Men: Why Do You Try Hard For Merely Sex

[DukeNukem47]

The idea put forward here by DukeNukem47 is that men will sleep around with low class, promiscuous women, but will choose as their wife a chaste, high class, morally sound woman.

So women can sleep around all they like, but by doing so reduce their value as wives.

It is an old fashioned traditional view, but I suggest it persists in many men today when some dismiss some women as hook up, FWB or ONS material,

BUT "not gf material" and "certainly not wife material".

 

The sexual revolution has made giant leaps, but I am still not convinced men in general are truly on board with women exhibiting such behaviour ("normal" in men, but "promiscuous" in women) without taking the step back and viewing those women as "not serious relationship" material.

 

Yes, this is exactly right. You said it better than I could say it myself.

 

I wholeheartedly support this and practice it in real life with great success.

[preraph]

My perception is that masturbation for a woman is significantly more enjoyable and satisfying than masturbation is for a man.

 

I don't think so because men do it a lot more regularly than women. I mean, for some it's daily maintenance. But it's an interesting thing to ponder -- as long as you don't ponder it too long....

[crabapples]

The idea put forward here by DukeNukem47 is that men will sleep around with low class, promiscuous women, but will choose as their wife a chaste, high class, morally sound woman.

So women can sleep around all they like, but by doing so reduce their value as wives.

It is an old fashioned traditional view, but I suggest it persists in many men today when some dismiss some women as hook up, FWB or ONS material,

BUT "not gf material" and "certainly not wife material".

 

The sexual revolution has made giant leaps, but I am still not convinced men in general are truly on board with women exhibiting such behaviour ("normal" in men, but "promiscuous" in women) without taking the step back and viewing those women as "not serious relationship" material.

 

The reason men have issues with women sleeping around is because it is presently so easy for women to do so... it's about fairness.

 

If women had to put the same amount of effort men do when initiating relationships then it would be fine for women to be 'players' rather than sluts etc... not that meaningless sex is much better than just jerking off anyway.

[preraph]

After his drunken semi rant ( I honestly couldn't understand him due to his accent:o) He is not acting like he wants me to save myself for him.

 

WHY do men that just want fun, want you to remain pure for them?

 

Like who do they think they are:lmao:

 

They think a women they are very attracted to (I am not that pretty but I know for a fact he is very attracted to me) is going to wait on them to come and have " fun" with them?

 

Are they really that selfish that they expect us to forgo other relationships and dating scenario's for them to come and have some "fun"?

 

He either thinks I am desperate and have no guys willing to date me or he thinks he is that important? Or he thinks I am stupid enough to buy into his bullcrap. All three options are INSULTING:lmao:

 

Yes. It's called entitlement and it's very real and fortunately does not apply to everyone, but it's a big factor in a lot of this messed up imbalanced dating scene we have and it always has been. There are plenty of guys who would like to just have their choice of woman to have sex with that no other guys could be with and then not have to do much else but have sex with her. Again, fortunately, there are also good guys who appreciate the companionship of a nice woman. Obviously, you have to kick the entitlemen out of your dating pool right away.

[Weezy1973]

That maybe he is lying and full of crap.

 

Or maybe he's actually really into me? It's not so hard to believe.

 

Or there's a third, and much more realistic option.

 

He finds you attractive and wants to have sex with you. If, over the longer term, you two are compatible, he will want a relationship with you. But for now, he just wants to have sex. Mostly because he doesn't know you. And you don't know him.

 

Keep in mind that most people aren't compatible enough to have a long term relationship with so it is way more likely than not that you will not end up in a relationship with this guy. Not because he's lying or because he doesn't find you attractive. Just because most people aren't all that compatible with other people.

[DukeNukem47]

Yes. It's called entitlement and it's very real and fortunately does not apply to everyone, but it's a big factor in a lot of this messed up imbalanced dating scene we have and it always has been. There are plenty of guys who would like to just have their choice of woman to have sex with that no other guys could be with and then not have to do much else but have sex with her. Again, fortunately, there are also good guys who appreciate the companionship of a nice woman. Obviously, you have to kick the entitlemen out of your dating pool right away.

 

One could also argue that women are entitled by thinking that they can have their cake and eat it too.

 

The fact is that quality men (ones looking for relationships) think the way that I do. They would never tell you though because it's not politically correct. But this is the kind of thing that men talk about when women aren't around.

 

Do you think that I go around IRL broadcasting this? Hell no. In fact, if anything, I'll throw out hints that I support this kind of behavior just so the woman becomes comfortable enough to tell me if she actually does it.

 

Again, all of the quality men that make good husbands and are currently in successful marriages think the way that I described above. In fact, they actively advise me to avoid women that have a high count or have FWB.

