Met a woman last night, wondering if she's still interested - LONG

[LookAtThisPOst]

I went to bonfire event last night and really clicked with a woman that I started talking to. It was a Facebook event in the middle of nowhere, about an hour and a half from me. She had been exploring Meetups, but never really "settled" or made much new friends since she's joined as shes rather new to the social scene. Been mostly busy working on her home.

 

It was a rather random event as it was a mix of people from meetups, some mostly from Facebook though. Some were just tag-a-longs with friends of friends and so on.

 

I met this rather attractive woman, 51 years old (we'll get back to that later), looked very beautiful and young for her age...I figured around 45. Like me, single..never married...NO children (no wonder she looks young, lol). I figured I hit pay dirt. She's part Italian/Mexican (originally from New York).

 

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen that night, but we wound up closing up the park int he WEE hours of the morning. The host of the Meetup, me, the aforementioned woman and her friend wound up chatting around the campfire, having fun, making jokes, laughing and talking ALL night.

 

I was wanting to leave earlier, but the 2 ladies pleaded with me to stick around until the campfire burned out (a good sign). So I stuck around.

 

We really got to know each other as we kind of "paired up" towards the end and talked more. Come to find out her ailing father lives near me and she visits him rather frequently. She's even joined Meetups where I live because she gets rather lonely when staying up here.

 

Come to find out she was likely single due to the same reasons because we share the same values when it comes to relationships and dating. Her father was just like mine and recent life experiences were almost uncanny. She told me she was glad to hear I have old-fashioned values so figured I was going in the right direction. She said she's marriage minded.

 

Near the end, a woman put her hair in a braid and then she had undone her hair and not to sound too sappy, she had let her hair down and she was even more stunning. Down to earth, but gorgeous.

 

We got to talking about her siblings and parents and she mentioned how they were in their early 80s and she'd recently lost her mother around 5 years ago, my father....2. And I had also found out her older brother and sister were in their 60s. (this was before me finding out her age). I was like "Wow, you must've came into the family much later considering how young you look." She was like "Aww...yeah, I was actually born quite later."

 

I was kind of doing the math in my head...we had been overhearing the other 2's conversation where the woman over there was asking HIS age and the lady I was talking to laugh and said, "Maybe I should ask the same personal questions too."

 

I was like "Well, I was kind of figuring the math, and thought as much". And she was mentioning how she was kind of figuring how I mentioned a point in my life where she thought I was 8 years old...and I said, "No that was an event in '72" and she goes, "Wow, if I do the math you sound around the age of one of my nephews!, LOL"

 

And I said I was 42 (will be 43 in a couple of months). She told me she's 51. Couldn't believe it myself how young she looked, 'cause I figured her to be mid 40's at the very most. I have NO qualms about the age difference, as I was seriously attracted regardless of age. But I couldn't help but wonder if it wound up being a deal breaker with her after all that time in the wee hours. Esp. with the, "You're as old as my nephew." remark. We got to talking about dating as she's told she's rarely dated due to the fact that she's extremely picky as she's gotten older and now she's open to making new friends, but...if something happens....well, that let fate go from there.

 

I got her phone number and she gave it to me, but after she had talked about being open to making friends...if that was her way of "friendzoning" me immediately. But, since I got her number, I'm doing to make it my intention is of dating...nothing platonic as I was too attracted to do so otherwise. Meeting someone like her with the same old-fashioned values, upbringing, etc. She's joined quite a few Meetups I've noticed, and doesn't attend many I think. I think she's just one of those sporadic attendees, so I just got lucky as to have met her like I did.

 

Not sure what you're take would be on this...but after she'd said what she said, I was wondering about the 'Friendzone" thing. I think she only gave her my phone # because wanted me to stick around longer and the amount of time invested in staying into the wee hours of the morning. I mean, why refuse to give a guy your phone # if he co-herced him to stay "until the end." lol

Edited January 4, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[Satu]

Tell her how you feel about her.

[GemmaUK]

4 of you is more of a group to talk to than three so someone open to sitting and talking is likely to be encouraged to stick around.

 

 

She said she was interested in making new friends so that is why she gave you her number.

 

 

She is old fashioned and picky so she won't be jumping into dating with anyone soon.

 

 

Overt signs of flirting toward just you would be what to look for but I suspect that she wouldn't display any of that anyway upon meeting someone for the first time unless there was unquestionable attraction on her part so as not to lead a man on.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She said she was interested in making new friends so that is why she gave you her number..

 

That being said, should I still ask her out on a date and make it my intention to say "Hey, I would like to take you out on a date." Basically, just be direct and not beat around the bush? I am rather going the way of what Satu posted. I'd rather not keep this ambiguous.

