lolablue17 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You put your focus on minor things while your wife is planning to $crew you big time! Get a layer immediately! I'll say it again - GET A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY!! Usually, court does not permit a mother to take her kid out of the country to leave separately from the child's father, unless the circumstances support that. So focus on keeping your kid at your custody! 1. Keep all of your evidence of her cheating, it's very important. 2. She will try to prove to court that the circumstances leave her no choice but to take her kid with her. She will not hesitate to lie in court. She might say you're an abusive father, she might say you hit him or her, she might create a fabric of lies for only one purpose - to take your kid with her to another country. If she cared about your kid, and if she had good intentions, she would have told you that you are the father and she will assure that the OM will never be considered as "father. But right now she has only one goal and everything she says is directly headed to achieve that goal. If you don't take a lawyer, she will win! Do it quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 You put your focus on minor things while your wife is planning to $crew you big time! Get a layer immediately! I'll say it again - GET A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY!! Usually, court does not permit a mother to take her kid out of the country to leave separately from the child's father, unless the circumstances support that. So focus on keeping your kid at your custody! 1. Keep all of your evidence of her cheating, it's very important. 2. She will try to prove to court that the circumstances leave her no choice but to take her kid with her. She will not hesitate to lie in court. She might say you're an abusive father, she might say you hit him or her, she might create a fabric of lies for only one purpose - to take your kid with her to another country. If she cared about your kid, and if she had good intentions, she would have told you that you are the father and she will assure that the OM will never be considered as "father. But right now she has only one goal and everything she says is directly headed to achieve that goal. If you don't take a lawyer, she will win! Do it quickly. I have a lawyer and we went to court.. At court cheating means NOTHING... Trust me... The judge did give me the passport however. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I have a lawyer and we went to court.. At court cheating means NOTHING... Trust me... The judge did give me the passport however. I know that cheating means nothing in court. But the characterization of her behavior during the cheating can help in terms of "is she allowed to take your child to another country". Because she will want to prove court that she is devoted to her child at 100%. Sometimes cheaters behavior implies otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 I know that cheating means nothing in court. But the characterization of her behavior during the cheating can help in terms of "is she allowed to take your child to another country". Because she will want to prove court that she is devoted to her child at 100%. Sometimes cheaters behavior implies otherwise. This makes sense... And yes... I am dreading the day this will come up, but I am preparing.. Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 See if you can get her infidelity on public record so it carries with her forever. Make sure your divorce is wide open for the public to see and she doesn't try and seal it unless of course there are personal things resurrected you need sealed. If it's public perhaps it may alert the next poor sap who's in line to marry her. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) This makes sense... And yes... I am dreading the day this will come up, but I am preparing.. have all of your conversations with her documented. I don't think she asked you about Las Vegas with no reason. When you meet her (for the child) try to have someone with you, a friend or a family member. BTW - Allowing a situation which you are not the only dad in your child eyes, can be considered as a child abuse. Edited January 6, 2015 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 In this instance, I'm inclined to agree with you. But remember, he can't stop her from doing what she's doing. In all honesty, no response is the best option here. I tend to think that many cheaters cheat and do the horrible other things they do (like this) out of a sense of resentment for perceived wrongdoings on the part of the BS. As such, they WANT a reaction; they want to know they got to you. By not giving one, you are denying them that satisfaction. I didn't say a single word to my xWW about it; not one. What would have been the point? She wouldn't have stopped anyway. I selectively pick and choose my battles, and avoid the ones I know I have no chance of winning. It's okay to be upset and angry about it. But do not let her know that! As a wise poster on here once said: "Cultivate a strong sense of apathy." The problem is your advice is to "do nothing" but then that doesn't stop this little pr*ck who the wife cheated with from being called daddy by the kid. Any option that does not end with "the wife puts her foot down and explains to the kid this scum aint his daddy" is frankly, not good enough. This woman is a grade A whore, and an utterly toxic one at that, who cares more about who is between her legs then her kids. Honestly? The guy needs to do EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN to get the kid out of this woman's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 You put your focus on minor things while your wife is planning to $crew you big time! Get a layer immediately! I'll say it again - GET A LAWYER IMMEDIATELY!! She will not hesitate to lie in court. She might say you're an abusive father, she might say you hit him or her, she might create a fabric of lies for only one purpose - But right now she has only one goal and everything she says is directly headed to achieve that goal. If you don't take a lawyer, she will win! Do it quickly. All true. I had a case where the Mother fabricated a very believable case of sexual abuse by the father. Despite the popular opinion that the courts and the law are worthless, in this case they saw through it. The mother who was, literally, a crack whore, lost the kid to the father. Albeit after a five year run from the law that ended in a Las Vegas parking lot with guns and drugs. If you care about your kid, go to court. If you have enough money, hire a lawyer. If you don't, go to court anyway. It's not that hard to figure out. Any person with the best interest of his/her child at heart can get good results in court whether or not they have an attorney. The judge and all the support personell have kids. They want the best for the kids. Go to court. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The problem is your advice is to "do nothing" but then that doesn't stop this little pr*ck who the wife cheated with from being called daddy by the kid. Any option that does not end with "the wife puts her foot down and explains to the kid this scum aint his daddy" is frankly, not good enough. This woman is a grade A whore, and an utterly toxic one at that, who cares more about who is between her legs then her kids. Honestly? The guy needs to do EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN to get the kid out of this woman's life. There is a saying which may be quite apt here "Keep your powder dry" NO point in raging over relative "trivia" and I empahsise the word relative, when there are bigger battles to be won here. I have no idea of Clevelander's circumstances, he may or may not be able to become a full time dad if he were to win custody, he may or may not be able to earn more than his wife and her new partner, he may or may not prove to be a better "dad", but at the moment he needs to see how the land lies and get the best deal he can FOR HIS SON and not go spouting off about Grade A whores and what is between their legs... That is not adult, that is bitter nonsense, that any court would throw out in an instant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 If you care about your kid, go to court. If you have enough money, hire a lawyer. If you don't, go to court anyway. It's not that hard to figure out. Any person with the best interest of his/her child at heart can get good results in court whether or not they have an attorney. The judge and all the support personell have kids. They want the best for the kids. Go to court. He has a lawyer and has already been to court. I have a lawyer and we went to court.. Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The problem is your advice is to "do nothing" but then that doesn't stop this little pr*ck who the wife cheated with from being called daddy by the kid. Any option that does not end with "the wife puts her foot down and explains to the kid this scum aint his daddy" is frankly, not good enough. This woman is a grade A whore, and an utterly toxic one at that, who cares more about who is between her legs then her kids. Honestly? The guy needs to do EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN to get the kid out of this woman's life. There is nothing he can do about it. He can't coerce her, can't force her, and can't make her, stop doing anything she's doing. It's beyond his control. Learning to accept what you can't control is a huge step in moving on. But what he CAN control is the strength of his relationship with his son. My daughter called her now step dad "Daddy" long before he married my ex wife. But to this day, my daughter practically worships the ground I walk on. What she calls him does not affect my relationship with her in the slightest. He can fight this until he's blue in the face, but I don't think he'll get anywhere. As long as he's not being physically or mentally abused, the courts probably can't stop it. It's a long road to acceptance, but it feels great once you finally get there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 The problem is your advice is to "do nothing" but then that doesn't stop this little pr*ck who the wife cheated with from being called daddy by the kid. Any option that does not end with "the wife puts her foot down and explains to the kid this scum aint his daddy" is frankly, not good enough. This woman is a grade A whore, and an utterly toxic one at that, who cares more about who is between her legs then her kids. Honestly? The guy needs to do EVERYTHING HE POSSIBLY CAN to get the kid out of this woman's life. I'll repeat this.. We went to court for a temporary hearing.. She lied on the stand and was caught.. She was caught cheating.. Admitted leaving us several times to be with OM. She admitted taking my kid overseas for almost three months when it was supposed to be 2 weeks.. The judge gave my ex wife primary custody. So, can I expect any different legal result to spend thousands again and say "My kid came home saying he has 2 daddies" The courts are flooded with cases 100 times worse... With drugs, prostitution, violence, jail, etc.. My kid calling another guy daddy is the least of their worries.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I'll repeat this.. We went to court for a temporary hearing.. She lied on the stand and was caught.. She was caught cheating.. Admitted leaving us several times to be with OM. She admitted taking my kid overseas for almost three months when it was supposed to be 2 weeks.. The judge gave my ex wife primary custody. That's really screwed up that she did all of these things wrong yet still has primary custody. Did you not ask for full custody? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 (edited) That's really screwed up that she did all of these things wrong yet still has primary custody. Did you not ask for full custody? Her attorney claimed the trips away from her family (my son and I)were to see the dentist.. She claimed she overstayed in a foreign country because she was sad about a death in her family.. They claimed I worked all the time and never spent time with my son. So, at the end of the day the only option was.. A. Let the stay at home mom continue with the 3 yr old, or B. Let the working male put the kid in daycare. The one good thing i got was to be able to hang onto his passport. yes i asked for full custody, and ended up with 4 nights a month.. Later we mediated and i got 10 nights a month.. Edited January 6, 2015 by clevelander321 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The one good thing i got was to be able to hang onto his passport. yes i asked for full custody, and ended up with 4 nights a month.. Later we mediated and i got 10 nights a month.. Glad to see you got to a better PT schedule. Another thought. You might want to look up Our Family Wizard and other parenting programs. They’re pretty great in lots of ways, especially in putting a check on conflict and information transmission and retention. OFW is worth paying for yourself, in my opinion. And no one will EVER replace you no matter what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I'll repeat this.. We went to court for a temporary hearing.. She lied on the stand and was caught.. She was caught cheating.. Admitted leaving us several times to be with OM. She admitted taking my kid overseas for almost three months when it was supposed to be 2 weeks.. The judge gave my ex wife primary custody. So, can I expect any different legal result to spend thousands again and say "My kid came home saying he has 2 daddies" The courts are flooded with cases 100 times worse... With drugs, prostitution, violence, jail, etc.. My kid calling another guy daddy is the least of their worries.. Was the judge male by any chance ? Male judges or radical feminists usually tend to side with women in these situations. Best case is if you have a female judge that is normal in her views. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Was the judge male by any chance ? Male judges or radical feminists usually tend to side with women in these situations. Best case is if you have a female judge that is normal in her views. We had a female judge.. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) I have no idea of Clevelander's circumstances, he may or may not be able to become a full time dad if he were to win custody, he may or may not be able to earn more than his wife and her new partner, he may or may not prove to be a better "dad", but at the moment he needs to see how the land lies and get the best deal he can FOR HIS SON and not go spouting off about Grade A whores and what is between their legs... Who said he should go spouting off she is a whore? I never did. Acknowledging she is one doesn't mean I'm saying he says that in court. I was just listing reasons why the kid is better off out of this womans life. Otherwise who know show many new daddies and uncles will be brought into this kids life by a mother who seems to care very little about her child's mental well being. That is not adult, that is bitter nonsense It's less bitter nonsense and more an apt description of the guys ex. There is nothing un-adult about calling a spade a spade. Saying it in court wouldn't help his case, but that is irrelevant as nobody said it would help. Edited January 7, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I'll repeat this.. We went to court for a temporary hearing... I'm sorry to hear that it work out. I missed the part about this going on overseas... That must be awful. I don't even know what to say that could help. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Ok I will bite..what other thread?! Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Ok I will bite..what other thread?! The really really long one by stillmine Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Ok I will bite..what other thread?! The one that magically disappeared Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 The one that magically disappeared What was it about? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Was the judge male by any chance ? Male judges or radical feminists usually tend to side with women in these situations. Best case is if you have a female judge that is normal in her views. Not always. A friend's brother was screwed over in court but it was because the ex's attorney and the judge went way back. Only when they finally were able to get a change in judges did things start to even out. So in this case it was professional/personal ties that had the biggest impact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author clevelander321 Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I have been looking back at my text messages, and have realized there has not been one day in the past year that she has not been texting me... I finally had enough, and told her we only communicate if it is some emergency, and we do not even need to see each other during drop offs. Here is the aftermath: A. Called me three times the next day, but does not leave a message.. I do not call back. B. Next morning I get a text about how my son has a tummy ache, so i cannot see him during my scheduled night.. I call and talk to my son and he says he feels great, and is excited to see me.. (Already using our son to get to me as that is all she has left) C. Half hour later tells me our son feels better, and he will be over in the evening..She also starts texting about "Why am I mad at her" .. D. Drops my son off, and instead of leaving how I suggested , she stands by the door and wants to talk.. She breaks down, crying, upset, and tells me she now remembers the good times.. She asks me if we can meet and talk sometime.. Tells me if i just held her hand more or touched her hair, none of this would have happened. I just replied that she knows I was a great husband that put her first, my son first, and that she simply requires an excessive amount of admiration... I just want to move on with my life, and i cant really put into words how it felt to be discarded in such a manner. E. She finally leaves, then starts texting me funny things our on did, but i don't reply... Link to post Share on other sites
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