Women love romantic men and their talents? Mine doesn't.

[gridiron]

Tameson, I wish I had your skill. How often do you play for her? Maybe it is so often that it is becoming routine? I would cut down the number of times you do, to build anticipation. Even if she begins asking her to play for you, reject her. Save up the times you play just for her and make those very special. Focus on presentation - maybe print out a formal invitation to a "concert dedicated to my beautiful wife _______", formal dress required. Play selections she likes, ending with an original piece written just for her. Greet her at the entrance of the room (concert hall) and seat her. Decorate the room a little with romantic touches, flowers, rose petals, etc. Then knock her away with your music.

[whichwayisup]

she is with you because of your future earning potential as a physician. not cause of you music.

 

Should actually be the other way around. I think that IS romantic and just a really nice thing to do. Shows love and care...Just a shame it's being wasted on someone who is wrapped up in themselves. I feel for ya Tameson. She is taking advantage of the relationship.

 

Stop playing for her, let her do her own thing, then see what happens. It sucks and it's not fair for you but why waste the energy if she's not going to appreciate the effort??!!!

[RecordProducer]

I am a composer and it's very important to me that my lover appreciates what I am doing. I have a studio at home and make songs completely on my own (I am a pro). My boyfriend wanted to have all my songs so I sent them to him. He says he has listened to them million times. Once I was joking that I will examine him and see if he knows my songs (the melodies) and he said "please examine me!". Indeed he knew the melodies of the choruses of all the songs. He tells me all the time how talented I am. He says I am the best singer alive and that I have a wonderful voice. He tells me that very often. He asked me to make a song just for him. He begs me to sing for him all the time and to record things for him just to hear my voice.

I come from a musical family, my dad and uncle are professional violinists. The piano is not so fun to the average person as pop songs are. But she is being rude to you. I think she is jealous of your talent and definitely doesn't appreciate the piano as an instrument. It's more of a sign of low class than lack of love, if you ask me.

I had a boyfriend who was very low class. He not only didn't express any desire to hear my songs (I was an amateur back then), but when his friends asked him how was that possible that he didn't care to hear my songs (they had my tape and loved my songs), he said "What's to hear? It's wa-wa-wa-wa!" (and showed movements with his hands like playing keyboards).

Some people are just not for us. You're a talented musician and a future doctor. What will she be? I am pretty sure her parents are non-educated and don't appreciate the fine things in life.

[invincible summer]

Originally posted by Tameson

 

 

However, everytime I sit and play her something, she just gets up and leaves. Most of the time she gets up and leaves to talk someone else, or other times she says she has to go to the bathroom and goes elsewhere when she is gone.

 

-How often do you play for her?Maybe she has ADD? Does she have a hard time sitting still for other things as well?Some people really do have a hard time just "sitting". It may not be as personal as your taking it. Observe her with other things -is she hyper?I'm not saying its not rude I'm just wondering if its a problem she has with everything . My mom and my brother can't sit still if their life depended on it.

 

I tried talking to her, and she admits to doing wrong but then she seems to have forgotten everything and just keeps acting ignorant with me. I still don't get it, don't women love a romantic guy?

Yes woman usually dd if they love the guy.

 

Could it be that I'm giving her too much of me?

Possibly, again how often and how long our these songs.

 

Should I look elsewhere for a relationship, to find someone who does actually respect my talents?

If its important to you I 'd say- sure, better now than down the road.But I'd see first if she has an attention deficit disorder- if you really love her.

 

Please help me out. Thanks

[Tameson]

To an extend, I agree with Moose in the fact that I should not think I am king just because I posses a talent. Certainly, others may have talents which I don't and it may not seem so intringuing to me. For example, I can't look at a Piacaso painting and start falling in love with it, However I don't just simply walk by it and say "Ah cool, anyone up for some McDonald's?"

 

It just hurts that the women I love doesn't even respect, in fact, acknowledge my talents. It's as if she is trying to say to me, "Who cares what you can do, let me just mold you into the person I want and nevermind your personal tastes and life".

 

Moimeme put it nicely too, why are men told to suck up the pain and just live with someone even if it brings them heartache.

 

Not getting any gifts or even cards does sound strange to me. If a woman really loves a man, won't she at least get him, or make him a card just to let them know they appreciate their man?

[Tameson]

RecordPlayer's relationship is what I'm talking about. He respects her talents and recognizes them. She puts in so much time and effort, and she would want someone to appreciate them.

