Affair with close friends husband

[LaylaSings]

I first came here about a year ago trying to end my affair. We ended it for 6 weeks after new years last year.. But as of now are the closest we have ever been.

I can include a link if you need my back story.. But is anyone else really close to their AP's family? It feels like both a curse and a benefit.

 

Run along if you just came to waste your time telling me how horrible I should feel. I definitely have my moments and you typing a tantrum is unnecessary

[Popsicle]

I first came here about a year ago trying to end my affair. We ended it for 6 weeks after new years last year.. But as of now are the closest we have ever been.

I can include a link if you need my back story.. But is anyone else really close to their AP's family? It feels like both a curse and a benefit.

 

Nope, I don't know them. I get why it's a curse but Why is it a benefit to you?

 

Run along if you just came to waste your time telling me how horrible I should feel. I definitely have my moments and you typing a tantrum is unnecessary

 

Lol

[Friskyone4u]

There is no need to tell you anything other than what you asked. And the time you will really need advice is when it all blows up.

In answer to your question, I think it is worse that you are close to the other family. The reason I say that is when this explodes your husband and his wife are going to be angrier and feel more betrayed by both of you and if it does not end both marriages, it is certainly going to end your friendship and any of your children's relationship.

I can't see what the "good" or advantage of it is other than since you probably have interaction regularly it makes it easier for you and your boyfriend to sneak off without arousing suslpicion.

Since you are " closer" than ever, I am assuming you both plan to dump your spouses and live happily ever after . Other than continuing to cheat, it would be interesting to hear what you guess is in your future. I know you think you will never get caught. Everyone thinks that .

Good luck. I'm not judging you but you will need it

[LaylaSings]

Nope, I don't know them. I get why it's a curse but Why is it a benefit to you?

 

 

 

Lol

 

 

Reasons it's a benefit, I get to see him often, not just in sneaky situations, but i have actually spent a large amount of time doing things like camping watching movies swimming going places with him by himself with the kids or my kids or with them in the family and our family..

Holidays, vacations .. And just lazy time hanging out.

 

I enjoy their company. Hers too.

 

It's a benefit that I really know him and he really knows me.. It's not like we only present our best sides.. We truly know one another.

I also know what he's doing when he's unable to contact me.

 

That's both the benefit and a curse because sometimes there is a legitimate reason he cannot contact me and if I did not know him I would not of known that I would've over thought it ... Or thought it was something I had done wrong or something..

It's works both ways in that situation to though there are times when I know he could get a hold of me and he doesn't because he's being lazy on the couch.. Or he's with her.

 

I know how much he misses me even if he doesn't tell ms because she will tell me how he's been acting or things he's said.

 

It's crazy I know it is. I do not ask things about him. She just tells me how you would talk about your spouse to a friend. Every so often someyhing stings real hard.

[Popsicle]

Reasons it's a benefit, I get to see him often, not just in sneaky situations, but i have actually spent a large amount of time doing things like camping watching movies swimming going places with him by himself with the kids or my kids or with them in the family and our family..

Holidays, vacations .. And just lazy time hanging out.

 

I enjoy their company. Hers too.

 

It's a benefit that I really know him and he really knows me.. It's not like we only present our best sides.. We truly know one another.

I also know what he's doing when he's unable to contact me.

 

That's both the benefit and a curse because sometimes there is a legitimate reason he cannot contact me and if I did not know him I would not of known that I would've over thought it ... Or thought it was something I had done wrong or something..

It's works both ways in that situation to though there are times when I know he could get a hold of me and he doesn't because he's being lazy on the couch.. Or he's with her.

 

I know how much he misses me even if he doesn't tell ms because she will tell me how he's been acting or things he's said.

 

It's crazy I know it is. I do not ask things about him. She just tells me how you would talk about your spouse to a friend. Every so often someyhing stings real hard.

 

Wow. That's interesting.

 

So what kinds of things does she say that stings? You don't have to answer if you'd rather not. I am just curious.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I was friendly enough with my AP's wife and the family, though I wouldn't have called her a friend. His family became a friend of our family and while I and my husband both liked being around him a lot, being around her was a lot harder... Even before the affair. But because both my husband and I really liked him, we had to deal with her being around too.

