TheGuard13 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 (edited) To answer the original question... Having gone between extrovert and introvert my whole life (actor). Because a lot of people are lazy and or/incompetent and don't see what's there to a person if it's not presented to them on a platter by that person. A lot of people either don't want to or don't know how to do any work in a social relationship in terms of getting to know someone. It seems to me that very, very few people take the time to find out what is under the surface, what makes someone tick, etc. Which is sad, because a lot of the time whats on the surface isn't even an accurate portrayal of the real person. Edited January 3, 2015 by TheGuard13 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Essentially introverted men are not exciting and entertaining for women. I could say the equivalent for introverted women. So many wrong things about this post. This all depends on what you mean by introversion. As others here have clarified, there is a confusion of what this word actually means. A lot of people mistake socially anxious for introversion; this is not what introversion is. Danda also pointed out that most are not purely extroverted or introverted. If you can say hi some a female, and hold a normal conversation you'll eventually find someone, and at the least make friends/acquaintances. To equivocate introversion with not being excited is another fallacy. You do realize not everyone finds the same things exciting, correct? You're thinking is too black and white. It may be a fallacy, but to many people introverts look boring. It may take more work to get to know introvert. Who wants to do that? *I* don't think I'm boring, but I get how others may view me as boring, stupid, etc. Last time I checked, I was a real person too. I reckon the other posters here who prefer introverts are also real life people too. So how about the OP accepts the reality that some people prefer extroverts and some people prefer introverts. There is no one size fits all. And that's how many people? I'd bet my left foot that generally extroverts are more popular. That's ok. It is what it is.I think the OP should stick with other introverted people. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 That's funny, because as an introvert I find socializing boring. I have my own hobbies and interests, but nobody wants to hear about that unless you join a club for those specific things. When I think of "socializing" I basically equate it to gossip, mindless small talk, jokes, reminiscing about experiences, etc. I would agree that if you don't take pleasure in this, you can't relate much to people who do. Imagine if I was on a date with a woman and kept talking about aviation, or cosmology, or computers, or motorcycles, or skeet shooting, or weight lifting. She would fall asleep. Oooh! Wanna go on a date! I would be interested in those topics, but i can't say I relate to most women! I went on a date with a guy because he rode motorcycles and could rebuild a carburetor. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 So many wrong things about this post. This all depends on what you mean by introversion. As others here have clarified, there is a confusion of what this word actually means. A lot of people mistake socially anxious for introversion; this is not what introversion is. Danda also pointed out that most are not purely extroverted or introverted. For me introverted means not outgoing. They may have to push themselves to interact with other people. An introverted person tends to have a small number of friends and probably doesn't know where the parties are or go bar hoping etc. Most young women believe introverted men are boring. Unless the guy is physically attractive women are not going to feel "chemistry" with him. Virtually all men that struggle with women are introverts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Good grief! Not another one! Introverts are not freaks. We don't lock ourselves away. We do care about people. We do like people and we do get on with people. We can have fun. We do laugh. We do take risks. We are in fact perfectly normal. Stop confusing shyness with introversion! BTW, nobody gives a damn if a woman is an introvert. There are no negatives. If anything I would prefer to date an introverted woman because she is far less likely to have a bunch of guys swarming after her. She also probably doesn't need to be entertained as much who is outgoing and constantly looking for fun. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Encyclopedia cites the original psychiatrist who coined the terms theories on introvert and extrovert. Note that Jung acknowledges that most people are on scale in between and Brittanica notes that the terms themselves are falling out of favor with more info. introvert and extravert | psychology | Encyclopedia Britannica By the way, I am a person with strong tendencies both directions. I can only take so much of socializing, but without my aggressive outbreaks of extroversion, I would never have had many boyfriends at all and my friends mostly find me boring when I'm being introverted, which these days getting older, is often. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Women can derive a lot of their sexual attraction for someone based on their social status. And it can be hard to determine what that is if he never gets out there and you can't witness how people respond to him and vice versa. In general though they don't have a problem with them, unless they push their introversion to excess and can't socialize properly when the situation calls for it. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 BTW, nobody gives a damn if a woman is an introvert. There are no negatives. If anything I would prefer to date an introverted woman because she is far less likely to have a bunch of guys swarming after her. She also probably doesn't need to be entertained as much who is outgoing and constantly looking for fun. But for some men SD, dating an introverted woman would not work for them. Plus you are contradicting yourself - if nobody gives a damn whether a woman is introverted or not then why, according to you, do the extroverts have bunches of guys swarming round them when the introverts don't. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 But for some men SD, dating an introverted woman would not work for them. Honestly I can only imagine a super extroverted guy having a problem with an introverted girl. And even then the guy would probably not care. Plus you are contradicting yourself - if nobody gives a damn whether a woman is introverted or not then why, according to you, do the extroverts have bunches of guys swarming round them when the introverts don't. I am not contradicting myself. I said there are no negatives to a woman being in introvert. That's why nobody gives a damn. Though if a man is an introvert, most women will see that as a huge negative. Or more accurately, they simply won't be interested in him. Women who are extroverted tend to attract a ton of guys to them, if it wasn't clear in my previous post I was saying that that was a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 By far the most popular girls I've known were extreme extroverts who were very social and talked to everyone without hesitation. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Honestly I can only imagine a super extroverted guy having a problem with an introverted girl. And even then the guy would probably not care. I am not contradicting myself. I said there are no negatives to a woman being in introvert. That's why nobody gives a damn. Though if a man is an introvert, most women will see that as a huge negative. Or more accurately, they simply won't be interested in him. Women who are extroverted tend to attract a ton of guys to them, if it wasn't clear in my previous post I was saying that that was a bad thing. No negatives, not even like being left for a more outgoing woman. Women who are introverted can be seen as weird. Introversion in a woman can be seen as odd. Women are expected to be social butterflies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I dont think its your introversion but your locus of control which is external. Turn it a bit inwards and you'll probably be surprised. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 In my experience most people are not easily categorized as pure introverts or extroverts ...... which is why the term ambiversion exists. I tell people, when asked, that I'm an ambivert with a predilection towards introversion ...... but I'm certainly not shy or a social recluse ...... I just prefer being alone more often than seeking the company of others. I think the biggest factor in gaining respect, appreciation, and understanding for one's more introverted characteristics is "owning" those particular qualities with a quiet confidence. It's generally attractive to members of either gender when you are open about who you are and stand firm in that recognition. That is far from boring. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I'm seeing a lot of assertions about introverts by some who actually claim to be introverts - and have no idea what they are talking about. As I said, an introverted man can still be attractive to women. Looks might have something to do it, but it also doesn't mean that an introvert is anti-social. If a woman/man is not attracted to you, chances are it's not because you're introverted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Anybody want to refute my earlier claim that virtually all men who struggle with women are introverted? Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 No negatives, not even like being left for a more outgoing woman. Women who are introverted can be seen as weird. Introversion in a woman can be seen as odd. Women are expected to be social butterflies. Yes, there are some people who expect women to be social butterflies, but not everybody does and not everybody will think she is odd if she's not. Also, I think you are talking about introverts who don't play the game. We can be seen as weird if we don't play nice. We need to consider the needs of other people. Certain things make extraverts feel better like making small talk. I am not a huge fan of small talk but I'll do it to put the people around me at ease. I'll tell them a little bit about me so they can feel as if they know me. I don't see the point of it, but it seems to make them feel better so I'll do it. An extravert who has good social skills will return the favour for an introvert by finding out what we enjoy talking about and focusing on that. I know a few people who don't bother me with questions about my weekend. Instead they will ask me how do I like that book I am reading. Both extraverts and introverts need to consider each others feelings and look for ways to compromise. Anyone who thinks that a woman is weird just because she's quiet has their own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Anybody want to refute my earlier claim that virtually all men who struggle with women are introverted? Yes, I refute it. The majority of men who struggle tend to have personality disorders that may include, but not always, being an introvert. You are not understanding what these terms mean and what they do, and don't, entail. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Yes, I refute it. The majority of men who struggle tend to have personality disorders that may include, but not always, being an introvert. You are not understanding what these terms mean and what they do, and don't, entail. Yes I do understand what the terms mean. You didn't counter my argument at all. If a man is struggling with women, he will most likely be introverted. Sure there may be other things wrong with him as well, but he will be introverted. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Yes I do understand what the terms mean. You didn't counter my argument at all. If a man is struggling with women, he will most likely be introverted. Sure there may be other things wrong with him as well, but he will be introverted. No. He will not be. He MAY be. But he WILL not be. There is a major difference. There are many extroverted men who struggle with women. Being outgoing doesn't mean a connection. One can be socially awkward and have no issues trying to talk to women. Being able to approach does not mean success. So, yes, I refuted your argument. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Because I'm only lonely due to zero female affection. Not for having no friends because again I don't want any. So based on what you are saying here, if you DID have a girlfriend, would you expect HER to be your sole social/interaction outlet? I think there is nothing wrong with you being an introvert. There is nothing wrong with me being an extrovert. The only thing that bugs me is when someone assigns "good" or "bad" to one or the other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Anybody want to refute my earlier claim that virtually all men who struggle with women are introverted? Dont know where you are going... But I know plenty of extroverted guys that couldnt get laid in a whorehouse on dollar night...*shrug* TFY 6 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Dont know where you are going... But I know plenty of extroverted guys that couldnt get laid in a whorehouse on dollar night...*shrug* TFY Really? That's surprising. Did those guys have something really wrong with them? Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Really? That's surprising. Did those guys have something really wrong with them? No... Some of them are just not that good looking, are dumb-asses, crude, immature screwballs, or whatever... Women just dont throw themselves at those fools because they have the balls to embarrass themselves by approaching...Aint that easy!! TFY 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Really? That's surprising. Did those guys have something really wrong with them? Just because someone can approach other people but is not congenial, engaging, receptive, interesting, or humorous they aren't going to go far. There are lots of very assertive jerks out there. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I can't relate to having tons of friends and social interaction, yet I wouldn't feel compelled to dismiss a woman simply because she had those attributes. I think people are just shallow and too presumptuous. I think in the end you're just seen a creepy loser, and "different lifestyles" or "unable to relate" are just euphemisms for that. I think it boils down to this often and there is somewhat of a 'whats hot whats not' trend to it as wall as the extended (actual or presumed) social life implications mentioned by oldshirt. This is one personality theme in dating in which there is a pronounced difference. A majority of guys wont write off a woman because she is introverted, imo (not all guys of course as some very much like the outgoing ones). It is seem as a unmasculine attribute by many women even though its not co-related to testosterone/estrogen as far as I knew.I know lower levels of GH is related to lower risk aversion & lower social ability. I'm fine with an outgoing woman rejecting an introverted guy for the obvious comparability reasons, but the double standard annoys me. Many shy, introverted, unadventurous, no initiative, bland personality women reject their male equivalent. I remember a few that when tackled them on this issue they just cover it with 'yeah but I'm a girl so that's okay to be like that but not for a guy'. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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