Everything is ok with me, yet I can't find a girlfriend

[ollol]

As I said, I'm fine in every way. My looks are ok (maybe not perfect, but I look good), my body is ok, I'm pretty thin... I could use some muscle maybe, but when I'm clothed, I am thin, yet with wide shoulders, not like a stick. I'm kinda tall (just over 6 feet). I dress good. I'm smart, I finished college, now work and have pretty good job, good salary and a good perspective. So I'm a good "catch" in every way. I'm 27 btw

 

Yet I can't get a gf. I've had only one in my life, for about two years, we broke up some time ago. Ok, I don't worry to much about what was before because I was fatter and much more confused.

 

But my problem now is, I don't know how/where to get a gf. Not at work, because 99% of the people there are guys, actually there is only one really pretty girl in entire company.

 

Maybe I could ask my friends to set me up, but I am not sure I want that, now I may seem like a jerk and shallow, because all of their girlfriends are not really pretty imo. And friends of their girlfriends are also not pretty. And I don't want a gf just to have a gf, I want gf that I would actually like. I know that may be shallow, but if there is no physical attraction, whats the point. After all, I am not desperate to have a gf so I won't settle for anything, but I would still like one (that I like, not just any girl).

 

So that only leaves meeting girls in clubs, which is pretty hard. They don't know me there, how do I let them know that I am a good catch, and not just some horny guy (ok I am also horny, but still better that most of the guys there . My other problem is I am not very open and talkative with unknown people, so I probably seem confused. I know if a girl would give me a chance, go out with me a few times, get to know me, at least 1 in 3 would like me. But currently, most of them won't even talk or dance, and the ones that do for some time, aren't interested for anything more.

 

Some time ago one girl actually gave me her number, I called her, we talked a little, but all in all she wasn't to interested. I'll call her once more in a few days, but I don't have high hopes, so some advice on how to increase my chances in a phone call would also be good (more details here)

 

 

I hope you get what I wanted to say, I can explain something more if necessary

[Satu]

I don't think that bars and clubs are much use when it comes to finding a gf/bf.

 

Try expanding your social circle - be more sociable, make some new friends, and be more outgoing. I'm not saying that you're not outgoing, just that you could maybe be that bit more so.

 

More socially active = more possibilities.

 

You seem like a nice guy, so good luck.

[lauren13]

Tinder?

 

IMO clubs are particularly bad for meeting new people. Bars are slightly better depending on the noise levels and crowd.

 

Maybe try coffee shops? Parks? Beaches? Ski resorts? depends what you're into. I met a bunch of new people just getting more involved with my hobbies and trying out new things.

 

What are you looking for in a gf? Do you just not find most of them attractive or are they aren't fitting personality wise either? Or you just don't meet any?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Maybe try coffee shops? Parks? Beaches? Ski resorts? depends what you're into.

 

There is an irony to this as it's likely most women don't want to be approached at a venue where they aren't mentally ready for it. They are in a zone where they would rather enjoy the activity certain venues provide as opposed to being open to being approached by men.

 

I've seen it here posted all the time, "I don't like being approached at a coffee shop, I'm there to read or drink my coffee, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the park, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the beach, not to get hit on by men."

 

At clubs, there is an air of expectation of getting hit on because people are dressed in a sexy fashion and gyrating their bodies to the music. Everyone is there to check each other out, eye each other, size each other up, etc.

[d0nnivain]

What about asking your family for introductions?

 

Are you involved in any activities? If not join something.

 

Do you network for work at professional development seminars or chamber of commerce type functions.

 

Try OLD / Tinder

 

Volunteer somewhere doing something you are passionate about.

 

Go to a MeetUp.com event

 

Check out local singles groups near you. I had one called Leashes & Lovers that I liked because I could bring my dog. I had been planning to join one that matched you with somebody to play golf right before I met my husband.

 

Where do you get your morning coffee or eat lunch? Do you see any interesting faces each day? Strike up a conversation. In the very beginning even the cliches about the weather are fine as opening remarks.

[lauren13]

There is an irony to this as it's likely most women don't want to be approached at a venue where they aren't mentally ready for it. They are in a zone where they would rather enjoy the activity certain venues provide as opposed to being open to being approached by men.

 

I've seen it here posted all the time, "I don't like being approached at a coffee shop, I'm there to read or drink my coffee, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the park, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the beach, not to get hit on by men."

 

At clubs, there is an air of expectation of getting hit on because people are dressed in a sexy fashion and gyrating their bodies to the music. Everyone is there to check each other out, eye each other, size each other up, etc.

 

Well, I can only speak for myself (and probably my group if friends), but I'd much rather be approached at any of those venues than at a club - if I was looking for a date/bf. It also takes a lot more courage and that's attractive.

