Ex cheated and shes sorry

[aesone]

I've read so many threads before I even had a girl, I know that "once a cheater always a cheater" but I still need help.

A month ago or so I met a wonderful girl - we had so many interests and we clicked. Lets call her D.

We met through a mutual friend which had a crush on me, which we will call her N.

D been with someone for 2 years when I met her, they constantly fought and she was unhappy.

We talked without a stop, I came to visit as much as I could (shes attending a closed school - you sleep there.)

Well we clicked, talked a lot, I came to visit, bought her a beer almost every visit (she love beers) at the end she broke it off with her BF and we hit it off together.

I continued visiting her, I really loved her, brought her roses, we spent new years eve together and the day after it (we also had sex)

Today she left back to her hometown to be with her family and apparently her ex, for some reason he decided to sleep over.

I was nervous and worried, I told her I'm worrying and she told me that had sex, shes really sorry and I said that I'll never be able to forgive her, I lost all trust in her and she continued saying shes sorry and that she loves me.

I said that I love her too and asked who you love more, me or her ex - she said she doesn't know.

I told her that I gave her everything I could, yet he treats her like **** yet the moment she goes back to her hometown she sleeps with another man and she started crying, later on her ex replied to my messages saying that she's crying and will talk to me once she stops crying.

We are going to talk tomorrow, I really love her and never met another girl like her before, it was all perfect.

I asked why she cheated on me - she said she was just horny and thats it.

We've been together for a week, I know it's not much but I do really feel something towards her, something I never felt before.

 

I'm most likely going to talk to her tomorrow and say that I'll never forgive her and we cannot be get back together because of the mistrust, but I honestly do still love her.

I'm 18 shes 17 if it matters.

I really need some opinions.

[aliveagain]

They had sex, nothing else that needs to be said, you are young, please don't compromise yourself. Move on my friend.

[Light Breeze]

Cheating = Dealbreaker.

 

There is someone out there that will want and love only you. YOU deserve BETTER!

Edited January 3, 2015 by Light Breeze

[findingstrength]

I've always believed its a bad omen to start talking to somebody who is already involved with somebody else, then begin a relationship with them.

 

Also, she had this guy sleep over the house. that sounds almost premeditated. Cheating is wrong regardless of the circumstances, but even worse if she had time to think about it.

[BlueIvy]

You're 18, you're a kid! I don't think you should be trying to get serious with anyone. Girls come and go.

 

She doesn't love or respect you. What is there to talk about?

 

Have fun while you're young! Good Luck.

[lolablue17]

I believe her when she's sorry and everything. I think she's honest with you. But i also believe her instincts.

 

All of this drama is nothing more than negotiating to set the rules for her next cheating. She wants to set a rule that the "I'm horny" reason in enough for cheating.

 

If you take her back you agree to that rule.

[coolheadal]

Wow you two a young but I am glad you under stand what mistrust is and why when they cheat on you, then you feel betrayed! Got to remember something you and her had hit off but her love is of her life is back home. So your here and he's back there.

 

She's going to do whatever she wants too. Can't change her and she can't change you. So this is how it's going to be. She + him + you. So if your okay with the arrangement then that's how it going to be with her. I take it your not happy and your right you shouldn't be. But remember 1 week fling doesn't count as long as she has been with the prior guy in her hometown.

 

Since she's a cheater there is no stopping her. She doesn't have morals but you do I can see. Don't act like she's the only one out there for you. You do know better than that. Find someone else because this girl will continue to cheat on you right behind your back. She knows how to control you by saying she's sorry. Sorry for cheating on you or sorry for being sorry for who she is a CHEATER!

Edited January 3, 2015 by coolheadal

[dreamingoftigers]

You met her a month ago!

 

she's already declared love and cheated!?

 

I hope it's just youth, because that's practi cally a personality disorder!

 

run run run away from this as fast as possible!

 

So many people in the world, find one that clicks with you and doesn't cheat!

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You met her a month ago!

 

she's already declared love and cheated!?

 

I hope it's just youth, because that's practi cally a personality disorder!

 

run run run away from this as fast as possible!

 

So many people in the world, find one that clicks with you and doesn't cheat!