[GemmaUK]

That being said, should I still ask her out on a date and make it my intention to say "Hey, I would like to take you out on a date." Basically, just be direct and not beat around the bush? I am rather going the way of what Satu posted. I'd rather not keep this ambiguous.

 

You can give it a go.

However, when I have said the exact same thing I have intended it to mean 'you could become a friend and for me it takes time to develop trust and companionship before I would decide whether I wanted to date you or not'.

 

 

So if offered a date I would turn it down and either leave it at that or suggest friendship.

Friendship can then become difficult though if a man is still approaching it in terms of wanting to date.

 

 

If you want to know right now whether she is attracted to you in any way then ask her on a date.

[LookAtThisPOst]

However, when I have said the exact same thing I have intended it to mean 'you could become a friend and for me it takes time to develop trust and companionship before I would decide whether I wanted to date you or not'.

 

Well, to me...what you just said falls into the wheel house of dating. Might as well call it for what it is and not redefine dating for what it's meant to be.

 

I have a female friend that had run into this problem with men she's not attracted to, but "Think he's nice" asking her out....her response is, "We can go out as friends" and the guy goes along with it...and then tries to get romantic with her later down the road only to tell him to leave her alone. The guy would get pissy of the fact that she keeps doing this.

 

She's currently on the outs with a man that tried to touch her at a movie theater (letting their hands touch on the same arm of the chair) and she would actually move away from him to sit in another seat. Eventually, her friendships with these men dissolved and she wound up being a reclusive shut-in as all her guy friends REALLY just wanted to date her, but were attempting to turn the friendship into more by at least getting time to spend time with her.

 

So, to save myself the troubles, and this is great advice to the men, just be direct in your intentions. You'll save yourself the heart ache.

[GemmaUK]

Well, to me...what you just said falls into the wheel house of dating. Might as well call it for what it is and not redefine dating for what it's meant to be.

 

 

 

And the best ever and longest lasting relationships came out of saying that and getting to know someone too. (14 years being the longest).

 

 

Very compatible, very sexual and best friends as the cherry on top of all that.

 

 

Yes, some men do get 'pissy' as you say but these are the type of men who just get pissy about many things - not someone I would want to date.

[LookAtThisPOst]

And the best ever and longest lasting relationships came out of saying that and getting to know someone too. (14 years being the longest).

 

 

Very compatible, very sexual and best friends as the cherry on top of all that.

 

 

Yes, some men do get 'pissy' as you say but these are the type of men who just get pissy about many things - not someone I would want to date.

 

Gemma, so it's not all about this walking on egg shells in order to come up with methods of "How to do that AND stay out of the friendzone"?

[writergal]

OP why don't you just call her on the phone and ask her out on a date. Start there and then see where it leads. Dating doesn't need to be a complicated equation. It should be as simple as 2+2 = 4. Two people like each other. They go out on a date. Date leads to more dates, or none.

 

You won't know anything about her feelings towards you, if you don't make a move. So, call her up. Ask her out. And see what happens. And have fun.

[JuneJulySeptember]

What's the difference?

 

You are putting all of the onus on yourself. Contact her for a date, if she doesn't follow up, then her loss.

 

Women will never be completely straight up and say "I'm not interested in you" so it is always up to you to decide when to pursue and when to cut line.

 

The last time I asked this woman out, I asked if she wanted to hang and talk some more and she gave me some mumbo jumbo about "Yes, we should, but with [our mutual friend]." That was probably rejection right there, but then I pushed for her phone number later and she gave me some excuse, but I still could have taken that as a maybe. You know what I mean?

 

That's one of the reasons it's so frustrating to be a man (or at least one who isn't super attractive to women). You don't know when you are cutting line too early. But you just have to go with your gut and stop putting all of the onus on yourself.

Edited January 4, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[GemmaUK]

Gemma, so it's not all about this walking on egg shells in order to come up with methods of "How to do that AND stay out of the friendzone"?

 

 

 

Good grief NO!!

 

 

ETA: It's boring, dull and simpering.

 

It drives me nuts when men do that - and that is when a date is never going to happen.

[LookAtThisPOst]

What's the difference?

 

You are putting all of the onus on yourself. Contact her for a date, if she doesn't follow up, then her loss.

 

Women will never be completely straight up and say "I'm not interested in you" so it is always up to you to decide when to pursue and when to cut line.

 

The last time I asked this woman out, I asked if she wanted to hang and talk some more and she gave me some mumbo jumbo about "Yes, we should, but with [our mutual friend]." That was probably rejection right there, but then I pushed for her phone number later and she gave me some excuse, but I still could have taken that as a maybe. You know what I mean?

