You mentioned she was older. How much older?

 

I had just turned 18 when I met her the first time, she was 32. So a 14 year gap. But if you saw her you would understand, she could easily pass for early 20's now, back then I actually wasn't sure she was even my age.

 

Not to mention, the distance? I assume she lives far away?

 

I had no idea where she lived until this year, one of her friends let it slip. We are about 45 minutes drive from each other. She doesn't know that though but I was thinking of telling her in the hope we may extend our annual holiday meetings. It looks like most here disapprove though.

 

Just find someone single near you and forget about this woman while you are still not so wrapped up.

 

She's a hard woman to forget. I'm not sure I could walk away.

 

I'll be honest I'm not sure getting myself a girlfriend would be such a good idea. If she rang and wanted to meet I'd like to think I would say no because of my girlfriend but the truth is I don't think I could pass it up.

[Popsicle]

 

I'll be honest I'm not sure getting myself a girlfriend would be such a good idea. If she rang and wanted to meet I'd like to think I would say no because of my girlfriend but the truth is I don't think I could pass it up.

 

Then you're a fool. Listen I'm a single OW and even I wouldn't pass my boyfriend over to be with a MM.

 

Keep in mind that I'm not telling you to get just any old woman to be your GF. GET ONE YOU LIKE.

[whichwayisup]

She may not, I just thought it would be worth letting her know that I would be more than up for more, a lot more, if she was interested.

 

If she's not then I would still love to continue our two week annual get together.

 

 

 

I had just turned 18 when I met her the first time, she was 32. So a 14 year gap. But if you saw her you would understand, she could easily pass for early 20's now, back then I actually wasn't sure she was even my age.

 

 

 

I had no idea where she lived until this year, one of her friends let it slip. We are about 45 minutes drive from each other. She doesn't know that though but I was thinking of telling her in the hope we may extend our annual holiday meetings. It looks like most here disapprove though.

 

 

 

She's a hard woman to forget. I'm not sure I could walk away.

 

I'll be honest I'm not sure getting myself a girlfriend would be such a good idea. If she rang and wanted to meet I'd like to think I would say no because of my girlfriend but the truth is I don't think I could pass it up.

 

This is sad. You've put your whole life on hold for an older married woman who uses you as her boy toy.

 

In another bunch of years, you're gonna be very lonely and alone, all the meanwhile she's living life with her husband and (kids if she has any) while you sit there and wait for her to call you so you can drop everything and run to her.

 

This isn't love at all, it's obsessive and unhealthy.

 

Do any of your friends know? Family? If so, what do they think? Or have you kept it a secret from them all.

 

Bolded part: If you tell her you live 45 minutes away, she'll freak out and probably end it with you because it's too close for comfort and it'll be like her 'fantasy' life meeting reality life. The two don't mix and you'll be thrown to the curb.

 

What you share is a 2 week escape, a fantasy for her, a break from her real life. That is not love, nor is a relationship, not even a friendship!

 

This woman will never leave and divorce her husband to be with you so if that's what you're hoping for, you'll be waiting a very long time.

[FusionCutter]

She may not, I just thought it would be worth letting her know that I would be more than up for more, a lot more, if she was interested.

 

If she's not then I would still love to continue our two week annual get together.

 

 

 

I had just turned 18 when I met her the first time, she was 32. So a 14 year gap. But if you saw her you would understand, she could easily pass for early 20's now, back then I actually wasn't sure she was even my age.

 

 

 

I had no idea where she lived until this year, one of her friends let it slip. We are about 45 minutes drive from each other. She doesn't know that though but I was thinking of telling her in the hope we may extend our annual holiday meetings. It looks like most here disapprove though.

 

 

 

She's a hard woman to forget. I'm not sure I could walk away.

 

I'll be honest I'm not sure getting myself a girlfriend would be such a good idea. If she rang and wanted to meet I'd like to think I would say no because of my girlfriend but the truth is I don't think I could pass it up.

 

If you heard of a 32 year old man doing this to a 18 year old woman.. what would you think?

[DJJones]

Do any of your friends know? Family? If so, what do they think? Or have you kept it a secret from them all.

 

Of course my friends know, we all go on this holiday together. They tell me I should get a girlfriend during the year but once we go on the holiday they understand how I can't just stop.

 

Bolded part: If you tell her you live 45 minutes away, she'll freak out and probably end it with you because it's too close for comfort and it'll be like her 'fantasy' life meeting reality life. The two don't mix and you'll be thrown to the curb.

 

Or, after knowing I'm close will want to see more of me. I think it's worth the risk. You sound negative like some of my friends, surely if I think it's something I want I should see if I can get it?

 

This woman will never leave and divorce her husband to be with you so if that's what you're hoping for, you'll be waiting a very long time.

 

And you might be right, but there's no harm in asking. If she wants me she leaves and I get what I want, if she doesn't leave then you are right but at least I know. If I don't ask I don't know either way.

[LivingWaterPlease]

OP, I think you should tell her the truth of how you feel. If she feels the same then she should tell her husband the truth.

 

Truth is a big deal and all parties involved should know it.

[jellybean89]

But you keep forgetting, she has never ever said "hey, where do you live..let's keep this going". You are fantasizing about so ething that is not gonna happen.

