maja Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 My boyfriend doesn't really like to attend wedding unless they are very close friends, or family members. I don't know why, he says it's because he gets stuck sitting at a table with people he doesn't even know and it's not fun. I have my bosses wedding coming up and he doesn't want to attned, how do I get him to go?? He doesn't like my boss and since i'm going to be leaving that job soon, he thinks i should not go as well. Any advise?
agnf666 Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 I think I would mention to him how much this would mean to you that he went with you. Tell him you don't want to go solo at the wedding and you don't want to take anyone else. Tell him that you where invited to the wedding and that it would disappoint your boss if you didn't go. If he doesn't want to go then go and have a good time. Go with or without him.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 On top of the reasons he's giving, I think there may be more too it, as well. Considering your other posts about how he has told you that he has no intention of getting married to you for at least six more years, even when you are insistent otherwise - I think its more of going to a wedding with you that he doesn't want to do. He already refuses to even discuss getting married with you, and I expect he thinks that if he goes to a wedding with you, it will lead to you increasing your pressure for him to marry you or at the very least you will act sad, teary and wistful during this wedding for the wedding you want, but that he doesn't want to give you right now. You may not do any of these things, but that won't stop him from being afraid that you will, and he will want to avoid that. I wouldn't pressure him to go with you, if he doesn't want to considering the fact that its a sore spot for you two right now.
Author maja Posted March 26, 2005 Author Posted March 26, 2005 LucreziaBorgia, thanks for your reply, but i don't think that is the reason, only becasue he's been like this since I met him. I met him in the summer time so immidiately we were getting invites and back then he would say the same, so i don't think it's because he doesn't want to marry me for the next 6 years....I really don't know why, and i think their might be more to it than just sitting with strangers at the table. Who knows maybe he had a bad experience sometime in the past at a wedding reception. Like i said he goes to weddings only to close friends....for instance we are flying to another state next month for a wedding that he's in, but he just hates my boss and things it's not worth it. But i am going to go solo regardless, i just would prefer him to be there as well.....
agnf666 Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 I know that you prefer him to be there but It looks like he just doesn't really want to go. So, don't pressure him. Go and have a good time by yourself. The issue here is that he doesn't like your boss, so he doesn't want to be at the wedding. Just tell him you would have preferred him to go but since he won't tell him that's okay.
SoleMate Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 Regardless of any future marriage plans for you, or lack thereof, I don't recommend pressuring or coaxing him to attend a wedding for someone who means nothing to him, and apparently not a lot to you either. Your bf likes to confine his socializing to those whose company he enjoys. I consider that normal and reasonable. To attend the wedding of someone you dislike, and act happy for someone when you really don't care whether they live or die, puts you - or him - or anyone for whom this applies - in an awkward and foolish position. Once I allowed someone to coax me along to a wedding for someone I had only the slightest acquaintance with. Yes, I was "invited" on paper, but it didn't feel like a sincere invitation. The bride walked down the aisle and when she saw me sitting there, I swear she gave me this really nasty look. As in, "I had to invite you, but I can't believe you had the nerve to come." Never again. Now I only socialize with people who are true friends, and you know, it's much nicer. This is not to say that your bf shouldn't be open to meeting new people. He should! But only at events where he feels comfortable accepting hospitality. What's the problem with you going alone? You don't need your bf for backup or as some kind of social crutch, do you?
moimeme Posted March 26, 2005 Posted March 26, 2005 Your bf likes to confine his socializing to those whose company he enjoys. I consider that normal and reasonable. To attend the wedding of someone you dislike, and act happy for someone when you really don't care whether they live or die, puts you - or him - or anyone for whom this applies - in an awkward and foolish position. Oh lordy. People are frequently called to socialize with strangers and, if you have any sort of career, it's a skill you need. A reasonable person would agree to go and make the most of it. You can't decide beforehand that you'll hate everyone you meet - because it likely won't be true. I think if he's any sort of decent bf, he'd go and make an effort to enjoy himself. I've gone to all sorts of social events where I didn't know people and ended up having a great time. If this dude will go to work events or parties or other events where he has to socialize but just refuses the weddings, then it's something to do with your relationship, I suspect. OTOH, if he refuses all social situations that involve strangers, he may have some sort of social anxiety thing going on.