 

Those women who complain about being hit on at a coffee shop, beach, park, etc probably didn't like the guy who approached them (and I doubt they'd like him if he approached them at a club either... maybe with beer goggles ).. if there was someone who would actually spark some interest I doubt anyone would complaining. But maybe I'm wrong...

 

Depends what kind of personality you're after.. I rarely take guys at clubs seriously (depending on their level of intoxication and how many other girls they hit on).

[ollol]

I think my biggest problem is my friend - I go out with only one friend (others don't like clubs) and he is totally assexual, or at least very very shy. He never ever approaches a girl, not even with me. So we just stand and dance there and that leaves me alone to do everything, which is pretty hard, because girls are usually in groups and it would be much easier and more normal if the two of us approached.

So that basically leaves me nothing to do except grab her hand and start dancing, or something like that, stuff that was ok when we were 16, but its kinda lame now.

 

So if you have some advice on how to approach a girl alone, that would be much appreciated

 

That part about my friends setting me up maybe came out wrong, two friends have a new gfs and they both mentioned trying to set me up, so I may try that, but I travel a lot on business trips (I was away for the last 7-8 months and I will be away for the next 5-6 months), so that will have to wait for now.

 

And to answer laurens last question - I just don't meet that many girls. In 2014 I had contact with about 6-7 girls, 3-4 said after some time they have bf, a few just discarded me, 1 or 2 I discarded because I didn't like them and one is still open but I don't have high hopes (I talked about her in the thread I linked)

[d0nnivain]

So if you have some advice on how to approach a girl alone, that would be much appreciated

 

That part about my friends setting me up maybe came out wrong, two friends have a new gfs and they both mentioned trying to set me up, so I may try that,

 

 

Just smile & say Hi. The initial approach doesn't have to be profound, just sincere.

 

I'm glad you are open to meeting your friend's GF's friends.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Is it the case that a lot of women like you and you are not attracted to them, or more the case that you don't get much attention period?

[ollol]

Is it the case that a lot of women like you and you are not attracted to them, or more the case that you don't get much attention period?

 

More that I don't get much attention.

I mean, a catch a girl taking a glimpse at me here and there, but I don't know what to do with that.

 

As I said, lately I rarely approach girls even in clubs (because I would have to do it alone), and they never approach me, so just nothing happens. And if I do approach them, most aren't interested, and even the ones that show some interest aren't interested for anything more

 

I know it would be much easier if I had at least one friend like me, who would be willing to approach them in pair (with me). But me alone, lately I'm just to inert to do it. And if I do it, it's just something lame, so basically it all comes down to that that girl would have to really like me phisically to respond positively to my initial approach

[JuneJulySeptember]

More that I don't get much attention.

I mean, a catch a girl taking a glimpse at me here and there, but I don't know what to do with that.

 

As I said, lately I rarely approach girls even in clubs (because I would have to do it alone), and they never approach me, so just nothing happens. And if I do approach them, most aren't interested, and even the ones that show some interest aren't interested for anything more

 

I know it would be much easier if I had at least one friend like me, who would be willing to approach them in pair (with me). But me alone, lately I'm just to inert to do it. And if I do it, it's just something lame, so basically it all comes down to that that girl would have to really like me phisically to respond positively to my initial approach

 

Just start approaching women whenever you get the chance and maybe do OLD. You'll soon find out what league you belong in.

 

If you are white, fit, and 6 feet tall with a face that is not goofy, you are already in the top portion of men, so there's the good news.

 

You should do OLD. Men who are white and tall and young have a very significant advantage because although not everybody will want you, most women will not exclude you. I am assuming you are white.

[ollol]

What is OLD? btw I'm from Europe, so if it is an US dating site or something like that, it won't help

[MGX]

There is an irony to this as it's likely most women don't want to be approached at a venue where they aren't mentally ready for it. They are in a zone where they would rather enjoy the activity certain venues provide as opposed to being open to being approached by men.

 

I've seen it here posted all the time, "I don't like being approached at a coffee shop, I'm there to read or drink my coffee, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the park, not get hit on by men." or "I'm here to enjoy the beach, not to get hit on by men."

 

At clubs, there is an air of expectation of getting hit on because people are dressed in a sexy fashion and gyrating their bodies to the music. Everyone is there to check each other out, eye each other, size each other up, etc.

 

Aw, they didn't like WHO approached them!

[MGX]

What is OLD? btw I'm from Europe, so if it is an US dating site or something like that, it won't help

 

OLD is short for OnLine Dating.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What is OLD? btw I'm from Europe, so if it is an US dating site or something like that, it won't help

 

It's online dating.

 

Depending on what country you are from in Europe, being white and 6 feet tall is not that much of an advantage because everybody is white and 6 feet tall.

 

Anyway, you need get out and about and ask out some women. That will give you an idea of your league.