 

Keep putting your life on hold. I guarantee she isn't doing that. She's out living her life, making memoirs with her hubby. One thing for sure, she is dishonest, a liar, unable to respect her wedding vows, deceitful and not a nice person. I feel bad for her hubby. She has very few morals and I hope karma hits her in the face one day soon.

 

Go ahead and text her and tell her you want a full fledged years long affair. She's had sex with you enough times and spent time with you to decide if that is what she wants, yet she still goes back to her spouse for the other 50 weeks a year.

 

Aren't you a little over dramatic with the "I can't walk away" stuff. You already walk away after 2 weeks. To continue pining for this woman makes me feel really sad for you. Wasting your life, year after year, for some holiday sex.

[candie13]

nice ego stroke. nice holiday sex. that's all there is to it.

 

it does not mean it's not strong or mind blowing, I am sure it is. It all depends what it is that you want from life. A woman married for almost 10 years who's cheating on her husband?

 

me thinks you are not used to work for female attention. She is easy, she is there, always available. Well, if you did put your heart into meeting other women and going out, you would eventually find that, there, with you. In front of you.

 

It's all a matter of how comfortable you are. And how you want to live your life - in reality or in a dream world. You are old enough to make the difference.

 

get a hold of yourself and of your life and move on.

[MissBee]

You can tell her how you feel and that you want a real chance and see what happens. She will either make it happen or provide excuses.

 

I mean this woman seems very immature. I'm in my twenties and cannot fathom sleeping with an 18 year old much less at 32, then sleeping with him while engaged as a last hoorah (this is the biggest sign of immaturity), then getting married anyway and then cheating on your vacations. Sorry to say, this doesn't sound like a magical connection but more like she is very emotionally immature and you came along at the right time to tickle her fancy. I know it is easy to just think it's a magical connection and she'd never do this to you, but the evidence seems to show that she is just self-centered and immature and probably easily bored and her crossing the line with an 18 year old kid (whom she could probably manipulate more easily) when she's grown should be concerning.

 

You also don't know her that well besides from your sexcapades on vacation. Her saying she can't give you up isn't really about "you", she can't give the sex vacation adventure up which shouldn't be confused with her wanting to divorce and be your gf or future wife. She didn't say anything about wanting you as a person or a relationship, just that she can't give up the once a year vacation sex. However, to be sure, just let her know you like her and want more and ask if that is possible and if she'd consider divorcing and listen to what she has to say about that.

[jbrent890]

So for the last 10 years this woman has been cheating on her husband. You really want someone like that in your life? I can almost guarantee you are not the only person she has cheated with. Honestly she sounds like someone thay never should have gotten married in the first place. She is not cut out for it. You need to hear this. You are nothing special to her. You are something she does when she is on vacation. I feel so bad for her husband.

[DJJones]

I just want to be clear so I dont look like a complete loser but when I said I have stayed single all these years I did not mean I haven't had other relationships. I have dated a number of people, some for quite a long time but I have made it very clear to them that we were not an item and we were not exclusive. It's not like I only had sex two weeks a year.

 

You can tell her how you feel and that you want a real chance and see what happens. She will either make it happen or provide excuses.

 

Well I have taken the chance and sent her a text outlining what I want. I'm hoping that I'll hear back and then we'll see where it leads. I just hope she doesn't freak out too much knowing that I am relatively close by like some suggested she might.

[DJJones]

Guess who I'm having dinner with tomorrow night?

 

I'm just going to lay all my cards on the table and see what happens.

 

She seemed pretty excited that I was close by so I'm hoping for a good outcome.

[DJJones]

Well it didn't work out as I had hoped but it certainly wasn't as bad as it could have been. We had our dinner and I think I'm going to enjoy our time going forward.

 

First thing I found out is the her "husband" is actually her WIFE !!!! They are both bisexual women but consider themselves married. They have an open relationship where they can see men but not other women. Although she is flattered and has feelings for me she has no intention of leaving her wife. She did say though that I have had an impact on her life to the point that I am the only man she sees.

 

Her wife knows about me and always has and she now wants me to meet her. She is glad that I am close and to use her words we can "now spend more time and have more adventures together". Have to say I'm happy about that.

 

So I guess when you weigh it all up although I didn't get what I wanted I am glad that I took the chance and asked the question.

[whichwayisup]

Well it didn't work out as I had hoped but it certainly wasn't as bad as it could have been. We had our dinner and I think I'm going to enjoy our time going forward.

 

First thing I found out is the her "husband" is actually her WIFE !!!! They are both bisexual women but consider themselves married. They have an open relationship where they can see men but not other women. Although she is flattered and has feelings for me she has no intention of leaving her wife. She did say though that I have had an impact on her life to the point that I am the only man she sees.

 

Her wife knows about me and always has and she now wants me to meet her. She is glad that I am close and to use her words we can "now spend more time and have more adventures together". Have to say I'm happy about that.

 

So I guess when you weigh it all up although I didn't get what I wanted I am glad that I took the chance and asked the question.

 

Then enjoy it for what it is and don't let your heart get into too deep. She is bi and married, she has an open marriage and never leaving her wife. Don't get your hopes up or think that you can try to woo her away.