Women love romantic men and their talents? Mine doesn't.

[Tameson]

Im a 25 year old male, and my girlfriend is the same age as me. We've been going out for two years now and I sometimes feel like she is not being very respectful towards me. I'm a professional pianist, and I have always thought that women would think it very romantic if a man would play them something on the piano for them.

 

However, everytime I sit and play her something, she just gets up and leaves. Most of the time she gets up and leaves to talk someone else, or other times she says she has to go to the bathroom and goes elsewhere when she is gone. All this happens when she is at my house also.

 

The way she acts makes me feel like she doesn't care about my talents. Music is a great part of my life, so is becoming a medical doctor as well, yet she just dismisses the fact that I have artistic talents, and that really makes me feel shallow since it tells me that she doesn't care about me.

 

I tried talking to her, and she admits to doing wrong but then she seems to have forgotten everything and just keeps acting ignorant with me. I still don't get it, don't women love a romantic guy? Could it be that I'm giving her too much of me?

 

Should I look elsewhere for a relationship, to find someone who does actually respect my talents?

 

Please help me out. Thanks

[LucreziaBorgia]

Could be any of these:

 

1. She doesn't like that type of music.

2. She has a negative association with it: ie - she is more interested in you being a doctor rather than a pianist

3. She doesn't realize its that important to you to play for her, or worse: doesn't care.

4. She realizes its important to you, but holds less importance for her: ie - she doesn't consider it as romantic in the same way you do

 

If you want to show her romance, ask her what she considers romantic and woo her that way. I know you want her to recognize your talents, and I'm sure she objectively does - but sometimes those things we hold highly important and take pride in ourselves are of little or no importance to someone else. Offering up romance in one form doesn't mean she's obligated to accept it or like it in that form. Maybe there are ways you can continue to play, but add in things to your romantic gestures that she will want to accept?

 

If you want to romance her you'll need to find ways that she likes it and not what you think she should like. If you find that her idea of romance is not something you can realistically or convincingly do - then you'll want to rethink your relationship if your idea of romance and hers cannot be reconciled or compromised on.

[moimeme]

Why bother continuing on with someone who has zero interest in something that's so dear to you? I'm sure you could find plenty of women who would admire your talents and enjoy being played to.

[Tameson]

Im sure I am extremely romantic, doing various things. In fact, for Christmas I made her a decorates jewelry box. I wrote on it "The most beautiful thing inside". When you flip up the door, there's a mirror. So she would see her reflection in it. Actually, she only said "Thanks" and didn't even get me anything for Christmas.

 

Nevertheless, is it just me whose expecting too much, or does she just not care about what I do for her? In other words, could it be that she takes my niceness for granted? If she doesn't' respect my talents, how can I feel love for her?

 

The music I play for her is both classical music, and contemporary songs like "Can you feel the love tonight", "When you love a women"....And she listens to them at home also, yet doesn't show any interest (but a lot of dis-intress, if that's a word) when I play it on the piano for her.

[Moose]

Come on, get over it. So what if she doesn't think your talents are something she should melt over. How does she treat you? Does she show her love for you? Are you planning on playing the piano for her every night and day? Do you want a woman who's gonna bug the piss out of you do sit at the bench all day and play?

 

What you're looking for is a groupie. There are plenty out there, many of which who'd love to move in and spend your money. Get over yourself. If you love your music and talent so much, continue to play for and with yourself. Not everyone is going to be impressed by you.

[Tameson]

Brother, its not wanting her to drool over my talents. I see you are a Mechanical Engineer. How would you like it if your wife, after you come home from a hard days work, tells you to get up your ass and do something.

 

Perhaps this example is better. Let's say you cook a great meal which took hours to prepare. And your spouse comes in and just starts eating, doesn't even say "Tastes great". Makes no reactions, just as if it was McDonalds.

 

 

Answering your question about love, I wouldn't say she shows her love for me. Sheis more available when she needs someone to hold.

[moimeme]

So, again, why do you want her?

[tokyo]

Originally posted by Tameson

Brother, its not wanting her to drool over my talents. I see you are a Mechanical Engineer. How would you like it if your wife, after you come home from a hard days work, tells you to get up your ass and do something.

