How do you get over the thoughts of your ex having sex with someone else?

[Jimmyjackson]

It's been 4 months post break up and she's seeing someone for the first time, they've been together for a few weeks so I'm assuming they've slept together and all that jazz.

 

Why do this bother me so much? how can I stop thinking about it? All I can picture is her being intimate with another man, having the butterfly's and all the loving feelings that you get in the early stages of a relationship and it really bothers me.

 

I've had sex since our break up too, but I guess it hurts knowing she has or will be

[me85]

There's no way around it. You're going to think about it sometimes but you'll get over it eventually like we all do.

[Jimmyjackson]

I just keep thinking about all of the things she'll be telling him, how he's amazing, different etc...all the things she told me.

 

When girls start new relationships, do they say things emotionally that they are just feeling in the moment? I mean every new guy is supposedly better than the last, but the same things were said if that makes sense?

[me85]

I'm a woman but I have no answers for you. Everyone is different. There's no certainty in these cases. Don't obsess over it. Stop asking yourself answerless questions. You're just making it worse for yourself. Sometimes I still think of my ex screwing his new gf. But I immediately shake the thought. Who cares what or who they do? Stop torturing yourself.

[bubbaganoosh]

I was married twice and honestly, I couldn't care less if both my ex wives slept with the entire United States Army. Just as long as I didn't have to deal with them any longer.

[flitzanu]

every single thing you could ever do with another person has been done long before you ever got there. so take any consolation in knowing that anyone following you is never going to do anything new with her that you didn't already do.

 

and if you want to be arrogant, believe that no one else is going to ever do it any better than you.

[deorro]

I still struggle with this too. What helps me overcome this is thinking that with the next girl I sleep with, there is someone out there thinkingabout her saying "I hate the fact that she's sleeping with another guy"

 

It's a vicious cycle but it is really out of our control.

 

Get to the gym, change up your diet, talk to your friends and get some more sleep. Get excited about how much better of a person you'll be for your next relationship. And trust me, there will be more relationships.

[mefisto]

Get to the gym, change up your diet, talk to your friends and get some more sleep. Get excited about how much better of a person you'll be for your next relationship. And trust me, there will be more relationships.

 

and if you want to be arrogant, believe that no one else is going to ever do it any better than you.

 

In what one should seek comfort, if he knows, that everyone will be better than he was in bed, because its impossible to be worse than he was, and there will be no more relationships for many years, while his ex is already in new one?

[Light Breeze]

Time, just the passage of time.

 

With the passage of time comes healing then indifference.

[Jimmyjackson]

I was married twice and honestly, I couldn't care less if both my ex wives slept with the entire United States Army. Just as long as I didn't have to deal with them any longer.

 

You must've cared at one point though?

[Jimmyjackson]

I just need a new girl myself....

[I'mNotYourGirl]

When i think about this i feel disgusted beyond words and makes me move on faster. I wouldn't touch any of my ex again. Makes me sick even thinking about that lol

[Jimmyjackson]

When i think about this i feel disgusted beyond words and makes me move on faster. I wouldn't touch any of my ex again. Makes me sick even thinking about that lol

 

yeah me too, the thought of her holding someone else close to her and being passionate with that person. It's the only thing that bothers me really, if you told me she had been seeing someone but they never had sex I wouldn't really think about it at all..

[blackcat777]

Your best option is to make the conscious choice not to think about it.

 

Thinking about it is basically torturing yourself, so it's best to redirect that mental energy toward something that serves you.

 

It's healthy to grieve, but it's unhealthy to remain fixated on details that only cause you suffering.

 

My boyfriend was with other people while we were broken up. He felt really guilty and was about to tell me everything; I stopped him. I told him I never want to know because it doesn't matter... precisely for the same reason ever wanting to ask someone else's "number" is a bad idea. Nothing ever good comes from fixating on part of another person's sexual history that isn't with you. You'll only beat yourself up over things that are out of your control, don't concern you, and are irrelevant. It opens the door to too many questions without answers... when all that time is better spent focusing on making good things grow, whether it's what you have or something new.

 

I hope you peace finds you soon, I'm sorry this is weighing on you.

[bubbaganoosh]

You must've cared at one point though?

 

At one time I did but that time passed and I moved on and understand that I can't control anyone else's actions, just my own.

[Satu]

 

Why do this bother me so much? how can I stop thinking about it? All I can picture is her being intimate with another man, having the butterfly's and all the loving feelings that you get in the early stages of a relationship and it really bothers me.

 

This is normal and to be expected.

 

Painful, but normal.

 

It will pass.

[Jimmyjackson]

Your best option is to make the conscious choice not to think about it.

 

Thinking about it is basically torturing yourself, so it's best to redirect that mental energy toward something that serves you.

 

It's healthy to grieve, but it's unhealthy to remain fixated on details that only cause you suffering.