 

Appreciation is the key. In my case, it is not only the playing that she "rejects". Whenever we talk, she never brings up music. I've given her many CD's of music, yet when I play them at my house, it shocks her that she never heard it before. Yet, I play the exact same things I give her, and she always says she listen to them. She does lie about that for sure.

 

I just don't know what to do. Should I just take it easy and give her all I got in hopes that one day she'll start appreciating? Or is she pretty much was she is today?

[Tameson]

RecordPlayer's relationship is what I'm talking about. He respects her talents and recognizes them. She puts in so much time and effort, and she would want someone to appreciate them.

 

Appreciation is the key. In my case, it is not only the playing that she "rejects". Whenever we talk, she never brings up music. I've given her many CD's of music, yet when I play them at my house, it shocks her that she never heard it before. Yet, I play the exact same things I give her, and she always says she listen to them. She does lie about that for sure.

 

I just don't know what to do. Should I just take it easy and give her all I got in hopes that one day she'll start appreciating? Or is she pretty much was she is today?

[Hawaii]

This is a misogynist forum, as proved by rick's comment. Woman bashing is allowed repeatedly by the same people. That was hate speech. It's not useful dialog. I'm disappointed that this is allowed.

 

Alternatively, you could restrict the giving of romantic advice by men to males who actually have a woman.

 

Speaking of which. Tameson, my friend, it sounds like you really have cause for hestitation. She's rejecting a very important part of you, and she's lying. She's giving you passive aggressive hostility in a way that she knows is hurtful. Normally playing music for a woman would be a romantic gesture and plenty of women would melt. It's possible she just hates that type of music, (classical?), but there's more going on or you two would have discussed that. This doesn't sound healthy to me.

[Mr Spock]

Don't listen to Rick. He's obviously decided to sink the pink in a man, and vice versa since he's done with women.

 

 

Without trying to demean your issues here, I do think you're almost whining. Not everyone is musically oriented. Telling you she's listened to the CD's you give her is out of sheer politeness. You can't force your love of a particular type of music, or even music, on someone else. Yes you're a professional pianist. And that's cool. But she may just not really like the piano.

 

Artists, especially musicians-talented ones-need to have their egos stroked. You may very well need to date someone who thinks your playing is just the absolute best, and hang on every note. But I imagine that even Chopin's wife started to fold laundry after a time.

 

 

If I were to come over to a PianoMan's house on a regular basis, let's say 4 times a week-that's 16 times a month-and out of those 16 times, he played for me 4 times, that would be too much for me to handle. Talk about captive audience. I could understand your frustration if you were in the midst of composing something original and wanted to test it out on someone you trusted, but if you're just playing a piece after a while (2 years) it would be like having the stereo on.

 

 

I think she's tired of competing with the Piano for your time. Again, if I were her I'd be pissed because I would come over to spend time with YOU, not listen to you play. You're reaching out to her through music-YOUR medium. Not hers. Constantly talking about music can even be a little obnoxious.

 

What are her interests?

[Hawaii]

Now, now. Plenty of people of both sexes are raising red flags about this lady.

 

It seems like a lot of people these days have issues with talents, gifts, and attention. It's normal to want positive attention for those things. It's not evil. It used to be customary and I'm not that old, I was born in the sixties. There's something going on with people these days. Not only can they be unresponsive to expressive talents, and beauty, they even don't respond to good cooking or simple favors done for them. People are not properly responsive to the talents and gifts of others. The world is the poorer for it. I stopped cooking for people. A lot of people are also responding strangely to compliments and admiration as well. So kids, take the time to give a compliment or acknowledgement to someone on a regular basis. If someone compliments you, receive it in good grace and thank them. We as humans, can't have a sane society without those things. Not only is it normal to want an appreciative audience for your gifts, gifts such as music don't reach their potential until they find that. Some things were meant to be shared and there's not a damn thing wrong with that.

 

In Tameson's case, more is going on. I don't know if you guys had just gotten together that Christmas and she hadn't thought of getting you a gift. If that wasn't the case, then something was seriously wrong. No one is urging you to suck it up here, we just don't want to be responsible for urging a decision on you when we only have a few paragraphs from you to go on. After all, there has to be a reason you guys have been together this long, and also that you haven't broken up with her so far. (Reasons we can't see.) The picture you paint does sound really bad however. I think you should have it out with her. Don't try to shape her behavior, just get all this on the table and ask her why she did each of these things. Ask her what she thinks of your music and don't rest until you get a real answer.