 

This is the real world and, though you may not like the answer, you are completely wrong.

[CALOVELY]

One could also argue that women are entitled by thinking that they can have their cake and eat it too.

 

The fact is that quality men (ones looking for relationships) think the way that I do. They would never tell you though because it's not politically correct. But this is the kind of thing that men talk about when women aren't around.

 

Do you think that I go around IRL broadcasting this? Hell no. In fact, if anything, I'll throw out hints that I support this kind of behavior just so the woman becomes comfortable enough to tell me if she actually does it.

 

Again, all of the quality men that make good husbands and are currently in successful marriages think the way that I described above. In fact, they actively advise me to avoid women that have a high count or have FWB.

 

 

This is the real world and, though you may not like the answer, you are completely wrong.

 

You have already established in multiple posts that you dislike women and do not trust them, so your feelings about womens sexuality are most certainly biased. It is not surprising at all that you surround yourself with others who confirm your feelings. Indeed, this is the real world and with that are people with a range of beliefs on this issue. Many successful and quality men do not have an issue with women who have been sexually active with others before them.

[Leigh 87]

Or there's a third, and much more realistic option.

 

He finds you attractive and wants to have sex with you. If, over the longer term, you two are compatible, he will want a relationship with you. But for now, he just wants to have sex. Mostly because he doesn't know you. And you don't know him.

 

Keep in mind that most people aren't compatible enough to have a long term relationship with so it is way more likely than not that you will not end up in a relationship with this guy. Not because he's lying or because he doesn't find you attractive. Just because most people aren't all that compatible with other people.

 

I agree.

 

I do think be likes me a lot from what he knows. I think he has good intentions.

[DukeNukem47]

You have already established in multiple posts that you dislike women and do not trust them, so your feelings about womens sexuality are most certainly biased. It is not surprising at all that you surround yourself with others who confirm your feelings. Indeed, this is the real world and with that are people with a range of beliefs on this issue. Many successful and quality men do not have an issue with women who have been sexually active with others before them.

 

I don't dislike women. I have plenty of female friends and I actively date. I am successful with women so ruling out promiscuous women does not hurt me.

 

What I have said in my posts is that having children is more important to me than finding a wife. So I am completely fine with doing something like surrogacy. Unlike most men, I do not have to compromise my values and can be quite picky when choosing a woman to settle down with.

 

Furthermore, I am not looking for a quick fling. I am looking for a possible wife. So I am going to be selective on this criteria.

 

As I said, my friends are from all different backgrounds. Trust me, they are good guys that make great husbands. Many of them are pillars of society and are very well-respected in the community. They are not outward on these views, but disclose them to me privately. I am also not outward on these views and most certainly do not tell women about them.

 

Again, I would say that this viewpoint is more the rule rather than the exception.

[Adele0908]

I don't think a man needs to love you to have sex. I disagree with this Carl guy.

 

Also, how is it hard for men to get sex? A lot of women have no problem giving it up if the find you attractive.

 

It's an interesting article. Yes it's common to think that men can have sex with women they don't love. But I like ideas that challenge the accepted norms.

 

Where I live, I don't see women who are sexually free enough to just go to bed with a man they find attractive. There are places in the world where women are covered from head to toe. In other less stringent parts of the world, women are still expected to have sex with few to none men before marriage. On television and in movies, they make it seem like women everywhere are having sex with hot men but that's not the case. Women who are truly sexually free like Samantha on Sex in the City are rare. The average woman is afraid of being judged.

 

Also there are so many threads on the forum with men talking about how they can't get sex, are virgins, or can't get a date. Why do you think men consume so much porn or visit strip clubs? They arent getting women like that.

[Shining One]

Also, how is it hard for men to get sex? A lot of women have no problem giving it up if the find you attractive.

The key words are: "If they find you attractive." Many women are very selective on what they find attractive and the men outside this group are the ones who perpetually struggle.

 

 

The term hard is relative as well. I don't know where I stand exactly, but I have a 33% chance (based on my past experience) of getting laid when I go out and spend several hours and a few hundred dollars talking to women and buying them drinks. The rest of the time, I went home alone. The time and money invested varies on the amount of women I've had to talk to before success or giving up.

 

 

Many women, on the other hand, do not have to put in anywhere near that level of effort to get sex. Here's one example:

Once I met this guy online who said he wasn't looking for a relationship. So one night I texted him 'come over so I can **** you' and he did.

I've had a female friend text me in a similar fashion and it worked for her. As you can see, there is a significant difference in the level of effort involved.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Texting and talking sweetly = trying hard? I can't imagine something easier than that.

And look at the reaction it's getting, how rewarding!!

