Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

[DukeNukem47]

Wow... just wow. I hope you don't keep that attitude hidden from women you choose to date. Again... wow.

 

I don't go around and announce it, but I screen women to see if they participate in that kind of behavior. If so, then they are friendzoned.

 

This attitude is common among men in the US. All of my successfully married friends feel the same way (they also don't go around and announce it). These men are usually high powered and successful men. My friends that are poor with no standards are the ones that don't care about a woman's sexual history.

[Danda]

I don't go around and announce it, but I screen women to see if they participate in that kind of behavior. If so, then they are friendzoned.

 

This attitude is common among men in the US. All of my successfully married friends feel the same way (they also don't go around and announce it). These men are usually high powered and successful men. My friends that are poor with no standards are the ones that don't care about a woman's sexual history.

 

Right and wrong are not decided by a majority vote, yo. Just because an opinion is popular doesn't make it logical, healthy or anything else.

 

But I am curious - what does the word "right" actually mean to you, when you say that men have a "right" to sleep around and women don't (have that "right")? What specifically does that mean to you?

[regine_phalange]

I don't know Leigh. He may be the kind of guy who gets attached emotionally to a woman even when he isn't in love with her / doesn't respect her. I think it's called false intimacy or something. Anyhow, don't expect a sincere connection.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Right and wrong are not decided by a majority vote, yo. Just because an opinion is popular doesn't make it logical, healthy or anything else.

 

But I am curious - what does the word "right" actually mean to you, when you say that men have a "right" to sleep around and women don't (have that "right")? What specifically does that mean to you?

 

This is what I'm curious about... fair enough if you don't sleep around, and you want a partner who doesn't either. Maybe sex is a thing you feel is very special and should only be in the context of love, or whatever.

 

But it's the way you say men have the 'right' to do it and women don't.

 

What about all of the women these men who have the 'right' to sleep around are sleeping with? Don't they have that right too? Is promiscuous guy taking away the right of the women he sleeps with to be chaste?

 

I can tell you that the professors, doctors, surgeons, high-powered businessmen I've dated certainly weren't concerned with my number of prior sexual partners haha.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't know Leigh. He may be the kind of guy who gets attached emotionally to a woman even when he isn't in love with her / doesn't respect her. I think it's called false intimacy or something. Anyhow, don't expect a sincere connection.

 

Yep... I'd run a mile from a guy who started talking about wanting me to be his girlfriend and introducing me to his friends when I'd met him what... once? Twice? And he lived so far away. Warning bells. I'd presume he couldn't be too great of a catch if he was desperate enough to go after a woman he barely knew without vetting her first by giving it plenty of time to see each other and see how it goes, how compatible we were.

[hotpotato]

Funny story.

 

Have you ever seen what male animals in the wild go thru to mate? There's your answer.

 

Lolz

I saw on a doc a male cheetah followed aka stalked a female for about 7-10 hour just to have some quick sex.

 

Leigh87, it's all a game to them. They want to woo a woman into bed and brag about it. It's all about their egoes. I too have had men feign genuine interest in me just to have sex. I saw go rub one out/get a hooker/go to a strip club if he just wants to have sex. This is one of the reasons I rarely date.

 

Also, some women get offended if men are forthright. I'm not. I'd rather a guy say, "Hey, it's 11pm and I'm horny. Wanna eff?" rather than pretend he really likes me. I'd rather him say,"Ya, I just wanna feel on that bootay real fast" than try to lead me on.

[carhill]

Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

 

I don't 'try hard' but sex and physical touching with a woman is essentially the only intimacy I can't get from same-sex relationships since I'm heterosexual. In life, I've found my male friends to be far more consistently understanding, loyal and caring than any woman I've met, including the one I was married to. However, being heterosexual, physical pleasure and intimacy is also human experience and desire so, for awhile anyway, I did give relationships with women a shot, ostensibly to seek the entire package of physical and emotional intimacy. However, that doesn't align with your question regarding 'merely' sex so I discount it.

[Danda]

This is what I'm curious about... fair enough if you don't sleep around, and you want a partner who doesn't either. Maybe sex is a thing you feel is very special and should only be in the context of love, or whatever.

 

But it's the way you say men have the 'right' to do it and women don't.

 

What about all of the women these men who have the 'right' to sleep around are sleeping with? Don't they have that right too? Is promiscuous guy taking away the right of the women he sleeps with to be chaste?

