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Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex


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Why do we try hard for merely sex?

 

The fact that the word "merely" was used is a good part of it!

 

The only thing worse than "dying to get laid" is "not caring". The latter represents a significant loss of one's humanity. Sex is what gave me the will to live again.

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Frank2thepoint
Men are so pathetic:lmao:

 

It's convenient for you to say this with anonymity on the Internet. You should start off all conversations with men with this gem, and see how far you'll get.

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It's convenient for you to say this with anonymity on the Internet. You should start off all conversations with men with this gem, and see how far you'll get.

 

 

Yes, just another example of women casually disrespecting men as a matter of practice.

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This guy hasn't done anything yet to show that he's just not that into me.

 

It's too soon to make such accusations in retrospect.

 

He did really seem to like me and I don't see why he wouldn't.

 

Maybe sometimes a guy meets someone who he likes more than other women that he's met in a long while?

 

It's just too soon to come to any sort of conclusion yet. He's shown no sign of not being into me. When together, he acted very much into me.

 

At this early stage nothing is obvious. ...........

 

You've known him less than a week and he's already talking about girlfriends and the future and trying to have relationship talks with you. Talk about red flags!

 

As to why he is doing this...well, why not? Texting takes no effort or time at all, and if he can keep the relationship up with you, then he can have sex with you when he comes to visit each month. And if he's lucky, you'll come to him sometimes-- as you are already planning to do after knowing him for only one week. He's probably texting with lots of other women as well to keep his options open. Again, texting is no work and minimally time consuming and words are just words. I certainly wouldn't categorize his actions of the past week as "trying hard."

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I will try to answer the question as posted... Lots of guys are not satisfied with just getting sex. He may really like you, or think he does at the moment... That doesn't mean it will go anywhere because lots of people, men and women, are easily infatuated. They actually do believe at the time that there is a real connection.

 

I have come across maybe one or two men in my life where their interest was faked. Swore up and down for MONTHS that they wanted to pursue a serious relationship with me... Yet would do little or nothing with their actions to prove that was the case. Words and actions didn't align.

 

In both cases it got to be like some weird game of chicken where they would try to sweet talk me, I would nicely suggest they prove it... They would shrink away and retreat to their former position... Only to repeat the same BS until I stopped answering their calls or going on dates with them. One turned out to be a stalker... The other eventually found a girlfriend whom he plays these stupid games on. Better her than me!

 

All I gotta say is, girl, you sure do seem to enjoy drama... Doesn't this kind of thing get boring after awhile?

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You've known him less than a week and he's already talking about girlfriends and the future and trying to have relationship talks with you. Talk about red flags!

 

Again, texting is no work and minimally time consuming and words are just words. I certainly wouldn't categorize his actions of the past week as "trying hard."

 

Amen, clia. Texts mean nothing. Dates in real life. Time spent together. Connection done through face to face communication.

 

As usually put it: the rent is paid with cash. Hard money. Checks. Not good intentions, promises or wishes.

 

@Leigh: he's after you because of the excitement. He likes the novelty. He will spend money for the trip, for the thrill. Because it's out of the ordinary. I've met a guy like that. Hell, I even went on one date with a guy like that.. just say no.

 

And instead of focusing on what they want and counting how hard or little they're "working" for it, why don't you focus on what you really want. One of the posters said something that is very much true: you are either searching for fun or for a relationship. Make up your mind between the two and curb your behavior accordingly.

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Leigh, I wouldn't make too much of what he says one way or another. They are after all just words because words are easy to say. Just judge his actions. No need to get annoyed with him or take his words to heart.

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Um. .. or maybe he really likes me?

 

 

I am very thin and I truly do have what many men consider to be the perfect body ( I get approached on the street regularly and told by both sexes, truly) and I' not ugly.

 

MAYBE he finds me gorgeous and he also happens to really like me as a person ?

 

Not all mem are texting loads of women ! He may think I'm better than what he usually gets and is very keen to hold on to me?

 

I am actually very desirable to some men so it's not that unlikely that this guy is actually into me.

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Amen, clia. Texts mean nothing. Dates in real life. Time spent together. Connection done through face to face communication.

 

As usually put it: the rent is paid with cash. Hard money. Checks. Not good intentions, promises or wishes.

