Why is introversion so unattractive to women?

[NGC1300]

Essentially introverted men are not exciting and entertaining for women.

 

If a guy is introverted and only average in looks he will be ignored by the vast majority of women.

 

It does disturb me how women tend to require constant entertainment.

 

I can't speak for all men, but I know myself that what I would want in a partner is primarily affection, intimacy, loyalty, etc. Women seem to need all this too, however they also have to be entertained, whined and dined, make them laugh, etc. This can be too much of a burden for some men.

 

I think the reason women are like is they tend not have many hobbies or passions (compared to men) except gossip and ritualistic socializing.

[thefooloftheyear]

I am an introvert....In fact, I really dont "like" or prefer discourse with random people and do my best to avoid them...And I am entirely content being by myself..

 

But I dont lack for confidence...I am a natural leader, a successful businessman, and those that know me speak of my "quiet confidence"....I walk into a room and you can see that people generally recognize that even though I am someone of few words, that there is more than what meets the eye...And no...ive never had any trouble attracting women..

 

I can also "turn it on and off" at will.....I know there is a certain amount of person to person interaction that I need to incorporate in order to successfully operate my companies...I can wear that hat, and while I am not a "gift of gab" type, I speak confidently and assuredly and have no trouble building trust and earning respect..

 

Bottom line? not all introverts are like the Unabomber...Some just choose to orchestrate their lives in a reserved way and dont have to be the "life of the party"...

 

TFY

[endlessabyss]

Essentially introverted men are not exciting and entertaining for women.

 

If a guy is introverted and only average in looks he will be ignored by the vast majority of women.

 

 

So many wrong things about this post. This all depends on what you mean by introversion. As others here have clarified, there is a confusion of what this word actually means. A lot of people mistake socially anxious for introversion; this is not what introversion is. Danda also pointed out that most are not purely extroverted or introverted.

 

 

If you can say hi some a female, and hold a normal conversation you'll eventually find someone, and at the least make friends/acquaintances.

 

 

To equivocate introversion with not being excited is another fallacy.

 

 

You do realize not everyone finds the same things exciting, correct? You're thinking is too black and white.

[oldshirt]

Right!

 

Even Beyonce is a self-described introvert who says she breaks out of her shell to be on stage and takes on an alter ego but in her day to day life is more reserved, thinks a lot, prefers her close group to tons of people, needs alone time to recharge, etc (lots of artists are introverts actually). There are other celebrities who are introverts as well. Yet they clearly have a career in the public eye, many are charming people in interviews and all the rest.

 

Introversion clearly doesn't prevent you from being successful, popular, well-liked, powerful, confident, being able to speak, entertain or lead a fabulous life or finding love and dating successfully. So to equate it with being boring is off the mark. It hasn't a thing to do with how exciting, boring, strong or weak you are at all.

 

 

Michael Jackson was also very introverted, almost cripplingly so. On stage he was very powerful and expressive but once the show was over he sequestered himself back into Neverland.

[preraph]

It's simply boring. Not that you can't connect with some other introvert if you happen to be focusing on the same subject (the same videogame, the same band, both enthusiasts in astrology) but by its nature, introversion means you aren't out there doing much socially even to have anything much to talk about with other people, and also means you don't feel comfortable talking with most other people, only the few in your same tiny niche. So to most people, it's boring. Introverts don't seem to really care since they don't care about those other people anyway -- but then once they want to have sex, oh, they care plenty about that but don't then have the skills to be social enough to get out there and find someone. But they might get lucky and end up getting to know someone next to them in the workplace and then they certainly can end up married, but it depends on them being more or less forced to be around people and interact with them in order to meet someone. And they better marry someone that has similar interests and is also introverted so they can entertain themselves because introverts don't become extroverts just because they marry.

