Ex is engaged

[BC1980]

Yes, BC1980, I can relate very much. Tears are splashing all over my keyboard because I'm sitting here this morning feeling the EXACT same thing. That I, always Miss Direction, am not at all certain where to head next. That I'm living in this beautiful state so rich with all kinds of history and yet I have no history here; my ex and his family were the foundations of the history I hoped to build here. Just before reading your post, I looked up my ex's hometown and tried to find information on his family ranch. Just out of a sense of longing and a little envy, too, that he can boast such roots here, and meanwhile I'm just trying to get through day by day, always feeling that what I care about most in life, the deeper part of things, is just out of reach.

 

And, yes, I think your ex is trying to minimize things...or perhaps doesn't even realize that there are "things" needing to be minimized. He has proven he has a poor radar. His fiance did not win a prize in "winning" him.

 

Never in my life have I felt this lost. I'm shocked that he could come into my life and leave me so directionless with his abrupt departure. I've done a lot of things to propel myself forward. My life is completely different than it was 1.5 years ago. In a way, it's the life I've always wanted, but, still, that sense of longing for a bigger purpose. The sense of longing for more security to go home to at night. Honestly, I think the love, investment, and attachment to his child is a big part of the problem. I mean, I was going to adopt his son as my own. I was the major caretaker for this child, and he's just gone one day. I had plans to watch him grow up, and I sometimes wonder if I ever even grieved that loss at all. I certainly blocked that particular loss out of my mind for a very long time because it was simply too much to take on. I don't miss my ex. I miss the FEELING of having secure unit to go home to at night. Of knowing someone else has your back. Even if that feeling was never really validated by reality, I felt it. I miss is greatly. I've grieved the relationship, I've accepted the loss, I've moved on, but I still long for that feeling.

 

The poor fiance. Probably very in love and thinking he loves her for who she is. I felt like I was just brought in to see if I ticked off the boxes. Ultimately, I didn't meet those goals for him, so he kept me around and strung me along. Once he found someone who did tick off all the boxes, he went for her. She is exactly what he wanted in a wife, to the tee. More so than his first wife. I often felt like kindred spirits to his first wife because I think she suffered some of the same abuse as me. From what he told me, and what I could gather, she had a difficult time with him.

[BC1980]

I still feel like my current ex's home was my home too...I've never felt like I had a home until I moved in with him. Everything just fit. It's been extremely hard for me to detach myself from those feelings. I made a better life with my ex, his cats, my dog and with his family. I was very emotionally involved with every aspect of us. I had never felt that close to anyone in my entire life and it was yanked away from me. It was never really there to begin with on their part. I wasn't special. They didn't care. I was just another girl my ex brought to family get togethers.

 

Don't be sad B. You've gotten this far. (= We're all here for you.

 

Thanks. *Sigh* I completely empathize with what you wrote above. Sometimes, the stuff that you think is on offer never really was. I certainly learned that the hard way, although I kinda knew it in my heart all along.

[me85]

I kinda knew it in my heart all along.

 

So did I, but it's no matter now. I'm a happy person with lots to offer & so are you. You'll fall in love again. You'll be respected and adored. It's not easy to find our way when we feel so lost and alone but we will. I'm still zig zagging through the maze I created for myself.

 

This is a quote from one of my favorite movies, Proof :

 

"How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in. But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go in inside, I wonder... will I ever be able to find my way out?"

[Simon Phoenix]

Never in my life have I felt this lost. I'm shocked that he could come into my life and leave me so directionless with his abrupt departure. I've done a lot of things to propel myself forward. My life is completely different than it was 1.5 years ago. In a way, it's the life I've always wanted, but, still, that sense of longing for a bigger purpose. The sense of longing for more security to go home to at night. Honestly, I think the love, investment, and attachment to his child is a big part of the problem. I mean, I was going to adopt his son as my own. I was the major caretaker for this child, and he's just gone one day. I had plans to watch him grow up, and I sometimes wonder if I ever even grieved that loss at all. I certainly blocked that particular loss out of my mind for a very long time because it was simply too much to take on. I don't miss my ex. I miss the FEELING of having secure unit to go home to at night. Of knowing someone else has your back. Even if that feeling was never really validated by reality, I felt it. I miss is greatly. I've grieved the relationship, I've accepted the loss, I've moved on, but I still long for that feeling.