 

@Leigh: he's after you because of the excitement. He likes the novelty. He will spend money for the trip, for the thrill. Because it's out of the ordinary. I've met a guy like that. Hell, I even went on one date with a guy like that.. just say no.

 

And instead of focusing on what they want and counting how hard or little they're "working" for it, why don't you focus on what you really want. One of the posters said something that is very much true: you are either searching for fun or for a relationship. Make up your mind between the two and curb your behavior accordingly.

 

 

I have an amazing body and I'm cute- with a vvery kind and non over bearing personality.

This

Why don't u think that there is a chance that he is actually really into me?

 

He wouldn't want to introduce me to all his mates a his new girlfriend if he thought I was his usual run ofthe mill casual hook up. If a guy thinks you're not clicking at that level and he also thinks you're just another plain jane. ....He won't mention to you that he wants to introduce you to his friends. He wouldn't bother with all this talk IF he didn't think I was really attractive and better than his run of the mill only good for sex girls.

 

 

 

I just happen to think that it's not that hard to believe that a guy could be really into me. Plenty of men are I just have no romantic interest in them.

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I have an amazing body and I'm cute- with a vvery kind and non over bearing personality.

This

Why don't u think that there is a chance that he is actually really into me?

 

He wouldn't want to introduce me to all his mates a his new girlfriend if he thought I was his usual run ofthe mill casual hook up. If a guy thinks you're not clicking at that level and he also thinks you're just another plain jane. ....He won't mention to you that he wants to introduce you to his friends. He wouldn't bother with all this talk IF he didn't think I was really attractive and better than his run of the mill only good for sex girls.

 

 

 

I just happen to think that it's not that hard to believe that a guy could be really into me. Plenty of men are I just have no romantic interest in them.

 

It's fantastic that he says all those things. Now wait and make sure he is doing all of them. One way to make sure he is NOT after your knickers is to not sleep with him in the process.

 

If the guy introduces you to his close mates and wants to spend time with you and does not want to just have sex with you, you have got yourself a boyfriend :). And I agree, there are men like that, out there.

 

Just make sure he is walking the talk.

 

cheers

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i disagree. with the right man, there will be the exact amount of texting. everything won't be perfect... but the majority of them will.

 

Don't settle. When you meet the right guy, you'll know it and he'll know it. Just... don't get too anxious and don't lose patience.

 

Oh I totally agree with the don't settle. My concern however is that Leigh has some very fixed idea of what should and should not happen in relationships and this may make her dive in too soon with some men and miss out completely on some really great men.

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I will try to answer the question as posted... Lots of guys are not satisfied with just getting sex. He may really like you, or think he does at the moment... That doesn't mean it will go anywhere because lots of people, men and women, are easily infatuated. They actually do believe at the time that there is a real

 

All I gotta say is, girl, you sure do seem to enjoy drama... Doesn't this kind of thing get boring after awhile?

 

But it may go somewhere.

 

I'm fairly sure that he thinks he's really into me . I think he is genuine.

 

It's time the will tell.

 

There's no need of people to assume the worse - that he's lying about even being into me ( hello I am an attractive woman with a nice personality).

 

I prefer passionate relationship where there were actually fireworks at the start. Yes they fade but my relationships have to at least start that way with a compatible mate. I'm attractive enough to generate strong and instant attraction and passion. Then i do realize you need someone you adore on top of the passion.

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Um. .. or maybe he really likes me?

 

 

I am very thin and I truly do have what many men consider to be the perfect body ( I get approached on the street regularly and told by both sexes, truly) and I' not ugly.

 

MAYBE he finds me gorgeous and he also happens to really like me as a person ?

 

Not all mem are texting loads of women ! He may think I'm better than what he usually gets and is very keen to hold on to me?

 

I am actually very desirable to some men so it's not that unlikely that this guy is actually into me.

 

 

So, why start this thread in the first place?

 

 

It sounded from the title and OP that you thought he was in it for the sex and now it's all about a relationship or possibility of.

 

 

Of what you have posted - that which you could understand when he wasn't drunk I am actually lost on what the problem is now for you personally.

 

 

I've read the whole thread and can't figure it out to be honest.

 

 

Go for FWB if you want.

 

 

However, any guy who is talking about making things work and relationships this early on is a huge alarm bell. These are early and very common traits of an abusive man. Abuse comes in many forms but someone coming on this strongly and this fast is a pretty good indicator.