 

My friend is married to one. He stays in his room when he's home and doesn't even come out for dinner much of the time. She isn't at all introverted and it's a bad match because she needs companionship and she's not getting it except now through her kids. He doesn't usually even want to come out around holidays when there's relatives in the house and it has caused a lot of problems in the past. He has recently made himself be more social this past holiday season and it was a huge relief and everyone appreciated it. But it took colossal effort on his part, I'm sure.

 

In a room of people, the ones who are up and active and talking and laughing are who draw other people to them. It's really just that simple.

[anne1707]

Good grief! Not another one!

 

Introverts are not freaks. We don't lock ourselves away. We do care about people. We do like people and we do get on with people. We can have fun. We do laugh. We do take risks. We are in fact perfectly normal.

 

Stop confusing shyness with introversion!

[Got it]

It does disturb me how women tend to require constant entertainment.

 

I can't speak for all men, but I know myself that what I would want in a partner is primarily affection, intimacy, loyalty, etc. Women seem to need all this too, however they also have to be entertained, whined and dined, make them laugh, etc. This can be too much of a burden for some men.

 

I think the reason women are like is they tend not have many hobbies or passions (compared to men) except gossip and ritualistic socializing.

 

Please stop broad brushing.

 

Men like to be "wined and dined" (not whined). And most women I know have hobbies and passions.

 

Maybe you are just around the wrong women. Branch out and stop assuming you can lump us all into one negative generalization.

[Got it]

You know what I found grossly unattractive in men (and women)? Woe is me, defeatist mentality.

 

Ugh. Life is too short to deal with an "Eeyore" type.

[NGC1300]

It's simply boring. Not that you can't connect with some other introvert if you happen to be focusing on the same subject (the same videogame, the same band, both enthusiasts in astrology) but by its nature, introversion means you aren't out there doing much socially even to have anything much to talk about with other people...

 

That's funny, because as an introvert I find socializing boring.

 

I have my own hobbies and interests, but nobody wants to hear about that unless you join a club for those specific things.

 

When I think of "socializing" I basically equate it to gossip, mindless small talk, jokes, reminiscing about experiences, etc.

 

I would agree that if you don't take pleasure in this, you can't relate much to people who do.

 

Imagine if I was on a date with a woman and kept talking about aviation, or cosmology, or computers, or motorcycles, or skeet shooting, or weight lifting. She would fall asleep.

[Gloria25]

Introverts make sure everyone is a stranger and stays that way.

 

IMO

 

Well, this introvert will warm up to people - if I can trust them. That may take a while...

 

I've seen evil and ugly in people. I don't let my guard down unless I can trust you.

 

Also, you break my trust and/or heart then it's "poof"...I send you to the "island of people I don't give a "F" about anymore and you better stay there.

 

Now, over the years I've learned and am learning to just be nice and have somewhat of an interaction with people who could be completely strangers...like at work. Cuz, if you stay to yourself, they consider that bad when they do your evals and you never know if you might need some help on the job. I also enjoy helping others on the job.

[endlessabyss]

Damn, I'm laughing so hard at some of these dreary posts on this thread lol.

 

 

After reading through some of them you could just feel the depression casting upon your body. Weak-minded people here are going to see all these negative terms related to the introversion label, and take it as truth, subsequently leading to more damage to their all ready low self-esteem.

 

 

If you're struggling with all this introversion/extroversion thing, say hello to people, ask a stupid, meaningless question to them, and hope for the best.

 

 

It really isn't all that complicated. Yes, others are naturally gifted at making friends; yes, life isn't fair.

 

 

Try your best, and make the best out of what you have.

[Got it]

The Differences Between Shy, Introverted, Extroverted And Obnoxious | Thought Catalog

[ThaWholigan]

See, this is the thing. I've oscillated pretty strongly between introversion and extroversion for my entire life. I have had periods of my life when I have been energized around people and grown exponentially stronger for months, and times when I have preferred to be on my own in order to replenish my energy. This is the key difference between introversion and extroversion.

 

If being around people eventually drains you and you need to take time out to yourself to recuperate and maintain equilibrium, you are an INTROVERT!

