PinkCarnations Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I've never dated guys younger than me before and usually, as soon as I find out that person is younger, I lose interest in talking to them immediately (although, admittedly, I will still be physically attracted to him). Recently I met a guy who is a little over 3 years younger than me (graduated college 3 years after me). Right now, he is 22, turning 23. I just turned 26. Even though he's only 22, I like him because he's very smart, driven, and has a good job. I'm still a student. We never directly asked each other our ages, because I already know his. He never asked for mine, and it's not something I want to bring up. I know that he knows I'm older, because i am graduating law school soon, and my facebook has my college graduation date and all that. However, today I was telling him how I was having a quarter life crisis (jokingly), and he said, "no way you're only what - 24, 25?" And I said "I just turned 26!!" He immediately said, "oh sh*t" without thinking. Then we changed the subject, but still.. I felt very insecure after that. He talks to me like we're going to he dating long-term as suppose to a fling but after hearing his reaction, I'm not sure things will workout between us. Dating at this age is hard, and many of the guys I meet are younger than me. How do guys feel about dating someone older, excluding the cougar variety..? Should I be concerned with his reaction? I once had a nightmare that I turned 30 and he was only 26. That was scary.
SomeDude16 Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Yes. I don't measure age in years. I measure it in life experience, wisdom, and maturity. 1
AVarma Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 jab116 full of wisdom as usual. I can't imagine 3-4 years older than me being an issue.
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 My husband is 5 years older than I am. My mom was 5 years older that my dad. One of my BFFs is about to marry a man almost 10 years her junior. As long as you are at the same life stage, age is just a #
writergal Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 As long as you are at the same life stage, age is just a # This. ^^ Compatible life stages is what draws people towards each other. They go through milestones together, like starting a family, buying a car or house, getting married, etc. Age isn't as important as what life stage you're at.
Anderlie Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm several years older than my husband, it doesn't worry us. maturity is definitely the big thing to check rather than age. 3
Danda Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Cubs and Cougars everywhere, some men would say you're not old enough if you're only 3-4 years ahead of them. If you're not older than him enough to qualify as Cougar status, then you're probably not too old for him if he's not into Cougars. IMO.
shet Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Younger people make a bigger deal over shorter differences. I remember being shot down, along with plenty of other guys, by a 20yo girl I worked with when I was 19, who refused to entertain the idea of going with anyone any younger at all. And I remember being rejected by girls of 20 when I was 24 on basis of age. I've actually had less objection to age now I'm in my 30's - I must have received the line "age is just a number" a dozen times in the last year from women 5, 10 and more years my junior. I'd guess they think I'm mature, wealthy and settled, more fool them - governed by prejudice as always. I'd date anyone from 18 to 40, but the further from me they are either side of my age the more they're going to have to be something really special. My ideal range is 25-35 and that is who I get on best with.
AVarma Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 This. ^^ Compatible life stages is what draws people towards each other. They go through milestones together, like starting a family, buying a car or house, getting married, etc. Age isn't as important as what life stage you're at. I'm not so sure about that. If a 40 year old were to go back to college I don't think he'd be compatible with an 18 year old even though technically they are the same stage in life.
writergal Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I'm not so sure about that. If a 40 year old were to go back to college I don't think he'd be compatible with an 18 year old even though technically they are the same stage in life. That's a good point. I meant life stages in general terms. I agree with you that 40 year old wouldn't be compatible with an 18 year old due to the wide age gap.
Jules Dash Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 3 or 4 years is not a significant age difference between adults. It means almost nothing. The difference can easily be negated by life experience.
Zombre Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I have had 2 relationships where the guys were 3 years younger then me. Had no problems with them because of the age factor at all.