 

The poor fiance. Probably very in love and thinking he loves her for who she is. I felt like I was just brought in to see if I ticked off the boxes. Ultimately, I didn't meet those goals for him, so he kept me around and strung me along. Once he found someone who did tick off all the boxes, he went for her. She is exactly what he wanted in a wife, to the tee. More so than his first wife. I often felt like kindred spirits to his first wife because I think she suffered some of the same abuse as me. From what he told me, and what I could gather, she had a difficult time with him.

 

I think it might be time for you to start looking at new hospitals to work at. It seems like you are backsliding a bit, not out of longing for him, but out of longing for what he has that has been sparked by this news and him being around.

[BC1980]

I think it might be time for you to start looking at new hospitals to work at. It seems like you are backsliding a bit, not out of longing for him, but out of longing for what he has that has been sparked by this news and him being around.

 

Simon, thanks for weighing in. I respect and appreciate your input. I have gone back and forth with regards to changing jobs. I have dabbled in looking at other hospitals, but I've yet to see a position that really interests me. The big hold up is that my current job is honestly my dream job, and my co-workers are wonderful. It honestly couldn't be a better or more positive working environment. But I can't help but realize that if I had never seen him again, I would not be having these thoughts. Throughout this process, every time I was turning a corner, he popped back into my life, or some cr@p was brought to my attention. It's a constant feeling of "when is enough enough? When will this finally be put to rest?" It's like it never ends.

 

I think I've done well considering all that I've been through, but I can't deny that seeing him or being forced to interact with him doesn't bring up some residual emotion. I think it would for most people considering what transpired between us. I am comforted by the fact that the residual emotion is not filled with longing for him or what we had but of general disgust at his actions and realization that I could never feel the same way for him again. That, in and of itself, is a sad realization on many levels. I think the bottom line is that the entire thing has me thinking of him again and processing emotions once again. It's not healthy for me in any way, but I don't see any way around it for the time being.

[Deidre]

Well, today I found out that my ex is engaged and getting married in March. . . . to a women he apparently knew when we were together. I don't know if there was cheating, but I always had a feeling something was up. I feel relieved. I was so scared he would try to come back, and I wouldn't be strong enough to resist. I was so scared he would pull me back in, and I wouldn't be strong enough. It's finally over.

 

I also want to take this post as an opportunity to encourage everyone to go NC that has not already done so. At this time, I'm able to handle this information and feel relieved. If this had been 6 months ago, I would have been an absolute mess. I stayed NC and am happy to say that is the reason I was able to extricate myself from this situation. I was able to become emotionally free because of NC. I'm not completely indifferent, but I'm close. I love everyone on LS who has followed my story, and I cannot express the appreciation I have for everyone's support. This forum has absolutely played a huge role in my ability to cope and move forward.

 

People, please go NC! Do it before you find something like this out. NC has paid dividends in the long term.

 

This is a beautiful post, thank you for sharing...and I'm glad to see you're in a better place!

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, thanks for weighing in. I respect and appreciate your input. I have gone back and forth with regards to changing jobs. I have dabbled in looking at other hospitals, but I've yet to see a position that really interests me. The big hold up is that my current job is honestly my dream job, and my co-workers are wonderful. It honestly couldn't be a better or more positive working environment. But I can't help but realize that if I had never seen him again, I would not be having these thoughts. Throughout this process, every time I was turning a corner, he popped back into my life, or some cr@p was brought to my attention. It's a constant feeling of "when is enough enough? When will this finally be put to rest?" It's like it never ends.