 

My boyfriend was with other people while we were broken up. He felt really guilty and was about to tell me everything; I stopped him. I told him I never want to know because it doesn't matter... precisely for the same reason ever wanting to ask someone else's "number" is a bad idea. Nothing ever good comes from fixating on part of another person's sexual history that isn't with you. You'll only beat yourself up over things that are out of your control, don't concern you, and are irrelevant. It opens the door to too many questions without answers... when all that time is better spent focusing on making good things grow, whether it's what you have or something new.

 

I hope you peace finds you soon, I'm sorry this is weighing on you.

 

I know, I was thinking, she had sex before she was with me so what's the difference? and it's not like she did it a week after we broke up or anything, so I guess I can be thankful for that.

[Jimmyjackson]

This is normal and to be expected.

 

Painful, but normal.

 

It will pass.

 

Any idea how long it might take?

[welshbambi]

I know, I was thinking, she had sex before she was with me so what's the difference? and it's not like she did it a week after we broke up or anything, so I guess I can be thankful for that.

 

Mine was back out there within the week.

 

It's awful. What happens with me though is instead of picturing him with someone else, I just get flashbacks to us in bed together. And then I get all sad because it was so good and now I won't have that again.

 

Yes, there might be others, and there will be good sex, but it's very hard to believe that I will find someone else quite so in tune with me sexually again.

 

My advice? Get some angry, loud music and stick that on headphones when those thoughts strike. It;s so much harder to focus on something if you have really loud, heavy music pounding through your head.

[Jimmyjackson]

Mine was back out there within the week.

 

It's awful. What happens with me though is instead of picturing him with someone else, I just get flashbacks to us in bed together. And then I get all sad because it was so good and now I won't have that again.

 

Yes, there might be others, and there will be good sex, but it's very hard to believe that I will find someone else quite so in tune with me sexually again.

 

My advice? Get some angry, loud music and stick that on headphones when those thoughts strike. It;s so much harder to focus on something if you have really loud, heavy music pounding through your head.

 

Yeah that's what I keep thinking! all those times she would tell me I was the best she had, she'd even get all emotional after sex sometimes and it was nice to see...now some other guy is getting all that. The fact they're seeing each other doesn't bother me, its the fact they're having sex.

[Holmes85]

It's been 4 months post break up and she's seeing someone for the first time, they've been together for a few weeks so I'm assuming they've slept together and all that jazz.

 

Why do this bother me so much? how can I stop thinking about it? All I can picture is her being intimate with another man, having the butterfly's and all the loving feelings that you get in the early stages of a relationship and it really bothers me.

 

I've had sex since our break up too, but I guess it hurts knowing she has or will be

 

Jimmyjackson,

 

These thoughts are going to play on your mind for a while. It is going to take time till they either totally disappear or you would start caring less.

 

But I can promise you one thing, if you keep yourself busy with other activites, such as going to the gym, exercising, reading, socializing with your friends whatever you would regain your self confidence back. Once you gain confidence and self esteem back, you would start looking at your Ex in a different light and you might reach the point where you could care less about the Ex and move on to bigger and better things.

 

Taking the first step is always the hardest, but once you got it rolling, you are on your way to achieve good and better things in life, take the first step man and get yourself life back on track, you don't need a person like your Ex to get yourself back together, only you can.

[Jimmyjackson]

Jimmyjackson,

 

These thoughts are going to play on your mind for a while. It is going to take time till they either totally disappear or you would start caring less.

 

But I can promise you one thing, if you keep yourself busy with other activites, such as going to the gym, exercising, reading, socializing with your friends whatever you would regain your self confidence back. Once you gain confidence and self esteem back, you would start looking at your Ex in a different light and you might reach the point where you could care less about the Ex and move on to bigger and better things.

 

Taking the first step is always the hardest, but once you got it rolling, you are on your way to achieve good and better things in life, take the first step man and get yourself life back on track, you don't need a person like your Ex to get yourself back together, only you can.

 

I think you're right, I'm kind of stuck in a rut. I work part time at a crap job, don't drive or have a great deal of money. Im a uni grad with no clue what to do with my life and I've realised I got so much validation from my EX after all the comments and nice things she would say about me. I need to get it all back and learn not to give a crap and meet new amazing women.

[sober and dry]

I wish I could just over come this thoughts like now... I discovered my ex cheat me physical and emotional before I break up with her and I sure they are even better in that now that I have set her free.

But let them have, damm sure I don't want to have sex with her anymore!

 

During the day I just shake them anyway I can, but almost every night I dream it, it's terrible and I don't know what to do but just endure it

[Jimmyjackson]

I wish I could just over come this thoughts like now... I discovered my ex cheat me physical and emotional before I break up with her and I sure they are even better in that now that I have set her free.

But let them have, damm sure I don't want to have sex with her anymore!

 

During the day I just shake them anyway I can, but almost every night I dream it, it's terrible and I don't know what to do but just endure it

 

Yeah I keep picturing it, too...

[Elle1975]

That's the kind of things that you can't let yourself care about. You put distracting strategies in place.