Andy_K Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 So I'll be the one dissenting voice here then... I wouldn't consider dating someone 3-4 years older than me unless she were absolutely stunning and looks after herself very well. I'm 31 (and do look after myself very well). Dating someone mid-thirties also means the 'do we have kids' questions is an immediate concern, since female fertility is dropping fast at that point. The thing is.... its not so much the age difference relative to me that I will notice, it's the age difference relative to who I'd normally date. I'd normally date mid to late twenties, so a 35 year old is up to 10 years older than the sort of girl I might normally date. They would need to be exceptional for me to justify that.
organizedchaos Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 So I'll be the one dissenting voice here then... I wouldn't consider dating someone 3-4 years older than me unless she were absolutely stunning and looks after herself very well. I'm 31 (and do look after myself very well). Dating someone mid-thirties also means the 'do we have kids' questions is an immediate concern, since female fertility is dropping fast at that point. The thing is.... its not so much the age difference relative to me that I will notice, it's the age difference relative to who I'd normally date. I'd normally date mid to late twenties, so a 35 year old is up to 10 years older than the sort of girl I might normally date. They would need to be exceptional for me to justify that. So in other words, you're pretty superficial. 4
Andy_K Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 So in other words, you're pretty superficial. So in other words, you're pretty judgemental? I mostly have dated girls who, in most opinions (including their own, but not mine) are objectively less attractive than me. Is that superficial? I happily date single mums, uneducated girls, promiscuous ones, or various other things which are considered 'deal-breakers' for many or most other guys, but not for me so long as we've got enough in common and enjoy each other's company. Superficial again? Surely I don't care about what's on the inside, right? Leaping to conclusions about people you don't know just makes you look ignorant.
LookAtThisPOst Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 I've never dated guys younger than me before and usually, as soon as I find out that person is younger, I lose interest in talking to them immediately (although, admittedly, I will still be physically attracted to him). Is this online or in person. I'm sure online you'd drop them like a hot potato, but in person...well...that's pretty cold. But, I think women tend to think like this and not men as men are visual creatures, they figure, "Hey, as long as she LOOKS as young as me, that's all that matters." To her, it's "Oh crap, I can't date him, people will think I'm a cougar!" LOL. Anyhow, I actually had dated a couple of older women, early 5's...almost a 10 year age difference, but they looked MY age...so it pretty much cancels itself out. If someone can pull off looking as young AS the person asking them out, it's all good!
Diezel Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 So in other words, you're pretty superficial. How is that superficial? It's a legitimate worry. You obviously have never dated SOME women in their mid-thirties. I've actually had to avoid women who are 35 because some (not all) have an agenda as far as "marriage-to-baby ratio" is concerned. We don't need the already existent pressures of dating coupled with a ticking time bomb of a deadline. Seriously, how is that superficial? 1
Author PinkCarnations Posted January 5, 2015 Author Posted January 5, 2015 Is this online or in person. I'm sure online you'd drop them like a hot potato, but in person...well...that's pretty cold. But, I think women tend to think like this and not men as men are visual creatures, they figure, "Hey, as long as she LOOKS as young as me, that's all that matters." To her, it's "Oh crap, I can't date him, people will think I'm a cougar!" LOL. Anyhow, I actually had dated a couple of older women, early 5's...almost a 10 year age difference, but they looked MY age...so it pretty much cancels itself out. If someone can pull off looking as young AS the person asking them out, it's all good! Yes, it's in person, but he just went overseas for work so our contact has been limited to skype as of late. I have a baby face, so he probably thought I was his age when we first met. He looks older, so I thought he was my age when we met. Heh.
sprater Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 So in other words, you're pretty superficial. It's called a preference. In my opinion, age doesn't measure in the equation of love, or a future with someone. That's just my opinion. Now, would I PREFER someone 3-4 years older? Yes. Because I'm 20, and people younger than me are typically a. college bound (parties) b. dropouts or c. confused, and not knowing what they want out of life. The woman I currently am seeing is 4 years older than me to date, since we share the same birthday. It was a pro, not a con. However, she seen it differently. She was hesitant about ever getting involved with me because she has the same outlook that I do. But she has came to realize we are very similar, and quite frankly I'm more mature, and have a better grasp on what I want in life than she does. 1
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