 

I think I've done well considering all that I've been through, but I can't deny that seeing him or being forced to interact with him doesn't bring up some residual emotion. I think it would for most people considering what transpired between us. I am comforted by the fact that the residual emotion is not filled with longing for him or what we had but of general disgust at his actions and realization that I could never feel the same way for him again. That, in and of itself, is a sad realization on many levels. I think the bottom line is that the entire thing has me thinking of him again and processing emotions once again. It's not healthy for me in any way, but I don't see any way around it for the time being.

 

Well, you can't just up and quit, but I'd keep looking, because while your thoughts are different than what they have been in the past, which is a sign that you've progressed a ton, you are starting to analyze this a bit too much.

[BC1980]

Well, you can't just up and quit, but I'd keep looking, because while your thoughts are different than what they have been in the past, which is a sign that you've progressed a ton, you are starting to analyze this a bit too much.

 

I agree that the analyzing is too much. I'm honestly emotionally drained from it at this point and just want it to go away. It just feels like a bunch of stuff happened in a short period of time (talking to him a work, finding out he got engaged so quickly, him sending that email). My friend at work said it best. You just need to ignore him at work, and don't get worked up about him saying "hi." Just get to that point, and move on. You either make peace with him being here, or find another job. Maybe I'm just making it too difficult

[BC1980]

This is a beautiful post, thank you for sharing...and I'm glad to see you're in a better place!

 

I would have been completely devastated if I had found out about the engagement this past summer or sooner. Now, it doesn't bother me that much. I'm not surprised. There was an incident that tipped me off to him having someone else long before all of this. An interesting exchange that I had with a mutual acquaintance that let me know something was up.

 

The real key was being able to get enough time away to build up my self esteem and be objective with regards to what a poor partner he is. How bad the entire situation had become and how no one deserves to be in that kind of a relationship. The best advice from LS was NC. By far, the best advice.

[BC1980]

So did I, but it's no matter now. I'm a happy person with lots to offer & so are you. You'll fall in love again. You'll be respected and adored. It's not easy to find our way when we feel so lost and alone but we will. I'm still zig zagging through the maze I created for myself.

 

This is a quote from one of my favorite movies, Proof :

 

"How many days have I lost? How can I get back to the place where I started? I'm outside a house, trying to find my way in. But it is locked and the blinds are down, and I've lost the key, and I can't remember what the rooms look like or where I put anything. And if I dare go in inside, I wonder... will I ever be able to find my way out?"

 

It's hard to go through such a traumatic event when you also don't feel that you are at your personal best. I know I've mentioned my eating disorder several times on LS, but I've constantly battled the feeling that something is wrong with me because I have struggled with an eating disorder. I find it difficult to let people in on the real me, and I find it difficult to sit in the moment and just be happy. I always feel that there is some type of improvement to be made that I can never reach. Those are struggles that are independent of relationships but that can be exacerbated by a breakup.

 

Most likely, my ex never committed to me because he could not stand that fact that I had struggled with an eating disorder. He really was very cruel about anyone with eating disorders or addictions. Very dismissive and cold. Being around someone like that really takes a tole on you because you never feel accepted for who you are. That type of rejection is extremely difficult to overcome. It's a rejection of who you are as a person, and it's brutal. It confirms all of those long held fears that you actually are a freak, there is something definitely wrong with you, and you can't ever be in a functional relationship.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree that the analyzing is too much. I'm honestly emotionally drained from it at this point and just want it to go away. It just feels like a bunch of stuff happened in a short period of time (talking to him a work, finding out he got engaged so quickly, him sending that email). My friend at work said it best. You just need to ignore him at work, and don't get worked up about him saying "hi." Just get to that point, and move on. You either make peace with him being here, or find another job. Maybe I'm just making it too difficult

 

Yeah, you have to find some way to get past it to where it doesn't reverberate in your head every time you see him, he messages you, or you hear from him. Either block it out, or straight out tell him that unless you have something work related to discuss that he needs to leave you alone. Or find another job. Either way, you're teetering between healthy reflection and unhealthy ruminating.

