Feeling low.

[Prettylonely]

I met my mm, 6months prior to him getting married, he was in a relationship when I met him, he is a cousin of a friend of mine.The year I met him I spent the thanksgivings holiday by his mom home with my friend him and his girlfriend now wife. The affair started a month after we got together, I just got out of a relationship, so I wasn't really looking for anything serious with him. However after a while I started having feeling s for him and I believe he did also, even though he was with her, he would come by me every chance he got, and took me out at least once a week.

 

Shortly after all this I found out, she moved in with him, that the person she was staying with loss the apartment they had and she had nowhere to go, 2 months after this I heard they got engaged. I got furious and stop speaking to him, at this point I met a guy,then got pregnant, he found out and ask me if anyone knew I said only his cousin he asked if I would say it's his, I told him no and asked him why, he said he didn't want to marry her and that he loved me, he just don't know how to get out of this, he felt pressured to marry her due to her circumstances, which I won't go into..... Let's just say she was not from this country, and leave it there.she kept asking him and his mom and everyone asking him To help her.

 

Long story short they got married ,i completely cut him off, had more things on my mind such as being pregnant. After having my baby he contacted me and congratulated me, then asked if he could see me he needed someone to talk to I said no, it was not a good idea, he kept at it, till I finally caved and saw him......been a few months since I saw him after he got married, and having my daughter he looked good, but so did I , hit the gym within a week after giving birth, and lost the weight and toned my body up, he kept telling me how good I looked after having a baby I said thanks you look good too, then he went on telling me how much of a mistake he made, he should never have married her, I just listened and said ok..... He asked to see a picture of my daughter , funny part of this she was and still is a spitting image of him even though he is not the father.

 

He asked if I am sure she is not his i said no she is not, which I am certain of because I stopped sleeping with him the moment I heard he got engaged and got pregnant 2 months after that. I came home after that spoke to my friend and told her my reservation of speaking to him anymore seeing he is married and I stilled cared about him, she told me to tell him to **** off because he should have been a man and said no, instead of marrying her , he chose to marry her so that's where he wants and need to be.... That same day I came home and changed my number . That was in 2010..... My friend and I disconnected shortly after that too for diffrent reason, I was depressed with having the baby, losing him in my life working constantly and her dad being a piece of crap, didn't really mind the father not being in our life much, he was just a rebound. I Was just going through a lot and needed to be alone so cut out a lot of people out of my life.

 

In early 2013 my girlfriend reached out to me and we started speaking again, she told me what was going on with them how he and the wife bought a house and was trying have a baby and had to resort to invitro because she could get pregnant, then had a still born when she was 8 months and that he wasn't coping very well. I have a thing of listening and soaking things in, before commenting, I told her sorry to hear he is going through all of that situation and I hope he gets through it or they go to therapy. Around a month after that she told me they were going through a lot, if I couldI met my mm, 6months prior to him getting married, he was in a relationship when I met him, he is a friend of mine cousin. The year I met him I spent the thanksgivings holiday by his mom home with my friend him and his girlfriend now wife.

 

The affair started a month after we got together, I just got out of a relationship, so I wasn't really looking for anything serious with him. However after a while I started having feeling s for him and I believe he did also, even though he was with her, he would come by me every chance he got, and took me out atleast once a week. Shortly after all this I found out, she moved in with him, that the person she was staying with loss the apartment they had and she had nowhere to go, 2 months after this I heard they got engaged. I got furious and stop speaking to him, at this point I met a guy,then got pregnant, he found out and ask me if anyone knew I said only his cousin he asked if I would say it's his, I told him no and asked him why, he said he didn't want to marry her and that he loved me, he just don't know how to get out of this, he felt pressured to ask her to marry her due to her circumstances, which I won't go into.....

 

Let's just say she was not from this country, and leave it there and she kept asking him and his mom and everyone asking him To help her. Long story short they got married ,i completely cut him off, had more things on my mind such as being pregnant. After having my baby he contacted me and congratulated me, then asked if he could see me he needed someone to talk to I said no, it was not a good idea, he kept at it, till I finally caved and saw him......been a few months since I saw him after he got married, and having my daughter he looked good, but so did I , hit the gym within a week after giving birth, and lost the weight and toned my body up, he kept telling me how good I looked after having a baby I said thanks you look good too, then he went on telling me how much of a mistake he made, he should never have married her, I just listened and said ok.....