 

Perhaps this example is better. Let's say you cook a great meal which took hours to prepare. And your spouse comes in and just starts eating, doesn't even say "Tastes great". Makes no reactions, just as if it was McDonalds.

 

 

Answering your question about love, I wouldn't say she shows her love for me. Sheis more available when she needs someone to hold.

Well, playing the piano is not the same as cooking for her, you play the piano because you like it and you didn't spend years of practicing to please her. If she doesn't like listening to your music it's not exactly her fault. Are you trying to please her when you play music or are you trying to please yourself? Maybe Moose is not totally wrong if he says you are looking for a groupie. Maybe she is sensing that you are waiting for her praises whenever you play. I can only say, I don't really like that kind of insecure behavior. Play if you want to play and please me with music, but do not play in order to except praise. Or maybe you imagine it like in the movies where the guy plays and the woman is fawning all over. Some people are not like this.

 

Maybe you could give more details when or what you play. Does she like going to concerts, but ignores your playing? In what mood is she usually when you play? Is she a romantic person?

 

That she's not really thankful for the present and does not even think of buying you anything for Christmas I find worse. But you have to check if she's not the kind of person who makes presents for Christmas or if she's showering everybody else with presents except you. If the latter is the case then you have a problem.

[Moose]

Brother, its not wanting her to drool over my talents.

Then why did you make it sound that way? What's more important? Her loving you for you, or loving your talents? You're contiplating breaking it off with her because your playing doesn't seem to impress her the way YOU expect it to. Come on, that's little egocentric don't you think?

I see you are a Mechanical Engineer. How would you like it if your wife, after you come home from a hard days work, tells you to get up your ass and do something.

First off, it's quite the opposite in my house. She fights to get me on the couch. I'm sittin' around today because I have techs out in the garage installing my heating and air, (finally!), and besides, my wife knows better than to tell me to do anything. We don't disrespect each other that way.

Perhaps this example is better. Let's say you cook a great meal which took hours to prepare. And your spouse comes in and just starts eating, doesn't even say "Tastes great". Makes no reactions, just as if it was McDonalds.

That's not a good example for me either. I cook 2 times a week for the whole family.

 

I understand where you're trying to come from. and based on this statement:

Sheis more available when she needs someone to hold.

sounds to me you two have different ideas on how to woo each other. You seem to think she should melt over your playing, when she's more content on just being held. The way you presented yourself as a pianist and that all women should go ga-ga over them is a little too self-centered IMO.

[moimeme]

I think that anyone who devotes his life to a career isn't asking too much to hope his partner at least cares a little about it. I don't agree at all with the rest of you. Things like music or medicine are avocations, not just jobs, and therefore part of a person's makeup. To pay no attention to that is to deny the importance of a part of the person.

 

If he was a file clerk or a plumber, it would be something different but music and medicine are not just jobs.

[Moose]

I've spent the majority of my life putting myself through college while working and ultimatly getting my bachelor's of science. You could call that a lifetime devotion to my career. But I don't get all bent out of shape when Mrs. Moose couldn't get off on a new design. I don't expect her to understand the importance of metallic properties, FEA testing, load ratios, heat transfer.....it's all greek to her.

 

Sure it's disappointing when I'm proud of a design and she looks at it for a split second and says, "uh huh, nice", then walks away. It's just not her bag of tea. And I've learned to accept that. It's not all about me and what I want. I think Tameson needs to realize that about his partner.

 

Be a Doctor, Pianist, Engineer or Astronaut, I think it's more important what you can do for others, rather than worrying about the respect you think you've earned.

[Donut]

Maybe she gets a little embarassed when you play the piano for her, not all women are overly gushy.

 

Not getting you anything for christmas though IMO wasn't nice. Why did that happen?

[moimeme]

Moose, Kooky - the girl doesn't treat him well. Why is it that you are so eager to see men stay in rotten relationships. If this was a woman posting, you'd all be telling her to ditch him.

