Ex is engaged

[BC1980]

Also, if it is any comfort to you, my narcissist had been married a couple times and had one broken engagement, and with each attempt at marriage, he was always uncertain whether or not to marry the girl, even on the very day of each wedding, but went through with it anyway and hoped for the best. So what you see in a FB photo can falsely reflect what may be really going on in his head about the relationship.

 

Funny you should mention this, and it does make me feel better. My ex said that he could never be sure if he was marrying the right person. He said there was no way to be completely sure and that he was never 100% sure with his first marriage. I just found that odd and a different way of thinking than myself. He got engaged to his first wife after 3 months of dating and 5 months after she had gotten out of a LTR. I found that really weird as well. Then, he gets engaged to this new woman after 5 months (if you believe they weren't seeing each other when we were still talking).

 

Oh well, who even knows or cares. Whatever he does with his life, he can have it. I have no interest in what he is doing. I recently wondered if all of this would eventually blow up in his face, and I realized that I wouldn't care. It's a nice place to be.

[BC1980]

This really sounds like my situation regarding my ex gf. We were planning to get married four months after she left me and two months later she is in a relationship with a bouncer at her work then engaged to him after six weeks of their relationship. He even sent me a picture of the ring on her hand really hurts but the joke is on them really I think becoming engaged after not even 2 months is rather pathetic and putting it on facebook just seems like such a childish little display

 

They both sound completely ridiculous, and I would block the number. Engaged in 6 weeks? That's a joke, and it won't end well for either of them.

[ruhrohcd]

I'm sorry to bump an old thread with something that may seem irrelevant, but I didn't think it warranted its own thread and I'm unable to PM. I wanted to post it because I know BC1980 has dealt with some similar things.

 

I struggle with depression, which is one of reasons my ex used for her leaving me. When she didn't seem to be hurting about leaving me at all, I suggested that I'd kill myself (partly meaning it, and 100% manipulation. Lesson learned). She had my parents call 911 and had me taken to the emergency room.

 

Knowing that I have severe depression and was crushed by her leaving me, what does she do? In December (four months later) she emailed me about a rental textbook worth about $100; this after she basically robbed me of, oh, let's say $15,000.

 

And then yesterday I got a small batch of things that she sent via my Little Brother that she still has contact with. The items: some touch-up paint for the electric car she wanted me to buy her (4 months before she left me), a DVD from a boxset that I bought for her son (that they left behind), a sticker, and a key to my mailbox.

 

BC1980, I was reminded of the silly stuff your ex would send along months and years after the fact. I can't comprehend how someone who once cared for me, and knows my circumstances, could be so shallow and cruel as to use such meaningless items to pop back up in my life.

 

I had contact with her for only a week after she left me. At one point she expressed some surprise that the suicide thing hadn't happened again. Me thinks her ego expected me to still be begging her to come back. Oh, I beg her to come back, but only in my mind and in my journal.

[BC1980]

Why does she send you stuff? I have no clue. We always want to know, but it's simply impossible. I think what we can know is that the other person doesn't understand that any contact is hurtful. Your ex isn't devastated in the same way, so she can't comprehend how you could be so hurt by her sending stuff to you. She might genuinely want to return the stuff, but some people do seem to send stuff at random intervals. I guess that could be for several reasons, but I wouldn't spend energy trying to figure it out.

 

I think for my ex, he just showed a general lack of empathy in many situations over the years. I can't imagine sending him such inconsequential stuff as what he sent me, but I don't know what goes on in his head. Maybe he really was cleaning the house and felt bad throwing the stuff away. Maybe he wanted my attention. Who even freaking cares? I have better things to do than try to decipher his motives. It's a dead end and certain to drive you crazy.