 

Basically this.

 

Seriously OP, you are young and you're crushing at best; this isn't love. You've barely been "together" long enough to be a real couple and already you have the drama of two people who've been together for years. Please just let this one go.

[Marco Valerio]

Cheating on someone only means no respect nor love for the one cheated on. She doesn't care about you enough to be a good person. Cheating is just being selfish, wanting to get all the attention from the other sex, an eating as many cakes as possible.

[littleblackheart]

They always are sorry.

 

 

Youth is no excuse, aesone. People of their word do not stray at 17, no more than they would at 97 or any age in between. Faithfulness isn't just a moral duty or a vow, it's also the ultimate sign of love and devotion.

 

 

Remove yourself from the situation, give yourself time to lick your wounds and move on. Betrayal is c**p at whatever age you are, but you'll get through it with time and distractions (good friends and family could help with that).

[aesone]

Thank you everyone, exactly what I thought.

It's hard for me to let go because I hate being alone, always depressed about it and really want some by my side to hug, take care of, be romantic with and so on but I guess I have no choice.

Thank you again!

[Satu]

Thank you everyone, exactly what I thought.

It's hard for me to let go because I hate being alone, always depressed about it and really want some by my side to hug, take care of, be romantic with and so on but I guess I have no choice.

Thank you again!

 

You want things that most people want - healthy sweet stuff, and you'll find it, but not with this girl.

[Jimmyjackson]

You've been dating a week, she slept with her ex, you're obviously a rebound to her. Move on, people are horny all of the time but they resist the urge because they have morals

[SoThatHappened]

Can't believe I'm the first to mention it, but:'

 

Work on those dependency issues you have.

 

You're in that deep after a month of chasing and only a week of "dating"?

 

Not good.

 

Work on that.

[idoltree]

You've received good advice, but I wanted to comment on a couple more things that weren't covered.

 

First, you have a very naive view that treating a woman better than another man treats her means that she will favor you and that she owes that to you. This may be your age, but I feel the need to speak up. That belief isn't true for a couple of reasons:

 

• Some women, especially when young, like the bad boys. Don't let this dissuade you into changing who you are; just try to select women who will appreciate someone like you. This one may have said she liked your efforts, but the fact that she had a dramatic lingering relationship with a man she described as not treating her well should have been a clue to you that there was a part of her that was enjoying the drama. Always compare words to actions. This girl's words did not match her actions and that was a clue that she was trouble. She would have cut him out of her life if her relationship was bad enough; she would not have stayed with him in spite of the problems she described. So, in the future, don't go for girls with dramatic relationship histories/lingering unhealthy ties. It's a clue that they won't appreciate you and that has nothing to do with you or how loveable you are. It's a losing investment for you, simple as that.
  

 

• Love is not transactional. A belief that giving will get you what you want is incorrect, and makes the other person into a less than human entity. Every woman is a person too. Remember that. They are allowed to have preferences about traits that they're attracted to, just like men are. Many men end up bitter if they do not accept this; they treat women like objects, and have expectations that if they are "nice" enough, they will get affection from their selected woman. Then they come on the internet whining about "friend zones", etc. You are on the path to become that guy if you believe that love should be transactional and that giving = getting. Women are human; the ones you want aren't always going to want you. Instead of staying and giving more to try to get what you want and growing bitter about it, chalk it up to human preferences and incompatibility and leave to go find a woman who is attracted to you and wants to be with you. They're out there.
  

later on her ex replied to my messages saying that she's crying and will talk to me once she stops crying.

Second - so not only does she make a plan to have him spend the night at her place, cheat with him, but he's also made privy to the messages that you're sending her? She has no boundaries with this guy, and that is telling. She wants him, otherwise he wouldn't be in her life as she's let him. It may be that you were always a tool to make him jealous in an immature bid by her to gain control of her relationship with him.

 

I won't hassle you about the length of your relationship and whether it's silly for you to be feeling the way you are. You're young, and it's not unusual for short relationships to feel so very dramatic and intense when you're young. Rest assured that as you grow, mature, and learn, you won't jump in quite so quickly. People have unrealistic expectations if they're chiding a teenager for jumping in headfirst. That's what teenagers do!