Heck, he even spent time on the phone when drunk - this shows how much respect he has for you if he has already done that. Sorry but there is accents and then being way too drunk to be comprehensible.

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Oh I totally agree with the don't settle. My concern however is that Leigh has some very fixed idea of what should and should not happen in relationships and this may make her dive in too soon with some men and miss out completely on some really great men.

 

 

Great men who I have no fire works with. No thanks. I have plenty of decent men that are into me. Sorry but I'm just not attracted.

 

Look please stop telling me to do without the fireworks and to date men who are really nice yet who I have to skip tthe butterflies and the teenage style make out sessions with.

 

I'm not middle aged yet and it's not unreasonable of me to want to begin a relationship with fireworks and strong mutual attraction and chemistry- with a nice man who is a good long term prospect! !!

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He might like you, but he is displaying all the signs of a classic, blowtorching man who will likely poof. Do you really think it's normal to be having relationship talks 5-6 days after you meet someone? To be talking about the future? Only time will tell the truth of his intentions, but you should be on guard and you should be pacing things. Derail these serious conversations or ignore them.

 

It also sounds like he does not want a long distance relationship and has made that fairly clear, so I don't know where you are expecting this to go other than occasional casual sex.

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So, why start this thread in the first place?

 

 

It sounded from the title and OP that you thought he was in it for the sex and now it's all about a relationship or possibility of.

 

 

Of what you have posted - that which you could understand when he wasn't drunk I am actually lost on what the problem is now for you personally.

 

 

I've read the whole thread and can't figure it out to be honest.

 

 

Go for FWB if you want.

 

 

However, any guy who is talking about making things work and relationships this early on is a huge alarm bell. These are early and very common traits of an abusive man. Abuse comes in many forms but someone coming on this strongly and this fast is a pretty good indicator.

Heck, he even spent time on the phone when drunk - this shows how much respect he has for you if he has already done that. Sorry but there is accents and then being way too drunk to be comprehensible.

 

 

He thinks highly of my studying to be a PODIATRIST WHILE working in a good sales job. A day starting my clothing label. Why wouldn't he respect me? I know that he finds me very desirable. He knows I'm not lacking in options when it comes to men.

 

My friends fiance came on strong and called her she drunk. He adores her. It happens.

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Great men who I have no fire works with. No thanks. I have plenty of decent men that are into me. Sorry but I'm just not attracted.

 

Look please stop telling me to do without the fireworks and to date men who are really nice yet who I have to skip tthe butterflies and the teenage style make out sessions with.

 

I'm not middle aged yet and it's not unreasonable of me to want to begin a relationship with fireworks and strong mutual attraction and chemistry- with a nice man who is a good long term prospect! !!

 

 

Please do not put words into my mouth Leigh :mad:

 

I did not say settle for someone you were not attracted too, etc. However you do seem to be working to some very set idea of how relationships should happen and you may be missing out on some great men who have way more fireworks than you could ever imagine. You also jump in very quickly with other men and it all fizzles out very quickly so your firework radar is not particularly effective.

 

Plus your comment about middle aged.... Oh please! If you think fireworks stops because you are middle aged, you are very mistaken.

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I do not sleep around. I haven't had sex with him.

 

I select one men to have casual fun with for a period of months while I am single.

 

I don't sleep with several men at any given time.

 

Most guys, even attractive guys, don't have the options that you have to just pick a guy, screw him and toss him aside as soon as you meet someone you genuinely like... that's a female privilege.

 

So guys think they have to work to get laid because otherwise the only other option is their hand.

 

Seriously I've had enough of women... your price tag is way too high.

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He might like you, but he is displaying all the signs of a classic, blowtorching man who will likely poof. Do you really think it's normal to be having relationship talks 5-6 days after you meet someone? To be talking about the future? Only time will tell the truth of his intentions, but you should be on guard and you should be pacing things. Derail these serious conversations or ignore them.

 

It also sounds like he does not want a long distance relationship and has made that fairly clear, so I don't know where you are expecting this to go other than occasional casual sex.

 

 

He has said that he really wants to make it work long distance.

 

He apologized for being drunk and said that he just really wants it to work.

 

I have no doubt he means what he says. He may realize he doesn't mean it later on perhaps but for now he definitely means it.

