kolleamm Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Recently I've started getting more dates off OLD. We meet up and everything is great however...I just don't really feel that physical connection. In other words I kind of have to take a step back and wonder if this person is really worth it. I've had relationships before where I would instantly know I would want to be with them, but with the recent people I've been meeting so far I still have that "let's keeping playing the market" voice in my head. Anyone else have this? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Its a bit like buying a house - you have to feel that its somewhere you'd be happy to live. Onwards and upwards 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Then I guess that's a bad neighborhood. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Its a bit like buying a house - you have to feel that its somewhere you'd be happy to live. Onwards and upwards Yupp! To the OP: that's how most of dating is, for me anyway. I expect as the norm that I'll probably go out with a lot of people but only a couple, literally, might be folks I feel something more for and want to get to know and possibly be with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yupp! To the OP: that's how most of dating is, for me anyway. I expect as the norm that I'll probably go out with a lot of people but only a couple, literally, might be folks I feel something more for and want to get to know and possibly be with. You are on OLD, if you want a connection and sparks and unicorns pissing glitter that you can ride off into the sunset on then you might want to think about looking for that needle in a different haystack. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 If I remember right I thought you were disillusioned with OLD last year. I wonder if its a case of you dropping your standards over time to get some results and it works but when you actually meet the woman you realize that while it was good to get the reply and the date, now at the final step, the attraction is just not there. This happen to me and some of my friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My reply is aimed at the OP btw. Couldnt edit and change the quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 If I remember right I thought you were disillusioned with OLD last year. I wonder if its a case of you dropping your standards over time to get some results and it works but when you actually meet the woman you realize that while it was good to get the reply and the date, now at the final step, the attraction is just not there. This happen to me and some of my friends. I think you pretty much summed it up, and I'm pretty sure your right too. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Recently I've started getting more dates off OLD. We meet up and everything is great however...I just don't really feel that physical connection. In other words I kind of have to take a step back and wonder if this person is really worth it. I've had relationships before where I would instantly know I would want to be with them, but with the recent people I've been meeting so far I still have that "let's keeping playing the market" voice in my head. Anyone else have this? If you are not sure, then you can date them for a while and see how they interact with your friends. See how they might interact with your family. See how much they truly click with you and test their quality of character. I feel that is more important than the physical. Of course, if you have the options to have it all, then have it all. I would also say that people are so ridiculously exclusionary, they just kill their chances. For example, I've noticed that most white women list White/Caucasian only as an option. Which is fine. They're just not attracted to minorities. But AT LEAST put Hispanic/Latino down. When I look at a lot of the profiles of Hispanic people, the look virtually white. Just an example of how people cut down their own pool and do themselves no favors. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 If I remember right I thought you were disillusioned with OLD last year. I wonder if its a case of you dropping your standards over time to get some results and it works but when you actually meet the woman you realize that while it was good to get the reply and the date, now at the final step, the attraction is just not there. This happen to me and some of my friends. Probably true. So sad that this is the case and this is what dating is in a nutshell. Link to post Share on other sites
welshbambi Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I am in exactly the same boat. I have been back on OLD as much to pass the time as anything else. It's a quick but empty fix for some attention. I get a lot of messages saying "why is someone like you on this site?" There is some basic chit chat and occasionally someone breaks through with whom you can chat about something more than what you're going tonight, and I've been on a couple of dates with one guy. But there's no physical attraction or chemistry at all. My friends are all married off so no one wants to do anything outside of couples anymore. Apart from OLD I am not sure how else to meet people. I don't really have time to commit to a club or organisation. Being single sucks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I am in exactly the same boat. I have been back on OLD as much to pass the time as anything else. It's a quick but empty fix for some attention. Horrible. You're in it to reject a bunch of guys who you think are unattractive? Terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
welshbambi Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Not at all. Although granted I didn't phrase it very well. Unless you put out yourself out there, how do you know who you might find? By the same token, not everyone that likes the sound of you is going to ring your bell. Otherwise we'd all be dating people we didn't like for fear of rejecting them. Just because you are on OLD doesn't mean you are obliged to strike up a conversation with every person on there. Furthermore, it works two ways. I have liked or messaged guys on OLD that I liked the sound of and had no response. So again, just because I think someone is my kind of guy doesn't mean I am their kind of girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kolleamm Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Basically what I'm seeing with dating in all of it's forms whether online or real life is that if she there is no physical attraction then it's pretty much not worth it. With me I just can't be attracted to someone no matter how much of an appropriate match they would be for me if there's no spark. I have a certain standard for attraction that most women I meet that like me simply don't meet. Would I lower that standard to be with them? Of course, however there's no way I can do that. Attraction is just attraction for me, I can't change it as much I would like to. I like women with pretty faces, and/or nice bodies, if they don't have either then there's nothing I can do about it and I find pursuing them pointless and without purpose. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I met a lot of men last year. 2 of them I liked, they didn't like me back. The rest were all wrong for me.. it's tedious. Link to post Share on other sites