[Danda]

Well I can't help but notice that when you list off all the things that are so great about you, none of them have anything to do with your personality or who you are as a person, and when you describe what you want in a girlfriend, the only thing mentioned is how sexually attracted you would be to her.

 

Wanting to be sexually attracted to a partner is perfectly normal and chill, it's part of romance and chemistry. But there's gotta be more to it than that if you're looking for a girlfriend and not a ONS type deal.

 

My stepbrother is a younger adult, 19-20 (I honestly can't remember, we're not super close) but makes the same lamentations. He comes from a very wealthy family who spoils him so he's never short on cash and cool toys, very smart and in a prestigious university, very creative (photography + guitar) and he's lithe-athletic and has stereotypically good looks (think a young Antonio Banderas with longish hair).

 

But his personality sucks. He is full of himself, huge ego, very superficial, excessively competitive (tries to snipe his friends love interests all the time), etc. But because he thinks in superficial terms only, he's not able to see any flaws in himself. He only sees that he's got the nice car, the cash, the high IQ and the aesthetics. SO he's baffled and frustrated when almost every first date ends with "let's just be friends" from the gal.

 

You say you "know" that at least 1 in 3 women would like you. What? Why because you have a decent job and wide shoulders?

 

Women are very intuitive and we usually don't fall fast and hard like men more often can. So if you are coming out the gate like, "Here I am ladies, the whole perfect package, just get in line to get to know me, I know you will like me!" then well...

 

And are you ever able to express interest over more than anything but her appearance? Like do you notice shared hobbies, views, tastes, etc and point them out in a complimentary way? Or is it just some smoother version of, "Hey baby, noticed you're not ugly like most of my friends' girlfriends, wanna grab a beer?"

 

Maybe you should try just some very casual, straightforward interaction first before thinking about a girlfriend. Like just John Nash that **** only with a little more playful flirting in the mix. You don't seem ready for a relationship yet and that's okay, not shallow or shameful all by itself. You just don't want to try to nail down an actual girlfriend based on the criteria you're rolling with at the moment, IMO.

[FitChick]

Take a class that has built in dating potential: cooking, painting, horseback riding, sailing, dancing, skating, skiing. You will have a ready excuse to invite classmates to practice your new talent together. If no one in the class appeals to you, at the very least, you will have a new skill or interest to impress future women and share with them.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

My stepbrother is a younger adult, 19-20 (I honestly can't remember, we're not super close) but makes the same lamentations. He comes from a very wealthy family who spoils him so he's never short on cash and cool toys, very smart and in a prestigious university, very creative (photography + guitar) and he's lithe-athletic and has stereotypically good looks (think a young Antonio Banderas with longish hair).

 

But his personality sucks. He is full of himself, huge ego, very superficial, excessively competitive (tries to snipe his friends love interests all the time), etc. But because he thinks in superficial terms only, he's not able to see any flaws in himself. He only sees that he's got the nice car, the cash, the high IQ and the aesthetics. SO he's baffled and frustrated when almost every first date ends with "let's just be friends" from the gal.

 

 

I don't think anybody cares about arrogance and being self absorbed or being a jerk.

 

To be honest, I don't think anybody cares about those things when it comes to friendship, let alone romance. People generally want to be entertained, so they will gravitate towards those people who can do that, whether they are arrogant or not. Most people will choose to be friends with a charsmatic jerk over a boring or low key super nice fella.

 

When you are talking about romance, and you add looks into the equation, being a nice, humble, considerate person means even less.

 

At the very least, for every guy that is a jerk, there are just as many women out there who are jerks, so that person shouldn't have any problems finding dates if they have looks and charisma.

[spiderowl]

You seem to think most of the girls you know or have had contact with are not 'really pretty'. Maybe you are too perfectionist about how women should look. If you are, then this will come across to any you talk to. For a start off, they won't know why you are talking to them or they will assume it's because you liked their looks. Really pretty women are used to being approached and having guys interested in them because of their looks. They will pick up if you aren't really interested in them for any other reason. You need to have things to talk with them about. Ask them about themselves. But mostly, consider the women who you don't think are really pretty. You can bet there are other guys who find them attractive. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and maybe you are a bit blinkered and ruling too many girls out.

[DukeNukem47]

As I said, I'm fine in every way. My looks are ok (maybe not perfect, but I look good), my body is ok, I'm pretty thin... I could use some muscle maybe, but when I'm clothed, I am thin, yet with wide shoulders, not like a stick. I'm kinda tall (just over 6 feet). I dress good. I'm smart, I finished college, now work and have pretty good job, good salary and a good perspective. So I'm a good "catch" in every way. I'm 27 btw

 

Yet I can't get a gf. I've had only one in my life, for about two years, we broke up some time ago. Ok, I don't worry to much about what was before because I was fatter and much more confused.

