I messed up and want my introvert back

[Mags929]

story> i am a 38 yo Male who dated an introverted yet mature 26 yo F

female. she tends to date older men because she cant relate to guys her age. i met her through her sister who was dating my bf.

 

we dated for 3 months and the first 2 months were magical, got along great, we did things i liked and we did things that helped her recharge. over the course of the last month we began to not fall on the same page. her work picked up and so did mine. our time together was more of going through the motions of being in a relationship than truly the bliss phase. all this came to an end on december 26th, anniversary of my dads death, i had asked her that i had to work in the morning but i needed to see her that day to make that day better. i spent the most of that day waiting for a call that never came. i ended up drinking to much and breaking up via text because i hadnt heard from her in 9 hours when i needed her the most. i know...douche bag move. i sent her an apologetic email where she called me and said that she doesnt hate me but not invested in the relationship anymore and the break up text was the final straw. we did have a date planned to talk about us and her words were if we can make this right, we can be amazing

 

its been a couple of weeks of being miserable. i realize that yes i messed up but i truly didnt understand what dating an introvert was like nor did i understand how they recharge. i need to make this right and have no idea what steps to take. i have spent the last 3 sleepless nights looking and videos, blogs, and websites trying to find the right words to say or at least a way to get in the same room as her. can you help me?

[KBarletta]

As an introvert who has mostly dated extroverts (and been married to one), I can tell you that it can be very hard to relate to and understand each other. Communication about what each other needs is extremely important, maybe more important than any other part of the relationship.

 

That said, a 12-year age difference at that stage of life is also a barrier that makes it harder to relate and, again, makes communication all the more important. If she hasn't experienced the loss of a parent, there is no way she could know how hard that would be or what you were going through.

 

I think - if you truly want this to work out - you need to reach out to her - once - apologize for your behavior during the breakup, tell her you want to work it out, be clear about the changes you think you need to make in the relationship, and then leave the ball in her court. Don't beg, don't pummel her with information or declarations of love, but be very clear about what you want, then leave her alone to decide what to do.

 

You can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. So - in my opinion - your only move at this point is to communicate your feelings to her clearly (without begging or pleading), then back off and give her time to make up her mind.

[Itspointless]

i realize that yes i messed up but i truly didnt understand what dating an introvert was like nor did i understand how they recharge.

If she hasn't experienced the loss of a parent, there is no way she could know how hard that would be or what you were going through.

For me this has little to do with her introvert way of being. I am an introvert myself, not calling you when I know you are having a rough day, well that just is a bit egocentric in my world. KBarletta also makes a good point, but still. Perhaps your rash decision was the right one considering the fact that she clearly choose for herself that day.

 

Good luck man.