goodgirlturnedbad Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I'm asking this question because I'm just curious. In my life I've met three men who wanted to cheat on their girlfriends with me. One of them only wanted sex, the other two said they had some feelings for me. I never agreed to be the other woman. Well, any ideas why guys do it? And why do they complain about their relationships but still stick around? Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I posted this to another thread: The answer is wide and varied. Some want an escape from their own marriage, if for a brief time. Many want excitement or to be desired. Others want more sex or varied sex. Some do it for the danger element of it. Several do it because they are looking for a new partner and hope they can secure one before leaving the old one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Generally, cheating is a means to facilitate personal gain, at the same time mitigating costs and/or consequences. That is the case with most deceptions in life, and life is rife with them every day. In the case of the men who hit on you, their gain was your attention, possibility of sexual pleasure, and the attendant good feelings they had from those actions disassociated from their everyday life with their girlfriends. In essence, each discrete moment is a separate, and potentially personally beneficial, component of life and they sought to maximize their personal benefit from that moment, much as they do in their interactions with their girlfriend(s). Here's some information about men: When they talk about 'feelings' with a woman they barely know, those are authentic feelings, just not the same kind of feelings you might be presuming they are. They're feelings of sexual attraction and desire, driven by the man's hormones. You're warm and soft and attractive and they like human contact in the sexual sense, something they'll never get from the closest of their male friends, presuming hetero. That's all. The most successful also are experts at reading women and knowing exactly the right words to say in exactly the right order with just the right physical actions to make her believe he has 'feelings' in the way she wants him to have feelings. Then the moment passes and he does the same dance with his girlfriend or wife, acknowledging his greater investment in those dynamics and adjusting his behavior to that milieu. I remember my first experience with this dynamic, getting to know a young lady and, at the point the dates became physical, being told she was married. Yep, indeed she was, with a child too. How do people do that, especially over and over? I really don't know but it appears that practice is helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Some people in this world are just complete loosers. Who knows how they turned out that way. I am the BS and I had many opportunities to step out while I was married. to my xW. I just could not bring myself to do it. Some people do not have a problem being selfish. I guess I just was not raised that way. Good luck finding your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I think when it comes to cheating, the phrase "Equal rights for women" is fully implemented. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Maybe you should ask why people cheat. It would be interesting to see how women answer as opposed to men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I'm asking this question because I'm just curious. In my life I've met three men who wanted to cheat on their girlfriends with me. One of them only wanted sex, the other two said they had some feelings for me. I never agreed to be the other woman. Well, any ideas why guys do it? And why do they complain about their relationships but still stick around? Probably for the same reason why women cheat. And if you figure that out, let me know! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Can't give you the motives of all men but the two who did try to get me to be their OW. Guy #1, early 20s, married with 2 young children. Left the military for the job at the company and regrets it deeply. I suspected he was hiding something because he wouldn't tell much of himself and kept talking in a sheepish 'just friendship' kind of way (he was very eager to go swimming with me since that was my main occupation back then; ha, right, at least I wouldn't wear a lot of clothes from the start). Too bad my mom works in the same company and has access to the files of all employees. Bye bye. Guy #2 is 19 and has been with his GF for 3 years. Their relationship started when his GF cheated with him on her old BF, and if he can be believed it has been a sexless relationship for 2 years now, there's a lot of arguing and they also meet only on Thursday and every 2nd weekend. Checked out her Facebook and I'm pretty sure she's cheating on him and is just waiting for a good exit guy like the last time. The guy is the whole insecure teenager cliche impersonated - he set himself up for a career he hates (economy), has no hobbies to speak of, no goals, nothing. Told me pretty early about suicidal thoughts too. He isn't hideous but his 'wild' long hair and the way he clothes (old black shirts, old jeans, nothing fancy) aren't flattering his face or body. A real shame, because his mind is pretty attractive (although obviously not his morals). Sorry, no. Tl;dr Guy #1 married young and probably grew restless when his buddies keep talking about their ONSs + frustrating job. Guy #2 maybe in a terrible relationship (could be an attempt to coax me into pity sex), has no future goals at all. Your storybook social outcast. Two offers to be the OW, and I haven't even had sex yet. Both times by people who I would consider 'damaged goods'. Yeah, I guess should I get cheated on in the future there's not going to be a chance for reconciliation at all. Link to post Share on other sites
findingstrength Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 There is a void somewhere that the person feels will be filled by cheating. Could be physical, could be emotional, could relate to feeling the need for power etc... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 First let me start by saying that for every man cheater there is usually a woman on the receiving end of the penis, many times married or in a relationship herself. Cheaters cheat because of opportunity, poor boundaries , putting themselves constantly in situations where it can happen , and lack of will power. Every person that can see will find someone outside their relationship attractive at some point. But just like some people can't resist food, others can't resist sex. The person that can give you anything but opinions and predict who will cheat will become very rich 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodgirlturnedbad Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) Several do it because they are looking for a new partner and hope they can secure one before leaving the old one. I think the other women typically wish this were the reason, but from what I've observed this is hardly the case... guys will always complain about their girlfriends or wives, but end up sticking around with them. In my case, I actually had a huge crush on one of those cheater guys. We didn't date, only met casually at parties organised by our common friends; one night, we ended up in bed but I didn't want to have sex, I'd have felt guilty for it. I'm not into this guy anymore but I was surprised by what happened next. While I believed there would no more contact, he started being immensely active on my social media, liking and adding lots of comments to anything I posted, and he still seeks my company when we meet in the group of our friends. Just wondering if he only wants to show that "we're now friends again" or if it means more. Edited January 4, 2015 by goodgirlturnedbad Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodgirlturnedbad Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 The funny thing is that my friends started noticing his activity and asking me if I'm not annoyed by this... Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) Never have cheated, but my wife has. So I do not really know why either cheats, because she still denies it. (but she did) So if you find out why women cheat, let me know. Edited January 4, 2015 by harrybrown edit Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 If it's anything close to the reasons women cheat, then there are plenty of men out there who just don't care at all. I've known a lot of women who cheated and to them, each guy was like...a different flavor lollipop and after a taste or two, they'd decide this one's not good, I'll try another. And kept their hubby around for financial security because their salaries were a close match and they had a lifestyle she liked and wanted to keep. They slept with guys who, other than sex, were not as good as their husband financially, not great with kids, didn't like her dog as much as hubby does. Whatever! It always astounded me how they had absolutely no sympathy for their husband and yet, he'd be the nicest guy ever who was not cheating on them and if/when he found out, would be completely devastated. I'd like to know...how a lot of cheaters can be so cold? Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Why do some children steal cookies from the cookie jar when their parents aren't looking ? Because they love cookies and even though they know they are not allowed to take them they think they are entitled to them and can get away with it. The exact same concept applies for Adults and sex. It really is that simple. People like to over complicate things but that is what it boils down to. It goes hand in hand with a person having an over inflated sense of self entitlement and a willingness to put their own needs before others. Basic personality traits which are fairly set for a person once they leave childhood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cupidious Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 For me there is 6 major reasons why men cheat: 1. He is not happy with his relationships 2. Men are hunters in their gene 3. He Doesn't trust himself so he need to prove himself 4. His environment pushed him to do so 5. He want better/more/different sex experience 6. He saw his dad doing it so he is simply reproducing what he saw at home Learn more on my blog 6 reasons why do men cheat and how not to be cheated Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I hate topics like this. It shouldn't be "why do men cheat" but "why do people cheat". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 There are two types of women to men. The old and the new. There are two types of men to women. The weak and the strong. I am really simplifying here...but generally, men sexually favour "new" women (the urge to spread their seed) and women sexually favour strong men (the urge to have strong offspring) Thus almost all straight men have a biological urge to bang new women. Female cheating is often (but not always) motivated by a desire to sleep with a more dominant man Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) There are two types of women to men. The old and the new. There are two types of men to women. The weak and the strong. I am really simplifying here...but generally, men sexually favour "new" women (the urge to spread their seed) and women sexually favour strong men (the urge to have strong offspring) Thus almost all straight men have a biological urge to bang new women. Female cheating is often (but not always) motivated by a desire to sleep with a more dominant man I 100% agree regarding females picking mates. IE: They are innately attracted to strong, assertive males - that is correct. Men conversely tend to be more attracted to physical appearances rather then personality when it comes to picking mates. But the idea that only men want to spread their seed .... it is a complete cultural myth. You are dead set kidding yourself if you honestly believe that BS. If you do reading on human biology and sexual reproduction - or just talk to some women who are prepared to open up to a man - you would know they have same urge to mate with more then one man and "spread their eggs". Diversity of the species is a genetic advantage and it affects both sexes equally. I mean where do you think the stories about the wife and the next door neighbor or the milkman come from. Women "want some strange" just as much as men do. Women will leave a man for a more dominant one .... women will **** another man because they are horny. The perception only men have this urge is purely down to cultural beliefs and what is socially acceptable. We brain wash women (and men) from a very young age regarding sex. They are taught from childhood that female sexuality is sacred. That female virginity is some precious gift. Women who give easy sex are devalued and shamed as sluts. They are taught to crave commitment and marriage from men from early childhood. The reasons for this are old and outdated .... basically it was because the dominant sex - men - wanted to control female sexuality to be assured children they had belonged to them. But you can see now in modern society when women have been granted basically the same sexual freedoms as men - that we are basically exactly the same. Even with all the brain washing they do .... women are cheating and having multiple sexual partners as much as men. If you don't believe me go on tinder Edited January 9, 2015 by Justanaverageguy Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 People (some) cheat because they are addicted or become addicted to the thrill of the pursuit or being pursued. It makes them feel "alive". This happens mostly to those who are against cheating, never cheated before, or never thought it would ever happen to them. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 cheating is definitely an addiction.... i would counter though to ask "why do women cheat" but would answer to the same and only make the point that gender is irrelevant even when in my own circles i know more women whom have strayed. Link to post Share on other sites
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