[BC1980]

I thought I would add something to this thread today since my ex is supposed to get married today. I've been sifting through my emotions, and I'm not quite as affected as I thought I might be. Or maybe I'm just not affected in the ways I thought I might be. A few months ago, I wondered if this day would be difficult for me, but I've really only thought about it in passing. I think the main feeling is one of "WTF happened"? How did I go from planning a wedding with him to the point I am at now? How is it that he is marrying someone else? How was I living with this man and sharing a life with him not so long ago? How did all of this happen? Does that feeling ever go away? We finalized the end a year and a half ago and haven't spoken since (except when we have been forced to at work).

 

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate to these feelings. I've never experienced them before. I don't hate him. I don't love him. At times, I have felt anger that he is supposedly happy and living the life he promised me. The life that I once wanted. I feel cheated in that regards, but it's a weird feeling. I still want to fall in love, get married, and have a life with someone one day. I just don't want to do all of that with him anymore. Still, I feel that he cheated me out of something. And then I wonder why in the heck I ever wanted that life with HIM? I remember desperately wanting that life at one time. Can anyone relate? What to do with all of these feelings? Do they ever go away completely?

[FortunateSon]

I definitely can relate BC. I found out my ex has recently gotten engaged as I suspected she would. She's now been engaged twice in the span of two years. Even though I wouldn't want her back, I do feel "cheated" like you do in that I am supposed to be settling into a life with someone and now they are with someone else. I know it is for the better, but it is still a bit frustrating. I think part of it is finding someone new, when I was dating someone for a few months at the beginning of the year that I really liked, those feelings went away.

[BC1980]

I definitely can relate BC. I found out my ex has recently gotten engaged as I suspected she would. She's now been engaged twice in the span of two years. Even though I wouldn't want her back, I do feel "cheated" like you do in that I am supposed to be settling into a life with someone and now they are with someone else. I know it is for the better, but it is still a bit frustrating. I think part of it is finding someone new, when I was dating someone for a few months at the beginning of the year that I really liked, those feelings went away.

 

It makes me feel like our entire relationship was a sham, and I don't know how he really felt about me. And I can't quite articulate how that makes me feel about what I experienced in the relationship. It's very confusing. I'm not sure how to make sense of it. Maybe I feel like he tricked me into thinking he was one person when he was someone else. A person that ended up being capable of things that blew me away. And maybe that is where I am confused.

 

But when I think about it, I always knew he was capable of what he ended up doing to me. I guess the big fallacy that many of us fall into is thinking that we are different. They will change for us. They will love us differently, or we will love them in a way that will change them. I can remember loving him so deeply and being so convinced that he felt the same. And now, neither of us feels the same way, and maybe he never did.

 

The whole idea of being cheated really stings at times. Like, he sold me this life, and then he said, "Hey, just kidding. Changed my mind." You can't put a price on the betrayal you feel after that. You can't undo that. You can't make up for that or apologize for that. There's no way to repay it. And the fact that he can just keep going, without skipping a beat. I just don't get it, and I feel that I was in love with a person that never existed.

Edited May 17, 2015 by BC1980

[FortunateSon]

Them moving on without skipping a beat is what bothers me the most. I took the time to heal and feel better, I can't understand how someone can jump into something mere months after a broken engagement and move forward. I can't wrap my head around it.

[BC1980]

Them moving on without skipping a beat is what bothers me the most. I took the time to heal and feel better, I can't understand how someone can jump into something mere months after a broken engagement and move forward. I can't wrap my head around it.

 

I think there are only two ways to explain that. One, the person had been easing out for a long time. Two, the person was never completely present to begin with. Both of those explanations are scary for me because my ex put up such a good front. He was scary good at projecting what he claimed to feel. I think that part freaks me out and just generally makes me uneasy when I look back on our time together.

 

I think the second option is probably true of my ex. As a general rule, he doesn't attach to people. I would say his son might be the only person he truly loves, and even that is not without its issues. Still, just the general feeling of being tricked for 3 years. It's not easy to make peace with. Logically, I know that none of it has anything to do with me, and I do believe, with all my heart, that there is a person out there who is capable of loving me unconditionally and in a genuine way. Still, the memories are there forever.