 

I can tell you that the professors, doctors, surgeons, high-powered businessmen I've dated certainly weren't concerned with my number of prior sexual partners haha.

 

I just don't understand how it can be okay for a man to sleep with a woman when it's not okay for her to sleep with him. If it's a morally wrong thing for her sleep with him, then he is doing a morally wrong thing by sleeping with her. Because it all has to stem from some notion like.. a woman's vagina is sacred in that only a committed boyfriend is worthy of putting his penis in it. Which would mean that if a not-committed-boyfriend put his penis in it, then he did something wrong.

 

 

But the whole "rights" thing make it sound like.. It's like saying it's wrong to sell your kid into the sex slave trade, but child rapists aren't wrong, since they didn't sell the kid. It's wrong for a woman to give away sex but not wrong for a guy to take. Just.. makes my head hurt lol.

[elaine567]

The other guys - we never talked about any sort of a future relationship happening, we just took each day as it came - one guy said he was excited to see me - which he was (we had great sexual chemistry) and then we didn't end up clicking at that level we mutually stopped texting and it faded.

 

This guy has said that he wants to keep seeing me and progress into a relationship and he has said that he will make it work even though we can only see one another every 2 - 3 weeks or so.

 

He has said he is excited about introducing me to all his friends as his girlfriend.

 

My gut - I believe that he feels I am different to other women he has met since his last girlfriend - I don't think he is lying about how he feels about me at all.

 

Whether he will make it work in spite of the distance is yet to be seen and will take time.

 

Should I shut him down because most men are scumbags and lie?

 

I will be OKAY if it doesn't work out.

 

All that has happened is... I met someone with very intense passion and chemistry - who I also get along really well with and who's personality also won me over at the time.

 

If you have passion and get along with someone - I don't see what is wrong with giving it one chance - it will be apparent if he changes his tune.

 

Showing commitment is black and white; a guy does or.... he doesn't.

 

I think it is too early to rule him out as one of the scumbags who is lying at this stage lol.

 

So why are you on here dissing him?

 

YOU are far too cynical and it appears to me, YOU will sabotage any chance of a real relationship and blame it on men in general.

FWBs are your retreat, your "safe" option, your other safe option is "all men are only after sex, so it is best to keep distance"

BUT in order to get any chance of a real relationship, you have to put your heart on the chopping block, there is no other way.

[Leigh 87]

He is a project manager. He isn't book smart but he lived around the world in places like New York and now he's living in Australia. He has a respectable job and I'm very attracted to him.

 

I genuinely believe that he means what he says.

 

If it fizzles and there is no genuine mutual connection on a romantic level that we BOTH want to explore, it will soon become as clear as mud....

 

I felt something worth pursuing so I'm going to give it a chance. I'll too busy with podiatry and my soon to be clothing label that it world out well that it's long distance for the time being.

 

I think it's also good that I assume men are full of shut until they proveo otherwise.

 

I'm not expecting it to work out yet at least I'm giving it a shot rather than assuming all men are *******s.

 

 

 

 

I'll get over it if it doesn't work out.

[elaine567]

I just don't understand how it can be okay for a man to sleep with a woman when it's not okay for her to sleep with him. If it's a morally wrong thing for her sleep with him, then he is doing a morally wrong thing by sleeping with her.

 

The idea put forward here by DukeNukem47 is that men will sleep around with low class, promiscuous women, but will choose as their wife a chaste, high class, morally sound woman.

So women can sleep around all they like, but by doing so reduce their value as wives.

It is an old fashioned traditional view, but I suggest it persists in many men today when some dismiss some women as hook up, FWB or ONS material,

BUT "not gf material" and "certainly not wife material".

 

The sexual revolution has made giant leaps, but I am still not convinced men in general are truly on board with women exhibiting such behaviour ("normal" in men, but "promiscuous" in women) without taking the step back and viewing those women as "not serious relationship" material.

[ltjg45]

Well, personally, I can't see me selecting a woman who is willing to have casual sex constantly since that would make us incompatible since I am a 28-year old virgin. I doubt many women would be excited to be in a relationship who is, more likely, older and yet has far less experience than they are.

 

Even if I do run across one, they would make the assumption that I am not one of these kinds of inexperienced guys and just take my disinterest in them as just that especially since I don't ask out many women to begin with.

[GemmaUK]

To be honest he hasn't tried hard from the sound of things.