welshbambi Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Basically what I'm seeing with dating in all of it's forms whether online or real life is that if she there is no physical attraction then it's pretty much not worth it. With me I just can't be attracted to someone no matter how much of an appropriate match they would be for me if there's no spark. I have a certain standard for attraction that most women I meet that like me simply don't meet. Would I lower that standard to be with them? Of course, however there's no way I can do that. Attraction is just attraction for me, I can't change it as much I would like to. I like women with pretty faces, and/or nice bodies, if they don't have either then there's nothing I can do about it and I find pursuing them pointless and without purpose. This. There has to be a certain level of attractiveness although I don't have a specific type as such. Sometimes the way a guy carries himself can be a huge part of how attractive he is. And if the mutual chemistry is there then I am definitely interested. Happens so, so rarely though and I am already getting tired of the "what do you do? " and "what are you up to tonight? " questions and answer session. Oh, and if you don't like going out and getting drunk out of your skull you are not interesting apparently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Most people who have found something they really want have got their by virtue of persistence. An actor might have 50 or more failed auditions before they get a part. An artist might paint hundreds of paintings before somebody buys one. If you feel jaded and discouraged take a break. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 In real life we filter for attraction automatically. Say the average person sees a thousand people as they go about their daily routine... most of those people go unnoticed and maybe four or five give us that Ooo la la feeling. It may be difficult to talk to any of those, and even if we do the chances of them being already taken or otherwise not interested in us is significant. But if we do talk to one of them and they're single, age appropriate, mutual attraction is high, and all systems are go... it won't much matter if if they live an hour away, like cats, are a few inches too short or ten lbs. too heavy. Attraction + chemistry trumps information and when those love/lust hormones surge we get a nice case of tunnel vision and do what nature designed us to do with an amazing sense of purpose. On the other hand, with online dating, we go through thousands of profiles trying to simulate nature's highly attuned filter by viewing 2D pixel arrangements and analyzing raw, circumstantial information with the ridiculously mistaken expectation that matching five to nine criteria on a rather arbitrary checklist will result in that same attraction + chemistry that we are intuitively drawn toward in real life. When it doesn't produce instant results we come to LS and post about how OLD is a total waste of time and energy. Well, there are ever growing numbers of happy couples out there who would say otherwise. There is a randomness to the whole thing, sort of like playing lotto, perhaps with slightly better odds. The more you play the better the odds of winning. The advantages of OLD are undeniable... finding single, age-appropriate people within a geographic area who are also looking and willing to meet is relatively easy. The disadvantage is that our intuitive attraction filter is neutralized and we have to do that part manually. The keys to success, imho, are to be as non-specific as possible with regard to criteria... be attractive, successful, personable, communicative, and have a good understanding of how to trigger attraction in others through eye contact, touch, flirting, intellectual foreplay and learn to read and transmit non-verbal cues. This is after mastering the art of creating a great profile, which is the first eligibility requirement and barrier to entry for men. Of course those who are naturally good-looking and charismatic will have more success, as they do in real life. But assuming that you are at least somewhat attractive to the opposite sex, the real key is to keep rolling those dice until your number comes up... you haven't lost until you quit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) Basically what I'm seeing with dating in all of it's forms whether online or real life is that if she there is no physical attraction then it's pretty much not worth it. With me I just can't be attracted to someone no matter how much of an appropriate match they would be for me if there's no spark. I have a certain standard for attraction that most women I meet that like me simply don't meet. Would I lower that standard to be with them? Of course, however there's no way I can do that. Attraction is just attraction for me, I can't change it as much I would like to. I like women with pretty faces, and/or nice bodies, if they don't have either then there's nothing I can do about it and I find pursuing them pointless and without purpose. You can change it and you have changed it, you just don't realize it. When I first grew up and was a kid, I probably only liked blue eyed blonde girls. Now, like 30 years later, my tastes have evolved to include just about every kind of woman. Part of that is out of necessity, part not. I'm not suggesting you do that, I'm just saying that it's not true that people can't change their sense of attraction, it evolves all the time. Anyway, what OLD site are you using? I would suggest Match.com. Even though my results have been horrendous, they would be much worse on another site. POF and OKCupid don't even list the women's requirements. So, you're messaging blind a lot of women where you are not even close to what they want. At least on Match.com, you know what women want. Edited January 4, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember Link to post Share on other sites
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