[bdarlin]

The rest of the conversations aside, it may just be as simple as it makes her uncomfortable. I dated a musician in the past and my cousin is a musician and in both cases whenever they sing to me either romantically (ex-boyfriend) or to ask my opinion (cousin), it makes me very uncomfortable. I don't know why. I respect my cousin very much and I think he is a very talented musician and I am very interested in his passion for music...but I hate when he sings/plays for me. All I want to do is get out of the room as quickly as possible.

 

On the other hand, your other coments about the cooking and the gifts seems like maybe you do too much for her in the sense that she has come to just expect it from you and is taking it for granted. I would stop doing the little things that you do and see if she comes around. If she doesn't then maybe she doesn't care for you as much as you think and is in the relationship for the wrong reasons.

[Moose]

Originally posted by moimeme

Moose, Kooky - the girl doesn't treat him well. Why is it that you are so eager to see men stay in rotten relationships. If this was a woman posting, you'd all be telling her to ditch him.

Moi, I agree. From what I've read here, she seems to be a cold hearted wench. It would be a shame, though if he continued to let other women bother him this way. I never said he should stay with her either. I'm just offering my views, another priveleage of a community forum.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by moimeme

Moose, Kooky - the girl doesn't treat him well. Why is it that you are so eager to see men stay in rotten relationships. If this was a woman posting, you'd all be telling her to ditch him.

The kind of advice I give always depends on if I'm in a lovey-dovey mood with the intention of having peace and harmony on earth or if I just want to be a bitch and ditch the dolts.

[moimeme]

The kind of advice I give always depends on if I'm in a lovey-dovey mood with the intention of having peace and harmony on earth or if I just want to be a bitch and ditch the dolts.

 

LOL

 

Well I hope I'm not being a bitch. I just think people ought to treat people better than she's treating him. Maybe he's wanting too much 'respect' for his talents but zero interest plus all the other issues sounds like a bad deal to me.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

This clearly is a significant issue to you. First, it seems she has no interest in your playing for her and no appreciation for your talent. Second, she is rude and disrespectful to you. My suggestion is that you move on and seek a girlfriend who appreciates your talent and shows respect for you. Her attitude will only get worse in the future. Commonality of interests are the keys to a good relationship. The bottom line is that you playing the piano bores her. This is a major part of who you are. In short, find someone who you are more compaitible with or you will probably end up being very unhappy with her. I think you know this already. I wish you luck.

[very-confused-girl]

I would be a little put off if I could feel that my boyfriend is conciously or subconsiously EXPECTING me to be impressed by playing piano or other things. It would become very annoying in a while since I dont like people who demand attention in such a way.

 

I can personally recommend you one thing - if you start doing things for your own pleasure and not for a stage that somebody would be impressed, that would be the time where you can devote 100 percent of your mind-focus and energy into certain activity and then it would be the moment when people will start admire you, if this is what you want so much.

 

I met a guy, he won the World Championship in cross country skiing in the year 2003. Because he gave me the energy that he did not expect other people to be impressed by him and he was talking about his success in skiing like about if he went to a shop and buy himself a bread kind of thing, it actually raised my admiration for him, and for success he achieved in skiing as well. If he looked to much in tune with the skiing, I would probably not be that impressed.

[alphamale]

she is with you because of your future earning potential as a physician. not cause of you music.

[Rick5478]

Women usually only care about themselves and what makes them feel good in the moment. This forum is based on the fact that women are encapable of being faithful because in the moment, they'll screw any guy that shows them a little attention. If your girlfriend is turned off by your piano playing, she'll just get up and leave because in the moment it doesn't interest you. Welcome to the world of the female sex. The women will flame me and say it's a sterotype. Notice the pages and pages of messages relating to exactly what I'm talking about. That's just how women are. There's no point in trying to find somebody else. Their all the same.

[moimeme]

Oh Ricky boy. So delighted you dropped by to confirm an earlier poster's impression that LS is full of misogynists.

Women usually only care about themselves and what makes them feel good in the moment. This forum is based on the fact that women are encapable of being faithful because in the moment, they'll screw any guy that shows them a little attention.

 

No, actually, it's about infidelity. Big surprise - if you'll read the forum, you'll find hundreds of posts about cheating married men - many of the women on the forum are single other women having affairs. You will, if you continue reading, find several men who defend their infidelity by claiming it's a biological urge.

