Scaatys2014 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Have known this man for a long time. I am separated (a year now) and he for four months. He claims he wants me, wants everything with me, loves me...... realizes how miserable his marriage actually was, claims he is so much happier now and his family is adjusting well. Haven't talked to him for 2 days now. Seems so odd considering how emotional he was getting. Does anyone here have any experience having your OM/OW actually leaving their spouses for you? Just wondering if odds really are not in my favor seeing as its still fresh for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Have known this man for a long time. I am separated (a year now) and he for four months. He claims he wants me, wants everything with me, loves me...... realizes how miserable his marriage actually was, claims he is so much happier now and his family is adjusting well. Haven't talked to him for 2 days now. Seems so odd considering how emotional he was getting. Does anyone here have any experience having your OM/OW actually leaving their spouses for you? Just wondering if odds really are not in my favor seeing as its still fresh for him. Are you sure he left for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scaatys2014 Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 No, bad choice of words. They are separating because they are unhappy. She doesn't like the fact he and I are close. He says he wants to be with me, I'm just not sure. I was just curious if OM/OW end up together in the end Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 No, bad choice of words. They are separating because they are unhappy. She doesn't like the fact he and I are close. He says he wants to be with me, I'm just not sure. I was just curious if OM/OW end up together in the endrarely, very rare. We have a few here. We have far more women here, who left their relationship and is still the OW because he isn't leaving his relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 How long have you been seeing him? You wrote he was separated four months then they are separating. Is he still living with his wife? Some leave for the OW but most don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scaatys2014 Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 No, they are no longer living together but share visitation with the kids. He and I have known each other for 5 years and have had "feelings". They were talking separation 2yrs ago and decided to go to counselling. We avoided each other but got in touch again recently and developed feelings again. I heard from him every day over the holidays (amazing messages too and a fantastic date night) and now, nothing for 2 days. He sent me 2 messages, I responded and now nothing. Its just very confusing, and I'm really missing him. Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) Does he plan on divorcing? Many men separate and end up going back. I have also seen many that do not end up with the woman they was cheating with this could be an exit affair.I do not know enough about you to say for sure but a lot could happen. 4 months is not long and how long have they been together.I want to warn you that these kind of relationships can end up being very hurtful your better off finding a man you can have of your own. I bet he is making it sound easier then it is and who would want their mate talking to someone who is a threat to their relationship? Do a lot of reading here you will see the heart ache it causes. Good luck Edited January 5, 2015 by scatterd Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Have known this man for a long time. I am separated (a year now) and he for four months. He claims he wants me, wants everything with me, loves me...... realizes how miserable his marriage actually was, claims he is so much happier now and his family is adjusting well. Haven't talked to him for 2 days now. Seems so odd considering how emotional he was getting. Does anyone here have any experience having your OM/OW actually leaving their spouses for you? Just wondering if odds really are not in my favor seeing as its still fresh for him. I'm confused, did you just start seeing each other or was this affair going on prior to both your separations? Do you know, for a fact he took the plunge? Is he living outside of his marital home? Why not contact you in few days? I read an article with statistics (I tried to find it to attach but couldn't) that said if adulterers are to leave their spouse for their affair partner they usually do it early in the relationship. The likelihood decreases as time goes on. This is particularly the case with men. They become quite accustomed to both worlds. If early on ultimatums are made and the OW won't settle as the OW perhaps he will make the ultimate choice. However, these things go into play all the time and it's a back and forth for years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thicke2013 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) Have known this man for a long time. I am separated (a year now) and he for four months. He claims he wants me, wants everything with me, loves me...... realizes how miserable his marriage actually was, claims he is so much happier now and his family is adjusting well. Haven't talked to him for 2 days now. Seems so odd considering how emotional he was getting. Does anyone here have any experience having your OM/OW actually leaving their spouses for you? Just wondering if odds really are not in my favor seeing as its still fresh for him. In my situation we were both on our way out. I was ending my marriage for many different reasons, and so was she. We bonded over how much we had in common. Both divorces were final before we moved forward. My divorce was final August of 2013 and hers June of 2013. We just bought a house together in September of 2014 and actually just got married New Years eve. It can happen, however, she and I had several candid conversations concerning where we were going and the steps to get there. I will say this. There hasn't been a day that we haven't spoken on the phone, text, or something. That is odd to me. Of course it depends on your relationship. Question, if you have been separated for a year, why aren't you divorced? It sounds as if both of you are dragging your feet and waiting for the other to bail on you. In my case, I was leaving my marriage regardless if she left hers or not. I wanted out. You shouldn't leave yours for him nor him for you. If I knew my now wife was leaving "for me" I wouldn't be with her. Just my opinion. Edited January 5, 2015 by Thicke2013 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 I was in an EA with a MM and he left his wife pretty quickly. We were together for three years, but if I'm honest from the beginning it was clear that I was just the grenade he needed to throw in his marriage. I was too naive to really understand that at the time. Eventually I broke up with him and seven months later he married someone he'd just started dating. So of course it's possible, but it's not likely and certainly not something to count on given the turmoil of ending a marriage. People don't know what they're feeling for a while until it all shakes down. So even if you did start a relationship, until everyone is divorced and has a chance to normalize again in their own life, I wouldn't count on them. Important to keep your expectations in check and shield your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 The odds are not in your favor. If he has kids especially, in most cases he will decide to go back for the kids just as many women stay for the kids . Not sure that is the right thing all the time but that is usually how it works out In the meantime , you wind up miserable most of the time . If he is separated and truly done with the marriage and wants to be with you, where are the divorce papers ???? Link to post Share on other sites
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