[TigerLilly78]

 

Also, I noticed that you are looking for a relationship, but are also down for fun. Just a little advice: I suggest not doing that. Any quality guy that finds out that you are sleeping around when single will not be interested in a relationship with you.

This but then again people have told you this in other threads you say one thing and do another and then wonder why guys are not serious about you honestly unless I misread what he text you it looked like he wanted more with you then just sex as hes saying he "was wild but wanted to settle down with you"? unless I got that wrong there..

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

It is a little sick that he is probably doing all this for a lay?

 

 

Leigh what's sick is you posting on and on obsessively about a guy you just met for a very few hours!!! Especially after doing this regarding about 4 different guys in the last 6 weeks!! Honestly it's not heathy behavior.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I genuinely believe that he means what he says.

 

OMG Leigh you have my head spinning like the girl in "The Excorcist"!!!!! I just started reading your thread about a douchey guy who will do and say anything to have sex and suddenly - he means what he says? I guess you should disregard my previous posts because I wrote them 2 minutes ago when you were still on the "anything to get laid" phase. Like I said on your last thread, NOTHING is ever going to work out with any guy ever unless you can learn how to listen and to respond to what is actually going on rather than to the wild drama that you make up inside of your own head!!

[Leigh 87]

Leigh what's sick is you posting on and on obsessively about a guy you just met for a very few hours!!! Especially after doing this regarding about 4 different guys in the last 6 weeks!! Honestly it's not heathy behavior.

 

 

Look you don't understand me and that is OK.

 

I ENJOY writing about men I date. I DO NOT think about them obsessively during the day; nor do invest in them since we only just met.

 

I really just like to write about men I date. Please stop taking it out of context!

 

I think about travel, meeting new people, and falling in love one day (with no particular man in mind) - THAT is what I am passionate about- and also my college degree and my soon to be clothing label.

 

I like writing about men please just understand that. I enjoy it. I enjoy the high and the lows of dating - I don't take rejection personally and I get over it fast, I am accustomed to it.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

He apologized for being drunk and said that he just really wants it to work.

Wants WHAT to work?? There is no "it"!!!! Now I'm sure either he just wants the easy sex you are going to give him or else he's just a drunken loser. If a guy meets a girl he feels might be a real match for him the things you are describing are NOT what he will do!!

[Leigh 87]

And look, this recent guy I met probably won't work out - but that is not because of anything he has done; MOST men I meet will not end up with me in a long term relationship! If it doesn't work out I won't cry or get overly upset; I will delete him from my life and continue with my many endeavours!

 

There is a difference between getting excited about a new partner who you are in list and infatuation with - and being INVESTED. Invested = having an expectation of commitment and emotionally investing.

 

I enjoy the thrill of newly dating; the in love hormones, the infatuation and the great new couple sex. It never normally works out for us all - so we just move on.

 

For me at last, the fun and initial thrill far surpasses the disappointment I feel when things end! I am more happy enjoying the ride and writing about it on here - then I am sad when it ends; I expect it to end, I do not expecting to just easily find a long term partner!

 

It is hard to find someone compatible, especially when I need fireworks at the start. I don't want a mediocre relationship where we both look back and think " well, there were never any fire works and the sex doesn't sizzle in the same way it has with some prior lovers, but hey, we are both really good for one another". I do not want that - I want the initial fire works, to not have had "better" sex before with "more passionate

lovers. I know relationships are work in the long run, I have two happily married parents who have been married 40 bloody years since they were 21!

 

The fact relationships are hard work in the long run doesn't mean you should bypass the passion and infatuation phase and substitute it for a slow burn " not that into one another" and " not infatuated" and " not that attracted initially" style of relationship that kicks of THAT way. My parents felt excited about one another and they had passion and hey, they are still together.

 

It just takes a little longer to find fire works with a compatible lover and partner!

 

I am not model but I am attractive enough and have a cheeky personality to generate instant attraction and chemistry with a high enough portion of men - enough for me to not have to worry about shortage of men who I have those sparks with to pick from.

[candie13]

 

I like writing about men please just understand that. I enjoy it. I enjoy the high and the lows of dating - I don't take rejection personally and I get over it fast, I am accustomed to it.

 

I do. That's why I make sure to choose carefully those men I am "throwing" myself at. Are you, Leigh?

[Leigh 87]

Wants WHAT to work?? There is no "it"!!!! Now I'm sure either he just wants the easy sex you are going to give him or else he's just a drunken loser. If a guy meets a girl he feels might be a real match for him the things you are describing are NOT what he will do!!

 

 

He isn't a loser so far he has a good job and obviously keeps himself together.

 

He may be into me and think I am a good catch, just because a guy gets drunk doesn't mean anything - my friends fiancé got drunk when they first met and drunk called her - he adores her and he didn't mean any disrespect.

