runner1987 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Hi Everyone, I'm new to this forum and looking for some advice on my situation. I would appreciate any responses, so thank you in advance! I have a friend that I met through his aunt and in the beginning, we hung out a few times and just talked, but then had no contact for about a month. Then one night, he texted me and we met up briefly. Since then, we hung out a lot more, doing things that would normally be considered “dates” or “couples” things. We made it very clear that we were just friends, but we were flirting a lot and there was a lot of chemistry between us. One night, we both got drunk and ended up having sex. I left immediately after and did’t hear from him for ~2 weeks because he went out of town for the holidays. When he came back, we talked about what happened and everything seemed normal except I noticed we didn't flirt anymore and weren’t as open with each other like before. We had sex one other time after that (again, while we were drunk) and then he asked me to have sex once more (while we were sober) and I said no the last time because I didn't want him to think of me as just someone he can have sex with anytime. I’ve also noticed he pretty much ignores me when we hang out in group situations now. I’m not sure how to approach things with him. I know our relationship wasn't the same after we had sex the first time, but I thought we would be able to look past it because we talked about it. He said it didn’t feel awkward, so not sure why he’s acting different. He seems to be okay with me when it’s just us two though. Also, we talk to each other about dating other people and about our exes (he isn’t over his, but I’m over mine), so I thought it was pretty obvious we were just friends. Now I’m getting the feeling that he only wanted sex and maybe using me to get over his ex or until he works things out with her. I can’t help but feel disrespected, but I know I’m also to blame. Any advice on if/how we can still be friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Danda Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 In the end it's up to you and what you're okay with, but I doubt he sees you as much more than rebound sex. Friends don't go on "dates" and flirt a lot with each other. When a female friend and I hang out, we don't flirt with each other, give it a little perspective. He's not over his ex. The two of you only had sex if you were both drunk, so neither of you at full cognitive capacity. Friends also spend time with each other and talk to each other even while not expecting sex or wanting sex (obviously lol), and friends treat each other the same way whether in a group or just the two of them. SO I don't think you and this guy were ever actually friends in the first place, and if you feel differently about each other (which you seem to) then I don't think it's realistic to try to push a friendship that probably wasn't there in the first place. Are you positive that what you feel is disrespect and not disappointment? If he never lied to you, never committed to you and it was your consenting choice to sleep with him, then I just don't see how he disrespected you. Especially if he admitted to you outright that he's still not over his ex, which is basically saying, "If we're anything more than friends, it's a rebound." But if you developed feels and were ready for more, or wanting more, then feeling disappointed is a very rational and normal emotion in that situation. But it is what it is. Sucks, but best to move on IMO. Probably want to avoid being drunk while having sex with someone for the first few times. I know for me personally alcohol makes everything feel a little more 'right' and 'good' and 'okay' than it might feel if I was sober, but can't stay drunk forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author runner1987 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hi Danda, Thank you for the response. You're right about me feeling disappointed, not disrespected. He was pretty honest with me from the beginning. Maybe I gave him the benefit of the doubt (that we could possibly still be friends) because I know his aunt and I do like her and respect her a lot as a person. Anyway, everything you've said I have already thought about and I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. Do I or should I even need to say anything to him at this point or just stop contact altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
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