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He thinks highly of my studying to be a PODIATRIST WHILE working in a good sales job. A day starting my clothing label. Why wouldn't he respect me? I know that he finds me very desirable. He knows I'm not lacking in options when it comes to men.

 

 

 

Great!

 

 

So, what was the reason for this thread?

 

 

I don't get it?

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Please do not put words into my mouth Leigh :mad:

 

I did not say settle for someone you were not attracted too, etc. However you do seem to be working to some very set idea of how relationships should happen and you may be missing out on some great men who have way more fireworks than you could ever imagine. You also jump in very quickly with other men and it all fizzles out very quickly so your firework radar is not particularly effective.

 

Plus your comment about middle aged.... Oh please! If you think fireworks stops because you are middle aged, you are very mistaken.

 

 

I don't care how relationships start out.

 

As long as there are ffireworks in terms of our mutual attraction and chemistry.

 

I want that - with a suitable man who adores me.

 

I don't mind how it begins. As long as he is into me from the outset.

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Great!

 

 

So, what was the reason for this thread?

 

 

I don't get it?

 

That maybe he is lying and full of crap.

 

Or maybe he's actually really into me? It's not so hard to believe.

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:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

You are welcome to label and judge people to be inferior to you and unfit for a loving relationship all you like.

 

Most people on here aren't listening to you nor taking your "advice" into serious consideration:o

 

Obviously, people are listening enough to respond, yourself included. ;)

 

Either way, this is the general consensus of quality men in real life, which matters more than what a few women on an internet forum think.

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I'm a woman but I want to point out that for the average man, sex is hard to get. There are a lot of men out there who are virgins well into their 20s and 30s. For a man to get sex, a woman has to decide to sleep with him. Most women are afraid to be labeled as promiscuous, so they hold back with their sexuality to fit in with society.

 

The other thing I want to point out, is that if a man is bothering you, being sleezy or gross, and trying to reduce you to a booty call, and that's not what you want, then don't be afraid to call him out for that. You can always say no to him or tell him not to call you for sex, if you're not happy with how he's treating you.

 

I'm wondering though...If you want a relationship, why are you settling for empty sex? I know we all have needs, but you need to put your EMOTIONAL needs above your physical needs. To figure out what you need and want in a man, you need to stop being numb. You seem like you are so emotionally disconnected from this guy. The problem with casual relationships is that they put you in the practice of just being casual and not truly emotionally connecting with people. It's not a good idea to have a casual relationship of you truly want a serious committed relationship.

 

Also, I read an article written by a male relationship coach, Carl Stevens, who is married. He said that if a man is having sex with you, he loves you. He may not be in touch with his emotions however, or may not be aware of his true feelings, but he does have some kind of love for you. It doesn't mean he is going to be with you, but there is love there. So really, you just need to examine how you feel about this guy and be honest with yourself.

 

I don't think a man needs to love you to have sex. I disagree with this Carl guy.

 

Also, how is it hard for men to get sex? A lot of women have no problem giving it up if the find you attractive.

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Right and wrong are not decided by a majority vote, yo. Just because an opinion is popular doesn't make it logical, healthy or anything else.

 

But I am curious - what does the word "right" actually mean to you, when you say that men have a "right" to sleep around and women don't (have that "right")? What specifically does that mean to you?

 

I mean that women should not sleep around. Women should be trying to push for relationships. It devalues them to sleep around.

 

This is what I'm curious about... fair enough if you don't sleep around, and you want a partner who doesn't either. Maybe sex is a thing you feel is very special and should only be in the context of love, or whatever.

 

But it's the way you say men have the 'right' to do it and women don't.

 

What about all of the women these men who have the 'right' to sleep around are sleeping with? Don't they have that right too? Is promiscuous guy taking away the right of the women he sleeps with to be chaste?

 

I can tell you that the professors, doctors, surgeons, high-powered businessmen I've dated certainly weren't concerned with my number of prior sexual partners haha.

 

I'm a professional as well. I work with many of the people that you described above and, yes, many do care (unless they are just looking for a fling). Most men in general care. They just don't talk to women about it (I know I don't in real life).

 

If I find out that a woman has a FWB while I'm courting her, that is an automatic dealbreaker. If I find out a woman has had half of the amount of sex partners that I've had, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker, but it's certainly a turn-off and will result in me reconsidering my relationship with her.

 

I do not support female promiscuity and will come down hard on any female that I date that has been promiscuous.

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