[SadPanda20]

So I just briefly read your threads. Wow. Very similar situation, except I didn't even have time to begin NC. He was still living with me in Dec. when he finally admitted he had been seeing a girl 6 weeks and then 2 weeks after I kicked him out of the apartment he proposed. He took her on our planned vacation. I hope I can one day get past all of this. I am still in shock honestly. Did your man ever give you an explanation of why he left?

[HowMightI-live]

Congrats darling.

look where hard work has gotten you. The next time something happens and you swear you can't get through it, remember this moment. It is yours.

Edited January 19, 2015 by HowMightI-live

[BC1980]

So I just briefly read your threads. Wow. Very similar situation, except I didn't even have time to begin NC. He was still living with me in Dec. when he finally admitted he had been seeing a girl 6 weeks and then 2 weeks after I kicked him out of the apartment he proposed. He took her on our planned vacation. I hope I can one day get past all of this. I am still in shock honestly. Did your man ever give you an explanation of why he left?

 

He never gave me any concrete explanation, though I certainly tried to get him to give me something. He kept saying, "We just aren't compatible." Basically, he strung me along for 3 years until he found someone better. He never loved or accepted me unconditionally, and I knew that the entire time. I certainly tried to convince myself otherwise, but, in my heart, I knew this guy wasn't capable to valuing me for me. The woman he is marrying is, on paper, exactly what he wanted, which makes perfect sense. He's more concerned with outward commonalities than with mutual respect, love, and acceptance in a relationship. So we are clearly incompatible and were from day one.

 

Your situation sounds terrible, and I'm sorry you are going through it. That is really cr@ppy to take her on your planned vacation. I think that kind of behavior just shows that he has no compassion at all. You have to wonder what type of woman would even want to go on that vacation, but you never know what BS he told her. I was in shock for a few months at least. I kept thinking he would change his mind, and I would wake up from all of this. It takes awhile for it all to sink in. My ex actually broke up with me the day before we had planned to start marriage counseling with the pastor who was going to marry us. So he flipped a total 180 on me at the last minute, which I found exceptionally cruel. We had our little bumps in the road all along, but there was never anything dramatic that immediately precipitated the breakup. So, yeah, I was in total shock for awhile.

 

Fortunately, I woke up from all of this on the other side, and you will too. This time last year, I had just started NC, and I had moments where I literally wanted to lie on the ground and cry and scream. I had anxiety attacks and couldn't sleep. Today, the idea that I even felt that way is so foreign to me that I can't remember what it was like. I can't even remember what it felt like to love him. He certainly was never deserving of the unconditional love that I gave him.

[BC1980]

Congrats darling.

look where hard work has gotten you. The next time something happens and you swear you can't get through it, remember this moment. It is yours.

 

Thanks:-) I do feel that if I can get through this, I can do anything.

[BC1980]

I wanted to share an update on the situation with the ring. Well, my dad met my ex today to get the ring and some pottery that I had left at my ex's house. I haven't seen the ring and don't want to, so my dad is keeping it for me. I haven't exactly decided what to do with the ring yet. I might try my hand at selling it or take it back to the jeweler to upgrade to something better one day. I truly appreciate everyone's feedback on what to do with the ring, and I really did take it all into consideration. I know that I went against the majority of the opinions by getting the ring, but I felt that I might actually regret not doing so one day. I think that I've also moved so far past my ex that it simply doesn't affect me nearly as much as it once would have. My ex said he had listed the ring only on eBay, so he obviously wasn't working very hard to sell it. I was honestly surprised he had even attempted to sell it at all.