 

Then if you have to, tell her exactly how you feel about it all and being in a relationship where someone doesn't respect your talents. She might be thinking you are buffet she can pick and choose from but people aren't like that. Get it out. Everything will work out if you do that.

[moimeme]

Hawaii, this is not a misogynist FORUM. Rick may be a misogynist, but he hasn't even succeeded in maintaining a misogynst THREAD. Various viewpoints are allowed and, as you see, opinions like Rick's are fairly rapidly disagreed with by a lot of the members.

 

If anything, the Ricks and Alphas are amusing little reminders of what throwbacks some humans living today still are. It reminds us there's still work to do in civilizing humans.

[clynn]

QUOTE " If he was a file clerk or a plumber, it would be something different but music and medicine are not just jobs."

 

Okay, that is just freakin' offensive.

 

I don't think it really matters WHAT a person does, but if they take PRIDE in their work, they should do it as a service to their customer, audience, patient, whomever and in order to do a good job.

 

But we can't go around expecting our spouse to be our FANS and GROUPIES for our job, no matter what it is.

 

Sorry, I work in the arts, I respect and admire artists of all disciplines. But if your gf isn't responding the way you want her to to your playing. . . . . . . .well, I would just say that perhaps you need to find someone who is in the same line of work as you. Otherwise you will continue to encounter this problem. We can't be expected to put our partners on pedestals for work they choose to do because they love it.

 

Now someone may JUST be a FILE CLERK (read my sarcasm)! But if they do a good job, are efficient and organized and pleasant and take pride in their work, well...they might want to show off a new way of organizing files to someone. But unless you're on the inside it'll be as dreary as heck.

[clynn]

Originally posted by alphamale

she is with you because of your future earning potential as a physician. not cause of you music.

 

Pianists do pretty darn well actually.

[Mr Spock]

Well said Clynn.

[clynn]

Originally posted by bluetuesday

tameson - at face value a relationship with a woman who doesn't 'get' you and how important music is to you would appear to be a waste of time.

 

but there are other possibilities. what is the relationship like outside of this issue? are you usually attentive? is she usually responsive? is it just when you sit down to play she walks away?

 

perhaps she feels pressured into recognising your talent, as you put it. maybe she just doesn't think it's that big a deal but since you keep bringing it up and you keep trying to play for her she feels the weight of expectation that she must turn round and say how wonderful you are.

 

a relationship is not a competition. she may feel you're showing off. she may not find it romantic that you're unable to get past this.

 

many women would love to be played to. but not if the playing stood for something else. if it's a power battle - you trying to get her to admit how great you are and her refusing to rise to the bait - that's deeply unromantic.

 

you obviously think you're good, and getting paid for it shows you probably are. but you can't make someone like what you like. if you're arrogant about your abilities at all, it's a huge turn-off for some people.

 

you say you sit down and talk and she 'admits to doing wrong' which shows me that YOU enter the conversation thinking you're right. it's a guess, but if you think you're right and you keep trying to get her to admit it, perhaps your conversations are more to do with you getting her to admit it than they are listening to her to see what the problem really is.

 

if having your talents recognised is so important that you'd lose a two-year relationship (which must in other ways be good since it's lasted this long) in order to try a new one where you're more 'respected' for those talents, i suspect she knows it. and it may be you've placed her in the impossible position where she can't genuinely appreciate your playing because it now stands for something else - your desire to be right.

 

 

Wowww..........very articulate and insightful.

[clynn]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

I had a boyfriend who was very low class .............................................

Some people are just not for us. You're a talented musician and a future doctor. What will she be? I am pretty sure her parents are non-educated and don't appreciate the fine things in life.

 

 

 

Wow. I continue to be rather thrown by the blatantly offensive and elitist comments being made.

 

Okay, to say your boyfriend lacked class is one thing. But referring to uneducated people as low class? Wow.

[CurlyIam]

You have noticed she is not into music. Still, you persist into playing it to her. That's disrespectful. It's pushing it. It's being selfish, because you are doing it at your house, therefore making it a tad difficult for her to turn you down without sounding like a total b*tch. I love art, yet you can be sure I don't drag my bfs to art exibit shows, no matter how much I enjoy sharing that with them. And you can be sure I don't stuck up their nose my latest art album I've bought, no matter how fantastic I think it is.

 

Did she tell you at the beginning of your relationship she was into piano music? I occasionally listen to it, but after one hour of it, I either take a book and read or ... change the cd. Has she been honest with you with regard to her interest in this type of music?

