Blackmailed Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I know I'm going to get backlash from people who have been cheated on. I'm in the wrong, I take full responsibility and am trying to rebuild my life with my family. I had a 2 month affair I met online and he has nude pictures of me. He's threatening to tell my husband if I don't continue to have sex with him. I have the texts with his threats and a voicemail. I haven't yet told him that I have this information for fear that he'll expose me. He's smart and has more resources than me financially. Any advice, legal or otherwise would really really help. Thank you in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I think the folks in the infidelity sub forum in the"Marriage & Life Partnerships" could give you advice on how to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Let the police know what is going on. Your Affair is most likely going to be exposed but I think you don't have any choice in that matter. Your AP is going to expose you once everything ceases anyway. At least the police may be able to intervene before your nude photos go viral for all the world to see, which I think is worth trying to prevent. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Anyway, just my 2 cents. Come clean, and pray your husband forgives and supports you. Then go to the police and seek legal advice with a lawyer. Every action has a consequence and the only chance of you saving your marriage is telling your Husband before this blows up in your face. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 What is the nature of the photos? And how old are you? I ask your age because if the photos go viral, age could mean the difference between them being largely unnoticed and the polar opposite. Also, are you positive he has these photos and isn't just bluffing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackmailed Posted January 5, 2015 Author Share Posted January 5, 2015 I'm in my late 30s and the nude ones don't show my face. I don't think he's bluffing. Link to post Share on other sites
Light Breeze Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Contact the Police and Consult with a lawyer ASAP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddy Street Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 (edited) I'm in my late 30s and the nude ones don't show my face. I don't think he's bluffing. And how many people that matter to you or know you does this person have access to? How would deliver these to your husband, for example? Does he have his e-mail or work info? He might have them, but that does not mean he'll get anywhere with what he says he wants to do. Contacting the police could precipitate your husband finding out. Ultimately, everything depends on this guy's personality. How far is he willing to go.. Edited January 5, 2015 by Eddy Street Link to post Share on other sites
unforgotten Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Well first of all tell your husband about the affair. This is not fair to him. It's on him to decide what he wants to do. You'll either go your separate ways or build a better relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Well, that is the reason why one should never get involved with in an affair with married man/women. That said, yes you need to come clean to your husband and tell him the truth. He needs to be told first before anyone else. That is very very important. Imagine the kind of embarrassment, sad, anger emotions that he needs to go through the moment it blows up. Letting him know the truth first will allow him a chance to be prepared if anything else happens, and also to make informed decisions. Who knows, this might pull you guys together. Or might not. But in my personal opinion, that is the right and only thing to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 1. Tell your husband, youll need some support as the ride is going to be very rough. 2. Tell the police and/or get a lawyer involved. Those two steps are what you need to take, immediately, youre going to be doing a whole lot of opening up and baring your soul, possibly to multiple people, so be ready for that. Youve got evidence, so you have more than enough for a case. All the best, i hate blackmail and also what can be termed as revenge porn, its what i fear for my ex, and i pray no one takes advantage of her like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 1. Tell your husband. 2. Talk to the police. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 At this point there really is nothing you can do but minimize the damage. You are going to have to confess to your husband and let him know the full truth. Even people that don't recommend confession would say that in this instance, you need to confess. The reason I say full truth is because a lot of cheaters feel that they should only tell their spouses what they feel they need to know. A lot of relationships end after cheating is revealed because more secrets come out at a later date. Your affair is about to come out whether you like it or not. Your husband will be better off if he hears is from you as opposed to your AP. If you want to salvage your marriage, this is the best bet. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I don't think the police can really do anything unless of course he's stalking you. Perhaps you can get a restraining order. With that being said, your husband is going to find out. Whether it is today, tomorrow or a few years down the road. If this guy exposes your affair it will be more destructive than coming out of your mouth. If you want your marriage to survive your best bet is to be honest with your husband from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Have you responded to him? I'm guessing he is not married? What does he do for a living? Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Call the police, call a lawyer, tell your husband. What order that happens in is up to you. Lawyers cost less than the loss of your reputation and the husband has to know, not that the OM is stalking him, your kids, and is going to make good on his threats of violence and your husband has no clue he's in danger. And prepare yourself... While the threatening and blackmail is illegal (if you can prove it), the releasing of nude pictures against your will may not be. Save proof of the harassment and threats because that may be your only recourse in this, not that he is going to leak nude pictures of you. Also, it's 2015. Don't send nude pictures to people you don't want the world knowing you're sleeping with. Has Jennifer Lawrence taught us nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 You are not going to get out of this situation without your affair being discovered so you might as we'll accept that. whether your face is in these photos or not your husband will probably recognize them. Now the big question here is whether or not you are going to continue to have sex with this man or not. You say you do not . Then stop acting like a 15 year old and accept the consequences of what you have done. There is no alternative other than continuing to have sex with him.you better accept that fact right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I know I'm going to get backlash from people who have been cheated on. I'm in the wrong, I take full responsibility and am trying to rebuild my life with my family. I had a 2 month affair I met online and he has nude pictures of me. He's threatening to tell my husband if I don't continue to have sex with him. I have the texts with his threats and a voicemail. I haven't yet told him that I have this information for fear that he'll expose me. He's smart and has more resources than me financially. Any advice, legal or otherwise would really really help. Thank you in advance If you claim to take full responsibility,why then do you not confess, instead of being blackmailed. This is your Achilles heel and the trash you sought out in online affair is a predator who seeks voluntary victims. I'd go to the Police and confess to your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 What a mess.... The sooner you confess the quicker you can deal with the OM. I would not keep your Husband out of the loop on this at all and try to deal with it on your own. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I believe the first order of business is to confess to your husband. As to the rest, do you have the communication to you in writing where he threatens to send the pictures? If so, keep it, and document everything. Especially if he did it via email, then your state may have cyber harassment laws that address it. It is a misconception that "as long as it is true no one can sue you." They can. You affair was wrong, and you own that 100%. You need to come clean with your husband. HOWEVER, I would investigate your state's civil and criminal laws, and if there is a way to nail the OM to the wall and/or keep those pictures from being released, I would do that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 What others have said: Come clean with your husband. Notify the police. Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 I just want to add that it is very rare on here when everybody agrees and says the same thing. You really do need to take the advice on here and confess sooner rather than later. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Take the OM's power away, confess, show your husband the pictures you sent then take your evidence to the police. At this point the only thing in your power is how your husband finds out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 It just boggles my mind that people would send nude pictures of themselves with the knowledge that at any time, the person who has the photos can pretty much do what they want to do with them and the person in the photo standing there in all their glory will have to pay a huge price for not thinking and the cherry on top of it all is that their married and cheating so not only do they put themselves in harms way but their partner is also dragged in to it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 5, 2015 Share Posted January 5, 2015 Sit your husband down, tell him all the truth, ask him for his guidance, give him a chance to decide on the best course of action, after all it was your selfish decisions that put your family in this position. Just imagine having to explain to your husband that the only reason your affair went on so long was because you were afraid of threats of exposure by O/M. How do you think that will go over with him when he realizes the affair could have been over so much sooner? He will not understand any delay in exposing your affair. Any delay from the time you know about O/M's threat to the time you act and inform your husband will be viewed negatively by him and detrimental to reconciliation. Hearing about the affair from you rather than by O/M may make the difference in your marriage surviving or not.There is no easy way out of this mess, the truth is your only way, deception is what got you here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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