xxoo Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Anybody want to refute my earlier claim that virtually all men who struggle with women are introverted? Absolutely not true. People can be extroverted and shy, extroverted and offensive, extroverted and awkward, etc. I know a family of extroverted and awkward boys No social skills whatsoever, just....ack! Extroverted only means that the person gets energy from interacting with others, not that they are successful at interacting with others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Just because someone can approach other people but is not congenial, engaging, receptive, interesting, or humorous they aren't going to go far. There are lots of very assertive jerks out there. Regardless of any definition or redefinition of introvert, extrovert, jerks or whatever in the hell, the guys that are approaching a lot of women are going to eventually find one that will be receptive to some degree. I don't think being introvert or extrovert is bad or good or indifferent, we are all as God made us. It's just a mathematical probability that the more you get out there socially the more likely you are to find a date. To the OP, you're going to have a lot of lonely nights if you don't get off your ass and try to mingle. Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Women can derive a lot of their sexual attraction for someone based on their social status. And it can be hard to determine what that is if he never gets out there and you can't witness how people respond to him and vice versa. In general though they don't have a problem with them, unless they push their introversion to excess and can't socialize properly when the situation calls for it. Good summary of the "too much of a good thing" situation. And I'll follow up with an example. A buddy of mine, this guy was very sociable and frankly wide-open. On his honeymoon the problems started because he plowed right into the social scene at the resort they were at. He was hanging out with the other people there to the point that she felt neglected. He was able to "attract" his then-wife by being a fun and gregarious guy but the flip-side was she couldn't tame him. They were separated within a year. She was still attracted to him but never had him to herself and that was important to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Regardless of any definition or redefinition of introvert, extrovert, jerks or whatever in the hell, the guys that are approaching a lot of women are going to eventually find one that will be receptive to some degree. I don't think being introvert or extrovert is bad or good or indifferent, we are all as God made us. It's just a mathematical probability that the more you get out there socially the more likely you are to find a date. To the OP, you're going to have a lot of lonely nights if you don't get off your ass and try to mingle. But there are other avenues than just a bar walk up. That is a big reason why online dating is so popular. It is actually geared more to the introvert who wants to analyze, contemplate and then make a judicious decision on who to meet. It also allows the ability to get to know someone outside of a face to face meeting - phone and online - and at their own pace. Introversion: The often forgotten factor impacting the gifted Introversion FAQ - Introvert Retreat Dating Advice For Introverts: How Being An Introvert Helps You In Love Link to post Share on other sites
StanMusial Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 But there are other avenues than just a bar walk up. That is a big reason why online dating is so popular. It is actually geared more to the introvert who wants to analyze, contemplate and then make a judicious decision on who to meet. It also allows the ability to get to know someone outside of a face to face meeting - phone and online - and at their own pace. Introversion: The often forgotten factor impacting the gifted Introversion FAQ - Introvert Retreat Dating Advice For Introverts: How Being An Introvert Helps You In Love Unfortunately many guys may find a number of girls online they would like to meet but if none of them respond to his emails, he's not going to meet anyone. In social situations, there are opportunities to meet people that might not be interested but opens doors further down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Absolutely not true. People can be extroverted and shy, extroverted and offensive, extroverted and awkward, etc. I know a family of extroverted and awkward boys No social skills whatsoever, just....ack! Extroverted only means that the person gets energy from interacting with others, not that they are successful at interacting with others. I'd disagree. I know you know of this family of extroverted goofy boys, but by far with the numerous less successful guys I've known over the years, there was a strong correlation. The majority (like prob 85%) were introverted. The other 15% the guys were kind of awkward goofy or weird intense During my good phases with body building I did a lot better when it came to women, and it certainly wasn't a case of me flipping over to extrovert. My self confidence definitely did improve each time, but it really only snow balled once I started getting the overt flirting and ONS thanks to my better body. I think a few people have already pointed out the difference with shy and introverted. I was never shy and interacted with people but low confidence yep. Jake Gyllenhaal's character in the recent movie NightCrawler you would say was introverted as he did not seek out friends but he was not shy or scared of interacting with people or getting what he wanted. He was confident in himself. An intense personality guy like that would put of quite a few women, his lack of social life would put of quite a few, but his confidence in himself would get him gfs. The couple of outgoing guys I knew who struggled had awkward personalities, had lame humor, acted immature and would make dumb comments at times, came off as try hards (wanted to impress everyone and were suck ups to the most popular people), and they weren't very attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 LOL, I can't imagine a guy leaving a girl because he thinks she's not outgoing enough. That's because your ideal girl is an introvert. A lot of guys would be bored to tears with the footie pajama wearing, Netflix binging, aww babe lets just stay home cuddle and order pizza types. At least, all the time anyway. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 No... Some of them are just not that good looking, are dumb-asses, crude, immature screwballs, or whatever... Women just dont throw themselves at those fools because they have the balls to embarrass themselves by approaching...Aint that easy!! TFY Exactly... Also, most of the time when I guy approaches me, I don't trust it. I feel comfortable when I pick him...Maybe that's why it takes me a while to come back to guys that may have shown interest in me. I get back to them when I feel I'm comfy and/or in the place to "chose" them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I've pondered this and since this tread came up, it got me thinking of it again.....which is, How can two introverts that may have the same level of introversion meet and/or advance a connection with each other of they appear to have the same level of confidence, insecurities, reservations, etc? I mean, in my recent crush experience I thought that he wasn't making a move on me cuz - like me - he didn't trust my attraction towards him, it didn't feel "right" and/or "comfy" to him. But, at the same time I didn't trust the attraction I thought he had for me. In other words, I'm thinking "this guy is probably just gas lighting me". I mean, on OLD, I look at a lot of profiles and it's hard to tell if they are similar to me. But, what would an introvert like me put on their OLD profile to make me "notice" I've met "one of us"...lol. I think that's one thing that made my recent crush experience harder too. Cuz, if we were really the same when it comes to the level of introspection and comfort we have in dealing with romantic interests - I think we'd be freaked out that we met someone we might click with (which pushed us even into more "hiding away" from each other ). I know, doesn't make sense. You'd think we'd be relieved to have found "another one of us"... But, I think that's why I wanted him so bad - I thought I found someone similar to me and I know how hard it is to meet someone that would be accepting and comfortable with the level of interaction that I can give. But, yes, I did freak me out too. It just seemed too good to be true... So, I guess two introverts are not like the "Species" sequel - where she and the other alien can just sniff out like kinds... Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 That's because your ideal girl is an introvert. A lot of guys would be bored to tears with the footie pajama wearing, Netflix binging, aww babe lets just stay home cuddle and order pizza types. At least, all the time anyway. Oh no, you described boring ^^. I mean, I am not going out every weekend. But, I'm not a couch potato either. This introvert likes to go on walks, preferably alone. I like to catch up with my podcasts and my thoughts. Sometimes I go over things in my head I'm preparing for (i.e. briefs, presentations, etc) and get some good preparation done in my moments of solitude. I mean, while I'm not a social butterfly. I can't just stay at home and vegg. Sometimes, when I get too busy with work, I do get to a point where I just want a day or two where I don't get out of bed, have breakfast in bed, masturbate all day with coffee breaks in between. If I lived with a fellow introvert, trust me, we'd be doing more on the couch than just pizza, pajamas and Netflix all the time. I mean, I've never lived with someone, but if I would, we'd not be boring. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Snowman219 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser? I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy??? Most women are introverted anyway so that's a bit of the kettle calling the pot black. Introversion for a guy is not a weakness. If it was, it wouldn't be a personality type, it would probably be a disorder. AFAIK most personality disorders aren't sexist. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Most women are introverted anyway The Myers Briggs personality testing tool still seems to be one of the most frequently used tools (eg in career counselling, professional development etc). I don't think you'll find much support for your proposition in any statistical studies relating to gender distribution of the various Myers Briggs personality types. According to this Personality Types in the Population by Gender A little over 50% of women are extrovert, and a little under 50% of men are. Other statistics I've seen estimate the divide as being greater - but always with more women than men being extroverts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StacyLeigh Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I, myself, am quite the introvert and find that most of my closest friends are introverts. I'm guessing this is because we can relate to the way we choose to interact with others. However, there is a difference between feeling more comfortable alone or in small groups and someone who is standoffish. I think women (like myself) are often attracted to the independent qualities that introverted men possess, but can be completely turned off by someone who literally pushes people away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I, myself, am quite the introvert and find that most of my closest friends are introverts. I'm guessing this is because we can relate to the way we choose to interact with others. However, there is a difference between feeling more comfortable alone or in small groups and someone who is standoffish. I think women (like myself) are often attracted to the independent qualities that introverted men possess, but can be completely turned off by someone who literally pushes people away. Yeah. When I was a kid, if I had a birthday party there would