 

About gifts: that has nothing to do with the your passion for piano, but with the relationship in itself. You are different.

 

And no offence, a little hand-made box with a mirror inside, although a nice gesture, can be seen by some women as... not a real gift. Some prefer teddy bears. Other jewlery. Maybe that's why she didn't give you anything for Christmas.

 

How long have you been dating prior to Christmas? That counts also.

 

 

 

In the end, my friend, if she doesn't make you feel as if she was appreciating you, why stick around? There is such a thing as incompatibility. And she obviously isn't making you happy. So to quoute Spock "stop whining" and move on. Either accept her and try to change your ways - implying NOT playing piano when you feel like it, etc - or ditch her.

[Mr Spock]

Actually, I have to agree.

 

You can be exposed to classical music your entire life, and still prefer to shake your ass to lil john and the eastside boys.

 

 

Does that make you less of a person? No.

 

 

You can have a Picasso on your wall and still think Bach is boring. It doesn't mean you are lesser because you don't create.

 

Until you're performing in Carnegie hall, and your song is being played on the radio in a country other than your own on a high rotation basis, stuff it about how others who don't appreciate your art are low class.

 

 

Personally, I don't tend to enjoy the Piano as an instrument of music. Take it, or leave it. Doesn't make me low class. It's not the instrument that makes me listen to classical music-it's not what I enjoy.

 

Now, give me a Bassoon and I'm happy. I'll sit with the wind section.

[CurlyIam]

In m opinion, lower class/upper class stuff i just crap. You don't have to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth to enjoy classical music or culture, generally speaking.

 

And I do have to disagree with Spock's statement that until you're a recongised artist you should be allowed to tourment the others into listeneing to you. IF you LOVE playin, you may suck at it, if you get pleasure in doing this, you shall continue ti play. The same goes for painting, singing, sculpting and the rest of them stuff!

 

 

My point id this one: if you like it it doesn't mean she likes it also. Try being some more opened towards what she likes! I think you're a tad selfish in demanding her to appreciate things YOU like! Ho about her favourite stuff?

 

So all of your posts were all about ME ME ME!! I'm afraid the only person you will be able to have a relationship is not with her, but with YOURSELF!

[Mr Spock]

Again Curly you misunderstand.

 

I'm not quite sure how you got that out of my post.

 

 

Until you're performing in Carnegie hall, and your song is being played on the radio in a country other than your own on a high rotation basis, stuff it about how others who don't appreciate your art are low class.

 

 

Is what I said which doesn't correlate with this

 

And I do have to disagree with Spock's statement that until you're a recongised artist you should be allowed to tourment the others into listeneing to you. IF you LOVE playin, you may suck at it, if you get pleasure in doing this, you shall continue ti play. The same goes for painting, singing, sculpting and the rest of them stuff

 

 

I'm completely confused.

 

Do you mean "torment" or "tour"?

 

The gist of my text is that until your Art is recognized on a national level don't think individuals are low class or lesser because they don't appreciate it.

 

Hell, don't think it at ALL. There are still people that don't get Pollack, doesn't make them uneducated boors.

[CurlyIam]

LOL, Spock, it wasn't adresse to you, my post. I was speaking on general terms.

 

By torment I meant "tourment", "pester"! Hihihi!

 

I get your drift.

[moimeme]

Okay, that is just freakin' offensive.

 

I don't think it really matters WHAT a person does, but if they take PRIDE in their work, they should do it as a service to their customer, audience, patient, whomever and in order to do a good job.

 

But we can't go around expecting our spouse to be our FANS and GROUPIES for our job, no matter what it is.

 

The point, Clynn, is that people who work in music and medicine have a lot more invested in what they're doing.

 

Now someone may JUST be a FILE CLERK (read my sarcasm)! But if they do a good job, are efficient and organized and pleasant and take pride in their work, well...they might want to show off a new way of organizing files to someone. But unless you're on the inside it'll be as dreary as heck.

 

Honey darling sweetiepie, at the moment, because I want to, I am working as just a file clerk. I do it fabulously. I take pride in doing any job well. However it does not require my heart or soul as does music or medicine. And guess what? I'm not so pathetic that I need someone to think that this unskilled job is something special to feed my fragile ego. It is not rocket science. Nobody lives or dies by what I do. Nobody will pay to watch or hear me do it. It is JUST A JOB.