 

I'm actually sitting back with a smile on my face, as this entire saga has truly drawn to a close. A few interesting notes about my dad's meeting with my ex. My dad said my ex talked a lot about his job and why he left the old job. My dad actually had to cut him off because it was just ridiculous,and he wouldn't shut up You gotta love it. I chuckled when I heard that because some things will never change. Even in what should have been a truly uncomfortable situation, my ex made it all about himself. My dad said he acted like they were old pals. Also, my ex made my dad sign a waiver that he was acting in my behalf with getting the ring. Okay, I kinda get that because the ring is worth a nice little chunk, but my ex also included the pottery (11 pieces). I mean, all I can do is laugh. Why include the pottery? I just thought I'd share those little tidbits with everyone because they were funny but yet so typical of my ex.

 

I never did respond to the email he sent me. I did debate responding to some extent but felt it was best to leave the past in the past. Part of me wanted to respond that I felt what he did was truly reprehensible, especially relating to his son and the lack of any apology. In the end, I felt it would have been a big step backwards to respond, and I also felt that he could have cared less anyway. He will never "get it," and I can't make him feel human emotions. Best to brush it off and keep moving forward. Anyway, I'm glad that this is FINALLY over, and I actually feel pretty good spirited about it. I'm glad I got the ring back, and my dad and I had a nice little laugh over how self-absorbed and clueless my ex is. Again, thanks to everyone for the advice, and I'm glad this will be the last thread I create about this particular relationship. I've closed the file on him and couldn't be more content about it.

Edited January 23, 2015 by BC1980

[Mariposa10]

Wow, BC, a lot of things happened!! I was also one of those people that recommended not to take the ring, but if in the end it was up to you. Why don't you just sell it?

 

Anyway, I think you've handled things perfectly!

[BC1980]

Wow, BC, a lot of things happened!! I was also one of those people that recommended not to take the ring, but if in the end it was up to you. Why don't you just sell it?

 

Anyway, I think you've handled things perfectly!

 

Hey! Long time, no see:-) I'll probably end up selling it, but I need to research the best way to do that. I've also considered trading it in at the jewelry store where it was bought to get something else. I think I'm just gonna sit on it for the time being.

 

Anyway, how's it going?

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Hey BC! I'm glad to hear you'll be making some nice bank from that loser. You handled the situation beautifully, too. I hope you invest some of that money in a long-term hobby or interest that will help you move forward...and some of it in scotch. Have you tried the Glenfarclas 105?

 

Today I found out my Worst Ex had recently married someone he'd known for just a few months. I also discovered that he was now working in extremely close proximity of my dream job, a job I might actually have a shot at getting. While I was less than jazzed about the second part, the first part felt strangely relieving. Like, thank God it isn't me! There was nothing wrong with me. It's been almost two years and he's still unstable and impulsive, making unstable and impulsive decisions. And while I'm not enthused about seeing him if I get this dream job, I'm so far beyond it his presence seems a very small price to pay.

 

I do feel horribly for the girl he left me for (who was dumped for his now-wife). I was SO jealous of her after our breakup! She's sweet, beautiful, whip-smart, has a dream career, the whole package. Apparently she's devastated. I spent a little while today willing the universe to find her a sexy millionaire with a PhD in psychology.

 

I am just so glad to be done with him, and even gladder to be with a man who is both brilliant and stable. I love him more and more every day. Even if this relationship isn't The One, it's a million times better knowing what a genuinely healthy relationship looks like. I'm relieved that such a toxic part of my life is now so far in my past. Hopefully you're feeling that way too, and if not today, I hope you do soon.

Edited January 31, 2015 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[BC1980]

Today I found out my Worst Ex had recently married someone he'd known for just a few months. I also discovered that he was now working in extremely close proximity of my dream job, a job I might actually have a shot at getting. While I was less than jazzed about the second part, the first part felt strangely relieving. Like, thank God it isn't me! There was nothing wrong with me. It's been almost two years and he's still unstable and impulsive, making unstable and impulsive decisions. And while I'm not enthused about seeing him if I get this dream job, I'm so far beyond it his presence seems a very small price to pay.