Author maja Posted March 27, 2005 Author Posted March 27, 2005 my boyfrined is found of meeting new people. We do that all the time as we have a huge social life and we meet lots of people through our occupations as well. I know for a fact that he doesn't have any social anxieties. I really don't know what this might be, i know this has nothing to do with money!! I only went to 1 wedding with him last year and he didn't want to go either, i had to preassure him to go, he went, but after a couple hours he was bored and wanted to leave. I don't get it, to me it's a lot of fun to dress up, and celebrate someone elses happines.....
Author maja Posted March 27, 2005 Author Posted March 27, 2005 SoulMate, I don't have a problem with going by myself, it's just that in the past before my boss got engaged, while chatting, i told her that my man is not found of weddings, so when she invited us, she said not to worry about it if we can't make it becasue she knows that he doesn't like to go to weddings. I just told her thanks and that we will be there. So now when i respond that he can't go, she will know that that is the reason ( i think) and i would fee bad. So that's why i really want him to go. Plus what excuse can i come up with. Traveling for buisness over the weekend? doesn't sound so good does it?
SadAndLonely Posted April 16, 2005 Posted April 16, 2005 Don't force him to go to something he doesn't want to go to. This is one of the few times I disagree with moimeme. I don't think attending every social function is the only way to build social skills, nor do I think that him not going makes him any less of a decent boyfriend. Bring a friend or go by yourself and have fun. The other issues should be dealth with separately.
westernxer Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Does he have to go to every single wedding you get invited to? I mean, weddings suck most of the time. Why would you want to drag him through this, considering the marriage may not last more than a couple of years? To make it worse, you have to dress up and act like a caged animal when you could be home watching the game over a couple of brews. Let him off the hook and go with a friend. He doesn't know the pair of jacks and doesn't want to. I wouldn't either.
moimeme Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 Oh fergawdsakes. It's a few hours out of your life. How hard is it to go and make the best of it? She's not asking him to die on the cross for her - just attend a social event with her. Weddings aren't much fun if you go solo. This is the sort of time when people who care about each other make little sacrifices for each other. Plus, it is a 'bid for attention' - she has asked for his company at something; he refuses. This is actually not good for a relationship.
SadAndLonely Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I used to have a really intense fear of death. I hated going to funerals, and would beg my mom not to make me go. We're all different, and while something may not seem that bad to you, that doesn't mean that it's not that bad to someone else. Besides, she doesn't have to go alone. She could go with a friend, or go with someone else who's going. Using the same argument that her boyfriend should go, meet new people, and have fun, maybe she should do that instead. I've gone to weddings by myself and had fun, but I'm a naturally outgoing person. Not everyone is, and if he truly doens't like her boss, why should he have to do it? I do agree, however, that the other issues should be addressed, but not that they should be tied to this wedding.
curiousnycgirl Posted April 17, 2005 Posted April 17, 2005 I agree 100% with Moimeme - it is called social obligation. Sometimes we just have to do things whether we want to or not. WTF is this with his not liking your boss? Does he like the fact that you have a job? Would he like to see your career progress? This is one of those business AND social obligations - you need to go, and he should go to support you. Bottom line - if he doesn't like weddings, for the all the reasons he said, then I agree with him. On the other hand why would he subject you to that, all by yourself?! If he cared he would go - just to make sure YOU weren't miserable!!!! Being an older single person - I totally HATE going to weddings and will NEVER go alone again. Until recently I always brought a gay friend, at least I knew I enjoyed his company. I have been seeing my b/f now for 11 months - and thank G-d he understands social obligation!!!! He just asks where, when and what should he wear. I am soooo lucky! You deserve that too - we all do. I have no idea what else is going on here, it is very rare that I disagree with LucreziaBorgia, but if it is truly as superficial as you said - than I say he needs to be there and if he won't, you need to rethink this whole thing.
Recommended Posts