iDoodleEveryday Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) Hello, First of all, I would like to wish everyone here a happy 2015! Secondly, i would like to say this is going to be alittle different from what everybody is going through. Because being the guy in a relationship with a girl who just got out and still stuck in it (don't really see alot of this here), anyways just trying my luck to see if anyone has such an experience, or in any case give me some advice on this. But even with this festive mood going on recently it has been absolutely disastrous for me. Here goes. I have just told another girl that I didn't want in on a rebound relationship, that girl is a very special person as she is my best friend of seven years, and although i did think of the possiblities of us being together, i did not pursue it as i didn't want to ruin our friendship. She had just gotten out of a relationship and about 6 weeks into her "healing" we started to hang out and go out platonically. By the fifth meeting that we had, we were in a movie and she hugged me. Felt weird since i knew i had the chance to become the rebound, but it happened anyway. So 2 weeks into our first platonic "date", she texted me and said that she didn't want to confuse herself anymore, and that she wanted to focus more on her studies and all that. After looking at this, i politely obliged and told her okay although i had probably started developing alil feelings for her. Everything after that was going fine, until a week later on friday when she texted me saying she was bored and wanted to grab a drink. I told her i was heading to a club with my other friends and if she wanted she could join in (they didn't mind). While dancing, we kissed and it was kind of passionate, so i was left with alittle more than i could handle, so i stopped it and just carried on with the partying. After the party, i sent her home and we kissed outside her house and i left. The next few weeks followed with lots of texts, calls, hanging out. And when things were getting really serious, i kind of pushed her away, telling her that "i would only get involved further when we were special. I do not want to ruin something special with a stupid mistake." And we agreed that we would start anything official only this december or when we actually felt she has moved on. But in Sept, we caved in an agreed to be together. Afterwhich everything went good for a month or so, when she said she was confused and we agreed on a week long NC to actually sort ourselves out. We did get back together after a week, actually less (4days to be exact cause we both agreed that we were already starting to miss each other). And so things moved along, and one fine day in Nov, she was walking with me and suddenly turned to me and said she couldn't do it anymore. So we agreed and we split up, however the next day we agreed to have an extremely long cooldown peroid which would pan over a few months before we actually talk about anything pertaining to the relationship. However, a week in we ended up meeting because she wanted me to meet her best friend who was flying in from aussie. And what bugged me was during the meet up with her group of friends. She actually started to call me intimate names again, that made me feel like she wanted this and the weeks following, we would go back to dating and everything. But she had to leave for an overseas project during december. So we spent the last few days over at her place and sometimes my place. And she told me 4 weeks wouldn't be that long. Before she left, we exchanged 25 kisses for the 25 days that she would be away. (kinda childish but i think that was kind of sweet) Just a few days before xmas and a few days before she flew back, i receieved "the text" from my ex. It said that she honestly needed to be single for now and she said sorry, do not wait for her or anything. And i replied to her that i did not want to talk to her at that very moment (knew i was going to be rash and go on some text messaging war so i had to take a step back). Tore me apart. As we had planned to spent new years together and actually holiday during the first week of 2015. But now its all gone :/ A few days later i messaged her thanking her for the times we have spent together and that i will be moving on. And hopefully somewhere down the road we can be friends again. She acknowledge, and told me that probably not that we can go back to being friends now, but perhaps after 6months have gone by or so. I didn't reply. On new years day, i messaged her with a simple greeting and she replied with one, which i didnt reply. *on a side note, one of my buddies messaged her asking if she would celebrate my birthday together cause it was during the year end as well, she told him that we had broken up and she doesn't know. but she went on to ask him twice about how i was feeling when he ignored her the first time. I have been in 3 past serious relationships, but although this has been very short but the connection i felt with her was on a whole different level. And it is absolutely killing me on the inside. So far have been in NC with her since the first day of the year. And her birthday is coming soon, should i break NC just to send a simple birthday wish? I actually want to wait for her until she has settled her inner self and thoughts before attempting another go at her. The question here is, I would like to know if anyone has such an experience before with their relationship life and any advice anyone is going to give. Negative/Positive advice all welcomed. Thanks guys/ladies in advance Edited January 4, 2015 by iDoodleEveryday Link to post Share on other sites