 

I suggest you get counselling. You are clearly bitter and cynical and overreacting to situations in your own life. And have a grand day.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by Rick5478

Women usually only care about themselves and what makes them feel good in the moment. This forum is based on the fact that women are encapable of being faithful because in the moment, they'll screw any guy that shows them a little attention. If your girlfriend is turned off by your piano playing, she'll just get up and leave because in the moment it doesn't interest you. Welcome to the world of the female sex. The women will flame me and say it's a sterotype. Notice the pages and pages of messages relating to exactly what I'm talking about. That's just how women are. There's no point in trying to find somebody else. Their all the same.

 

Rick, I just want to add that all women, like all men, are not the same. I was a very loyal W to my H. I put up w/ him going out almost every night w/ his friends drinking or playing sports for 13 years. It was putting a huge strain our M. I put a stop to the every night out drinking. Sometimes I feel he resented me for it b/c 6 months later he said he wanted a D and started an A w/ a co-worker. When my H married me he knew I wasn't into sports like he was, but we both loved eachother and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together to get married. I attended each sporting event he participated in, the one's I couldn't (golf for example, I can't go watch him play when he is playing on league or tournaments, but I did go watch when he played alone). I go watch baseball games w/ him if I don't have anything to do. If I didn't love him I wouldn't go b/c I am not a sports person, at all. Not all women cheat and treat their BF/H w/ disrespect.

Some women cheat, some men do.

 

Tameson, I have to agree, she doesn't seem to respect your talent and has no desire too. Have you talked to her about it? Have you told her how you feel? I don't see how this is going to get any better until you both talk about it. Maybe she has no idea this bothers you. If she has a crappy attitude about it or gets defensive I say find someone else who will appreciate your talents. I know there are plenty of women who would find your talent very romantic and would love you playing for them. GL

[bluetuesday]

Originally posted by Rick5478

Women usually only care about themselves and what makes them feel good in the moment. This forum is based on the fact that women are encapable of being faithful because in the moment, they'll screw any guy that shows them a little attention.

rick, i'd laugh at you but i think you're serious.

 

it shows a very narrow mind and a limited intellect to assume that any one group of people will all act in the same way given the same circumstances.

 

and LS is not based on the fact that women are incapable of being faithful. there are many smart, kind women who post here who would not dream of screwing each and every guy who shows them a little attention. grow up.

 

tameson - at face value a relationship with a woman who doesn't 'get' you and how important music is to you would appear to be a waste of time.

 

but there are other possibilities. what is the relationship like outside of this issue? are you usually attentive? is she usually responsive? is it just when you sit down to play she walks away?

 

perhaps she feels pressured into recognising your talent, as you put it. maybe she just doesn't think it's that big a deal but since you keep bringing it up and you keep trying to play for her she feels the weight of expectation that she must turn round and say how wonderful you are.

 

a relationship is not a competition. she may feel you're showing off. she may not find it romantic that you're unable to get past this.

 

many women would love to be played to. but not if the playing stood for something else. if it's a power battle - you trying to get her to admit how great you are and her refusing to rise to the bait - that's deeply unromantic.

 

you obviously think you're good, and getting paid for it shows you probably are. but you can't make someone like what you like. if you're arrogant about your abilities at all, it's a huge turn-off for some people.

 

you say you sit down and talk and she 'admits to doing wrong' which shows me that YOU enter the conversation thinking you're right. it's a guess, but if you think you're right and you keep trying to get her to admit it, perhaps your conversations are more to do with you getting her to admit it than they are listening to her to see what the problem really is.

 

if having your talents recognised is so important that you'd lose a two-year relationship (which must in other ways be good since it's lasted this long) in order to try a new one where you're more 'respected' for those talents, i suspect she knows it. and it may be you've placed her in the impossible position where she can't genuinely appreciate your playing because it now stands for something else - your desire to be right.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Rick5478

Women usually only care about themselves and what makes them feel good in the moment. This forum is based on the fact that women are encapable of being faithful because in the moment, they'll screw any guy that shows them a little attention.

 

Their all the same.

 

i agree that women do look out for themselves and their own feelings first

 

i disagree that women will screw any guy that shows them attention

 

i disagree that all women are the same.