She never calls me back

[tyreas]

I have been seeing this girl on and off since January and it seems whenever I call and leave a message she never calls back. We had an odd start because I was infrequent with the calls(once a week) and it wasn't working. One of her girlfriends talked to her and she said that she wanted me to call her more often. Since then I have called her 3-4 times a week, and only speaking to her half the time. The other half I just leaves messages, where she rarely calls me back.

 

We just had our first non double date last weekend and it went great. We flirted back and forth almost the whole time and I was excited that this might jumpstart the relationship. I gave it one day and I called her on Tuesday and left a message after she didn't pick up. She called me back about an hour later and we had a 15 minute conversation and everything went swell. She said she would call me on Wendesday and never did. I called her on Friday and her roommate said she wasn't home. I called her cell today and no answer. I don't know her work schedule but she isn't allowed to pick up at work.

 

Going on what her friends have said in the past, thats just her being her. Sometimes she calls, sometimes she doesn't. She has said she doesn't want a serious relationship. I know from her friends that she likes me alot. Is she just afraid of a serious relationship? I have been patient for 3 months because I have fallen for this girl and she is so sweet and pure unluck any other girl I have dated.

 

I need to sort this all out because I was thinking about asking her on my trip to Las Vegas this summer but don't know if I am reading her right. I am also looking at it like I would have 6 days with her and only her. I have enough confidence in myself I would have her heart by the end of that week, if I didn't have it already.

[Hund1976]

Maybe she's playing it old skool and letting you make all the moves. If she never calls you back but keeps going on dates with you then I guess you're doing okay. I would wait until you've gone on some more dates before you spring a six day trip on her though. That would definately elevate it up a few levels.

[alphamale]

lets see TYREAS....you have been "dating" for 3 months and just went out on your first non-double date last weekend?

 

and she said she is not interested in a serious relationship?

 

read the writing on the wall man. she is not interested. move on and find someone who actually likes you.

 

sorry.

[tyreas]

Ahhh two different answers.

 

Yes our first non double date. We had 5 double dates before that.

 

If she isn't interested why on earth would she go out alone last weekend?

[expos]

Tyreas..I'm in the same exact situation as you. I can't tell you how close your situation emulates mine. It's the most heartbreaking and frustrating thing when someone you adore does not return your phone calls.

 

The following thoughts must go through your head, as they do with mine.

 

1) If I call so many times within a given week, will I come off as needy and desperate?

2) I know she's into me, but is she playing some kind of game?

3) Is she seeing somebody else?

 

The days between your contacts are agonizing and make you sick to your stomach. It's the worse feeling and nothing else seems to matter to you. Everything in your personal life is put on the back burner. Her friends will tell you that she's into you , but you begin to doubt them. But when they finally call you, all of your doubts and pain go away.

 

I'm going on a week right now without hearing from the woman I adore. I left a message last Wednesday and never got a return call. I know it's the Holiday weekend...and they very well could be busy...but it's still a time gap. We had a date planned last Saturday, but she had to cancel (she sounded like she had a hangover).

 

Some people aren't responsible enough to make those return phone calls....not all of us are dedicated like you and I. She even told me flat out that she was "bad sometimes about returning messages".

 

Hang tough...and let me know what happens.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by expos

She even told me flat out that she was "bad sometimes about returning messages".

well EXPOS, if her perfect dream man came along her bad habit of not returning messages may quickly reverse itself into a good habit of returning messages quickly.

[expos]

and how often do people meet their dream partner? And if they indeed do, they don't know it until maybe a year down the road when they've seen every dimension of their partner....

 

Relationships, like anything else, are work. I've been with women who were constantly calling me, and some (like the one I'm currently dating) who very rarely contact me. No relationship, in whole, was better than the other one.

 

And by the way, when I go out with this girl, I watch her while she watches her cell phone ring and let's the voicemail pick it up. She does this to her own friends!

 

Bottom line, I don't like when she does this, but we certainly have a connection when we are together that's worth repeated meetings.

 

And by the way, she does call back sometimes 5 minutes after I call....and sometime 5 days. She's quite tricky.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by expos

And by the way, when I go out with this girl, I watch her while she watches her cell phone ring and let's the voicemail pick it up. She does this to her own friends!

EXPOS, ever thought that call may be from another male?

 

And by the way, she does call back sometimes 5 minutes after I call....and sometime 5 days. She's quite tricky.

you should be a bit more tricky and do the same to her.

