findingstrength Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Heres a very quick back story. Ive been with my girlfriend for close to 7 years. We have had our ups and downs and took a break a few years ago. The break wasnt a clean cut, and was extremely messy. She talked to a few people as did I, but there was one that seemed like there was more to it. Not quite a relationship, but not something casual. We worked out our issues and have been seemingly happier since. The other night, we were out and both very drunk. I looked through her phone to see a screenshot of a conversation she had with this guy by accident, in early december. The conversation was something to the extent of her saying you dont know how much I miss what we had, and him saying something lengthier but to the same extent. When I questioned her about this, she claimed it was the night we went out to celebrate my birthday (both drunk), we were arguing, and we passed by her old school on the train (which they both used to go to) and that it made her think of a simpler time in her life, (without real world pressures of a job, graduate school etc.) which is what she is saying she missed. Not, the guy, not anything about the guy. The conversation did not go any further, and I have no reason to believe they had any more contact. I just dont know how to to take even this small amount of conversation. I want to forgive them, but at the same time, if this is really how she feels, I dont want to be with someone that has strong feels for somebody else. When we spoke about it more, she told me that I satisfy her on every level and that it had nothing to do with me, that shes happy with me, and if she wanted to be with somebody else she would. She blames it on being drunk, and keeps insisting that it meant nothing. I know I mist be leaving things out, but thats the gist of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author findingstrength Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 bump...... Link to post Share on other sites
cleo83 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Looks like there s wayy to much history clouding your relationship. I doubt you d be able to trust her and look at her with the same amount of love and respect that you ought to give someone in a healthy relationship and she might also get with someone else in a fresh start. I d say take a break from dating and relationships , do something u ve always wanted to and slowly date other women. Both of u need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author findingstrength Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Thanks for your reply cleo. The funny thing about relationship history imo, is that its never 100% good or bad. We have 7 years of it and we have a lot of both. In fact, enough good to make it worth trying to fix the bad. There have always been trust issues but for the past 2 or so years we have made leaps and bounds. That is another reason why this is so hurtful to me. Ive never wanted to date other women, when we took a break, and I did, I was nowhere close to as happy. Right now I'm just struggling with the notion of believing her or not. If it was really about nothing, or if she has feelings for somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author findingstrength Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 anybody else have opinions on this one? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 IMO, this is no way to have a relationship. Looking through her phone, being plagued by doubt, is a horrible feeling. It should not be this way. Unless you change your fundamental approach to trust, you will encounter such doubt with any woman you have a relationship with. This robs you of happiness! If there were scientific studies, I would bet people who are trusting (even naive) do not get cheated on any more than people who are "vigilant". Perhaps there was a time during the 7 years when you knew what it feels like to give and receive total trust. That is what you should aim for. (I know there was a break that maybe caused the current distrust). To start, you need to do a mental 180, and just forget about that text, and not check her phone again. People are complex, throw in the element of chance in life, it's impossible to have a grip on other people's actions. But you do have control of your own mind. You can stop torturing yourself with doubt. She already reassured you. That has to be acknowledged. Link to post Share on other sites
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