Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

[Leigh 87]

For the most part, the only men working hard for sex are the ones who have to work hard for it. For the rest of us, what we do might seem like hard work to some, but it really isn't. A few phone calls and text messages to make some girl feel special is not hard work.

 

He hasn't made me feel that special yet since I don't know him well enough to know if he's genuine, although it's been nice.

 

He can get sex easily enough. He doesn't have to pretend to want a relationship for it.

[Leigh 87]

I don't know, I would personally never introduce a girl I was only interested in for a booty call to my friends or family as my "girlfriend", IMO that's silly lame and short sighted.

 

It will just result in some awkward conversations a week or two later ("Oh, how is your girlfriend doing? You should invite her over for dinner on Thursday") and then you have to go through looking like a bonehead because you had a "girlfriend" that lasted a couple weeks and you get to explain your lack of ability to keep a woman to your friends and family.

 

True, some people and some men are just idiotic and short sighted, no doubt about that, but anyone with five firing brain cells wouldn't introduce a girl to their friends as their girlfriend when they were just bang buddies, unless his friends were somehow in on the scam.

 

 

He could tell his mates that he is going to call me his girlfriend even though he doesn't mean it - and ask them to please go along with the scam.

 

I'm a nice girl and I'd hope that one of his friends would make his deception known...

[shet]

I don't try hard. I have a combination of low libido and demisexuality that means I'm not compelled to seek it most of the time. All of my friends are currently, and always were, committed to being committed. To be honest, even the slimiest womaniser I know is less in it for sex than the unhealthy need for validation and attachment in consecutive relationships that he's simply unable to maintain, dickwad that he is.

 

These mythical guys who roam the earth chasing nothing but tail... I don't know them, I've never seen them, and not for the first time I question if they're a boogeyman created by women, Hollywood and the media to allow people to comfortably project their own shortcomings and avoid confronting actual spectres in their lives.

[RedRobin]

One could also argue that women are entitled by thinking that they can have their cake and eat it too.

 

The fact is that quality men (ones looking for relationships) think the way that I do. They would never tell you though because it's not politically correct. But this is the kind of thing that men talk about when women aren't around.

 

Do you think that I go around IRL broadcasting this? Hell no. In fact, if anything, I'll throw out hints that I support this kind of behavior just so the woman becomes comfortable enough to tell me if she actually does it.

 

Again, all of the quality men that make good husbands and are currently in successful marriages think the way that I described above. In fact, they actively advise me to avoid women that have a high count or have FWB.

 

This is the real world and, though you may not like the answer, you are completely wrong.

 

I tell women to avoid promiscuous men, those who have FWB, and those who have double standards. It is super easy for any woman to avoid those men because they brag...

 

Things are changing... Lots of women don't find those men attractive... As much as their buddies idolize their player lifestyle. Simple truth is won't get the best women acting like the above.

[Leigh 87]

Can people please stop talking about high count girls and FWB girls and what quality men want?

 

I am a very loyal and loving partner and I have been in long term relationships where I have never been remotely close to staying in - and yet I have had FWB and I don't have a low count ( I made mistakes, I don't sleep around now at this stage in life).

 

I NEVER invited this discussion onto the table so can you please keep your opinions on FWB and promiscuous women out of this thread?

 

I do not consider myself promiscuous so please mind your own business and tell someone who cares that women like me are a low class and of a low calibre and quality. The people who actually know and care for me don't view me in this light.

[Leigh 87]

I feel for you OP, you have one foot out the door before you even get to experience a real relationship (and not because you have to give up your body). Giving up your body for sex is YOUR choice, if you get "dupe'd" out of it...then learn from that. But your opening post is blaming all men for talking you out of something you should respect.

 

I don't mind giving it up if I am dating a guy and I am falling in love with and who is showing me that he is genuinely into me and excited about a future with me.

 

It just takes months to know for sure if things have a chance of potentially working out long term.

 

I don't wait months for sex as sex is a natural and key element for me of the bonding and getting to know you process - so I don't give it up the first week lol but I don't wait months, either.

 

I am not the type to get overly attached just because I have sex with a man I am falling for - sex is sex - it may still not work out between us and unless we are living together and in a serious relationship, whether I have had sex or not will not lessen the pain of a break up - it just plain hurts when someone you are in love with, leaves you.

 

Granted, you say you are hedonistic (deriving pleasure for the highest good) minus pain. I don't feel this thread has been about moving forward or even having a "real relationship"...it's about this one person who hurt you therefore now all men are hurtful.

 

I am giving this guy a chance even though he has done a few things that healthy people consider to be a red flag - such as telling me he really likes me, telling me he wants to keep seeing me and be "together" with me as bf and gf in spite of him living across the country....