 

Relief was also the overwhelming emotion that I felt when I found out he was engaged. There was a little sadness that lasted about a day, but I think it was just residual emotion. Probably from realizing that he never loved me and didn't value what I thought we had. I've been nicely surprised with how little I care. He's just not even on my radar anymore, and it seems like a lifetime ago. I think I mainly grieved over who I thought he was and the life I thought we had. The reality was something much different, and I can only say that I feel like a scam was run on me. Does that make sense? It's an unsettling feeling. I feel that he strung me along and never truly loved me. He used me for his own benefit and dropped me just as quickly as we started dating. It's the oddest feeling. Like he ran a true scam on my heart and smashed it in the process. But it feels like I was played, and that's a scary feeling. I know a lot of it has to do with my refusal to see him for who he truly is/was.

 

I hate that your ex might work in close proximity with you. When my ex came back, it was so freaking weird. The first time I talked to him was just weird, but I rarely see him. I've seen him maybe 5 times in 4 months and talked to him 3 times that I remember. I think he finally understood that I wasn't up for small talk when I walked by him and ignored him a few weeks ago. It was the first time he didn't attempt to speak to me. So it can be done. You can work near an ex, but it took a lot of mental willpower in the beginning.

 

I'm glad you are in a better relationship. I think that finding people who actually love you in a healthy way can go a long way to mending the heart. I'm still in a place where I question if there are actually people out there who can love me in a healthy manner, but maybe that will change one day.

[BC1980]

Just looking for a little advice and support. Last week, my ex sent a second package to my parents' house. It contained 2 birthday cards that were from 2012, both given to me by family members. The ex sent a note that said he found them while cleaning out his house. We had previously discussed that I didn't want anything from his house. It's not necessarily what the package contained but the fact that I don't want him to send this cr@p. He doesn't know where I live at the moment, which is why he sent the stuff to my parents' house. A similar package arrived last summer. My question: Do I tell him to stop? Last summer, I never acknowledged the note and package. I thought it would just go away. I just don't want to receive random packages anymore.

 

Also, I was on FB, which is so rare for me anyway. I almost never get on FB, and the first thing that pops up is a picture of my ex and his new fiance at what I'm guessing is some sort of couple's wedding shower. Scared the sh*t out of me to be honest. The ex doesn't use FB as far as I know, and I blocked his fiance months ago. Still, we have several mutual friends due to working together, and the mutual friend was the one who posted the pic. There's no point of telling this other than to vent and just state how weird it was to see the pic. I guess it just hurts that people who I consider friends commented on and liked the pic. I know how freaking immature and stupid FB is, and it all means nothing. Still, it hurt me a little. Maybe this is another reason that I need to get off FB. I've deactivated the account several times only to reactivate.

Edited March 8, 2015 by BC1980

[FancyFace]

Hey BC. I understand the need to want him to stop with the packages but if I have read correctly from your previous posts about the type of man your ex is (narcissistic tendencies) the best way to get him to stop would be to ignore it. Eventually he will get the freaking point and go away for good.

 

I reckon he is just trying to get a rise out of you. Any attention you give him, whether negative or positive, he will feed off of so the best way is to starve the beast. What you can do is tell your parents that should they receive these type of packages again they should just thrown them out and not inform you.

 

As for the Facebook situation. I am so sorry about that. I have deactivated all my social media because it was hurting me and I just didn't trust myself to not stalk. I feel much better because of it and I have no plans to go back. Remember that it's a facade and nothing all that good comes from it. The people liking and commenting on his pictures are just playing along with societal norms and probably were not thinking all that much. Try not take it personally.

 

If something only brings hurt or pain into your life, then why not remove it from your life permanently or at least until you can handle it.

[BC1980]

Hey BC. I understand the need to want him to stop with the packages but if I have read correctly from your previous posts about the type of man your ex is (narcissistic tendencies) the best way to get him to stop would be to ignore it. Eventually he will get the freaking point and go away for good.

 

I reckon he is just trying to get a rise out of you. Any attention you give him, whether negative or positive, he will feed off of so the best way is to starve the beast. What you can do is tell your parents that should they receive these type of packages again they should just thrown them out and not inform you.