always be one or two children there who weren't actually friends of mine - but were the children of parental friends. I was always told that I had to make sure they were included in everything. Some would just slot in easily, but others were a bit more tricky. I took my role of ensuring everybody fitted in very seriously, and maybe went over the top with it. I remember trying to persuade one parental friends' kid to dance with the rest of us, and she said in a very sneery way "no thanks, I'm just enjoying watching the rest of you make fools of yourselves." Needless to say, after that I just left her to sit there on the couch enjoying herself in her superior solitude. I can think of a couple of kids in my class at school who were also like that. Given the distribution of personality types, there would have been plenty of introverts in the class. I think our particular group was one of the most marked combinations of introverts and extroverts...but most of the introverts would have just been that bit quieter but still sociably minded enough to have friends. Of the isolated children who stick in my memory - one would, in fact, have been an extrovert. Sadly she was generally considered to be extremely annoying. Looking back, she was just a bit too much like a jolly 50 year old woman to fit in amongst a bunch of 14 year olds. Another one who was isolated was a total misanthropist. That was an all girls school, but outside of school I recall the boys I tended to be most interested in would be guys who weren't entirely part of the group but got along well enough with groups. I think even then I was very intrigued by the whole conflict between collectivism and individualism - and I like people who are good at balancing the two. At times I have befriended, or been befriended by misanthropists. They bring out my darker, more sarcastic side - and I can find it fun to have a good bitching session with them. Socially, though, it can be tricky. They can almost seem to get a sense of betrayal if you don't loathe everybody else in the same way that they do. As though you're somehow "selling out" by playing nicely with others. In some of the dating frustrations "fed up with women" threads on here, I've definitely detected that personality type featuring heavily. It's by no means automatic or necessary that an introverted person will become like that...but I think where there's very extreme introversion it's a bit more likely that natural reserve might graduate into something a bit more hostile and offputting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 It is safe to say that I am an introvert. Personally, I don't see the value of constantly connecting with people. For the most part, almost everone has a personality trait that annoys me and, as a result, I rather keep my distance away from them than to connect closer. I have a few co-workers that has tried to get closer to me but I never let them because they call other people names', they smoke, they create drama, etc etc. These are things I just don't tolerance at all, especially after going through my childhood filled with that garbage. Most people, at the end of the day, I don't even want to be friends with, let alone date (in the case of women). By that nature, I am seen as an introvert. My 2 closest friends is both over 50-year old white women and those 2 has their own personality traits that has rubbed me the wrong way but their positives far outweight them. Even then, I still don't even try to contact them anymore than needed. In fact, you could say they are acquintances more than friends. It's not that I don't want friends. In fact, I am sure I need one or two close friends. I just can't find them. And that's fine. I am willing to accept that. No one has to like me and likewise for them. However, it does make it harder to build a social circle. Another thing I need is someone who can get into a deep conversation, which is something I can't find. I am a constant thinker. I almost always overthink things. I think so much, I can forget things I wanted to remember 5 minutes after it was told to me. The coversations I do get into, which isn't many, is so bland I couldn't help but to try and end it as quickly as possible. And this is coming from a 28-year old who has only a high school education. People here and their vocabulary is so limited, I lost all faith in the education system especially when I can talk more on certain subjects than those who has Bachelor's or higher level college degrees. Just another reminder of how much I can achieve and yet didn't even get close. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 The analogy to describe an introvert is to think of an introvert as someone living in a hamster ball. They are protected inside their hamster ball and can be happy to watch the world going on around them through the ball but they do not let many people inside their ball. This is me in a nutshell. I have a hard time finding ANYONE into my "hamster ball". While I just don't sit there and watch the world pass me by, when I do go somewhere, I tend to go on my own and, most of the time, prefer it that way. With that said, I can say that I don't go out enough but part of that is because I have a hard time finding places that I want to go. As I mentioned before, even my 2 closest friends hasn't gained access to my "hamster ball" because they have traits that can become problematic to me. One has created unnecessary drama at work a few times and the other can be quick to judge others. Even though i have names and phone numbers on my phone, I can't remember the last time I called anyone except my mother on it. Maybe 2-3 months ago? Don't even bother asking me the last time I did that and they actually picked it up. That was way too long ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