 

It was initially a blessing (I guess... I wouldn't have called it that) because it gave me a valid reason to be around my AP, though it meant I had to be around her too, which I was less keen on. As time went on, it became more of a curse. D-day was, in a strange way, easier because she knew me and my husband. When D-day resulted in them admitting that neither one was happy and both wanted out, being friendly was actually great.

 

After she had a change of heart due to "a conviction from God" from a religious awakening, it was a huge curse. Aside from all the texting, calling, etc when he was with me, when he would leave me and feign reconciliation out of duty/religion, it meant that she wanted me around all the time. I'm not sure why even to this day... Maybe to keep an eye on me and rub things in? I don't know. She'd show up to work all the time, she'd invite me to parties at their house, she'd show up to parties I'd be at with him, she'd act like we were best pals... It was absolute hell.

 

I can't say that I recommend being friends with the family... No matter how things shake down, it will eventually get weird, get brutal, or get messy.

[Satu]

Remember to assume the bracing position quickly before the inevitable impact..

[LaylaSings]

There is no need to tell you anything other than what you asked. And the time you will really need advice is when it all blows up.

In answer to your question, I think it is worse that you are close to the other family. The reason I say that is when this explodes your husband and his wife are going to be angrier and feel more betrayed by both of you and if it does not end both marriages, it is certainly going to end your friendship and any of your children's relationship.

I can't see what the "good" or advantage of it is other than since you probably have interaction regularly it makes it easier for you and your boyfriend to sneak off without arousing suslpicion.

Since you are " closer" than ever, I am assuming you both plan to dump your spouses and live happily ever after . Other than continuing to cheat, it would be interesting to hear what you guess is in your future. I know you think you will never get caught. Everyone thinks that .

Good luck. I'm not judging you but you will need it

 

 

Probably the last post about how much worse this is than other affairs, I'll respond to here.

I've thought about this from every angle. I'm not in the dark. I'm not confused about what right and wrong is. I'm confused sometimes about why I do what I do. But I know it's wrong I get it.

 

Lot think they won't get caught. Lots don't.

 

No. As of now neither of us have any plans to divorce.

[jbrent890]

I have to ask what your endgame is here? Trust me, I'm not trying to put you down, but I'm trying to understand the mindset. At this point, you have to know that this isn't going to end well. Your affair is not going to last forever. One of these days you are going to get caught. Yes, there are affair that go unoticed, but those don't last as long and they aren't with people close to you. Are your spouses individulas you truly want? If not, then set them free. I don't think I have to tell you that this isn't fair to your husband or friend.

[LaylaSings]

Wow. That's interesting.

 

So what kinds of things does she say that stings? You don't have to answer if you'd rather not. I am just curious.

 

She will mention him not wanting to attend a function he's told me he wants to but could make before.. Things like that. Nothing major but it's happened. I do also have to watch them together being affectionate.. Isn't often but it's average for a couple. I care about them. So it's not a jealous feeling.. It's painful sometimes.. Hard to describe.

[LaylaSings]

I have to ask what your endgame is here? Trust me, I'm not trying to put you down, but I'm trying to understand the mindset. At this point, you have to know that this isn't going to end well. Your affair is not going to last forever. One of these days you are going to get caught. Yes, there are affair that go unoticed, but those don't last as long and they aren't with people close to you. Are your spouses individulas you truly want? If not, then set them free. I don't think I have to tell you that this isn't fair to your husband or friend.

 

 

It will eventually fade to a stop and end. That's what I envision happening.

[jbrent890]

It will eventually fade to a stop and end. That's what I envision happening.

 

But didn't you already try that though? Again, I'm not trying to put you down, but I really don't think you understand the gravity of your situation. I have read plenty of stories like yours and your affair isn't the one that just ends. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of ending and starting back up again. It's obvious you don't regret this and it's also obvious that you aren't going to confess it. I think you and I both know that your story only ends with you getting caught. If you do go NC again, you are going to have to completely cut him out of your life. You cannot be friends. I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. Again, I'm not trying to put you down, but this is not going to end well, especially for you. I believe it's true what they say, the woman in the affair loses the most. His wife will probably take him back, your husband will probably not. Not to mention you will lose your friend as well. So in essence, in your attempt to get more, your more than likely going to lose everything. I really don't want your next thread to be "I lost my husband and friend because of my selfishness." Good luck

[Popsicle]

She will mention him not wanting to attend a function he's told me he wants to but could make before.. Things like that. Nothing major but it's happened. I do also have to watch them together being affectionate.. Isn't often but it's average for a couple. I care about them. So it's not a jealous feeling.. It's painful sometimes.. Hard to describe.

