OLD Update

[JuneJulySeptember]

So, it took just over a month and about 50 messages, but I finally got my first OLD response. Even so, I'm pretty happy about it.

 

The woman is not something that really sparks me in any way, but you never know, she may turn out to be a cool woman and a good woman. Hopefully, we have a similar demeanor/constitution. That is most important.

 

Anyway, some observations:

 

1) If you do not fit in almost exactly what the woman has in her stats, you have almost no prayer.

 

2) It's true, you have a better chance if you message woman who have at least looked at your profile. I did that for most of the women who looked at my profile (not many) and one finally got back to me. The majority of women who looked at my profile are the women I would expect to look at my profile. Of the ones I messaged blind, about half never even looked at my profile.

 

3) It's actually a relatively small community. I live in a highly populated area, and especially when you are confined by things like race and preferred height, it really takes down the pool to a much smaller number than you would originally imagine. In fact, the one woman who got back to me lives really far away from me, like over 50 miles.

 

That is a distance, and I'm not even sure she won't flake on me. It's hard to imagine that anything compatible can develop from OLD for me with such amazingly small returns. I had also changed my profile and pics a couple of times. I had already started to kind just a token effort into it as the same faces keep popping up during the search engine.

 

My 2 cents.

Edited January 2, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[FitChick]

Fifty miles isn't far if you are both near a main highway. Fifty miles of rural roads, maybe. I've traveled thousands of miles and men have traveled thousands of miles to meet me. If you have a connection, it's worth at least trying.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Fifty miles isn't far if you are both near a main highway. Fifty miles of rural roads, maybe. I've traveled thousands of miles and men have traveled thousands of miles to meet me. If you have a connection, it's worth at least trying.

 

I have done it too!

 

What I'm trying to do is find somebody who is more compatible with me than the closest I've dated before. That was not good enough. Too much strife.

 

How is that possible when only 1 in 50 women message me back? Know what I mean?

 

I really, really do envy people who are attractive in this light. I mean, they have so many more chances to meet someone who is compatible with them, whether they want to take them or not.

[PegNosePete]

How is that possible when only 1 in 50 women message me back? Know what I mean?

If you're only getting a 2% response rate then there's certainly something wrong with your profile, photos or messages.

 

You got a reply from someone that doesn't spark you in any way? Why did you message her in the first place then? Maybe you need to become more selective in who you message. Quality > quantity.

[JuneJulySeptember]

If you're only getting a 2% response rate then there's certainly something wrong with your profile, photos or messages.

 

You got a reply from someone that doesn't spark you in any way? Why did you message her in the first place then? Maybe you need to become more selective in who you message. Quality > quantity.

 

Why would you think your experience mirrors mine? I'm not you.

 

And my profile is fine. I spent a lot of time on my profile, revised it a few times and put up some of the best pics I have. I messaged a couple of women with like almost no meat on their profile.

 

Also, there were women who were more attractive to me, but none of them messaged me back. Furthermore a lot of the women I might be more attracted to, I don't match their parameters. In some cases, it's not even close.

 

And if her looks don't really spark me, I might not even care. She might be fun and she might like to drink and sing and dance and we could be doing that together.

 

So, there is that. I don't understand why everybody thinks there is some universal way to play the game of dating. You could be dead in two years. You could get cancer or get hit by a frickin' bus, and then where will all of this "Hold out for the absolute best I can get" get you?

Edited January 6, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[PegNosePete]

And my profile is fine. I spent a lot of time on my profile, revised it a few times and put up some of the best pics I have.

I've heard that a million times on the POF profile reviews forums. And every single time, the guy's profile is pretty terrible. Not saying yours is (I haven't seen it) but if 99% of people think their profile is in the top 10%, then clearly 89% of them are wrong. The fact is, what people think makes a good profile, is very different than what actually works.

 

I don't understand why everybody thinks there is some universal way to play the game of dating.

Nobody has said that. But with online dating, they only have 3 things to go on. Your photos, your profile and your messages. If I am getting replies but you are not, then what could the reason be? The only difference between you and me are those 3 things so which do you think is the problem?

 

You could be dead in two years. You could get cancer or get hit by a frickin' bus, and then where will all of this "Hold out for the absolute best I can get" get you?

Who said to hold out for the absolute best? All I said was be selective. Putting a higher effort investment into closer matches has better results and is much less demoralizing than low investment, widespread carpet bombing.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Nobody has said that. But with online dating, they only have 3 things to go on. Your photos, your profile and your messages. If I am getting replies but you are not, then what could the reason be? The only difference between you and me are those 3 things so which do you think is the problem?

 

Gee, I don't know.

 

You're taller? Better looking? A race that is appealing to a wider range of women? I'm not just saying this to beat myself down. The pool of women who actually accepts my stats is quite small.

 

BTW, like I mentioned before, I have tweaked my profile already a number of times.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You done what you could do to your profile as many times as you could. There is no set method of going about as this is an ever changing dynamic.

 

As soon as you change something, then that change may not wind up appealing to who you contact.

