Teknoe Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Fair or not, and I definitely consider myself an introvert (although I can display extrovert tendencies, I have an acting background), it's just the way of life. Introverts can have lots of friends though, or even just a few really good friends. Introverts and loners are two different animals. OP, it seems what you describe is moreso an "introverted loner" which I think is very tough for guys to attract females, especially if he is average looking at best. Introverted loners don't sell to the average woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 oh boy! Like others have posted, shy & socially awkward is not the same as introverted...but people that are shy or socially awkward are introverts, and maybe why there is confusion and the need for websites with '10 myths about introverts. If a guy has a go at you on a date for being too quite, then there is a very good chance that you are and it makes the date harder for him having to work to keep the conversations flowing if the woman rarely initiates a topic and a big chunk of her conversation is one or a few words replies. Dates like that suck. If it happens a lot to you then take a heads up that you should lift you game on conversation skills. You don't have to take it to the sxtreme and assume the guys wants a 'drunk, loud, betoch dancing at bars doing coyote ugly'. Introverts can still be friendly and good with getting to know people, they just don't thrive on it and need their own time. Oh bah. She wasn't saying she's awkward. I think it's awkward for a stranger to go on the attack like that on a first date. I tend to agree that many guys expect women to be the talkative ones, and to drive the conversation. Someone even said so upthread. I suspect that when very introverted guys complain about women not liking introverts, they mean extroverted women. They're not particularly interested in introverts themselves, because they want someone to carry the conversation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Introverts are NOT creepy or weird. They just recharge differently. That being said...what I will say next will mainly be based on my experience with an introvert (my ex-bf) and it's this: Introverts can be wet blankets - and these are my examples: - Once I suggested we go to Vegas with my sister and her husband for a few days - where most people I know would react like this "Vegas!! Awesome! That should be fun" He reacted like this " Vegas? really? Is there like a hiking trail or something outside? I don't think I'd have fun in Vegas' Really? WTF?! That just totally sucked all the excitement out of it. Sure, not everyone is into drinking and gambling, but it's a few days, there are shows, there is the gun thing outside in the desert, there are things to do - but to automatically piss on it because it's a party town that's constantly moving and alive sucks. - Another example. Anytime we were at a party, he would complain after an hour that he's getting tired and needs to go and recharge and blah blah - eventually he worked it out that he can just go for a walk and he's better in 10 minutes, but initially it's just a downer - just annoying that normal fun activities have to have a 'But...this is too much!' - Same thing with going to a club or whatever. There are too many hangups because of their (or maybe just his) nature. There was a time when I thought it was actually interesting for me (an extrovert) to be dating an introvert because it opened up different things to me - things he liked (like hiking and camping and being more out in nature, and painting) - things that are quiet and more peaceful - so I appreciated that I was exposed to these things which are awesome, but when it came time for him to do the things I enjoyed - it was too much and that just sucks the energy out of anything I was excited about - and made him a big wet blanket at times. He's not weak, he's not a freak or weird or whatever - it just gets to be too much work to blend our ways, especially when I was way more into trying his things and he couldn't do mine without complaining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I guess I'll also comment on the whole introverted/shy/awkward thing - as an introvert, I totally agree that introverts are not necessarily either of those things. I would say I'm shy, certainly quieter around people I don't know, but not awkward. My husband, who is also an introvert, is not at all shy, but he can be a bit awkward. But I also know extroverts who are incredibly awkward! Bottom line, introverts do tend to get a bad rap, particularly in this country, where certain personality qualities are prized. What I object to is this notion that this applies only to men. Yes, since men tend to be the approachers, they have a particular hurdle to overcome, but the dynamic also means that quieter more introverted women are less noticed and consequently less approached. I think it's no accident that a common PUA tactic says to get women to talk about themselves or to keep the focus on them, because apparently that's a thing they universally looooooove. No, it really isn't - but these introverted, unsuccessful guys with little experience of real-world women are informed that that's how "women" are, and that's what they should expect of them. It says a lot about how they're schooled to see women. These guys are looking for certain very specific, more flamboyant signals, and more overtness, than an introverted woman is likely to give - they may therefore see that as lack of interest or simply not see such women as prospects at all, and so there may be a missed connection. That can be fairly said to be something both sides should be aware of. But not finding introverts as appealing is hardly an issue for women alone. Edited January 5, 2015 by serial muse 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I'm an introvert and I prefer introvert males. This is because they don't thrive on external validation as a rule as much as extroverts do. Our strength comes from within and that's something I have much more respect for than the clowning extroverts do 'please like me please like me please like me'. Exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Introverts can be wet blankets - and these are my examples: - Once I suggested we go to Vegas with my sister and her husband for a few days - where most people I know would react like this "Vegas!! Awesome! That should be fun" He reacted like this " Vegas? really? Is there like a hiking trail or something outside? . I had to laugh, this is totally me! We are looking into going to Vegas this spring with friends and I am checking out things like hiking trails, Hoover Dam, places to go in the desert etc etc. Virtually no interest in shows or casinos or clubs at all. (....well maybe some swinger clubs but that's a whole other topic LOL ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I have no problems with a introverted man least I know were he will be most of his nights/days off at home with me instead of needing to go out running to bars or clubs for social interactions.. Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Introverts can be wet blankets - and these are my examples: - Once I suggested we go to Vegas with my sister and her husband for a few days - where most people I know would react like this "Vegas!! Awesome! That should be fun" He reacted like this " Vegas? really? Is there like a hiking trail or something outside? \. Oh gosh, I'm with him. I've dated introverts and extroverts. I never found the difference to get to me. Perhaps because if I'm in a relationship with someone, they are one of the few people who don't sap my energy to be around, and I don't need to be doing something with my partner at all times, nor do I date people who need me, so we could do our own things where he would go out and I would recharge. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I had to laugh, this is totally me! We are looking into going to Vegas this spring with friends and I am checking out things like hiking trails, Hoover Dam, places to go in the desert etc etc. Virtually no interest in shows or casinos or clubs at all. (....well maybe some swinger clubs but that's a whole other topic LOL ) Haha...you wet blanket you!! I totally would wanna go to the Grand Canyon, and definitely do that machine gun thing out in the desert. So Yeah I'd appreciate the Vegas outside the strip - BUT, come on!! Vegas baby!! Drinkin, gambling, shopping, partying - it's aaaaalll good. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I consider myself introverted, sometimes shy and mostly reserved. I talk, but I have to admit that when I am at a family function, a lot of the time I would just rather be inside watching TV instead of out there interacting with relatives. I DO, however, interact with them, but I would rather be alone at times. I am also quick to try talking with people sometimes. It really depends on the situation. I will admit that I have moments of shyness when it comes to approaching women, but mostly because I know that randomly talking to strangers can be a bit awkward. For example, I have a crush on a girl at my gym. I haven't talked to her, but I don't know how to go about it, especially because she is in the middle of working out. However, I have made small talk with some other girl, who I will admit is attractive, but I am not interested in her. It varies with me. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 Women are attracted to whatever is considered desirable by the majority of other women. Being introvert or extrovert isn't really that relevant. Older than mid 20s virgin/low sexual experience? Not conventionally good looking? Average to lower income earner? Not funny? You're still going to strike out no matter how extroverted you are. I've known men who are huge introverts and almost social hermits that clean up with women. They're highly desirable though and THAT is what counts. One of my good friends does nothing but work and has next to nothing to talk about and he's constantly got female company in his house. Having said all this, being an introvert is a much more socially acceptable trait for a woman to have than for a man. Just like being less confident, aggressive, wealthy, funny, strong, etc World is simply like that and you have to adapt or you'll not get far. Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 (edited) Introversion is just a preferred way of interracting and drawing energy. Not a sentence dooming you to slavishly adhere to certain behaviour patterns and a corresponding level of social standing :-/ We all have choice, regardless of preference. I'm an out and out introvert. I chose a career where I can't exercise those preferences in a professional setting. So I don't. I suck it up and do the uncomfortable stuff. And guess what? It gets less and less uncomfortable over time until it's relatively easy. But the guy that tries to join me at dinner (I'm the woman at a table by herself with a nice wine and meal engrossed in reading) when I'm recharging at the end of a long, hard day is not going to have any luck engaging me in conversation. It takes a lot of effort for an introvert like me to be all outgoing for 12 hours straight and I do need to recover. But it's worth it. At a work function you'll find me being necessarily sociable and engaging. But get me at a party with friends, I'm ensconced with those few I know will provide good meaty coversation (can't STAND small talk). And I won't mind meeting someone new if there're up to participating, regardless of their personality type. As for attractive introverts, from the fictional annals I offer you Heathcliffe, Aragorn, Christian Grey, Mr Darcy, Harry Potter (my daughter's first literary crush)... and I could go on. And on. Introverts have been making women swoon for years. Being an introvert or extravert isn't what makes you attractive. It's what you do with it. Edited January 8, 2015 by SolG Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No one gives a Damn if a woman is introverted Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I am an introvert and have mainly dated extroverts......mainly because extroverts ask first.......i dotn know if its because i am a physically sick introvert at the moment.....but i really want to become a nun who lives in the alps with a llama for company...............deb Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I am an introvert and have mainly dated extroverts......mainly because extroverts ask first.......i dont know if its because i am a physically sick introvert at the moment.....but i really want to become a nun who lives in the alps with a llama for company...............deb Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No one gives a Damn if a woman is introverted I beg to differ... Link to post Share on other sites
Revolver Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I beg to differ... Explain, your one of my favorite posters so I'm interested in your opinion Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No one gives a Damn if a woman is introverted While an interesting topic, it's irrelevant to why women find introverted men unattractive, or not. Feel free to start a thread on introverted women and their dating lives and discuss such opinions in that thread. Also, for general consumption, LoveShack understands that not everyone feels introversion is unattractive to women. The thread is discussing, for those who do feel it is unattractive, why it is unattractive. This is a fairly simple concept. If it doesn't apply to any particular member, that's OK! What we don't want to happen here is a repeat of something which often happens here, that being discussions de-evolving into 'my gender has it harder when dating or in relationships'. We have a thread for that very topic. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
A O Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Mother Nature never intended for timid, weak males to breed. Anything that may appear as weakness, passivity, lack of initiative etc etc will be unattractive to a woman. An introverted male may not really be weak or timid or easily pushed around or manipulated. But if he appears that way outwardly to people who don't know him, it will be interpreted that way. Indeed. I don't get it. If someone honestly doesn't need friends or ritualistic social activities, wouldn't that mean they're actually stronger and more self-sufficient than people who need constant social interactions to be happy??? This makes sense but it doesn't matter if you can't convey this strength towards others, especially women. How we interact is all important. Link to post Share on other sites
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