 

You are being overly pessimistic. I am an attractive women with a nice personality, there is just as much of a chance that this guy is into me and sees me as relationship material.

[Rejected Rosebud]

And look, this recent guy I met probably won't work out - but that is not because of anything he has done; MOST men I meet will not end up with me in a long term relationship! If it doesn't work out I won't cry or get overly upset

That sounds good and it would also be a good move to hold off on attributing all kinds of motivations and traits to a guy you don't even know like in this case, that he's "trying hard merely for sex."

[Leigh 87]

I do. That's why I make sure to choose carefully those men I am "throwing" myself at. Are you, Leigh?

 

 

 

I am not throwing myself - he is expressing just as much interest verbally, I mirror his interest. I enjoy travel and instead of travelling to Darwin like I intended before I met him, I will travel to the only other city in Australia that I have yet visited and want to visit. I am not paying either.

 

I match his level of interest. He booked an early ticket home to see me - I used flyer miles to go on a holiday that I will enjoy irrespective of whether or not it works out.

 

I have a enough options and frankly I do not need to throw myself at any man - if this guy turns out to not be that into me, I will soon date others and brush things off very fast.

 

I don't take rejection personally because not every guy is going to find me desirable physically and also click with me.

 

Why do you take rejection personally?

[Rejected Rosebud]

He isn't a loser so far he has a good job and obviously keeps himself together.

Sorry Leigh but a genuine guy with his act together is highly unlikely to meet a girl twice, charm her off her feet, and then call her and drunkenly tell her how he wants "it" to work even though there is nothing between them. That is not the behavior of a "together" person by any stretch of the imagination!!

 

 

You are being overly pessimistic.

No I'm not, I'm posting in a thread YOU started about what lengths a guy will go to to get into your pants!!!

I am an attractive women

yes Leigh, we all know how attractive you find yourself!!!

there is just as much of a chance that this guy is into me and sees me as relationship material.

This is not about you and how hot you are or nice or whatever. From what you have said he sounds like a guy who is looking for a good time and with your fabulous body and nice personality why not you, especially since he comes there once a month!! But in any case Leigh I hope you get what you want out of this and have a good experience!

[candie13]

I match his level of interest. He booked an early ticket home to see me - I used flyer miles to go on a holiday that I will enjoy irrespective of whether or not it works out.

 

I have a enough options and frankly I do not need to throw myself at any man - if this guy turns out to not be that into me, I will soon date others and brush things off very fast.

 

I don't take rejection personally because not every guy is going to find me desirable physically and also click with me.

 

Why do you take rejection personally?

 

Because I select my men carefully. Because it takes me a long long time to like a guy and even longer to manifest interest. Because for me to make a move at a man, he must be.... something else.

 

And also, because that does not happen all that often .

[Leigh 87]

That sounds good and it would also be a good move to hold off on attributing all kinds of motivations and traits to a guy you don't even know like in this case, that he's "trying hard merely for sex."

 

 

You did it too - You said that he is definitely not into me and is using me for sex or is a drunken loser - you don't know him or me - for all you know, he could have good intentions and he may be into me.

 

Nothing usually works out - hence why we date for long periods of time until we find someone compatible. It is much better than settling for the sake of not being alone!

 

However, you need to stop with the negativity please, it makes me want to delete you and ignore you as a poster - stop telling me that I am obsessed with each guy I write about - it doesn't help me because I am not obsessed with the individual in question - I really just enjoy writing about my dating life a lot! I don't care when it doesn't work out with men, I don't get upset. Really. I have written about so many men on here! I was upset over:

-my long term ex of 3 ish years

-Berlin guy (although I wasn't crying or THAT upset)

- Disappearing prick from 2013 (I had never had a guy act in love with me only to POOF before, where as now I am accustomed to it and have stopped caring when men fade out of disappear)

 

I am a desirable woman to enough men - there is every chance the guy made a mistake with the drunk call and could be into me for more than just the possibility of sex!

 

It is not at all outlandish to think that hey, maybe this guy could actually be into me.

 

It is also not strange of me to enjoy the thrill of dating without becoming invested enough to get upset if it doesn't work out.

 

I enjoy dating so I may as well be positive about it.

 

Talking about men being desperate for sex - I find it funny. It entertains me, I am taking the piss out of my situation but I also regard myself highly enough to think hey, there is still a fair chance he could really like me (why wouldn't he:lmao:)

 

It is not "unlikely" he is not that into me. It is just not "likely" that I have met my match. He could change his mind, I could not like him when I next see him, a whole host of reasons will likely render us NOT compatible! I don't think it will be due to him just not being that into me!

Edited January 4, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Moderation editing out proper names for privacy