 

Kind of reminds me of attempting to plug up a dyke with your finger in the leak....and then another leak pops uo...then another and another. ....you keep running back and forth like a nut trying to stop it....but the situation is perpetual.

 

 

Why would you think your experience mirrors mine? I'm not you.

 

And my profile is fine. I spent a lot of time on my profile, revised it a few times and put up some of the best pics I have. I messaged a couple of women with like almost no meat on their profile.

 

Also, there were women who were more attractive to me, but none of them messaged me back. Furthermore a lot of the women I might be more attracted to, I don't match their parameters. In some cases, it's not even close.

 

And if her looks don't really spark me, I might not even care. She might be fun and she might like to drink and sing and dance and we could be doing that together.

 

So, there is that. I don't understand why everybody thinks there is some universal way to play the game of dating. You could be dead in two years. You could get cancer or get hit by a frickin' bus, and then where will all of this "Hold out for the absolute best I can get" get you?

[PegNosePete]

The pool of women who actually accepts my stats is quite small.

How do you know? Have they told you that? That's the thing about not getting a reply. You don't know why they didn't reply because they didn't tell you. You're making assumptions and blaming factors beyond your control. A very common reaction, from those who simply don't "get" OLD.

 

BTW, like I mentioned before, I have tweaked my profile already a number of times.

I'm sure Eddie the Eagle also tweaked his style many times...!

[JuneJulySeptember]

How do you know? Have they told you that? That's the thing about not getting a reply. You don't know why they didn't reply because they didn't tell you. You're making assumptions and blaming factors beyond your control. A very common reaction, from those who simply don't "get" OLD.

 

What are you talking about?

 

I know because most women have set up parameters that literally screens me out.

 

I mean, the ones that I do message, I typically fall within, but they are also getting messages from men who are taller, better looking, etc.

[sillyanswer]

Anyway, some observations:

 

1) If you do not fit in almost exactly what the woman has in her stats, you have almost no prayer.

 

Yes. I'd go so far as to say that if a woman has listed preferences about what sort of person should write to her then this is because that's who she wants to hear from!

 

2) It's true, you have a better chance if you message woman who have at least looked at your profile.

 

At least that way you know you're writing to 'active' members. Depending on the site, there may be ways to search for people who are online now or who have been online recently, and other ways to search that give you profiles of dormant (useless) accounts.

 

3) It's actually a relatively small community. I live in a highly populated area, and especially when you are confined by things like race and preferred height, it really takes down the pool to a much smaller number than you would originally imagine.

 

A few times on okcupid I've completely exhausted the pool (I 'hide' profiles I don't want to see again). Waiting a few weeks brings in new faces.

 

In previous years I've seen lots of new signups around this time of year, too, so if you're still looking then hopefully you'll see some new profiles appearing.

Edited January 6, 2015 by sillyanswer
typo

[ascendotum]

Also, there were women who were more attractive to me, but none of them messaged me back. Furthermore a lot of the women I might be more attracted to, I don't match their parameters. In some cases, it's not even close.

 

This is what I found when I did OLD that accounted for me going on dates with women I was so so about. Many of women that I fancied I was excluded with her preferred attributes list or reading between the lines of her comments where you could tell what she wanted without her coming off as shallow. Also basically as well, not getting any response back from the others that I fancied and seemed to meet/match her requirements.

 

Around that time I looked at one of my neighbor's profile & his chat/msgs logs who was doing quite well on OLD. No winning combo there that's for sure. He was doing things that women have said were a turn off or lame, but he was a not a bad looking guy, muscular rugged tradesman. I couldn't believe the dirty talk he was getting away with. The women he got were not exactly classy/elegant but were not bad looking had sex appeal and weren't out to make him prove himself before jumping into bed. He seemed to have a new one every few months. I realized then how the pic trumps the profile or the opening msg (plus comments female friends had made on how they used OLD too).

 

If you have read up on the do's & dont's of how to write a decent OLD profile and you tweak things every now and then you are probably not sabotaging yourself that much. I've seen forum posts on profile critiques and one person says this is bad and instead write this, then another person says no that was fine, but this other bit is weak and to write this instead and then another person will say to do something else, and another will say its fine. I remember seeing an example of a OLD profile that some woman said was absolutely fantastic and I thought it pretentious and like it have been crafted by a madison ave team making good use of a thesaurus. (the guy also lead an exciting ife which helps). I benchmarked mine to an extant on women's OLD profile's I viewed, and tweaked it a bit as a result but it was not like I felt most of theirs were streets ahead of mine in composition.

 

The best thing for your profile is to have an exciting and well paid career, travel overseas lots, have active social life, and do sports and have interesting hobbies, and show you enjoy some culture..... and also have a nice mugshot so that's the lure that will make the woman want to click on and find out more. You can always experiment with another profile on a 2nd site. Really if you don't do well snagging women IRL, OLD is not some alternate world where you will be a hit. You are up against a lot of direct competition (many players) whereas if you met a girl at work or at a party or at a class you have much less direct completion and more time to try and shine 1 on 1. I'm sure you realize that though.

Edited January 7, 2015 by ascendotum