[expos]

Well...even IF she was I wouldn't be hurt because as much as think about her, I haven't invested much face to face time as I'd wanted to. So, if it doesn't work out, I can still walk away unscathed.

 

The first night we met...we messed around after knowing eachother for just two and half hours. I then waited 4 days to call her afterwards and it DID drive her nuts, because she ended up writing me an email after three days saying that she wants to see me again...

 

So it's a game at this point, not a fun one, but no real harm is being done either way.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by expos

The first night we met...we messed around after knowing eachother for just two and half hours.

if she "messed around" with you after knowing you for 2.5 hrs then does not it make sense she is most likely doing this with other guys??

 

if a woman gave it up after 2.5 hours to me I'd take what I could get and never call her again.

[expos]

oh...and I take as an compliment to my charm (and I guess looks) if she broke whatever committment she had to the other person to mess around with me.

 

Don't get me wrong, cheating is horrible, but it certainly is an ego boost for me to come on and basically get what I got. (....and I feel horrible for saying that!)

[alphamale]

Originally posted by expos

oh...and I take as an compliment to my charm (and I guess looks) if she broke whatever committment she had to the other person to mess around with me.

right EXPOS, and she will then do the same to you also down the road. i.e. break her commitment to YOU to mess around with the next dude.

[expos]

you're jumping to conclusions...besides I'm not all that sure I want to be committed to this person...

[Hund1976]

Bottom line, if you enjoy hanging out with her when you get the chance and she gives you some good loving and you're okay with her being flaky about calling you back then stick it out. If not stop calling her and find some other girls to call. Maybe she'll start calling you then!

[tyreas]

Originally posted by expos

and how often do people meet their dream partner? And if they indeed do, they don't know it until maybe a year down the road when they've seen every dimension of their partner....

 

Relationships, like anything else, are work. I've been with women who were constantly calling me, and some (like the one I'm currently dating) who very rarely contact me. No relationship, in whole, was better than the other one.

 

And by the way, when I go out with this girl, I watch her while she watches her cell phone ring and let's the voicemail pick it up. She does this to her own friends!

 

Bottom line, I don't like when she does this, but we certainly have a connection when we are together that's worth repeated meetings.

 

And by the way, she does call back sometimes 5 minutes after I call....and sometime 5 days. She's quite tricky.

 

DEAD ON! SCARY DEAD ON! Her phone rang 5 times when I was with her and she only picked up once for her niece to make sure she was ok.

 

I went and visited her last night at her work(gah I felt like a stalker). Her face lit up with a huge smile and I melted. Almost everything she said reassured me of us being together despite our communications problems. I guess she is just terrible about returning phone calls. I am going to mention the phone calls on our next date and see what she says.

 

I almost feel like I am being a clingy guy but I would just like to hear her voice once or twice a week. We don't have to go out just let me know how life is going. I think she just has some growing up to do, I am 22 and well established both financially and personally, she is 18 and finding her way.

[gd1039]

Originally posted by expos

The following thoughts must go through your head, as they do with mine.

 

1) If I call so many times within a given week, will I come off as needy and desperate?

2) I know she's into me, but is she playing some kind of game?

3) Is she seeing somebody else?

 

Originally posted by expos

The days between your contacts are agonizing and make you sick to your stomach. It's the worse feeling and nothing else seems to matter to you. Everything in your personal life is put on the back burner. Her friends will tell you that she's into you , but you begin to doubt them. But when they finally call you, all of your doubts and pain go away.

 

 

I am in a very similar situation to the two of you, but I singled out these quotes because they were DEAD ON, especially the second one. It shouldn't get to you, its not supposed to, but it does.

 

I'm actually "expecting" a call soon.

[Hawaii]

Some women like the man to do most of the calling. She already said she was one of them. I think women who do that are wise. (I'm a female) It can bring up insecurity issues for the males, but if they really want to see her, they will call. Males will be more interested because they have to chase the woman. Not a few males lose interest in a woman who is too available and too easy to deal with. They may also treat her with disrespect. The process of having to pursue a woman clarifies if the male is really interested or not, and that's a good thing, both for the woman and for the male to see his true intent. I'm not worried about the calling.

 

I'm worried about her saying she isn't looking for anything serious, going on double dates, and ony a few of them. She is indeed acting like someone who isn't interested in getting serious. That might or might not change. Going on a trip for six days at this time is taking a risk. Don't worry about the calling. If she accepts dates with you and shows up, that is a better show of interest. As far as her not taking calls when she's with you, that could have been intended as a courtesy to you. Would you rather your conversations were interrupted constantly by her cell phone calls?