 

If being around people gives you life and energy, and being on your own brings your energy level down and frustrates you, you are an EXTROVERT!

 

And most people are at least in between those on a spectrum, as Danda so diligently pointed out. And some, like me, do tend to operate between the two depending on where we are in our lives.

 

Notice I didn't mention the words shy, boring, reserved etc. That's because they don't matter. I've met and known shy people who spent most of their time around friends because being alone sucked the energy out of them. I've known boring extroverts. I've known boring introverts. I've known introverts that put more life and soul into the party than some of the biggest extroverts! Difference is at some point, they had to go home and chill out, smoke a spliff and reflect. The extroverts were probably at a coffee shop preparing to go to the next rave

 

Introverts are not boring. Boring people are boring.

[Taramere]

Imagine if I was on a date with a woman and kept talking about aviation, or cosmology, or computers, or motorcycles, or skeet shooting, or weight lifting. She would fall asleep.

 

Yes, she likely would. A date is a time for two people to have a conversation...not for one to deliver a lecture on their pet subjects while the other plays captive audience.

 

There are people who have the knack of making just about any subject interesting, but I think it involves a combination of knowledge in the specialist subject combined with the emotional intelligence required to convey info in an entertaining and easy-to-understand manner. Bill Bryson has a gift for that.

[Got it]

Well, this introvert will warm up to people - if I can trust them. That may take a while...

 

I've seen evil and ugly in people. I don't let my guard down unless I can trust you.

 

Also, you break my trust and/or heart then it's "poof"...I send you to the "island of people I don't give a "F" about anymore and you better stay there.

 

Now, over the years I've learned and am learning to just be nice and have somewhat of an interaction with people who could be completely strangers...like at work. Cuz, if you stay to yourself, they consider that bad when they do your evals and you never know if you might need some help on the job. I also enjoy helping others on the job.

 

That and what was written about introverts is wrong. Introverts aren't necessarily anti-social and don't want people close to them. Just the opposite! Introverts tend to have a few very close friends. They may not make small talk with acquaintances but it doesn't mean they don't like people hermits. It isn't anywhere close to that.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think people are confusing the term....Being socially inept isnt necessarily a trait of an introvert...

 

TFY

[Got it]

I really wish people would research their ideas/assumptions since having a very shallow snapshot understanding is rarely correct.

 

There is so much more at play in the OP's first post than the presumed hypothesis of introverted/extroverted and there seems to be very little actual interest in truly understanding/learning.

 

Again, I go back back to what I learned in high school, an eeyore persona struggles to attract platonic and romantic relationships. They are energy drainers.

[StanMusial]

That's funny, because as an introvert I find socializing boring.

 

I have my own hobbies and interests, but nobody wants to hear about that unless you join a club for those specific things.

 

When I think of "socializing" I basically equate it to gossip, mindless small talk, jokes, reminiscing about experiences, etc.

 

I would agree that if you don't take pleasure in this, you can't relate much to people who do.

 

Imagine if I was on a date with a woman and kept talking about aviation, or cosmology, or computers, or motorcycles, or skeet shooting, or weight lifting. She would fall asleep.

 

A lot of women would be happy to sit there and talk without ceasing. You just need to act interested and nod here and there. The problem would be getting to the table in the first place. Most people meet someone via socializing, so if you don't want to do that it might be difficult.

[Gloria25]

Yeah, maybe the terms are a little blurred here...

 

But I guess I'm an introvert. I'm the "strong but silent" type.

 

I don't come out of my shell unless I need/have to. But, I do have social interactions with others - just not at the level some people consider is "normal".

 

I like to be alone. I don't know why people think that's bad. I think it's bad if you thrive on constant social interaction. IMO, it's a lot of "fluff" anyways. Those people really don't give a hoot about you if it came down to you needing them.