 

But my problem now is, I don't know how/where to get a gf. Not at work, because 99% of the people there are guys, actually there is only one really pretty girl in entire company.

 

Maybe I could ask my friends to set me up, but I am not sure I want that, now I may seem like a jerk and shallow, because all of their girlfriends are not really pretty imo. And friends of their girlfriends are also not pretty. And I don't want a gf just to have a gf, I want gf that I would actually like. I know that may be shallow, but if there is no physical attraction, whats the point. After all, I am not desperate to have a gf so I won't settle for anything, but I would still like one (that I like, not just any girl).

 

So that only leaves meeting girls in clubs, which is pretty hard. They don't know me there, how do I let them know that I am a good catch, and not just some horny guy (ok I am also horny, but still better that most of the guys there . My other problem is I am not very open and talkative with unknown people, so I probably seem confused. I know if a girl would give me a chance, go out with me a few times, get to know me, at least 1 in 3 would like me. But currently, most of them won't even talk or dance, and the ones that do for some time, aren't interested for anything more.

 

Some time ago one girl actually gave me her number, I called her, we talked a little, but all in all she wasn't to interested. I'll call her once more in a few days, but I don't have high hopes, so some advice on how to increase my chances in a phone call would also be good (more details here)

 

 

I hope you get what I wanted to say, I can explain something more if necessary

 

With that height, you should not have trouble getting girls.

 

Do you come off EXTREMELY socially awkward?

 

Have you tried online dating? Height and looks are pretty much the only things women care about on there.

[DukeNukem47]

My stepbrother is a younger adult, 19-20 (I honestly can't remember, we're not super close) but makes the same lamentations. He comes from a very wealthy family who spoils him so he's never short on cash and cool toys, very smart and in a prestigious university, very creative (photography + guitar) and he's lithe-athletic and has stereotypically good looks (think a young Antonio Banderas with longish hair).

 

But his personality sucks. He is full of himself, huge ego, very superficial, excessively competitive (tries to snipe his friends love interests all the time), etc. But because he thinks in superficial terms only, he's not able to see any flaws in himself. He only sees that he's got the nice car, the cash, the high IQ and the aesthetics. SO he's baffled and frustrated when almost every first date ends with "let's just be friends" from the gal.

 

I really doubt that this is true. I have never seen a really good-looking guy (especially if he's rich) without a girl. This is especially true in that age range, where women care about looks even more so than they do later.

[ollol]

Do you come off EXTREMELY socially awkward?

 

I don't know, maybe.

Maybe I presented myself wrong in the first post, I am not perfect in any way and I don't think that I am Gods gift to women. My looks and body are maybe a little above average and job and income pretty good. I mentioned that because I know that most women in 20s - mid 20s, when looking for a potential life partner, look at stuff like that. We're not in high school anymore when good body was everything you needed because your parents paid for everything and nobody cared about how much money the other person had.

 

And about my personality, it's ok I guess. I am a little bit closed and confused when meeting new people, and I think that might be the main problem.

 

So my question would be this - if the first impression of me is that I am some kind of socially awkward loser with no friends who is unsuccessfull and knows nothing about life, how do I present myself differently? How to show that I am actually an ok guy, with ok personality when you get to know me, and also with good perspective for a successful life (money and career-wise)

 

Once more, I am not an arrogant jerk, I think I am much closer to a boring nice guy, at least at first impression (this might be my other problem why women are not interested), but I am self confidant and I know that I am above average in most ways (just don't know how to show it)

 

 

Thank you for all your replies and sorry if I don't explain everything so well, but I hope you get what I mean

[Mysterio]

Join Recreational activities with mixed genders and then let who ever gravitates towards you in a natural way. I don't know if you actually go out there with the agenda of getting a GF if it will work. Most women will have there guard up.

 

From thinking about how my friends got together. It felt like the women choose my male friends and my buddies just picked up on it.

 

For some reason. I feel like that is the best situation. I don't know about trying to convince some woman that you are the greatest is going to serve you well. Those guys that I see doing that. I always feel like they are missing something.

 

Just from a mans perspective. If you want the least amount of grief and hassle. Just go out and join mixed recreational activities. /be friendly and open. If a woman is attracted to you. She will find her way to you. On your side maybe just make sure you are well dressed and groomed. Fresh hair cut. Brushed teeth and a bit of cologne. Also just give an inner dialog that you are there to enjoy yourself. Also. Forget about trying to get a GF or make a girl fall for you.

 

If you go the other way and try to hit on a girl. You may succeed, yet you may feel a bit burnt out. Its up to you which way you feel works better for you.

 

At 43. I feel the same way. I just don't feel that I need to force a GF into my life. I feel like I would get a better GF if she naturally feel the need to be my GF, than a woman that I am trying to convince to my GF would be of lesser quality.