 

He asked to see a picture of my daughter , funny part of this she was and still is a spitting image of him even though he is not the father. He asked if I am sure she is not his i said no she is not, which I am certain of because I stopped sleeping with him the moment I heard he got engaged and got pregnant 2 months after that. I came home after that spoke to my friend and told her my reservation of speaking to him anymore seeing he is married and I stilled cared about him, she told me to tell him to **** off because he should have been a man and said no, instead of marrying her , he chose to marry her so that's where he wants and need to be.... That same day I came home and changed my number . That was in 2010.....

 

My friend and I disconnected shortly after that too for diffrent reason, I was depressed with having the baby, losing him in my life working constantly and her dad being a piece of crap, didn't real mind the father not being in our life much, he was just a rebound. Was just going through a lot and needed to be alone so cut out a lot of people out of my life. In early 2013 my girlfriend reached out to me and we started speaking again, she told me what was going on with them how he and the wife bought a house,matching cars and went through in vitro, just to have a stillborn. I just listened and told her I am sorry to hear that they went through that and hope they work through everything or atleast. See a therapist.

 

Around a month after that she told me they were going through a lot, if I could call him and see if he would talk to me , since he was not listening to anyone else, really didn't want to because deep down I still loved him and it would only open up old wounds, against my better judgement I called And he was super happy to hear from me, we talked and made plans to meet up and get something to eat, we did and you could only imagine, what happen after that. It started all over again, found out he was cheating on her after I left , they were in financial trouble, going from buying the house,getting married and the invitro, which was super expensive even though he make a good income, he was the only one contributing, on top of that soon after they got married , her sister and her husband and 2 kids move in, and he was the only one paying the bills, he never much knew how to say no, his way of coping is to cheat or be quite.

 

I knew he cared about me, but I sensed a change in him, from the person I knew, long ago, after a few months I told him I was not comfortable being his whore.... We can call it what we may , but that is how I felt...... He told me he loved me and he promised everything would be ok.even though we have been on and off I knew this man like a book , I felt like I was not the only one he was messing with, so one day when he came to see me I asked him point blank if he was flipping someone other than me, he hesitated at first then told me the truth, that after him and I stop speaking he connected with a individual he knew from high school and he just have not come around to breaking it off. I Told him to go **** himself, and leave me alone I am not his toy, I played that before he got married and I am not going to do this again. Not to call or text back my phone and gave him some choicely word I prefer not to say here.

 

Didn't hear from him for 2weeks then he called and told me he is sorry and he missed me, and he would break it off with the other girl. Got sucked back in. However due to that and the wife we just kept arguing,me cutting him off him calling me or me calling him back. Seems like one big toxic hell , that neither of us could keep away from.2014 came around things got better, we went out like normal arguing calmed, he was integrating with me and kiddo...going to the beach, movies and the park... In June I got a late night text, as far as I was told him and the wife agreed they were getting a divorce and she was ok, with that , they was just living in the same house, till things got sorted out.

 

Yea stupid me, any how the text said, "are you ****ing my man" now this is coming from his phone, and it didn't say are u ****ing my husband , I stopped for a second and I said who is this , the person said his girlfriend,,,,,, lol I shaked my head and said (female dog) get off my phone . She went on are u ****ing my man and when it's the last time you ****ed him.... So now I am thinking this is the chick he was screwing and told me he stop speaking to, so I went into defense mood and told her where to go, and if you are not his wife , go **** yourself. The person said" this is his wife dummy" I said well I apologize for my choicely word, with all said and done that is something you need to discuss with your husband... I blocked his number on my phone. Then just latd down and started thinking how the hell did I get here ........

 

I just start feeling all kind of hate for him, I was doing good a week pass , even though I was mad as hell , and missed him all in the same minute , I stayed strong , 2 weeks good. I am not a Facebook person but I do have a Facebook that I use for interaction with other student and my teachers, since I am going for my bachelor online...... I use my middle name instead of my first name to avoid anyone I don't want to find me. Well guess who found me, and requested my friendship, I accepted it, yes dumb. He went on to tell me she messed up his phone that night and broke it and he, called his cousin to get the number back, but she wouldn't give him and he searched Facebook until he found me, he was too scared to stop by, that I would curse at him.and that they are not together she was just doing that to piss me off.

