Has anyone ever felt that your life has nothing good in it?

[AVarma]

I've struggled with feeling like this for a while, that my life has nothing positive in it, nothing that I can be proud of. First of there was my parents who were dysfunctional and abusive as anything. My mom was emotionally abusive and my dad was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. Even now I sometimes feel so upset and angry about not having had a normal family. I even sometimes fantasize about going back home and beating up my father just for revenge, but of course that won't solve anything.

 

Then there was my youth. I didn't have any friends in school and was picked on and bullied. In college I was ignored. Even now I struggle with making friends beyond just friendly chit chat.

 

I don't want to get into my virginity, you all know the story there.

 

So have any of you ever struggled with these types of feelings? How did you grow out of it?

[ThaWholigan]

I can understand feelings of inferiority, especially where concerning our contributions to the world around us. If we grow up in an environment or with a mindset (or both) that contributes to you feeling like you lack value - especially being in a household such as yours - then it will definitely manifest in the ways it has for you thus far.

 

Only thing I can say is that it requires a bit of self-exploration and you'll have to ask yourself questions, take a few risks and face your fear. For now, if your environment has nothing good in it for you in terms of what it offers your life, you have to cultivate the good that you seek. Have you a purpose? What does AVarma want to do with his life? Are there things you wish to do but never had the courage to, things that you think would benefit your life?

 

As you say, this is independent of dating. This is about you as a person. Ask yourself what you want in your life and why - then ask yourself how you can get it and what risks you have to take. You already have cottoned onto why things have been difficult for you. I'm sure you have it in you to break through those plateaus .

[AVarma]

I can understand feelings of inferiority, especially where concerning our contributions to the world around us. If we grow up in an environment or with a mindset (or both) that contributes to you feeling like you lack value - especially being in a household such as yours - then it will definitely manifest in the ways it has for you thus far.

 

Only thing I can say is that it requires a bit of self-exploration and you'll have to ask yourself questions, take a few risks and face your fear. For now, if your environment has nothing good in it for you in terms of what it offers your life, you have to cultivate the good that you seek. Have you a purpose? What does AVarma want to do with his life? Are there things you wish to do but never had the courage to, things that you think would benefit your life?

 

As you say, this is independent of dating. This is about you as a person. Ask yourself what you want in your life and why - then ask yourself how you can get it and what risks you have to take. You already have cottoned onto why things have been difficult for you. I'm sure you have it in you to break through those plateaus .

 

I understand all that but I still do feel a bit bitter about the fact that it seems like I have to work harder for things that seem to come natural to everybody else. That somehow the cards have all been naturally stacked against me and I have to overcome it when others have it much easier. Anyway maybe it's me just thinking too much as usual.

[ThaWholigan]

I understand all that but I still do feel a bit bitter about the fact that it seems like I have to work harder for things that seem to come natural to everybody else. That somehow the cards have all been naturally stacked against me and I have to overcome it when others have it much easier. Anyway maybe it's me just thinking too much as usual.

That's normal, bro. Perception is reality - and we all feel like we have to work harder for things. You just have to forget about what "seems" to come natural to others.

 

And let me tell you something - for years, I worked my ass off trying to be better socially. Having autism caused many problems with trying to fit in and relate to people in my growing up. I felt for a time that I had to work hard for things that came natural to others aswell. The girls, the being able to be cool and say witty things on the fly, to be naturally athletic, to keep friends easier, to have money etc. When I grew up and people opened up to me over the years, I began to realize people looked at me and saw the same things. They wanted to be able to learn stuff easily, to be measured, to play piano by ear, to be tall, to be able to rap in front of people etc.

 

We all get caught in our heads and our perceptions instead of being in the now, the moment. You're definitely a thinking man, I can see that. The danger is in allowing your thoughts to dictate your reality when you have no control over them. Thought can manifest reality to a degree, but if you control it, you'll fare better.

 

And try not to feel bitter about the things you have to work hard for. I rationalized it like this - the things I have to work hard for are simply to teach me lessons in life. The things you work hard for are things you will learn to cherish and therefore exact the most out of. People consider me to be a very socially astute person to the point where people express surprise that I'm autistic - simply because I worked my ass off and to a degree, I cherish my social skills. They're important to me, even if they don't always seem like it to others. The odds are stacked against you for a reason - it's where your lessons in life lie. The caves you fear the most harbor the treasures you seek the dearest. The graft you put in will bring you more than you think.

 

Just gotta keep your spirits high somehow. It's hard, but having a channel would help. Do you have a physical/creative hobby to get your teeth into?

[dichotomy]

Yes. I had a difficult childhood and young adulthood. I wont bore you with details, but it had some really cruel life events, ones most men would never wish to face. Self esteme issues I only solved decades later.

 

But I never gave up on what I wanted to achieve for me. I also found ways to make a difference - volunteering and professional groups being just two ways I was able to make a difference, even if still being rather independent.

 

One of the things that came much later (better late then never I guess) was working being fearless. Care less about what others think, or if someone confronts me. This was a big thing for me to achieve.

 

What are you doing for you? Are you working out ? Lifting? Could you enroll in a local marital arts class? Are the local volunteer groups in our community you can give time to? Social groups you could join?

 

You went to college - are you focusing on your career or job? Are you promoting you?

[Gloria25]

Yes,

 

I had a bad childhood...and, while I and some of my family members are doing pretty well, when the poop hits the fan, I sometimes revert into "this world just sucks" attitude.

 

I mean, sometimes it's like "When will we just have a good day already?"

 

But, I think the key is perspective. Believe it or not, EVERYONE has their demons. EVERYONE has their struggles. You don't know someone's life until you've worn their shoes.

 

The thing is, while what may be an issue to someone else (i.e. Gywneth Paltrow whinning about stupid tweet) isn't an issue to you - fact is, it's still their issues/struggles.

 

So, I think you gotta sorta count your blessings. Know that while you aren't going through certain things, other people are going through things too and that it's often worst than what you're dealing with - which makes you thank God you have what you have.

 

I saw on the news a woman who was living in her SUV with her kids and some guy after being laid off for a period longer than she expected - and, despite attempts to get another job that would pay enough. While I, tried to run a million reasons why she probably f-d up to land herself in that situation - still, while I'm going through rough times, thank God I'm not living in a SUV with kids.

 

Now, another thing that helps is my faith. I have to remember that this earth is just a pastime, and there's something better after this. That's hard to do...it really is.

 

When you feel bad, try doing something nice for someone else. Try physical activity. I'm low on cash, but coughed up some dough to give out some Xmas gifts. When I got a thanx from the people and found out they were enjoying what I got for them, I felt great - even though I had to sacrifice me going out and having a good time to get them these gifts. Also, when I went to the gym this Friday, it felt so good to get me out of the funk I was dealing with.

 

Try it...take pleasure in the littlest things in life.

 

Good luck....

[regine_phalange]

I've gotten this feeling once or twice until now, really miserable and painful feeling. But it was in both instances just the step before being happier than I was to begin with. Like a reminder for you to do everything in your power to improve your life. So do what you have to do and don't beat yourself up too much. Your family sucks but happily it's none of your business anymore and you dont need to deal with it