Calling and texting, meeting a couple of times is not 'hard work' for anyone.

 

 

It's all just really easy and convenient for him - can you not see that?

 

 

He is thinking once a month sex or maybe more if he can persuade you to use your flyer miles. It's a bit of a bargain for him!

 

 

You are up for it so there's no barriers and he can see that you don't value yourself.

If you are looking for a relationship then why accept scraps Leigh?

 

 

I tried to warn you about this guy in the other thread - moving so fast should set alarm bells off in you.

 

 

I also don't understand why on earth you are still up for this arrangement after you have ranted about him.

I wouldn't give him another moment's thought if it were me and I most definitely wouldn't meet him ever again.

[Leigh 87]

To be honest he hasn't tried hard from the sound of things.

Calling and texting, meeting a couple of times is not 'hard work' for anyone.

 

 

It's all just really easy and convenient for him - can you not see that?

 

 

He is thinking once a month sex or maybe more if he can persuade you to use your flyer miles. It's a bit of a bargain for him!

 

 

You are up for it so there's no barriers and he can see that you don't value yourself.

If you are looking for a relationship then why accept scraps Leigh?

 

 

I tried to warn you about this guy in the other thread - moving so fast should set alarm bells off in you.

 

 

I also don't understand why on earth you are still up for this arrangement after you have ranted about him.

I wouldn't give him another moment's thought if it were me and I most definitely wouldn't meet him ever again.

 

 

This guy hasn't done anything yet to show that he's just not that into me.

 

It's too soon to make such accusations in retrospect.

 

He did really seem to like me and I don't see why he wouldn't.

 

Maybe sometimes a guy meets someone who he likes more than other women that he's met in a long while?

 

 

 

It's just too soon to come to any sort of conclusion yet. He's shown no sign of not being into me. When together, he acted very much into me.

 

 

 

At this early stage nothing is obvious. ...........

[Leigh 87]

To be honest he hasn't tried hard from the sound of things.

Calling and texting, meeting a couple of times is not 'hard work' for anyone.

 

 

It's all just really easy and convenient for him - can you not see that?

 

 

He is thinking once a month sex or maybe more if he can persuade you to use your flyer miles. It's a bit of a bargain for him!

 

 

You are up for it so there's no barriers and he can see that you don't value yourself.

If you are looking for a relationship then why accept scraps Leigh?

 

 

I tried to warn you about this guy in the other thread - moving so fast should set alarm bells off in you.

 

 

I also don't understand why on earth you are still up for this arrangement after you have ranted about him.

I wouldn't give him another moment's thought if it were me and I most definitely wouldn't meet him ever again.

 

 

All this could be true but then again, maybe he is into me ?

 

It isn't hard to believe. I'm very attractive to some men. I know that much. Maybe he just finds me really attractive and also happens to really like the way I am?

 

He's not giving scraps as of yet. We have yet to see how he'll treat me. It's too soon.

 

I never assume a guy is definitely not into me until he proves it.

[Leigh 87]

Lolz

I saw on a doc a male cheetah followed aka stalked a female for about 7-10 hour just to have some quick sex.

 

Leigh87, it's all a game to them. They want to woo a woman into bed and brag about it. It's all about their egoes. I too have had men feign genuine interest in me just to have sex. I saw go rub one out/get a hooker/go to a strip club if he just wants to have sex. This is one of the reasons I rarely date.

 

Also, some women get offended if men are forthright. I'm not. I'd rather a guy say, "Hey, it's 11pm and I'm horny. Wanna eff?" rather than pretend he really likes me. I'd rather him say,"Ya, I just wanna feel on that bootay real fast" than try to lead me on.

 

I have had men be forthright. One told me he was very attracted to me but didn't feel we clicked at that level and then he offered fun.

 

Some men I've met have been honest; some haven't.

 

I'm attractive enough and have a nice enough personality for it to be very feasible that this man is into me.

 

He may be lying. He may NOT be lying.

[joystickd]

So talking daily means they are desperate? I figured a person would do that if they were interested in someone. Sounds like you either need to evaluate why these type of men are attracted to you and you let it get to that point instead of ending it if they don't want what you want or you need to re-evaluate your desires for a relationship because sparks and chemistry can also be a ONS because it sounds like what you are looking for would be good in the beginning but fade fast as time goes on.

[Leigh 87]

The trip to see him is to establish whether or not we both really and genuinely do feel a connection.

 

We both have to see if we like each other.