 

How strange that must feel to care for them both...

I hope it all comes to a satisfactory resolution for you.

[DKT3]

But didn't you already try that though? Again, I'm not trying to put you down, but I really don't think you understand the gravity of your situation. I have read plenty of stories like yours and your affair isn't the one that just ends. I have a feeling there is going to be a lot of ending and starting back up again. It's obvious you don't regret this and it's also obvious that you aren't going to confess it. I think you and I both know that your story only ends with you getting caught. If you do go NC again, you are going to have to completely cut him out of your life. You cannot be friends. I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. Again, I'm not trying to put you down, but this is not going to end well, especially for you. I believe it's true what they say, the woman in the affair loses the most. His wife will probably take him back, your husband will probably not. Not to mention you will lose your friend as well. So in essence, in your attempt to get more, your more than likely going to lose everything. I really don't want your next thread to be "I lost my husband and friend because of my selfishness." Good luck

 

 

Deleted, ten words

Edited January 4, 2015 by DKT3

[Josmatjes]

Reasons it's a benefit, I get to see him often, not just in sneaky situations, but i have actually spent a large amount of time doing things like camping watching movies swimming going places with him by himself with the kids or my kids or with them in the family and our family..

Holidays, vacations .. And just lazy time hanging out.

 

I enjoy their company. Hers too.

 

It's a benefit that I really know him and he really knows me.. It's not like we only present our best sides.. We truly know one another.

I also know what he's doing when he's unable to contact me.

 

That's both the benefit and a curse because sometimes there is a legitimate reason he cannot contact me and if I did not know him I would not of known that I would've over thought it ... Or thought it was something I had done wrong or something..

It's works both ways in that situation to though there are times when I know he could get a hold of me and he doesn't because he's being lazy on the couch.. Or he's with her.

 

I know how much he misses me even if he doesn't tell ms because she will tell me how he's been acting or things he's said.

 

It's crazy I know it is. I do not ask things about him. She just tells me how you would talk about your spouse to a friend. Every so often someyhing stings real hard.

Okay, I was close to his family and our kids, we hung out, went to dinner, movies... I was privy to everything. I ended it numerous times feeling guilty that I was pretending to be her friend ....

So everything was truly amazing I was never happier...till it blew up! We are no longer friends I do not know what's going on over there... He has slowly changed and is not as sweet when we talk and I know we will never get back what we had.... You are me a year ago....I am going to give you the best advice you will ever hear!! Break it off NOW! Because the pain of also losing the friendship is a pain I don't wish on anyone. It's just awful. It's been 8 months for me now and it's still so hard to believe that not only is it over but it's really awkward now when we do see each other in our community! Nothing good can come of this! Trust me!!

[nikki76]

Yes. I had an A with my H friend. We would make plans to hang out with our kids and spouses, just as an excuse to see each other. At first, i liked the thrill of it. But then, i realized how fd up it was. Knowing that, a week before, we were having sex, now we are all hanging out. What the hell was I thinking! Or the one time his wife and I went to a baseball game, and she kept talking about her and family and H. That was awful! I didnt want to know him as a family man, etc. I wanted to just know him in our imaginary little world. That was pretty much the beginning of our end.

 

I wish, that I could turn back time and never even have had the A. But obviously, thats impossible. But I wish, it wasnt with someone that I will always have ties with as long as my H is still friends with him. It sucks knowing, that at anytime I can run into him or his family. Or that he can show up at my house to hang out with my H. (I went NC 2 wks ago).

[Allumere]

like most folks in the affair fog, you speak the words knowing what you are doing is wrong but you really don't care. You think because others didn't get caught that your chances are good you won't. The scenario you have is about the worst in the affair arena. Being close with APs spouse/family will only multiply the damage and pain if/when the affair is uncovered. My ex had affairs....I always had some sympathy for his APs as they were used and lied to..until his last one. We all spent time together, going to sporting events, trips. I bent over backwards to help this person....the anger, pain and betrayal was 1000x greater that the other affairs. For you, the impact will be the lost of an entire network of friends as the news of the affair will go far beyond just your husband and APs wife....the whole community will know, teachers will know...it will be almost impossible to stay living there. I have seen that aftermath I described over and over again. You really need to end this for your own welfare/future if you aren't willing to do it for your spouse.