 

That's one of the reasons it's so frustrating to be a man (or at least one who isn't super attractive to women). You don't know when you are cutting line too early. But you just have to go with your gut and stop putting all of the onus on yourself.

 

Yeah, these days you have to be prepared, in case she doesn't follow-up or blows you off, to just walk away.

[angel.eyes]

I agree with this. It sounds like you had a nice time chatting. Just ask her out on a date. Keep it simple.

 

OP why don't you just call her on the phone and ask her out on a date. Start there and then see where it leads. Dating doesn't need to be a complicated equation. It should be as simple as 2+2 = 4. Two people like each other. They go out on a date. Date leads to more dates, or none.

 

You won't know anything about her feelings towards you, if you don't make a move. So, call her up. Ask her out. And see what happens. And have fun.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I had asked her out, she agreed to it and then SHE suggested an Art Festival coming up in the next couple of weekends (not this weekend, the next) as she routinely comes by my area every other weekend to see help out her brothers with her retired father around the countryside homestead.

 

So looks like we're good to go. :-) Was rather glad she's doing her part as far as making suggestions on what we could do when we meet again, I had actually had something in mind already, but her idea I found to be better.

 

She beat me to the punch.

[GemmaUK]

Whoop!

 

 

She knows this is a date and not just a friends meet up yes?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Whoop!

 

 

She knows this is a date and not just a friends meet up yes?

 

She should....otherwise she wouldn't be playing with a full deck otherwise. ;-).

[coolheadal]

Your lucky but this woman is not your typical dating type. So just have to play things cool with her. If you do take to a place to eat for lunch or dinner and she started to do foot-sees then you know she's interested or then again it was something on her mind. Women today are so complex to figure out but in all the signs will tell you at the Art Show or Fest how things are moving along. Always make eye contact with her eye and smile a lot. I am sure you know what to do.

 

Keep us posted on your adventure with her. Should be interesting one at best!

Edited January 7, 2015 by coolheadal

[LookAtThisPOst]

Were actually attending a Scottish themed festival.

 

Your lucky but this woman is not your typical dating type. So just have to play things cool with her. If you do take to a place to eat for lunch or dinner and she started to do foot-sees then you know she's interested or then again it was something on her mind. Women today are so complex to figure out but in all the signs will tell you at the Art Show or Fest how things are moving along. Always make eye contact with her eye and smile a lot. I am sure you know what to do.

 

Keep us posted on your adventure with her. Should be interesting one at best!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Your lucky but this woman is not your typical dating type. So just have to play things cool with her. If you do take to a place to eat for lunch or dinner and she started to do foot-sees then you know she's interested or then again it was something on her mind. Women today are so complex to figure out but in all the signs will tell you at the Art Show or Fest how things are moving along. Always make eye contact with her eye and smile a lot. I am sure you know what to do.

 

Keep us posted on your adventure with her. Should be interesting one at best!

 

She's established that she's the old-fashioned type and actually told me she's glad that I'm also old-fashioned.

[GemmaUK]

She should....otherwise she wouldn't be playing with a full deck otherwise. ;-).

 

So you did use the word 'date' then?

Having said what she said about what she is looking for saying the word 'date' is hugely important and a total game changer.

 

 

In that case..great!

 

 

Enjoy your date!

[kolleamm]

Wish you luck with her!

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for the update. I'm glad things are progressing. Hope you enjoy your first date with her. What a nice way to start the new year!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Well, last time we spoke, she texted me her availability on the weekend we're suppose to go out. She said she was either good for next Sat. between the hours of (this and that) and next Sunday (the same).

 

At that same moment, I responded that Saturday would be good and if she was okay with that.

I didn't get a response an entire day.

 

The next day, after I got home from work...I called her and left a voice mail (yesterday)...she didn't return my call.

Starting to wonder if she's doing the fade.

 

Now, I don't to seem like a pain as to call or text a third time, but I'm on the fence about making another attempt at following up since she DID provide me with specific times during the day to get together on that weekend. I don't want to be like, "Um, you get my message yesterday and the text from the day before?"

 

It's kind of on the fence of "the fade" vs. "give her time"? Anyone?

Edited January 9, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[GemmaUK]

You know her better than we do.

 

 

You say she is old fashioned (as am I) and you say you are too - us old fashioned's don't need much texting/calls - I certainly don't.

Wait and see.

 

 

If she was flirty and agreed to a date and if she is into you she will likely be there or get back to you.

If not, no biggie.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You know her better than we do.

 

 

You say she is old fashioned (as am I) and you say you are too - us old fashioned's don't need much texting/calls - I certainly don't.

Wait and see.

 

 

If she was flirty and agreed to a date and if she is into you she will likely be there or get back to you.

If not, no biggie.

 

Yeah, I'll wait out the weekend and call her Mon. or something.