 

I give guys a chance even though I know full well many guys are liars and @ssholes.

 

How does hedonism fix that and this attitude that all men just want to use you for sex but you are okay with that as you don't care and have no feelings towards that anyway?

 

I am not okay with it, but I just don't get invested early on anymore.

 

I enjoy writing about dating, I love chatting about it but I don't... invest actual emotions or strong feelings into men I just meet anymore - they have to prove they are serious about me before I jump all in.

[Leigh 87]

I tell women to avoid promiscuous men, those who have FWB, and those who have double standards. It is super easy for any woman to avoid those men because they brag...

 

Things are changing... Lots of women don't find those men attractive... As much as their buddies idolize their player lifestyle. Simple truth is won't get the best women acting like the above.

 

 

I am more liberal with my attitude towards sex.

 

Plenty of people like myself who have had FWB are loyal and loving partners. I am extremely loyal once I am in love.

 

I also don't enjoy FWB unless I have feelings and I don't enjoy that sort of sex anywhere near as much as I do when I am in love!

 

Just because women like me are more liberal with sex, that doesn't mean we place less meaning behind sex with a man we actually love!

 

Sex between me and a man that I am in love with is entirely different to the FWB I have had! They were guys I felt for and had some degree of feelings for, and I need to respect my FWB as people; that is it though.

 

I have actually declined FWB for the time being - from a really hot guy (extremely hot..), because I just don't enjoy sex anymore unless is with a man I am falling in love with.

 

Not all the gals and guys who do FWB are less... good. As partners.

[jessicachoi]

Because they try and do a lot of things but they forget: be a man a woman would want to sleep with, be sexual desirable.

 

*I need a man who know how to get a woman sexually interested and sexually attracted to him. A man who will make me want to have sex with him, make me desire him.

And that doesnt happen when you come up to me like ayy I am horny, ay you have a hot body or ayy lets have fun. Also not when you keep talking to me all the time, in the hope I will have sex with you.

[CT98]

I'm a man and yes I obviously enjoy sex, but I cannot be arsed to be texting & calling a girl just to try and sleep with her.

 

I only chase girls that I can see something serious developing with, there has to be some sort of connection there.

 

Maybe I'm in the minority?

[Leigh 87]

I'm a man and yes I obviously enjoy sex, but I cannot be arsed to be texting & calling a girl just to try and sleep with her.

 

I only chase girls that I can see something serious developing with, there has to be some sort of connection there.

 

Maybe I'm in the minority?

 

 

Nah I think most men who bother initiating daily texts and also bother telling a girl they want to introduce them as their girlfriend to their family and friends - are usually interested in seeing where things go with her.

 

Sadly, there are some liars. I would say the minority and not the majority. I guess some men will initiate daily texts and calls, tell a girl he really really likes them and fake a relationship just to get sex. But certainly not the MAJORITY will stoop this low. Most men I know of will just tell a girl that " sorry, they are just not feeling it" if the girl expresses an interest and he doesn't feel they click on that level.

 

He isn't working hard; he initiates a daily text and call to me. I respond to his texts. We don't even text often or for long. He has, however, expressed that he wants to introduce me to all his friends and that they all know about him meeting me/ that he wants this to go in the direction of a relationship.

 

^^ it is EASY to say these things; initiating daily texts and one phone call and telling a girl he really likes her and wants to introduce him to all his friends as his girlfriend.

 

THAT ^^ is not going to effort. However, for most people with a conscience, LYING about wanting a relationship JUST in order to get sex, is a real effort because blatantly lying in this manner, thankfully, doesn't come naturally for the MAJORITY of people.

 

I think the guy is genuine but often times it is just lust you share, which we had in spades. Once we get to know one another either him or myself, could lose interest real fast. Right now I believe he is honest but it is just the early lust and attraction phase talking.

 

I have had lust, infatuation and high chemistry and sparks with men who faded our or disappeared after they lost interest in me - they had sparks and attraction but that was obviously all we shared....and we were devoid of any sort of emotional bond.

[Leigh 87]

So when it comes to avoiding men who only was sex, besides from, not giving it to them too readily, I also now go for guys who's personality I fall for.

 

I try to seek out men who appear to enjoy my personality and vice versa, whilst also still needing the spark and fire works.

 

I am hoping that focusing more on personality, values, life goals how nice or decent of a person they are, will drive me in the direction of more men who are into me for more than sex. Although at this age I am not giving up on the fire works and sparks since I am attractive enough to generate them at his stage in life.

[Robert]

On that note, perhaps it's time to start a new topic as this thread has gone off topic enough. Thank you.