He has a GF, I have a BF - how do I forget him?

[confusedgirrl]

Evening,

 

I'm not looking for a black lash. But some understanding, of how to forget about somebody that something had never happened with, in the first place.

 

Me & my current BF have been together 16 months, we have a 6 month old baby. Things have been bleak since the start (he's lied a few times over silly things) In nov '14 I found out he had a crush on one of my friends. It was very small and he's apparently over it now. (I say apparently as I don't believe he is)

 

I've only started to speak to another guy. Everything I've said to him my BF knows about (ie how unhappy I am, how he does nothing to help around the house) This guy has actually just given me his number tonight.

 

I don't think anything could ever happen between me&him, because of his GF. Although they aren't FB official and they will never get married and I am too scared to outright ask him. And I think I am just wanting a "fling" because of how little attention my BF pays me. So I'm looking for advice on how to forget this guy. I find myself checking my FB messages, smiling when he's sent me a message etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

Delete this other guy's number and block him on FB. You are headed into an affair but you have the power to stop it right now.

[road]

Delete this other guy's number and block him on FB. You are headed into an affair but you have the power to stop it right now.

 

 

 

The best advice you are going to get.

[Keke1]

The best advice would be to leave the guy. You are unhappy and probably not ever excited when you see him. You're relationship sounds bad and will get worse if nothing changes

[Spectre]

If things are so bleak why did you stay with this guy? Just to be clear, you claim to be very unhappy and that your boyfriend knows you are unhappy and also knows you have told some other dude how unhappy you are?

[whichwayisup]

You have a young baby to take care, so why not just focus on your little one and forget BOTH guys. Really, be on your own. Have a co parenting friendship with the father of your baby and that's it.

[coolheadal]

You have 6 month old baby with the current BF so why not try to make it work. That baby needs both parents. Try to make things work first. That other guy just flirting and your allowing your emotions to take control over you. Your a mommy now, and have someone take careful around the clock. Your BF I am sure there was something you had seen in him. Now that you two have a kid sure things will change it's a lot of work to raise a child today.

 

Remember it's baby +you + BF + fling. How are you going to manage your life with all of this going on. Can't do it. Focus on your child and talk to your current BF. Communicate with him! Tell him your not happy with and why. Of course you can't change who he is and how what he's not doing for you. But just maybe something will change. But again talk to him and just not let things go!

[Friskyone4u]

The advice would be to stop talking to him on FB or anywhere else, but your post is contradictory because you are asking for advice on how to stop it but the are saying you are wanting a "fling".

Well, the fling will not help your relationship with your BF.!soneither break up with him or forget the fling. It's not really comlicated

Tell him he is about to lose you because of whatever is bothering you and if he doesn"t react break up.

Then you are dating and there is no fling. It seems like you are looking for confirmation on how to have BF and fling. Do one or the other

[Haerts]

Whoever said leave both guys: that's exactly what I think.

 

One of them is in a relationship, so just for that reason you should stay out of it. The other one is your boyfriend yet it seems like he's a jerk, so why the F are you still with him? I don't know the whole situation, but if it's possible for you to leave the guy, then go ahead and do it.

[EgoJoe]

Is your boyfriend a jerk or are you unrealistic? Does he provide for you while you stay at home? Does he beat you? Does he insult you? Or is he a jerk because he doesn't do whatever you say?

 

 

Have an honest conversation with yourself. You've done well so far at stopping inappropriate behavior. I think your judgment is sound. You need to give it all the facts though. Free yourself of your own confirmation bias.

[Diezel]

I love the direction of this thread. Isn't it usually how these threads go?

 

1) Setup the boyfriend to be a bad boyfriend.

2) Slowly create rationalizing

3) Introduce the effect of her boyfriend's lack of attention

 

 

Hey OP, how about you communicate to your "boyfriend" instead?

[kendahke]

Evening,

 

I'm not looking for a black lash. But some understanding, of how to forget about somebody that something had never happened with, in the first place.

 

Me & my current BF have been together 16 months, we have a 6 month old baby. Things have been bleak since the start (he's lied a few times over silly things) In nov '14 I found out he had a crush on one of my friends. It was very small and he's apparently over it now. (I say apparently as I don't believe he is)

 

I've only started to speak to another guy. Everything I've said to him my BF knows about (ie how unhappy I am, how he does nothing to help around the house) This guy has actually just given me his number tonight.

 

I don't think anything could ever happen between me&him, because of his GF. Although they aren't FB official and they will never get married and I am too scared to outright ask him. And I think I am just wanting a "fling" because of how little attention my BF pays me. So I'm looking for advice on how to forget this guy. I find myself checking my FB messages, smiling when he's sent me a message etc.

 

Throw away his number, stop following him on FB and block him from sending anything to you. Concentrate on raising your child.

 

If things are not working out with your boyfriend, then end that relationship and get your head back on straight. Don't create a mess on top of a mess. Your child doesn't deserve to be in that.

 

Sometimes, you have to just knuckle down and deal with not having attention when it comes to doing right by your child. It won't kill you.

[kendahke]

And unless you consider cosigning what you're doing to be understanding, I'm afraid you're not going to get much of that here.

 

The 'backlash' as you want to call it is called "being an adult and acting like an adult who has the responsibility of raising a child who didn't ask to be created".

 

This new guy has no business being brought into your intimacy to the point where he knows the inner workings of your relationship with your boyfriend. Everything is not completely your boyfriend's fault, I"m sure. You've had a hand in creating the mess you're in; therefore you have a responsibility to rectify the problems--and that doesn't mean dragging a new guy into this mess. He has to go.

[BeatsByDirk]

I'm going to school right now, I'm married with 2 kids. In my favorite class I have 2 girls who seriously have the hots for me. The class is 20+ females 5 males and 2 of those are gay. I'm very conversational, very outgoing in this class, and mYbe kinda cute too, IDK maybe. . .

 

Last day of class was a straight warzone, the more aggressive one staked her claim initially but when we broke into groups the other found a way to snag me as her partner. I like both girls, I like to flirt, and my wife is cool with it to a point.

 

The girl I partnered up with hung around, walked me to my car after class gave me her number and said I could call even though she knows I'm married. The other one hit me up on Facebook for the first time that night.

 

It's been 5 weeks I haven't talked to either.

I like both of them but there's just no space in my life.

You have to go no contact, I still think about both but it's too easy to go down that path.