 

As for the Facebook situation. I am so sorry about that. I have deactivated all my social media because it was hurting me and I just didn't trust myself to not stalk. I feel much better because of it and I have no plans to go back. Remember that it's a facade and nothing all that good comes from it. The people liking and commenting on his pictures are just playing along with societal norms and probably were not thinking all that much. Try not take it personally.

 

If something only brings hurt or pain into your life, then why not remove it from your life permanently or at least until you can handle it.

 

Thanks for taking the time to comment. So far, ignoring the packages has seemed the answer. I almost recoil at the thought of contacting him again. I'd have to unblock his email address to do so. It's just so freaking bizarre, and it's like the breakup that won't end. Last summer, I figured that package would be the last because I never acknowledged it, now I'm wondering if he will send them every few months. I really think he does it to get a rise out of me. I think he wants to "poke the bear" and see if I will respond. I mean, who sends old birthday cards? It's just so inappropriate.

 

The FB thing couldn't be helped. It's just an unfortunate part of having mutual friends. Thanks for reminding me that the people liking it an commenting were just going on societal norms. I've told that to other people, but funny how it stung a bit when it happened to me:p I guess it was just a weird moment to see him with another woman. It's just insane to think how he could have been so excited and planning our wedding, and, now, he's doing the same with someone else. It's just bizarre.

 

I really wish I could just shout out to the heavens how mean and awful he was to me. I guess that's a normal wish, but I wouldn't act on it. No one else really cares that much. Well, the wedding will be over soon, and that will be that. Sometimes, I just sit here and wonder how this all happened to me. We have so many mutual friends and people we work with. We used to be the golden couple at work. People would comment on how much this guy loved and doted on me. They would say how happy and in love he seemed. I just hate that I'm even revisiting this again, and I feel like I have allowed him to get the best of me by sending the package.

[Haydn]

Don't acknowledge you received it. He does want to make sure you are still listening. I still get a trickle of pointless things sent me from my ex. I don't acknowledge it. 'Found these socks of yours'

 

Yes it an attempt to off balance us. It only will if you respond. Don't.

 

FB, you need to find a way to not be so curious. I know these things can happen accidentally. I actually did unfriend mutual friends. I told them why and they were kind enough to understand. Once she was blocked she never showed up. Obviously FB can be a minefield!

 

Keep going.

[lgspot]

Thanks for taking the time to comment. So far, ignoring the packages has seemed the answer. I almost recoil at the thought of contacting him again. I'd have to unblock his email address to do so. It's just so freaking bizarre, and it's like the breakup that won't end. Last summer, I figured that package would be the last because I never acknowledged it, now I'm wondering if he will send them every few months. I really think he does it to get a rise out of me. I think he wants to "poke the bear" and see if I will respond. I mean, who sends old birthday cards? It's just so inappropriate.

 

The FB thing couldn't be helped. It's just an unfortunate part of having mutual friends. Thanks for reminding me that the people liking it an commenting were just going on societal norms. I've told that to other people, but funny how it stung a bit when it happened to me:p I guess it was just a weird moment to see him with another woman. It's just insane to think how he could have been so excited and planning our wedding, and, now, he's doing the same with someone else. It's just bizarre.

 

I really wish I could just shout out to the heavens how mean and awful he was to me. I guess that's a normal wish, but I wouldn't act on it. No one else really cares that much. Well, the wedding will be over soon, and that will be that. Sometimes, I just sit here and wonder how this all happened to me. We have so many mutual friends and people we work with. We used to be the golden couple at work. People would comment on how much this guy loved and doted on me. They would say how happy and in love he seemed. I just hate that I'm even revisiting this again, and I feel like I have allowed him to get the best of me by sending the package.

 

Yes, the packages are part of his game.

He wants to MAKE YOU acknowledge him.

He wants to rub the marriage in.....

He isn't getting the best of you because you are not engaging.

Ignore... Ignore... Ignore...

I believe in time you will see, that you have indeed bested him in life.....