 

But yes, I do not like people who are "painfully shy", who DON'T get out at all, who are seriously socially awkward. Like some people who post here about staring at someone for months and won't even have a coffee with them? I am shy and I have fears and insecurities and all that, but I push myself.

 

I could go on and on, but I "liked" people's posts that I agreed in the most part with.

 

Right now that I'm going back to OLD, I am praying I get someone that can deal with the level of interaction that's ok for me....

 

Oh, and while women will date who they date - I do believe that an introvert isn't gonna work out for them, cuz women thrive on attention and social interaction. If you aren't giving it to them, you're toast.

 

Now men, eh, maybe cuz my level of "normal" social interaction is below the "norm", I think I also turn off a lot of guys....oh well.

[Taramere]

I think people are confusing the term....Being socially inept isnt necessarily a trait of an introvert...

 

TFY

 

I think being socially inept involves falling into the extreme ends of the spectrum. Somebody who's super-extrovert is probably going to be as socially inept as an extreme introvert - only in a very different way. The chances are that most people on here would fall into the "moderate" range. A moderate introvert is likely to have far more in common with a moderate extrovert than they would with an extreme introvert. They might better able than the extrovert to "get" the latter, but may also be more irritated by the extreme nature of the introversion.

[carhill]

OP, with the various reasons in play, here's something to ponder relevant to this statement:

 

If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy???

 

Why would a person who doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities....

 

1. Care whether they are attractive or not or why women might find them unattractive, or stronger, or more self-sufficient?

 

2. Expect or desire another person to be attracted to a person who has little to no need nor desire for social interactions or conventions?

 

IMO, when someone pushes this edge of the flight envelope, one should expect the unexpected. As TFY alluded to, this statement is IMO pushing pretty far afield of typical introversion.

[Phoe]

I have many passions and hobbies. Being in a relationship doesn't provide "entertainment" for me. I'm plenty entertained all on my own. Being in a relationship gives me intimacy and companionship, and someone to share my life with.

 

As an introvert, when in a relationship, I NEED my own time to do my own things and partake in the things I am passionate about. I NEED my hobby time. If he wants to join in and share, sure, come along. If he isn't interested, then he needs to give me my free time. I will become immensely bored if all I ever do is spend time with him.

 

And as far as hobbies and passions go, gossiping and other trivial crap is not included. My passions include science, animals, archaeology, rock hunting, surfing, weightlifting, hiking, sewing, shooting, gaming etc.

 

I can happily do any of that on my own, or with a companion. Either way, I'm gonna keep myself entertained.

[NGC1300]

OP, with the various reasons in play, here's something to ponder relevant to this statement:

 

 

 

Why would a person who doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities....

 

1. Care whether they are attractive or not or why women might find them unattractive, or stronger, or more self-sufficient?

 

2. Expect or desire another person to be attracted to a person who has little to no need nor desire for social interactions or conventions?

 

IMO, when someone pushes this edge of the flight envelope, one should expect the unexpected. As TFY alluded to, this statement is IMO pushing pretty far afield of typical introversion.

 

 

Because I'm only lonely due to zero female affection. Not for having no friends because again I don't want any.

[Snaggletooth]

Boring people are boring.

 

Nobody is boring. People get bored but nobody is boring.

[Taramere]

See, this is the thing. I've oscillated pretty strongly between introversion and extroversion for my entire life. I have had periods of my life when I have been energized around people and grown exponentially stronger for months, and times when I have preferred to be on my own in order to replenish my energy. This is the key difference between introversion and extroversion.

 

That definitely ties in with the impression I have of you. You play the piano which requires alone time in order to practice and increase your skill. So along with the musical ability, Mother Nature gave you some degree of introversion about your personality to encourage you to nurture that talent. But in order to do something with it, you require a splash of extroversion too. So that you can perform.

 

Beyonce is supposed to be a very shy person - but she has the knack of taking on another personality in order to perform. I think creative people do have to have a bit of that dual personality about them in order to do something with their talent.