st peter Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 i think maybe you could be with her in the future, maybe even the near future. she definitely will need time, unfortunately you were with her at an emotional time when she must still have had residual feelings for her ex. but please don't wait for her. be open to other girls, and force this girl to fear you slipping away. then she will know if she wants you or not. never be on the hook, trust me. kinda weird contradiction, move on, but don't assume hope is lost. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Don't stick around waiting for her, no birthday message, no nothing. You have done your part so don't do anymore. If she wants you in her life, let her run back to you. I'm not someone who gives second chances but say I had a guy waiting around for me, I wouldn't go back to them whereas someone who moved on and got on with their lives would appeal to me more. I see it as upping their value because they are improving themselves rather than going down in value because they are laying dormant waiting for someone to return (you simply become the back up/plan b because you'll always stick around). If you don't value yourself, you become expendable. If you become valuable, you're in demand and lots of people want you, that's when the exes usually come crawling back. By then you'll probably have better prospects and may choose someone better than your ex. Cut them off, let them know what they have lost and what it is like to experience life without you. By doing so, you put yourself back in the drivers seat, no waiting for them to throw you a breadcrumb. If they come back, you decide if you want to let them back on, if not you just drive off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDoodleEveryday Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) thank you for the replies. But it absolutely kills me now that we aren't talking. And with regards to the birthday wishes. Her birthday is coming up in 2-3 weeks time. @Ieris not even a simple happy birthday!! text message? Worst part of it all is that she is moving to a different town although we go to the same school. What should i do if i see her in school? considering we take the same major but she is a senior, so probably we will see each other in school more often than not since her locker is just about beside mine. I wouldnt want to just ignore her presence, however, at the same time i do not want to pass of as needy and all. Edited January 5, 2015 by iDoodleEveryday Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 @iDoodleEveryday - no not even a birthday text message! You see, people use birthdays, Christmas and all other special occasions as an excuse to break NC. If you are still emotionally invested then don't get in touch. She probably expects you to message her so don't be so predictable and don't message her. You don't need to send her a birthday message to remind her you're still there. She has your number, she knows how to find you if she wants to. If you see her in school, treat her like a regular person. Don't avoid her but don't look at her all the time cos that's just creepy. If your eyes meet, smile and say "hey" then look away and get on with your own thing. No need to stick around long enough to spark a conversation, that can be awkward. Keep it cool and don't pay her any attention x Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDoodleEveryday Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 @Ieris okay thats just what i'd do. but i somehow feel that it might be alil rude to just "ignore" her birthday. Considering even though we broke up 4 days before my birthday, she still wished me saying she knows nothing she say can fix anything but happy birthday. I guess i'll do exactly what you say when i see her in school. Probably will keep updating here to vent all my thoughts out. seems like the only place i can turn to now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDoodleEveryday Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 day 5 NC just gonna write how i feel everyday here. pardon me. classes really takes my mind off her for a good period of time. i realize if i am in class the thoughts really focus to whats on the board. and thats what im going to do. but the moment i reach home thoughts start flooding me. sigh Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDoodleEveryday Posted January 6, 2015 Author Share Posted January 6, 2015 Day 6 NC well today was fine. did well most of it. until a friend told me he saw her in school today. Totally ruined my mood and got me thinking about her during classes again. Sigh wish i had an off button for my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDoodleEveryday Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Day 7 NC walked out of a washroom today in school. and there she walked past me without even making any acknowledgement that i was beside her. and even though there was no talking not even a hi on both our part. i felt my ownself crumbling, i was getting destroyed bit by bit on the inside. whole day pretty much became a day filled with negative emotions and hurt. sigh. am i just one of those guys who are weak on the inside but attempt to put a strongfront? i feel so useless :\ Link to post Share on other sites
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