braindamage Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Introvert =/= a-social (not anti-social ) On the other hand there's some interesting perspectives on shyness and extroverts which expanded my definition of intro/extravert. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snaggletooth Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I've only skimmed the thread and don't know if anyone has linked this yet but I think it's one of the best things I've read on being an introvert. 10 Myths About Introverts | CarlKingdom.com :: Home of Carl King At least, it sums me up fairly well and I've never felt any of it has been a handicap in life or with women. I've often ended up as the man in charge of whatever project I am involved in and looking back I'm not sure I've ever had to pursue women, they've generally come to me, and I ain't exactly handsome. Mind, I'm mostly as I am because I spent most of my childhood out in the country. I like peace, quiet, space, busy hands and the outdoors. Can't stand loud, crowded, fake, idle hands and indoors. Only time I've tended towards extroversion was back in my sporting days. Loved performing in front of the crowds, fed off them, got off on it, more the merrier. Once the game was over I'd be back to finding somewhere quiet to have a drink while everyone else got rowdy the bar. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 For me introverted means not outgoing. They may have to push themselves to interact with other people. An introverted person tends to have a small number of friends and probably doesn't know where the parties are or go bar hoping etc. Most young women believe introverted men are boring. Unless the guy is physically attractive women are not going to feel "chemistry" with him. Virtually all men that struggle with women are introverts. Unfortunately, you cannot have your own personal definition of introvert. It has its own meaning and own criteria laid out and there are personality tests already in existence which characterize it. Several people have laid out the meaning of introvert and extrovert with helpful links and I find it puzzling that folks are still trying to give their own definition or still equate it with things it doesn't mean. Shy socially awkward or socially inept men are not by definition introverts! Those men tend to have a problem with dating not introverts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 That's because your ideal girl is an introvert. A lot of guys would be bored to tears with the footie pajama wearing, Netflix binging, aww babe lets just stay home cuddle and order pizza types. At least, all the time anyway. I think you misspelled sex as cuddle BTW introvert doesn't mean homebody. Yes my ideal GF is an introvert, but that doesn't mean we can't go places and do things. We'd just stick to ourselves instead of going out with a large group or partying. Link to post Share on other sites
toscaroscura Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I am an introvert. I need a lot of alone time and social situations, while fun, drain me. I am also very low-key, calm and yes, kind of a homebody. I'm sure I am quite boring to many. I am attracted to male introverts. However, I am a kind person who loves my friends and family, and I try to maintain a positive outlook. I do love people; I just need time to recharge. The challenge is finding an introverted man who is also not a negative misanthrope. Like Taramere said, these people can be fun (and I do have friends like this and we get along fine), I've realized that I need a positive, loving introvert who doesn't sneer and disdain others. Superior attitudes really grate on me. I'm also kind of nerdy too, and finding a nice, loving introverted man who is nerdy but doesn't feel superior to others is really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
spanishchick00 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Guys can be introverted and people see that as "sexy." I know alot of guy introverts and people love them. However, if a woman is introverted, she is seen as weird because I guess by nature, we're suppose to be that drunk, loud, betoch dancing at bars doing coyote ugly? I've been on alot of first dates where the guy would bluntly tell me that "I'm quiet." Geez...why the attacks? Like there is something wrong with that-I'm not a mute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Is it because introversion is seen as being weak and boring? Do they assume you're a little pu$$y???? Or maybe just a loser? I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy??? I'm an introvert. I like introverts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Guys can be introverted and people see that as "sexy." I know alot of guy introverts and people love them. However, if a woman is introverted, she is seen as weird because I guess by nature, we're suppose to be that drunk, loud, betoch dancing at bars doing coyote ugly? I've been on alot of first dates where the guy would bluntly tell me that "I'm quiet." Geez...why the attacks? Like there is something wrong with that-I'm not a mute. oh boy! Like others have posted, shy & socially awkward is not the same as introverted...but people that are shy or socially awkward are introverts, and maybe why there is confusion and the need for websites with '10 myths about introverts. If a guy has a go at you on a date for being too quite, then there is a very good chance that you are and it makes the date harder for him having to work to keep the conversations flowing if the woman rarely initiates a topic and a big chunk of her conversation is one or a few words replies. Dates like that suck. If it happens a lot to you then take a heads up that you should lift you game on conversation skills. You don't have to take it to the sxtreme and assume the guys wants a 'drunk, loud, betoch dancing at bars doing coyote ugly'. Introverts can still be friendly and good with getting to know people, they just don't thrive on it and need their own time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I prefer introverted men to extroverts by a long shot. But only the introverted men who have a need for one-on-one social interaction (preferably with me), not the ones that like to spend most of their time alone. That is no fun to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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