 

It's really sick, IMHO, but very typical of certain cultures, to denigrate culture and artists. I'm sick of this snobbery that pretends it's anti-elitist. It's elitism of the herd, IMHO. Same bunch who are anti-intellectual. It's just sad.

 

So climb off your high horses. The guy is a musician - a talent few of us are lucky to have. It's part of his being in a way that filing and plumbing is just not going to be. It's a different sort of occupation, so to hope that his gf will care about this is not snobbish nor elitist nor anything else. The woman is inconsiderate, doesn't even give him gifts, and sounds selfish and if he wasn't a classical pianist, you'd all be telling him to dump the b!tch, but because you've decided he's a 'snob', you're attacking him.

[Mr Spock]

It's really sick, IMHO, but very typical of certain cultures, to denigrate culture and artists. I'm sick of this snobbery that pretends it's anti-elitist. It's elitism of the herd, IMHO. Same bunch who are anti-intellectual. It's just sad.

 

 

Ha ha!!! It's the anti-intellectual arguement....AGAIN!! So now we're discriminating against the gifted, are we? Simply because we feel differently?

 

 

 

The point, Clynn, is that people who work in music and medicine have a lot more invested in what they're doing.

 

I don't think a Dr of Medicine or a concert pianist has any more invested in what they're doing than a plumber who runs his own business and employs 4 or 5 people underneath him.

 

 

However it does not require my heart or soul as does music or medicine.

 

 

Medicine is a business. I've never met a group of professionals who care less about people than Doctors.

 

 

 

I don't think he's a snob. I just feel sorry for her having to pretend to like the Piano. I would feel uncomfortable and resentful that I was expected to sit there and listen to the soundtrack to the Lion king when I'd rather be doing something else. And then my boyfriend getting all up in my face about it. For TWO YEARS. And then him acting like I'm an ignorant b*tch because I have different interests than what he wants.

 

How the heck does he know what she listens to at home if she won't discuss music with him?

 

 

Arguing with people over something so relative, like musical taste, is dumb. Perhaps she never brings up music because you're a professional musician, and she's not? "I like this song" versus your in depth breakdown of the components.

 

 

I think you won't be happy in a relationship with someone who doesn't gush. What if you don't find anyone that does?

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Don't listen to Rick. He's obviously decided to sink the pink in a man, and vice versa since he's done with women.

 

 

Without trying to demean your issues here, I do think you're almost whining. Not everyone is musically oriented. Telling you she's listened to the CD's you give her is out of sheer politeness. You can't force your love of a particular type of music, or even music, on someone else. Yes you're a professional pianist. And that's cool. But she may just not really like the piano.

 

Artists, especially musicians-talented ones-need to have their egos stroked. You may very well need to date someone who thinks your playing is just the absolute best, and hang on every note. But I imagine that even Chopin's wife started to fold laundry after a time.

 

 

If I were to come over to a PianoMan's house on a regular basis, let's say 4 times a week-that's 16 times a month-and out of those 16 times, he played for me 4 times, that would be too much for me to handle. Talk about captive audience. I could understand your frustration if you were in the midst of composing something original and wanted to test it out on someone you trusted, but if you're just playing a piece after a while (2 years) it would be like having the stereo on.

 

 

I think she's tired of competing with the Piano for your time. Again, if I were her I'd be pissed because I would come over to spend time with YOU, not listen to you play. You're reaching out to her through music-YOUR medium. Not hers. Constantly talking about music can even be a little obnoxious.

 

What are her interests?

 

Spock nailed it. You're not loving this woman her way....whatever it is. And yet you want her to love you your way.

 

Give a read to The Five Love Languages by Chapman. It's not the last word on the subject of relationships but it'll get you started. Read it together. You two need to learn how to show your love for one another in a way that is allow you to each feel loved.

 

And for the love of Pete....if you know ANYONE who can offer a discount sex-change operation to Rick....please pass it along to him. He just sounds jealous now.

[CurlyIam]

IT's his prerogative to search such a person.

 

Personally I'm on his case for being such a selfish man and making his gf do things she obviously isn't interested in, like listening to him play piano, no matter how gifted he is or what he plays.

 

As for gifts.. there are 2 sides of every story and I feel he isn't giving us hers! Plus, they obviously have a communication problem. All of this dude's post were me, me, me! What about her? What about the way he responds to her needs? What about what she likes to do?

 

If he's feeling so down because of this and this aspect is that important to him, he should leave her. If not, he should just stop playing it in front of her and stop b*tching! IT's just a hobby like any other hobby! And it should not be imposed on those dear to us.