 

I may feel that I can do better. He may be lying. He may be really into me. I may not be into him after getting to properly know him.

 

Anything goes at this stage.

 

I am a passionate person. I love life and I believe I'll find great passion AND comfort in a relationship. If I feel that II potentially have that I will explore it.

 

As you can all see, I have a healthy dose of cynicism.

 

The last time I cried over a guy was over the first guy who ever disappeared on me. After pretending to fall hard in love for me.

 

Since then other guys have disappeared or lost interest. I had a break up since then too.

 

Yet I haven't cried or felt that sad over men in well over a year. I get on with it.

 

If this guy is lying I'll be fine.

 

But please- I can't see why he wouldn't be really into me.

 

I was going to treat myself to a domestic trip to the outback ( Darwin) as a birthday gift to myself with my flyer miles.

 

Instead I'll go to Perth to see him. Perth and Darwin were both on my bucket list.

 

I wouldn't have wanted to visit him if I was in different to travel and I also had to pay for the air fares.

 

I am really happy that I can see him of course, however; I am also going to really enjoy myself irrespective of whether or not it works out with this guy. My hopes aren't riding on it at all, although I admit that it would always be a delight to find love.

 

I'm always 50/50. They could be full of crap but then again, maybe they're not.

[Leigh 87]

So talking daily means they are desperate? I figured a person would do that if they were interested in someone. Sounds like you either need to evaluate why these type of men are attracted to you and you let it get to that point instead of ending it if they don't want what you want or you need to re-evaluate your desires for a relationship because sparks and chemistry can also be a ONS because it sounds like what you are looking for would be good in the beginning but fade fast as time goes on.

 

Yes I need passion and sparks at the start. I realize it fades and you have to work on relationships.

 

I also need a partner I'm compatible with and who adores me and me him.....In addition to some fireworks.

 

I think that's pretty reasonable.

 

And yes ONS can also be passion driven.

[yajiuma]

You mentioned that you are starting university soon. You've only met this guy twice and he lives on the other side of Australia. You have to ask yourself if it's really worth investing in this relationship which will be long distance for the foreseeable future.

 

I remember in another thread you made that you were searching for a "mister right" but a fairly short travel radius was a requirement because it was important to you to be able to see your potential partner frequently. Is this something you could overlook at this stage of your life?

[anne1707]

I'm very confused Leigh. In this thread, you are complaining that someone is texting too much. In your last thread, you were complaining that someone was not texting you often enough. What is it you want really? Are you after this "ideal relationship" where everything is somehow miraculously fantasticly perfect from day one? You do realise that does not exist, don't you?

[joystickd]

Yes I need passion and sparks at the start. I realize it fades and you have to work on relationships.

 

I also need a partner I'm compatible with and who adores me and me him.....In addition to some fireworks.

 

I think that's pretty reasonable.

 

And yes ONS can also be passion driven.

 

The other thing is the level you want fades because usually is lust. That's something you need to consider.

[NGC1300]

I'm not really motivated by sex. I'm going on 2.5 years without it.

 

I guess I want affection and loyalty the most from a woman, but they will leave when they get bored and find someone better, so I've come to peace with just dying alone.

 

These men that jump through hoops just for a piece of ass are a disgrace. No woman is doing that to get men, yet these men think they're "alpha" for playing such a rigged game. Turns out they're the ones being "played".

[candie13]

I'm very confused Leigh. In this thread, you are complaining that someone is texting too much. In your last thread, you were complaining that someone was not texting you often enough. What is it you want really? Are you after this "ideal relationship" where everything is somehow miraculously fantasticly perfect from day one? You do realise that does not exist, don't you?

 

i disagree. with the right man, there will be the exact amount of texting. everything won't be perfect... but the majority of them will.

 

Don't settle. When you meet the right guy, you'll know it and he'll know it. Just... don't get too anxious and don't lose patience.

[Art_Critic]

IMO, it's because sometimes finding women that we want to have sex with can be rare and hard to come by so when we as a male find a woman who is hooked we try harder and will move mountains to separate her from her panties.

 

Woman have trouble understanding this because a woman controls who and when a man has sex with her.. she can have sex with just about anybody she wants while the male cannot...

 

At least that is how I break down your question...

 

Why do men give up after then removed those panties.. I have no idea.. maybe a conquest thing..

I never was one that did that, when I removed the panties I was all in and played it out till it fizzled...