[Josmatjes]

like most folks in the affair fog, you speak the words knowing what you are doing is wrong but you really don't care. You think because others didn't get caught that your chances are good you won't. The scenario you have is about the worst in the affair arena. Being close with APs spouse/family will only multiply the damage and pain if/when the affair is uncovered. My ex had affairs....I always had some sympathy for his APs as they were used and lied to..until his last one. We all spent time together, going to sporting events, trips. I bent over backwards to help this person....the anger, pain and betrayal was 1000x greater that the other affairs. For you, the impact will be the lost of an entire network of friends as the news of the affair will go far beyond just your husband and APs wife....the whole community will know, teachers will know...it will be almost impossible to stay living there. I have seen that aftermath I described over and over again. You really need to end this for your own welfare/future if you aren't willing to do it for your spouse.

Its true.... You can't imagine the impact..... I don't think anyone knows but I have a feeling there is speculation..l it's truly awful... For awhile after dday I did not want to leave my house.....

[whichwayisup]

It will eventually fade to a stop and end. That's what I envision happening.

 

No it won't, please be honest and realistic with yourself.

 

The only way this will end is when you two get caught and the fallout affects everybody in the worst way possible.

[jbrent890]

Its true.... You can't imagine the impact..... I don't think anyone knows but I have a feeling there is speculation..l it's truly awful... For awhile after dday I did not want to leave my house.....

 

At this point, I think your right. There spouses probably know that something is up. It's been said in her earlier threads, but I wouldn't surprised if their spouses were screwing around with each other as well.

[jbrent890]

No it won't, please be honest and realistic with yourself.

 

The only way this will end is when you two get caught and the fallout affects everybody in the worst way possible.

 

This, this, and this again. I just finished reading all of her threads and this has been said countless times. Op, my question to you is if you get caught, what do you HONESTLY think is going happen? You don't have to answer, but I seriously want you to think about that. This may sound harsh, but I think your ego is not allowing see the forest from the trees. I don't think you think you are going to get caught, but if you do, I bet you believe your husband won't end the marriage. A lot of WSs on here that got caught had that same mindset and it did not go the way they thought it would. To be more honest, I think your spouses know by this point that something is up. IMO, I wouldn't be surprised if they were having some fun on the side as well.

[LaylaSings]

Our spouses are not involved but it's interesting how so many suggest that, maybe think it'll get under my skin and be the turning point?

 

At one point we both suggested it was possible but I think that was just a way to feel less guilty ourselves.. And a result of knowing it was possible to get away with so we were suspicious of them. They are either Oscar winning actors and planned years ahead before to start the act, or they are not involved.

 

As for them speculating that we are involved.. She has pointed out several times that he is too into me, but they don't think we're doing what we are. We would know by now. One thing I'm sure of.

I'm not stupid. I know getting caught is a possibility. I've never said I think we're 100 safe. But I'm low key. So is he. Its been well over two years.

 

I know I need to end it eventually. I don't get how people think I don't know.. It's not as easy as it sounds. I love him. I think about him all the time and not just me with him, him happy with his family, I want that for him and them and we are far more often friends than lovers. Lately he says he misses me and just coming on strong. We don't gush I love you's or plan to divorce.

 

Not looking for advice on how to leave.

 

Not.

 

Maybe another thread but not needed Here. I'm not ready to leave

[MuddyFootprints]

Are you looking for tips to earn your own academy nomination, then?

[LaylaSings]

Are you looking for tips to earn your own academy nomination, then?

 

No.

I do ok.

I avoid them when I am feeling too much. I stay busy doing other things.

 

I wear my feelings on my face, I'm not an actor. I genuinely care for their entire family and that's what shows.

[Rainbowlove]

I genuinely care for their entire family and that's what shows.

 

Do you realize how F'd up this statement is?

 

You don't give a rat's arse about that family. If you did, you'd end it before it comes to light.

 

You don't even care about your own family.

 

Sorry to state the obvious. Also, you are not friends with the other family, you are their enemy. You are a wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

Look out when Karma comes knocking on your door.