 

Alpha, once again a burst of woman hate from you, using us and throwing us away. Ouch. We deserve better. We are the source of life on this planet, not playthings for scornful males to use and throw away. I wish you would take this elsewhere. It's too bad your mommy hurt you so badly. Don't take it out on the population.

[magda]

Originally posted by tyreas

Ahhh two different answers.

 

Yes our first non double date. We had 5 double dates before that.

 

If she isn't interested why on earth would she go out alone last weekend?

Sounds like the relationships is being pushed by your mutual friends. Doesn't sound like she's interested. Definately put all these Vegas ideas on hold. And do stop calling her until she calls you back at least once. If she is indeed playing hard to get or has some antiquated rule of not calling the man and not answering his calls either, then she took it too far. (it is at least okay acording to rules to RETURN a persons call - it is called polite).

[reservoirdog1]

Hey Ty... I'm dealing with something kind of similar. Went on first date with a woman a little over a month ago. Have gone out three times, fourth time tomorrow (can't be more frequent as we're both single parents). And it's a bit frustrating, because I've initiated almost every contact between us. And yet, every time I've told her I'd like to see her again, she's been enthusiastic. She had a pre-disclosed opportunity to end the date early last time and didn't. Every indication is that she's interested, EXCEPT the communication thing. When I leave messages I don't ask her to call back... I tell her I will. Got tired of waiting.

 

Mind you, after a couple of days last week of not talking to her, she MSN'd me out of the blue. That was a departure from the pattern.

 

So, either she's trying to blow me off using some kind of reverse psychology I don't understand, or she's old fashioned / shy / just likes the guy to make the moves. In my case, as in yours, if she's actually interested she'll have to step up to the plate eventually... but in the meantime, if you like her and can handle the communication thing, and she seems otherwise interested, then go with it.

[tyreas]

Originally posted by magda

Sounds like the relationships is being pushed by your mutual friends. Doesn't sound like she's interested. Definately put all these Vegas ideas on hold. And do stop calling her until she calls you back at least once. If she is indeed playing hard to get or has some antiquated rule of not calling the man and not answering his calls either, then she took it too far. (it is at least okay acording to rules to RETURN a persons call - it is called polite).

 

She has called me back out of the blue 3 or 4 times. The problem is when I leave her a voicemail I never get a return call. I think through all of these comments I have managed to figure her out. I think she would just rather me chase her. We have conflicting work schedules( I work days, she works nights), and maybe I am just expecting too much too soon.

 

We have a dinner & a movie planned this next weekend, here goes nothing.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

So, either she's trying to blow me off using some kind of reverse psychology I don't understand, or she's old fashioned / shy / just likes the guy to make the moves.

yeah RESERVOIRDAWG1, i think you are OK here from what u said. many women don't like to make moves early on and try to guage how much the dude likes them. but there has to be some type of reciprocation for the dating to continue and most women are aware of that. she may be playing a bit hard-to-get also.

 

the fact remains that if a woman really digs you she will go out of her way to be with you and to make it easy for u to get with her.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

So, either she's trying to blow me off using some kind of reverse psychology I don't understand, or she's old fashioned / shy / just likes the guy to make the moves.

yeah RESERVOIRDAWG1, i think you are OK here from what u said. many women don't like to make moves early on and try to guage how much the dude likes them. but there has to be some type of reciprocation for the dating to continue and most women are aware of that. she may be playing a bit hard-to-get also.

 

the fact remains that if a woman really digs you she will go out of her way to be with you and to make it easy for u to get with her.

[Tameson]

I learnt something my friends.

 

If a woman doesnt treat you the way you want TODAY, then there is zero possiblity that she won't do something TOMORROW to piss you off.

 

Today it's the phone calls, tomorrow it's going to be not showing up.....

 

I agree, some people are just not dedicated enough. Many times, good guys end up with bad girls. Also, good girls end up with bad girls.

 

Don't let yourself be a victim of that horror, find someone who deserves you and who you deserve.

 

What do you think?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Tameson

Don't let yourself be a victim of that horror, find someone who deserves you and who you deserve.

 

What do you think?

I think the above is a nice suggestion, TAMESON. But it does not work too well in the real world for we have little control over who we fall in luv with.

 

What would be your advice for people that think they deserve only the best? I think I deserve a supermodel with a PhD and a great personality! Should I not date other women cause I can't find what I deserve?

[Tameson]

Good question. I'm beginning to think that God made man and woman incompatible on purpose so we learn to live with each other.