My Worst Enemy Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 My now ex and I just recently broke up, I broke up with him. Reason: he overstepped my intimacy boundaries/limits despite our numerous discussions about it and my saying no at that moment. He knew that I wasn't ready. This happened twice and I broke it off the second time it happened. He was very apologetic about it, he was very patient when I was so confused about what just happened, and took all the blame and just wanted to fix things. He never made me feel that it was because of me. But of course, during the whole breakup period, I didn't budge and ended things. Now that it has all settled down and I can't stop thinking about it and thinking of him, in starting to wonder if I made a mistake and if I could have given him another chance. He is the sweetest guy with a very kind heart and he loves me undeniably, and I love him too. I'm just having trouble accepting what happened, that he did that to me, but now thinking if he deserved another chance... Link to post Share on other sites
iDoodleEveryday Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Hello there First off, i read your post and i guess you are going through a very tough time. Especially during the new year (me too) But i would like you to put this into your head for alittle bit, it has happened twice and you might not want to hear this. but i guess he really has not learnt how to respect what you have been telling him. It is normal that you miss him intensely especially after a period of not being together. But i guess both of you need time to track-back and think about the relationship for alil. That would allow him to realize what went wrong. Don't give up! Hang in there and if he's the right one, maybe he'd come back Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 What did he do, that made you feel he had violated or ignored your boundaries? Its hard to give any useful opinions with our knowing what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author My Worst Enemy Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 @satu intercourse Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 He forced you? That's rape. Or he tried but you stopped him? Either way, what hed did TWICE is a clear violation of trust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) @satu intercourse Thanks for replying. Any person who wants to engage in sexual contact with another, should never persist if consent has not been given, or if the person has expressed that its gone too far for them, and withdrawn consent. Avoid him like the plague - he is not a safe person. I really hope that this isn't what happened to you. If it is, you are a crime victim: "Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault." Edited January 4, 2015 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author My Worst Enemy Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 Thanks for replying. Any person who wants to engage in sexual contact with another, should never persist if consent has not been given, or if the person has expressed that its gone too far for them, and withdrawn consent. Avoid him like the plague - he is not a safe person. I really hope that this isn't what happened to you. If it is, you are a crime victim: "Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person's consent. The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or against a person who is incapable of valid consent, such as one who is unconscious, incapacitated, or below the legal age of consent. The term rape is sometimes used interchangeably with the term sexual assault." He wasn't violent, he was a little forceful. I don't know, do guys get to to a point wherein they just lose control? Is that even a thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 He wasn't violent, he was a little forceful. I don't know, do guys get to to a point wherein they just lose control? Is that even a thing? Even the tiniest bit of force - physical or mental, that results in intercourse without clear consent is rape. And no, the point you ask about doesn't exist in a normal man. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 He wasn't violent, he was a little forceful. I don't know, do guys get to to a point wherein they just lose control? Is that even a thing? Forceful or violence, it doesn't matter. It is rape. Consent should be freely given. And no, guys do not lose control. He made a choice to ignore your boundaries, plain and simple. At the very least what he did was forced seduction and in my book is the same as rape. Please do not think of going back to him and if possible please talk to someone you trust about this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 No one can tell you how to feel. Intimacy sort of thing is very personal. I would simply go by your own description that he overstepped your boundary. That's enough. Should you take him back? Again, no one can tell you, because those are your boundaries and your feelings. I can only tell you that these things are typically not accidental. They are usually part of a pattern, so don't expect him to change. He can change what he does, case by case, but he cannot change who he is. If he is pushy by nature, and you could not stop him, I'm afraid this is a dangerous match. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author My Worst Enemy Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 Thank you all. I guess I just needs someone to say it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) Thank you all. I guess I just needs someone to say it. You take good care of yourself, and if you need help, reach out for it. There are always people here that you can talk to. Please keep away from that man - he's not safe to be around. Edited January 5, 2015 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I would like to point a different view. Some like their sex strong, some like it a little bit forceful, some like it gentle What is sex? Sex in basic is communication, a very complicated on. It's very legitimate to keep your boundaries, but you shouldn't blame someone who has a different preferences, and he tried things with you even if it was twice. So I think your break up is also a way of communication and he learned the hard way what happen if he misunderstands you. If you talk things over i don't see why not giving him one more chance. Edited January 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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