 

I told him I just could not deal with all that anymore. Please don't text or call...... September he call me and ask how I was doing I told him I was good he told me they put the house up for sale, and he is looking somewhere to go as soon as it is sold. I said ok, then checked zillow and indeed the house was for sale but I knew it would not sell for the price it was listed because of the economy , not because of the house itself it was a beautiful house,I told him to lower the price so it sell faster, so he could leave , if he want to be with me,he said he could not because she refuse to lower it .I left it alone that's there affair, we met up and went out, then came back to my home,I saw that he had something on his mind , I said what's wrong he said nothing, and on top of that the s. Xx was horrid to say the least.

 

So I said who are u screwing now , he said no one. I said if you don't tell e the truth, I swear to g 9' d I will speak back to you as long as I live , he told me the chick he was messing with from high school, I stayed calm I said what do you want. He said I don't know and start crying, grown ass bkitch sorry for my word frustrated.That he loved me, but he cared about her too, that when he was going throw everything with the baby and the wife, she was there for him, even what he is going through with her now. So I said how was I suppose to go through anything with you, with the child you lost if I was not there. Would it have been better if I stuck around and be your whore after you got married, he shake his head no.

 

I asked him to leave and wish him well with chick. October he call be asking how I was doing and that he was sorry how everything worked out , I said I was ok, I am kool do whatever make you happy, he reply he is not happy, he love me and miss me and think he made a mistake.and that he moved out of the house and he is by his dad.... I said why didn't he move In with the girlfriend he want something for himself. I muted and laughed out loud.... Then he told me he was going on vacation and got a tattoo lol, this man is 36 and now he wants a tattoo, and he work in the corporate field, at this point I think he is going through a midlife crisis. We started talking to each other almost daily , no seeing each other, on thanksgiving we was on the phone most of the day then he stopped by for food and stayed for a little then left.....

 

He was not with her...... We seem to be ok , if nothing else as friends, Christmas he text me 5 am in the morning to wish me Merry Christmas, I thought that was suspect why so early unless , you are going to be busy on Christmas and unable to speak to me. I did not respond at all, I didn't see him text/ call back for the day... Shake my head.... Morning after I got a gm text . I didn't answer come new yr he text me, 12:30 to wish me happy New Years I text back finally happy new year..... Later on in the day I asked him how was his new year, first thing he said I text you on Christmas I didn't hear anything from you since then, and that his new year was good. I kept it cordial and said that's good so was mine, he said ok that's good......

 

Up to now I didn't hear anything else from him.... I text him today in the morning have not heard even a hello........I know he is no good but I love this man ..... I just need the strength to walk away for good.

 

This maybe all worded, fragmented and long in the worse way, lol just feeling lonely with the new year starting and emotional......

Edited January 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Use paragraphs next time, it helps to be able to read your post

[Poppy47]

I think if you want anybody to read it and make sense of it you should edit it and shorten it .

Poppy

[Rainbowlove]

Summerize.

 

I couldn't get through it. Way too long.

 

Love to offer support.

[Josmatjes]

Ok... This man doesnot know what the hell he wants. So far he has cheated on everybody...you included! Is this what you want your life to be? He will tell you what you want to hear so you stay on the crazy train with him. A man of 36 should be more responsible.

Get rid of this guy. Think of yourself and your child. You deserve someone who will put you number one above all else, and work out problems with you instead of going to other woman..

Just go NC with him....block his number and have faith that everything will be okay...just stay away from him,he is trouble that you don't need in your life...

[jellybean89]

I couldn't really follow what the story is besides you keep having sex with a married guy cause you "love him". Not sure you really understand love because what you have with this guy - a friends with benefits thing - isn't what love is.

 

My thought -- focus on your child and stop sleeping with this guy who seems to be sleeping with a lot of women. I hope you are using condoms too.

 

I am assuming you are very young - as in late teens, early 20's (got this impression from the way you write). The MM is 36 - he isn't old enough to have a mid life crisis. He just seems like a dude who likes to have sex with pretty much every woman he meets.

 

If your daughter was in your shoes, would you be good with her being this guys sometimes mistress? Wouldn't you want better for her? Wouldn't you tell her to stop screwing this guy and to get him out of her life? Why in the world do you keep inserting yourself into his life? Why do you allow him to use you like this?